Bad For You: (An Older Brother's Best Friend Romance) (19 page)

5 Months Later

The voice blared through the speakers above my head and woke
me up from my sleepy haze. My mouth opened wide in a yawn, and I wiped the
dried-up slobber from the side of my face. Reaching my arm behind my back, I
struggled to massage the heavy tension spreading from my neck down to my back.
The pill I’d taken earlier to help me relax was beginning to wear off, causing
my anxiety to resurface.

God, I loathed flying.

Admittedly, it was only my second time
flying, but it was my first doing it alone. Last time, I had Tanner by my side,
holding my hand, and distracting me from my crazy, paranoid thoughts. Let’s
just say I’ve watched
The Final Destination
one too many times.

Quick fact: I absolutely, with every fiber in
my tiresome body, hated heights. Memories rushed through my mind of the time
Tanner had somehow convinced me into going cliff diving at Lake Monroe with him
and our friends. The name alone sounded painful. I remembered how proud I was
of myself when I’d made it to the top of the cliff.

It was a different story, however, when it
was time to do the actual jumping part. I did the wrong thing. I did what
everyone tells you not to do. I looked down. My feet locked up, instantly
changing their mind about sending my body tumbling down a cliff and to its
doom. Tanner ended up having to carry me back down.

My eyes squeezed shut. Why were my memories
of him so bittersweet? I wanted to bear hug them, but strangle those bitches at
the same time. They gave me instant gratification, but also broke me down.

Needing to get my mind on something else, I
fetched my backpack underneath my seat and pulled out my iPod. Music seemed to
be my coping mechanism lately. My foot tapped gently against the ground as I
unwrapped my headphones, sticking one in each ear. Just as my finger was ready
to tap the
play
button, a stern voice stopped me.

“Excuse me, miss.” I looked up to see an
older flight attendant giving me a generic smile. “All electronic devices need
to be shut off at this time,” she instructed, in a robotic voice. I nodded in
response, dragging the headphones out of my ear. So much for that idea.

They’d completely shut down our school as a
crime scene the day after the shooting, giving us summer break to mourn, and
then transferred us into neighboring schools across the county. Everyone knew
what happened to me at my new school. The hushed whispers and pity stares
following me down every hallway drove me senseless. But they were nowhere near
the humiliation of breaking down in full panic attack mode during class in
front of everyone. Multiple times. One second I’d be calculating an Algebra
problem, and the next I’d be a sobbing mess cradled into a ball in my chair.
After the fifth attack, the whispers turned into insults.
Freak, weirdo,
crazy.
I’d heard them all.

Somehow, I’d managed to survive two long,
excruciating weeks before I refused to go back. In actuality, I refused to do
almost anything. I wasn’t eating regularly, and had become a recluse on
autopilot.

Every person in my life had gotten cut out
while I spent my days hidden away in my bedroom. Phone calls and texts went
unanswered, even Tessa’s. I tried to keep my promise of being a strong shoulder
for her to lean on, but I couldn’t stand to be around her. She was a constant
reminder of what I’d lost, and every time she was around the knife lodged into
my heart would twist another inch deeper.

And my poor parents, they’d tried everything.
They sent me to the local therapist in town who attempted to get me to
open
up and allow myself to heal.
I wasn’t ready to do either of those things.
What Tanner and I had together was something special that belonged to the two
of us. If I told other people, that’d be like handing over another piece of
him, and those pieces were already dwindling down day by day. I didn’t want to
be the person dragging my family down the road of depression with me, but I
wasn’t sure how to hit the brakes and heal.

Four nights ago, my dad called me down to the
living room. A trace of nervousness followed me down each stair. I spotted my
mom first. Tears were pouring down her porcelain face. Her hands were latched
into my dad’s, whose face was void of any emotion.

Uh oh. Not good.

He motioned to the chair across from them,
and I took that as my cue to sit down.

He cleared this throat and leaned forward,
planting his elbows on his kneecaps. “Your mother and I have been talking,” he
said, using a voice he only used when he was sporting his Sheriff uniform,
letting me know he was serious. “We think it might be a good idea for you to
get away from here for awhile.”

Whoa. My head shot up and I felt like someone
had sucker punched me in the gut. I stayed quiet, waiting for him to elaborate
before I started screaming out my refusal.

“We’ve also talked to your therapist and she
agrees with us,” he added, like that was supposed to make me feel better.

A disgusting taste of bile slithered its way
up my throat, and I quickly swallowed it back down. Tears started flowing as
their intentions began to sink in.

“I can’t just leave here!” I shouted. “Tanner
is here!” Blinking, I tried to stop the imminent tears, but failed.

My parents grew blurry through my vision. I
watched the hazy silhouette of my mom rise from the couch and take the few
steps towards me. “Daisy,” she rasped out, kneeling down onto her knees and
grabbing my hand. “Please listen to me. You’ve got to move on. I’m not telling
you to quit grieving or forget about him because no one will ever forget about
Tanner. We all loved him.” I let out a low whimper at the sound of his name,
sinking deeper into my chair. “He’ll always be in our thoughts. In our hearts.
But you need to close that chapter and start turning the pages.” The pleading
in her voice was going to break me. “Do it for yourself. Do it for Tanner. Live
for Tanner.”

“It’s been five months!” I screamed, letting
out a sharp breath. “Both of you act like I’m some eighty year old cat lady
who’s been pining over her first love for decades.” My fingers clenched into my
palms and I could feel the skin breaking. “Give me some fucking time to grieve!”

My mom quickly went back to my dad’s side.
Panic filled my veins waiting for what was coming next.  “We talked to
your Aunt Jamie,” my dad said, grabbing her hand. “She’s agreed to let you come
stay with her and your Uncle Tommy to finish out the remainder of your senior
year.”

“You’re trying to send me to Georgia?” I spat
out, my heart racing.

My Aunt Jamie was my father’s younger sister.
While my dad decided to stay in Indiana and become the town Sheriff, my Aunt
studied interior design, and moved to Atlanta.

I brought myself to my feet abruptly,
crossing my arms across my chest. “You might as well forget it,” I told them.
“I’m not leaving.”

The loud bang of my dad slamming his fist
down onto the coffee table caused me to jump. “I will not have my daughter
wasting away in her room day after day over some boy who’s never coming back!”
he yelled. “Over something that’s never going to change.” He stood up, raising
his voice. “He’s gone, honey. You need to come to terms with that, and then get
your ass back on track.”

“And what if I refuse to go?” I asked.

“Then you better get your butt ready to go
back to school tomorrow.”

“When do I leave?”

And that’s how I ended up on a plane to
Atlanta. I blew out a sigh of relief when the pilot confirmed our landing. Standing
up too quickly, I whacked my head on the ceiling. “Jesus,” I cried out,
wincing.

I gripped my bag against my chest as I walked
out of the terminal and weaved through the traffic in search of a bathroom.
Washing my hands, I glanced up at the mirror to see what I’d been avoiding at
all costs. The reflection of the girl in front of me was almost unrecognizable.

My dark eyes had puffy circles underneath
them, making me look almost lifeless. My tongue dipped out, running along my
chapped lips that were beginning to crack along the edges. I swiftly pulled the
elastic from my hair and watched the dull, dark waves cascade around my
shoulders. My hair looked even darker against my pale skin. I cringed at the
extra pudginess around my cheeks from my lack of attendance to the gym. With a
shake of my head, I ignored my new insecurities and left the bathroom.

***

I heard my name before the tiny creature
ambushed me and attached itself to my waist like a spider monkey. I looked down
and spotted my tiny cousin grinning up at me with bright, eager eyes.

“I’m so glad you’re here to live with me!”
Her grin showed off a smile missing a few teeth. A giant, pink bow was attached
to her brown hair that was braided along the hairline.

“Hi Sophia, I’m glad to be here, too,” I
lied, giving her an out-of-practice smile. I couldn’t exactly tell a five-year
old that I was only here because I was forced. Her small hand grabbed mine, and
she struggled to pull me through the crowd.

“We’re going to have sooo much fun! My mommy
and daddy got me some new Barbies, and you look just like one of them! I will
let you play with her and …”

“Sophia, sweetie, why don’t you let Daisy get
her bags and then you can tell her all about your Barbies,” my Aunt said,
cutting her off, and pulling her into her arms. “As you can tell, all of us are
excited for you to be here.”

Any and all awkwardness I was afraid would
happen during our short ride to my new home was washed away by my pint-sized
cousin. I managed to get the full scoop on every Barbie she owned, the mansions
they lived in, and the cars they drove. It was like Real Housewives: Doll
Edition.

My jaw practically dropped into my lap as I
glanced out the window when my Aunt pulled into the driveway of a huge, brick
house.

“Nice house,” I complimented, unbuckling my
seatbelt. I opened the door and a rush of warm, sticky air smacked me in the
face. Hello humidity, you’d be giving my hair one hell of a stay.

“Thank you,” she answered, turning off the
ignition. Her smile dropped a hint. “I only wish it wasn’t so far away from the
family. It’d be nice to have them come visit and see the place I’ve spent so
much time putting together.”

If it weren’t for her dark, curly hair, you’d
think my grandma had an affair with the milkman. My dad either spent his time
in his police uniform or old flannels. My aunt, on the other hand, was dressed
flawlessly in a violet blouse and a pencil skirt.

“Just wait until you see the pretty room we
made for you!” Sophia screeched from the backseat, unsnapping her seatbelt and
then barreling out of the car. “I helped Mommy do it, too!” Her tiny legs
skipped up the front walk as her hair swung in the wind.

A new room? “You really didn’t have to do all
that,” I said.

She gave me a warm smile. Leaning over, she
grabbed my hand and squeezed it in hers. “It wasn’t a problem. I want you to
feel at home here.” Her smile grew. “Plus, decorating is my passion. You only
gave me another reason to do what I love.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, allowing my brain to take in
everything that had happened in just one day. Before I had the chance to do
anything, Sophia had grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to see my new
room.

It was beautiful. I loved it.

The large room was painted a light grey,
giving it a relaxing vibe against the white windows. A huge, white headboard
was perched behind a full sized bed with a bright coral-colored comforter. A
long, matching dresser ran across the wall across from my bed, and a flat
screen TV hung above it. There was a desk sitting on the right corner with a
coral lounge chair scooted underneath it. My favorite part of the room, though,
was the over-sized French doors that led out to a private balcony that was all
mine.

I slid my
now-empty suitcase underneath the bed. My Aunt and Uncle had informed me during
dinner that I’d be starting my new school, Atlanta Valley High tomorrow morning.
I collapsed onto my bed at the same time my phone rang. I glanced down at the
screen and saw Tessa’s name lighting up. I hit the ignore button, and snuggled
closer into Tanner’s sweatshirt I’d thrown on earlier.

I didn’t tell
her I was leaving, which most likely nominated me for the worst best friend
ever award, if we were still even best friends. I wasn’t sure. I was sure,
however, that if I did tell her, she’d try to convince me to stay. So I
persuaded myself that I was too busy trying to get everything in order before
leaving to call her. Truth was, I couldn’t pick her up when I didn’t even have
the strength to carry my own weight.

I pulled myself
out of bed, mentally cursing myself, as I went straight for the album in my
nightstand drawer. Grabbing my phone, I opened up the doors to the balcony and
stepped out into the dry, sticky air. I headed over to the ledge and took in
the dark night. I arched up on my tiptoes to look over the railing, and saw
nothing but darkness underneath me. The same way I felt inside.

Turning around,
I walked over to the tiny area my aunt had furnished. A small, red loveseat was
up against the blocked-off ledge with an ottoman sitting to the side. A coffee
table sat in front of the couch with candles sprawled out. I slowly crept to
the couch, fell down, and stretched my legs out. I opened up the album, hitting
the music icon on my phone.

My head raced
when I opened up the first page of the album. Photography, and Tanner had
always been my two obsessions. My parents had surprised me with a new Canon
Rebel for my sixteenth birthday. Most kids would’ve wanted a car, but not me.
From the moment I got it, it’d been plastered to my hand.

I took a sad
trip down nostalgia lane as I flipped through photo after photo. Every reminder
of my old happiness had been captured and stored in there. My attention was
caught up in the book until a high-pitched moan shrieked through the air. What
the? Shutting the album, I turned down my music and twisted around in my seat.

A second later,
another moan rang out, louder this time. It sounded like someone had porn
playing with the volume set too high. I stood up quickly, on a mission to find
where the obnoxious noise was coming from. I walked back to the edge of the
balcony and looked over the ledge, but still saw nothing.

Another moan
came, and I turned my head the opposite way, spotting a balcony slightly
adjacent to mine. A dim light was shining above it, giving me a full view of
where the noise was coming from.

Holy shit!

It definitely
wasn’t porn on someone’s TV, but instead a live show. My eyes practically
bulged out of their sockets as I watched what was happening across the yard.

The first thing
I noticed, (besides the ridiculous moaning), was the bare-chested guy sitting
upright in a chair. His head was rolled back to the sky in pleasure while a
naked, skinny blonde straddled his lap. Her hips moved up and down as she rode
him. He let out a loud, deep grunt as he gripped her thin waist. Her pace
quickened while the cries grew louder. Jesus, the girl had some lungs.

The two were so
wrapped up in each other, and completely oblivious to the fact that they were
putting on an XXX rated show for the entire neighborhood to see.

I let out a
sharp breath, but kept my eyes on them. It was like they were glued to the two
figures grinding against each other. Her sleek body continued her rhythm until
they both finally groaned out their release, and she fell limp against him.

I stood there,
completely frozen. I couldn’t wrap my mind around someone having sex in the
open like that. Wait, who watched people have sex in the open? I was just as
messed up as they were, if not worse.

At the same
time I was getting ready to turn around and go back inside, the guy’s head
raised up and he looked directly at my balcony.
At me.
Dark eyes
smoldered straight into mine as I watched his mouth form a slow, sly grin.

Shit! I was
busted!

Embarrassment
flushed through me, and I swiftly covered my face with both of my hands.
Fumbling around in panic, I ducked under the balcony ledge and crawled on the
ground until I reached the doors to go back to my bedroom. I slithered into the
room and kicked the door shut behind me. My crawling didn’t stop until I landed
in my bed and pulled the large comforter over my body. I closed my eyes,
begging my body to shut down and sleep.

That night, I
prayed to God, Buddha, Obama, and everyone else that came to mind that I’d
imagined the entire thing. I wanted to believe it was my messed up imagination,
and lack of intimacy that had conjured a mental image of seeing my neighbors
have hot, passionate sex in front of me.

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