Bad Girls Don't (4 page)

“When I heard you were in the funeral home, I thought you’d died!” Sue Ellen was using her drama-queen voice.

“Why?”

“Because she’s morbid,” Lulu said as she joined them.

“Me?” Sue Ellen was highly insulted. “
You’re
the one who knows the suicide rates of every country in the world. You’re the morbid one! I’m the eternal optimist.”

“Then why did you think that Skye was dead?” Lulu demanded.

Skye was getting light-headed from lack of oxygen. “Let . . . go!”

“What?” Sue Ellen released her. “Oh, sorry about that. Are you okay?”

“No, she’s not okay.” Lulu thumped Skye on the back. “You almost strangled her.”

“I did not. Did I?” Sue Ellen looked anxiously at Skye.

Skye was too busy breathing to reply or to ask who’d told Sue Ellen she was at the funeral home. She knew from past experience that Sue Ellen had a way of twisting reality around. Really, there was no point even asking why or how Sue Ellen reached some of the conclusions she did. You just had to go with the flow.

“So what happened?” Sue Ellen asked. “We want to hear every detail.”

“We do?” Lulu said.

“Where’s Toni?” Sue Ellen glanced around nervously. “Did the police keep her?”

“No,” Skye replied. “She’s with Angel back at my apartment.”

“Oh, that’s a relief. Lulu was afraid she might have to babysit her if you were incarcerated.”

“You make it sound like that’s the only thing I was worried about,” Lulu protested.

“She was also worried about suicide rates,” Sue Ellen said.

“Not that I thought
you’d
do that,” Lulu added.

Sue Ellen frowned. “Why would I worry about suicide rates?”

“I meant that Skye wouldn’t.”

Sue Ellen only looked more confused. “Of course Skye wouldn’t worry about suicide rates. She’s got enough on her plate.”

Lulu just rolled her eyes.

“There.” Sue Ellen pointed at her. “Don’t you think Lulu would look better without all that black eyeliner?”

“Uh, I’ve got a funeral to tend to,” Owen muttered before leaving them alone in his office.

Skye quickly finished writing her IOU and left it on his desk before gathering her motley crew and heading out the side entrance to his office. The last thing Owen needed was a scene at an impending funeral. And somehow, wherever Skye went, scenes followed.

“Can one of you give me a lift to my car?” she asked.

“I will, I will.” Sue Ellen was almost prancing up and down with excitement. “Then you can tell me all about your adventure.”

“I’m coming, too,” Lulu called out.

Sue Ellen frowned at her. “Don’t you have to go to work?”

Lulu shook her head, her pigtails almost smacking her in the eyes. “I don’t start at Cosmic Comics until next week.”

“Oh. Well, then, get in.” Sue Ellen held open the back door to her pink Cadillac. “Did you ever wonder why the main street in town here is called Barwell Street instead of Main Street like in Serenity Springs?”

“My dad claims it’s because there were more bars than churches on the street,” Lulu replied. “And that went over
well
with the locals, so it’s called Barwell.”

“Rock Creek is a lunch-pail kind of town,” Sue Ellen proudly declared.

“By that, you mean that it’s got a blue-collar mentality?” Skye asked. “I agree with you.”

“No, I mean there used to be a lunch-pail factory here, but it closed. We do still have a tank in the World War II memorial area.” Sue Ellen gave the armament a wave as they passed by. “But let’s get back to your traumatic experience, Skye. Were there sparks?”

“Huh?”

“Sparks,” Sue Ellen repeated. “Between you and that sexy sheriff. Someone said he copped a feel. You could report him for that, you know.”

“It was an accident. And how did you even hear about it?” Skye demanded.

“Her cousin was getting arrested for a DUI and he overheard some woman telling the sheriff not to cop a feel. We figured it had to be you.”

“He’s a
second
cousin,” Sue Ellen said. “So what happened?”

“Toni turned off the lights. You know how she likes to do that.”

Sue Ellen nodded before looking in her rearview mirror. “Put your seatbelt on, missy,” she ordered Lulu. “I’m not getting a ticket because of you.”

“Skye doesn’t have hers on.”

Sue Ellen shifted her attention to Skye. “Get yours on too. You should know better.”

“She’s distracted after getting groped by the sheriff,” Lulu said.

“I am not!” Skye said.

“Are, too,” Lulu taunted.

Sue Ellen clucked her tongue. “Children, behave. Skye, talk.”

“About what?”

“The sparks.”

“I gave him the Sicilian death stare. Nancy taught me that.”

“Nancy Crumpler from the auto parts store?”

“That’s right.”

“Show us,” Lulu demanded.

Skye had to swivel her heard to face Lulu in the backseat.

Lulu shrieked.

Sue Ellen swerved the Caddy. “Don’t do that!”

Skye shrugged. “You wanted a demonstration. I showed you.”

“Was the sheriff impressed?” Sue Ellen asked.

“Hard to say.”

“Yeah, he’s a hard one to read,” Sue Ellen said.

“And you like hard ones,” Lulu said.

“Stop that!” Sue Ellen’s order would have carried more weight if she hadn’t cracked up with laughter a second later.

“Come on, admit it. Remember that naked firefighter?” Lulu asked Sue Ellen.

“He wasn’t naked all the time. He posed in the nude for a fund-raising calendar.”

“That wasn’t the only thing being raised. He appeared very . . . excited in that photo.”

“Oh, yeah.” Sue Ellen smacked her lips. “November never looked so good.”

“Then why did you two break up?” Lulu asked.

Sue Ellen waved her hand, her lilac acrylic nails gleaming in the sunlight. “He was a player. A bed hopper.”

“A lesson well learned, grasshopper,” Skye solemnly intoned in her best guru voice.

“I’ll bet that sheriff of yours would look mighty fine in the buff. Make a great July pinup. What do you think, Skye?”

“I think the chances of that happening are about as good as me joining the military-industrial complex,” Skye replied.

Sue Ellen blinked. “Huh?”

Skye lifted her chin. “I refuse to imagine the man naked. Not after he shoved a drug rehab flyer at me.”

Sue Ellen appeared confused. “But, Skye, you imagine
all
men naked.”

“I do not!”

“You don’t imagine Owen naked, do you?” Lulu sounded horrified at the prospect.

“Of course not.” Skye smacked Sue Ellen’s right driving arm, making the car swerve again. “Why’d you say that?”

“Because it’s true. You’re one of the most uninhibited people I know.”

“That doesn’t mean I . . . never mind,” Skye muttered. “Forget it.”

Sue Ellen sounded remorseful. “I didn’t mean it as an insult.”

Skye patted her arm. “I know.”

“Calling her a slut isn’t exactly a compliment,” Lulu noted. “First you think she’s dead, then you think she’s a slut.”

“I didn’t call her a slut!” Sue Ellen turned her gaze from the road ahead to Skye beside her. “You know that, right?”

“Hey, watch out!”

Sue Ellen swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel that had sprinted into the street. “Oh no! I didn’t hit it, did I?”

“No, it’s fine,” Skye said. “Look at it, sitting on the curb with tons of Paris Hilton attitude, mocking you.”

“Oh no,” Sue Ellen groaned.

“I told you, the squirrel is fine,” Skye said.

“Not the squirrel.”

“Then what?”

Sue Ellen pointed to the police cruiser flashing its lights behind them.

“Ladies.” Nathan’s voice was solemn. “We meet again.”

Chapter Three

“We
have to stop meeting like this, Sheriff,” Skye drawled. “People will start talking.”

“What did I do?” Sue Ellen’s voice trembled.

“You were driving erratically.” Nathan’s voice reflected his disapproval.

“That’s because Sue Ellen thought Skye was dead,” Lulu said.

“Really?” Nathan leaned down to get a better look through the car window. “She doesn’t look dead to me.”

Skye batted her lashes at him. “Another compliment, Sheriff?”

“Just the facts, ma’am.”

“In that case, why aren’t you dragging Sue Ellen out of the car like you did me?” Skye demanded.

“I didn’t drag you out,” Nathan said calmly. “I asked you very politely to get out of the car. I even said please.”

“Right before you handcuffed me. Don’t you want to put the cuffs on Lulu back there?” Skye jabbed her thumb toward the backseat. “With that goth thing going on, Lulu must look very dangerous to you.”

“I’ve been trying to tell Lulu that black lipstick and nail polish aren’t very feminine,” Sue Ellen said. “Maybe you could help out, Sheriff. From a man’s perspective, you know?”

“Not my jurisdiction, ma’am.”

“You’re not a man?” Skye taunted.

Nathan’s voice was stiff. “I meant fashion isn’t within my jurisdiction.”

Skye wasn’t letting him off the hook. “That didn’t stop you from telling me what you thought of my clothes today. You weren’t pulling any punches then.”

“Sparks,” Sue Ellen mouthed in the rearview mirror for Lulu’s benefit, pointing first at Nathan and then at Skye. “Lots of sparks.”

“And what about asking Sue Ellen for her license and all that other paperwork, huh?” Skye said, leaning forward to get a better look at Nathan. He’d actually taken off his sunglasses and stuck them in the top pocket of his shirt. A courtesy he hadn’t bothered to show her.

“I don’t need you doing my job for me.”

“Somebody has to do it, since you seem to be botching things.”

“Well, then.” Sue Ellen’s smile was bright. “I’ve got my license and registration and proof of insurance right here.” She hastily handed the papers to Nathan.

“She also keeps her paper money all facing the same direction in her wallet,” Skye told him. “In decreasing amounts. Twenties first, then tens, then fives, then ones.”

Nathan didn’t seem impressed. “Everyone does that.”

“No, they do not. I sure don’t,” Skye said.

“You keep old speeding tickets in your bag,” Nathan countered. “Along with a lot of other stuff.”

“Like the box of condoms. Why don’t you just say it?” Skye’s voice rose along with her agitation. “You jumped to conclusions about me based on the fact that I was carrying a box of condoms in my bag.”

“Skye, you slut, you,” Lulu teased from the backseat.

“A safe and smart slut,” Skye retorted. “And don’t you forget it.”

Sue Ellen laughed nervously. “Don’t listen to them, Sheriff. They don’t really mean anything.”

Skye undid her seatbelt, preparing herself for battle if need be. Even sparring with words needed freedom from restraints as far as she was concerned. “You don’t have to defend me to him. He already knows what he thinks.”

“You seem to be harboring a lot of hostility,” Nathan noted.

“You think? Gee, and why might that be?” Skye tapped her finger on her chin. “Oh, wait, I remember now. Because you stopped me, handcuffed me, tossed me in the back of your police cruiser, made me miss an important appointment, which could well have jeopardized my work and therefore my income . . . But wait, there’s more. Then you warn Owen about a gold-digging hussy like me and shove a drug rehab flyer in my face on my way out the door.”

“Well, when you put it like that . . .” Sue Ellen turned to Nathan. “I guess she does have reason to be harboring some hostility toward you, Nathan. I mean, Sheriff.”

“I was just doing my job. And I never said she was a hussy.”

“The look on your face said it loud and clear. Are you denying that’s what you were thinking?” Skye challenged him.

He was silent.

“I didn’t think so.” Skye shifted in her seat, the bells on her costume creating a music of their own.

“You’re in hot water now.” Sue Ellen patted Nathan’s hand.

He returned her papers to her. “I’m going to let you off with a warning this time, Sue Ellen.”

“Sure, you are.” Skye’s sarcasm was apparent. “No handcuffs for her.”

“He saved them for you,” Sue Ellen told her. “Surely that makes you special to him.”

“A word of warning to you, ladies,” Nathan said.

“That’s Lady Hussy to you,” Skye shot back.

Was that a smile she saw on his lips?
Skye wondered.
No way. There couldn’t possibly be a humorous bone anywhere in Studly Do-Right’s entire, admittedly well-muscled, body.

“Try to stay out of trouble for the rest of the day.” Having delivered that ultimatum, Nathan walked away.

Lulu swiveled her head to watch him. “I’ll tell you one thing, that man has one primo ass.”

“He does have a fine butt,” Sue Ellen agreed, her eyes glued to the rearview mirror.

“He’s a pain in the butt,” Skye muttered.

“Sparks,” Sue Ellen said. “Definite sparks.”

“Sparks and the Sicilian death stare. I saw her give it to him,” Lulu said.

“Really? I missed it. When did she do that?”

“When he accused her of ‘harboring hostility.’ ”

“Hello?” Skye waved her arms. “I’m not enjoying you two talking about me as if I weren’t here.”

Sue Ellen changed the subject. “Seatbelts everyone.”

“The pink Batmobile is ready for takeoff,” Lulu mocked from the backseat.

“Hey,” Sue Ellen said. “I’m not the one who saw
Batman Begins
a dozen times. In an IMAX theater.”

“No, you’re the one who saw it five times and owns two copies of the DVD,” Lulu retorted.

The two continued to argue about the Caped Crusader, and Skye was relieved when they finally got to her trusty and rusty Toyota a few minutes later. “Thanks for the lift, you guys.”