Bad Idea (19 page)

She pulled back and grinned at Daisy.

“I know I don’t know what I’m doing…” Daisy
said.

“It’s great,” Riva told her. “You’re
great.”

“Really?”

To show how she felt, Riva kissed Daisy some
more. Daisy, getting bolder, slipped her arms around Riva. Benton
would have pulled Riva into his lap, but she and Daisy perched
awkwardly in the middle space of the car, balanced on their knees,
occasionally banging their heads against the ceiling of the car as
they kissed.

It was weird and uncomfortable and the most
exciting thing Riva had ever done. After a long time passed, Daisy
pulled away and wiped sweat from the side of her head. It had
gotten unbearably hot in the car while they kissed, though Riva
hadn’t noticed until now. The windows had fogged, and the interior
was so thick and humid that Riva could just about see the history
of their breath written in midair.

“I didn’t think you would choose me,” Daisy
said breathlessly.

Riva sat up straight, panic activated in her
body. “Choose you?” she repeated.

Daisy’s expression darkened. “Uh, yeah. You
ran after me, and then we, like,
escaped
from the
motel.”

“Right, but…”

Daisy sat down hard in the driver’s seat.
“You’re breaking up with him, right?”

Riva scrubbed her hand over her forehead.
There were so many ways that seemed like the correct, easy answer.
It was certainly what she was supposed to say to Daisy right now.
On the other hand, Benton had come all this way to visit her. She’d
told him she loved him. She’d promised that she would love him
forever, and when he’d suggested that might not be true, she’d
sworn and protested.

She’d make herself into a liar if she stayed
here with Daisy, no matter how uncomfortable it would be to go back
to Benton. Riva groaned, trying to imagine what she could possibly
say to him after what had just happened.

Daisy echoed her thoughts. “I mean, he seemed
mad, right? You guys were yelling at each other.”

“Maybe I could still apologize…”

Daisy rolled her eyes. “
Why?
”

Riva shrugged. She didn’t want to hurt
Daisy’s feelings by saying more than she already had.

“This kissing we were just doing—not with
him, I mean
now
—what was that?”

“I don’t know,” Riva whispered.

Daisy held her gaze for a long moment, her
eyes burning. She looked like she might be about to cry, or maybe
scream—it was hard to say which. Riva wrapped her arms around
herself. She was in the wrong in so many ways.

Then Daisy took a loud, deep breath. “This
has been a weird night,” she said, her voice kind despite an edge
of anger. “Maybe I should take you home. You can think about things
and give me a call in the morning.”

Riva shook her head. “I have to go back and
talk to Benton.”

“You can call him from your house, okay?”

“No. My mother might hear.”

“I don’t think your mom’s the person to worry
about.”

“You don’t understand. She doesn’t know
Benton is visiting.”

Daisy’s nostrils flared. “You know I trusted
you, Riva? I agreed to this stupid thing because I thought you
wouldn’t be with someone creepy. This thing about your mom. It
doesn’t help.”

Riva could see that, but she couldn’t take
the responsibility for it. “I told you what was going on. I didn’t
lie to you.”

“No,” Daisy shot back. “You just lied to
yourself.” She blew her hair out of her face with an exasperated
breath. “God, I shouldn’t be here tonight.”

Riva felt that sentence down in the pit of
her stomach. She doubled over as if Daisy had punched her. Tears
started in her eyes, and a part of her wondered why it had taken
them so long to overcome the yelling and the kissing. “I’m sorry,”
she said.

Daisy touched the side of her arm. “Let me
take you home.”

“No, no, no.” Even to herself, Riva sounded
like a child having a tantrum, but she needed Daisy to see why she
couldn’t just leave Benton at the motel. “I have to talk to him.
It’s not fair to just run away.”

Daisy made a frustrated noise and crossed her
arms over her chest. “What are you going to tell him? That you and
I are together? Or are you going to beg him to not break up with
you and promise to find him a different girl?”

Riva’s guts squirmed. Surely Benton would see
now that it was too messy for Riva to make out with a girl in front
of him. He wouldn’t ask for that again, right? “I don’t know what
I’m going to say,” Riva admitted.

“If you can’t tell me, how are you going to
tell him anything? Even I’ve figured out he’s not an easy person to
talk to. I don’t want to take you back there. Honestly, I’m scared
for you.”

“Benton wouldn’t hurt me,” Riva said.
Not
physically, anyway
, she added to herself.

“I don’t trust him—or you.”

Riva took a deep breath. That was fair, no
matter how much it hurt. Daisy was a good person, and she obviously
cared. Riva wished she could explain the urgency she felt, the
unreasoning need. “Please, Daisy, you have to take me back.”

Silently, Daisy got out of the car and
slammed the door behind her. Riva wasn’t sure what she was up to.
All she could see was Daisy’s back, leaning against the driver’s
side window. Riva sat in the passenger seat, stewing in heat and
confusion. She could see this from Daisy’s point of view. The
kisses between them definitely meant something, even if Riva wasn’t
sure what that might be. Those last few minutes with Benton had
been uncomfortable and scary.

But Riva had reacted in the moment. Daisy had
been running, and she’d felt desperate not to let her go. Now that
she’d cooled off, she wasn’t sure if escape had really been
necessary. Maybe she and Daisy had both overreacted. Benton wasn’t
about to attack them or force Daisy to do anything she didn’t want
to do. Sure, maybe he’d been a jerk about pushing Riva, but he’d
only used words to do it. She was as responsible as anyone else for
letting things get too far—it wasn’t right to blame him.

Because of all that, Benton deserved better.
She had to go back to the motel and talk to him in person, work
this out as boyfriend and girlfriend. Riva would sort things out
with Daisy, too, later. They’d figure out where their relationship
was going, whether they were still friends, or had become something
more, or had ruined everything.

Riva couldn’t see a right answer or a right
order at the moment. All she knew was what felt wrong. She kept
thinking about Benton, abandoned at the motel, treated like a
potential criminal by his girlfriend and her friend when all he’d
wanted to do was talk. The stab of sympathy she felt as she
imagined him still watching that streaming television show, alone
now, felt worse than anything she could summon for Daisy or
herself. She just couldn’t do anything else until she figured out
what was going on with him.

A moment later, Daisy opened the driver’s
side door and sat back down. She seemed colder, and the space
between them felt greater than it had while they were kissing, as
if the car had widened by several feet while they were apart. Daisy
faced Riva, her face taking on the unmistakable set of a person
delivering a rehearsed speech.

“I don’t think you should go back there,”
Daisy said. “I don’t think you should be alone with him. Obviously,
I think you should be with me. The fact that you’re not sure about
that…” Her voice hitched, and cracks showed in her veneer. Her lips
trembled and her eyes glistened. “I mean, were you
here
just
now? Or maybe those kisses weren’t the same for you…”

“They were!” Riva assured her.

“Whatever.” Daisy’s mouth closed harshly at
the end of the word, puckering like it had tasted bitter on the way
out. “Whatever. We’ll talk about that later. The point is, that’s
what I think. You should stay with me or go home.” She paused,
tugging on one of her big hoop earrings. Then she continued
speaking, clearly reluctant, wincing as if every word hurt her.
“But I’ll take you back if you really want me to. You tell me where
you want to go. I’m not going to act like him. You’ve got your own
brain. You go ahead and use it.”

Riva breathed out, relieved. Daisy would
understand and forgive her. She could call her tomorrow and work
out whatever needed to be worked out. Benton, on the other hand,
wouldn’t feel the way Daisy did. Riva could imagine him already
packing his things to go back to Atlanta, talking to her later
about the cost of the trip and how she’d spent most of it ignoring
him. She had to deal with him first. She and Daisy had plenty of
time.

“Please take me back to the motel,” Riva
said.

Daisy hesitated for just a moment before
starting the car.

* * * *

“Daisy?” Mrs. Quang normally wore an easy,
friendly expression, as if everything in the world delighted her.
Daisy had only half-believed Jo’s stories of the stern disapproval
she could direct at her husband or her daughter, but she felt it
now. Mrs. Quang seemed taller than normal, her face more deeply
lined, and her voice far sharper.

Daisy had wiped her eyes and fixed her makeup
before walking up to the house, but more tears were coming and her
nose was threatening to drip. She rubbed the back of her hand
across it as gently as she could, knowing that if she smeared her
powder, Mrs. Quang would be able to see how red it was.

“I know it’s late, Mrs. Quang. I’m sorry. I
just really need to see Jo.”

“Did you girls get in a fight? Did you say
something mean to her?”

“What?”

“She looks like you. But worse. Her nose is
all red.”

Daisy fought back an inappropriate laugh. Now
she sort of wished she’d left the makeup off. That didn’t explain
what was happening with Jo, though. “We’re not fighting,” Daisy
said. Then she remembered the awkward conversations and the feeling
she had lately that, no matter what she said to Jo, she was losing
her a little at a time. All the drama with Riva and Benton had
almost made her forget the slow-moving train-wreck-in-progress that
was her relationship with her best friend. “I mean—not really.”

“Not really,” Mrs. Quang repeated
skeptically.

“Can I just—Can you just tell her I’m
here?”

With a grunt, Mrs. Quang disappeared into the
house. Whatever had upset Jo must be bad. Usually, Daisy could
barely fend off Mrs. Quang’s efforts to feed her, or at least give
her a glass of juice. She’d never been left standing on the porch
before.

Daisy waited several minutes, long enough to
realize that, yet again, she had no idea what to say. Her car had
seemed to drive here by itself, and she hadn’t fought it. After
Riva had gone back to Benton’s motel, Daisy hadn’t known what to do
with herself. She’d been glad for an automatic reaction, one she
didn’t have to question. Coming to Jo had felt right enough, and
she was only starting to regret it now.

By the time Jo shuffled down the stairs,
Daisy’s stomach was churning, and she’d chewed off her latest layer
of lipstick.

“What are you doing here?” Jo sounded both
wary and hostile.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.”
Daisy couldn’t lift her gaze.

Jo snorted. “What about your new best
friend’s house?”

“You’re my best friend,” Daisy whispered.
“That’s never changed.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Can we just go get a milkshake? Please?”
Daisy forced her head up.

Jo knew her well enough to see beneath the
makeup and understand what her mother could not. Jo looked like
she’d been crying all day herself. Her eyelids, which normally
blended creaselessly with the skin above her eyes, had swollen into
a puffy red parody of themselves.

“I think we need each other.”

Jo stalked toward Daisy, her stride more
powerful than usual. “I’m not going anywhere with someone who’s
going to lie to my face and avoid me while I’m standing right
there.”

Daisy shook her head, blinking in the force
of Jo’s fury. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. I’ll tell
you everything.”

Jo stared her down, but Daisy didn’t flinch.
After a few tense moments, Jo twisted her head toward the interior
of the house. “Mom? I’m going out with Daisy, okay?”

Relief made Daisy’s knees wobble. She led the
way to her car, moving slowly, as if the wounds inflicted that
evening had been physical. As Daisy pulled out of the driveway, Jo
cut into the silence between them, her voice harsh.

“I don’t want a milkshake. I think I’d throw
it at someone.”

“What’s going on?”

Jo shook her head sharply. “You first.”

Daisy took a deep breath. She
had
to
tell the truth now. She’d blown too many chances already, and
tonight she had promised. Tonight, she didn’t really have another
choice. Everything Daisy had kept secret had erupted into a blazing
mess, and she didn’t think she could tuck her feelings back into
her chest if she wanted to.

“I’m…I like girls,” Daisy said. She kept her
eyes on the road, afraid of Jo’s reaction to this information. “I’m
a lesbian.”

“I know what a lesbian is.” Jo sounded
impatient.

Daisy shrugged her way through a cringe.
“I’ve known I like girls for a long time. It took me a while to
decide I’m a lesbian.”

“So this thing with Riva Corley, it’s not a
favor for a friend.”

Despite the edge in Jo’s voice, Daisy felt
better having this out in the open.

Even if she decides to hate me, at least I
don’t have to lie anymore.

“No. It wasn’t. I really like Riva.”

“Wasn’t? You did it?”

Daisy snuck a glance at Jo’s face. She seemed
eager for gossip, but Daisy couldn’t read any particular feelings
in the set of her mouth. She couldn’t tell if Jo was judging her or
not.