Bad For Me (My Forbidden Rockstar) (23 page)

“Dominic!” she cries, hugging me.

My mom looks like absolute shit, and my heart fucking
breaks. I haven’t seen her look like this since I was a little kid, back when
my dad used to knock her around.

“Where’s Annabelle?” she asks.

“I’m not sure. She ran inside ahead of me.”

My mom nods and continues hugging me.

“Come on, come lay down,” I urge her, taking her towards the
family room. I lay her down on one of the long couches, and cover her with a
blanket.

“You need to sleep, Mom.”

“I’m not tired,” she says flatly. She seems to have run out
of tears, and I know this next stage. It’s what I used to call the death stage.
My mom gets this dead look in her eyes and soon she becomes monosyllabic. She
turns into a walking zombie.

“Mom, please. Try to sleep. We’ll take care of everything in
the morning.”

She nods robotically, and I tuck the blanket in around her,
and turn off the light.

I go into the kitchen to send her friends home. I thank them
for coming and make sure the house is locked up. Now, I need to find Annie.

I find her down the hall in Cliff’s study. She’s curled up
in his thick leather brown chair, her hands clutched around some of his
jewelry. She’s stopped crying too, and now she’s just staring into space.

“Annie?” I ask quietly, not wanting to scare her.

“He’s gone, Dom. He’s gone. Just like that.”

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. Let’s go upstairs and try to get
some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep. I need to be here.”

“Okay. I’ll sit here with you.”

“No, I don’t want you to!” She stops and takes a deep
breath.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I appreciate
everything you’ve done, but I just need to be alone in here. Everything will
change tomorrow. People will be here, and there will be arrangements made, and
Daddy won’t be in this house anymore.”

I nod, trying to follow what she’s saying.

“Okay. I’ll leave you alone then. But I’ll be in the other
room if you need me.”

She nods, and I leave the room, pulling the door shut behind
me.

I go back into the family room where my mom is now sleeping.
I curl up on the couch and fall into a restless sleep.

It feels like I’ve been asleep for only a few minutes but
when I open my eyes there’s light streaming in the room. I look over at my mom,
but the couch is empty.

“Mom?” I croak, rolling off the couch. My head spins and I
feel a pounding headache from lack of sleep and dehydration. I usually drink
close to a gallon of water after each show, but I forgot to last night.

“I’m in here,” she calls, and her voice is hoarse. I walk
into the kitchen and find her staring at the floor while nursing a glass of
clear liquid. I look at the clock, which says it’s just past eight in the
morning.

“Mom, what are you drinking?”

“Vodka.” Her eyes are hard and I can tell she wants me to
challenge her. I let it go.

“I need to be at the funeral home by ten,” she says
suddenly.

“Okay, Annie and I will go with you.”

My mom nods.

“I’m going to go find Annie.”

My mom nods again and I get up and go to the study. Annie is
in the same spot, her legs still curled beneath her.

“Annie? Come on out with me. Let’s get you something to
eat.”

I rub my temples. I love my mom and Annie but it’s like the
night of the living dead around here.

She stands up and follows me out without a word. Back in the
kitchen, she hugs my mom and they cry together. I make them a quick breakfast
and go upstairs to shower to leave them alone for a bit. The rest of the
morning passes in a blurry haze and eventually we end up at the funeral home.
My mom and Annie are crying again, but the funeral director seems to know how
to handle them.

I step out to call Avery.

“Shit,” Avery says in a low voice, “I’m so sorry, man.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad.”

“When are the services? Are we cancelling?”

“That’s why I’m calling. I don’t think they’ve made
arrangements yet, but I hate to cancel shows.”

“Yeah, I know, but do what you gotta do, Dom. We get it.”

We’re supposed to play in Miami in two days. That’s one of
our biggest venues outside of LA and New York.

“But it’s Miami,” I argue.

“I know, I know. But hey, make a decision soon, alright?”

I hang up with Avery and go back inside.

“What’s the plan?” I ask Annie in a low voice. “I have to
make a decision about the show.”

Annie’s face twists in hurt. “Oh, I’m so sorry we’re
interfering with your precious concert schedule.”

“Hey! That’s not what I meant! I can cancel a show, but I
need to know. I want to try to work around this.”

My mom walks in. “I don’t think we can plan something for at
least four days according to the funeral director.”

Shit. Four days. That’s at least three shows.

I balk and Annie gives me a hard gaze.

“We can’t cancel that many shows,” I say quietly.

My mom nods. “I know. It’s okay, Dominic. I’ll be fine,
really. You go on back.”

I look to Annie, who turns her face away from me.

“I can’t be at the shows,” she says in a small voice.

“I know, Annie, I know. You take as much time as you need,
baby.” I spin her around to face me. “I want to be here with you, honestly I
do, but I just can’t cancel that many shows.”

“It’s fine,” she insists, but I know that it’s not.

Fuck! What am I supposed to do? I know I’m coming off as a
complete asshole, but I’ve got a show to put on, people stand to lose millions
of dollars if we cancel.

“I’ll stay through tomorrow and then I’ll fly home the next
morning. You come back whenever you’re ready.”

Annie only nods, but things have changed between us. I’m at
a loss, torn between the two women I love and the work I’m committed to. If I
cancel three shows, I’m screwing up the lives of hundreds of people working on
the tour, not to mention the thousands of fans who have bought tickets.

I try to tell myself that I’m doing the right thing, and I
fall in step as Annie and my mom continue making plans.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Dom

I stare out the window as the sun beats down on the ground
far below. I’ve been in the air for a few hours, and I’m set to arrive in Miami
at five o’clock local time. It will give me just enough time to get to the
arena and be ready for the night’s show.

The mood between Annie and I had become distant and cold
after I decided not to cancel the shows. She hardly spoke to me and seemed to
throw herself completely into planning her father’s funeral. Every time I tried
to help, she shut me down, so instead I spent time with my mom.

Annie was skipping the Florida shows and the one in Atlanta,
and then would join us two days after the funeral when we were in Alabama. I
wasn’t really sure what to expect.

In the meantime, Jessa had left me a message saying that she
had found the ultimate beach house in Kauai. She texted me pictures, and the
house was unbelievable. It had an open floor plan, and nearly every room had
floor to ceiling windows and doors that opened out to the white beach on which
it sat. I only hoped that Annie would still be around to go with me when the
tour ended.

I overheard Annie tell my mom that she wasn’t going to sell
Cliff’s house but was going to give it to her instead. They argued about it,
and my mom had said there was no way she could accept it. It was beyond
generous of Annie.

Her brother was supposedly coming into town, but Annie had
been the one left in charge of much of her father’s property and belongings.

Sighing, I look out at the tiny cars moving on the ground
below. Had I just fucked up everything with Annie by not cancelling the shows?
If so, she would never forgive me for this. I had never been a praying man, I
found the whole idea grossly over-rated, but I prayed my fucking heart out,
begging whoever might be listening to bring my Annie back to me.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Annie

8 Weeks Later...

I take one last look in the mirror and then make my way out
of the dressing room. My makeup has been perfectly applied and my hair has been
styled beautifully. I’m dressed in my requisite lacy black dress and heels, and
I look the part of Diesel’s featured backup singer.

But I’m just a shell; empty inside.

I’m relieved that tonight is the last show. While I’ve loved
being on tour with an amazing rock group, my personal life has been downright
awful. I’ve felt broken since my dad died. It’s been eight weeks, and I still
can’t believe he’s gone. I still can’t understand that I’m going to return home
to LA and he won’t be there. Actually, I’ve been seriously debating leaving LA
and moving to New York to be closer to my mom.

Going on tour with Diesel has opened countless doors for me,
and I would have no problem finding another tour, so it really doesn’t matter
where I live. I just can’t imagine going back to LA without Daddy being there.
I promised Roxie that I would keep in touch, but I don’t know if I really will.
I think it will be too painful now with Daddy gone, and the fact that I had
been in love with Roxie’s son.

Yes, I realized after the fact that I was in love with Dom.
And while my head understood why Dom couldn’t be at Daddy’s funeral, my heart
just couldn’t accept it. After Dom flew back to Florida, I felt the change in
me. Dom and I could never go back to what we had been. I felt like he had
abandoned me when I needed him most.

Dom knew the damage when I returned, and to his credit, he
tried his hardest to fix it. He filled my dressing room with flowers, begged
and cried outside my door, hired cars that were going to whisk me away to fancy
restaurants for private dinners, and sent lavish gifts onto the bus. But I
didn’t want any of it. He called me again and again, leaving long rambling
messages about how sorry he was, and how he knew he should have stuck around
for me and his mom. But it was too little too late. The damage had been done.

I wanted to forgive Dom, honestly I did, because being with
Dom made me feel beautiful and alive in a way I had never known. I know there
is a good person inside of Dom, but somehow he just keeps screwing up and I
can’t continue to be collateral damage.

After four or five weeks of begging for my forgiveness, Dom
finally gave up. He still looks longingly across the stage at me, especially
when we sing our song, but I barely notice now. I expected Dom to return to his
old ways, but I haven’t seen him bring a girl around, or even look at another
girl for that matter.

The guys in the band tried to talk to me too, but they
quickly learned that it was hopeless. Nothing anyone could say could make me
feel better. And even though I felt irrational, I couldn’t go back to Dom. I
was too stubborn and too proud. I was still under contract to film the stupid
video, which Dom had slipped into my contract months ago, but after that I
never wanted to see him again. Everything was just too painful.

I enter the stage for our final show, and I see Dom in the
lowered floor that will rise up to reveal him to the audience. He’s staring
intently at me, but I focus my gaze on the curtain ahead.

The show flies by in record speed and I try to savor my last
moments on stage, try to instill in my memory the way it feels to sing before a
crowd and to remember the cheers washing over me. With a final bow, I exit the
stage and make my way towards the dressing room. I sit at the mirror and stare
at my reflection as I hear Diesel play their final encore.

“Annie! I need you!” Liz cries, rushing into the room, her
voice excited and her cheeks flushed.