BAD BOY ROMANCE: DIESEL: Contemporary Bad Boy Biker MC Romance (Box Set) (New Adult Sports Romance Short Stories Boxset) (127 page)

I wished now more than ever that I did have that. Maybe it would have helped to tell me if what I was doing was the right thing.

“I’ve been thinking about it all,” I said, looking at my  hands and not his face. “I get that it was wrong of me to ask you to leave your team, to quit from the army. It’s who you are, and no matter how much I want life to be different for us, I can’t change that. I knew it when I married you. So I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath.

“You don’t mind me being a ranger then?” he asked and his face was worried, like it would have consequences if I didn’t.

I shook my head and glanced up at him. His face was calm, his eyes a bright, human green.

I took another deep breath and steeled myself against what I was going to say next.

“I don’t have a problem with you being in the army,” I said. “I’m not going to make you choose. But I can’t be in the army with you, and lately it feels like if I can’t do that, I can’t reach you. I’m not going to make this any worse than it needs to be.”

He sat forward, his face already crumpling before I said the words.

“I don’t think we should keep doing this. We shouldn’t be together.”

“Are you leaving me?” he asked and his voice was laced with emotion. It made it harder. Why now?  Why was he showing me emotion now, when I was about to leave? Why not when I needed him to show it earlier?

“I can’t keep doing this, and I can’t keep doing this to
you
.”

Reid pursed his lips and an array of emotions flitted over his face.

“I didn’t want this,” he said finally and I felt my stomach sink to my feet because I’d wanted him to at least try and fight for me. Something. Anything.

“I know,” I finally said. “I didn’t either, but I don’t think we have an option anymore.”

He looked at me for a moment longer, and then he nodded slowly. He looked down at his hands.

“I’m being deployed again,” he said after a moment of us sitting together in silence.

“When did you hear?” I asked.

“This morning.”

Either it was bad timing or he wanted to leave. I didn’t want to guess which it was anymore. I nodded and got up.

“I’ll make sure your stuff is clean,” I said and walked out.

The rest of the time was strained silence, and by the time he was ready to go we were both relieved about it. He leaned down and gave me an awkward hug.

“Take care of yourself,” he said. He didn’t kiss me, and somehow that hurt even though I knew I couldn’t expect it from him now that I’d ended it.

“I’ll send whatever papers arrive through to you,” I said, and he cringed like I’d physically hurt him. I didn’t have to say ‘divorce papers’ for him to understand. He nodded and walked out the door, his camo duffel bag over his shoulder and his hat on his head. He looked amazing in uniform, neat and well put together. Attractive. And not mine anymore. When he walked away I felt my heart break, and I was sure I would never be able to put it together again.

Chapter 9

I couldn’t stay in the house. With him leaving on regular deployment it was torture, never mind knowing it was the last time I would say goodbye to him. So I left the house, got in the car and started driving. I left the base, and kept driving, following the roads’ curves until I didn’t know how far I’d gone anymore. The sun was setting on the horizon when I finally turned back and started the long drive home.

By the time I reached the house it was dark, almost midnight. I looked up at the moon and noticed it was almost full with a pang. The moon and what it meant to lycanthropes wouldn’t matter to me anymore. I always kept track of the moon and her cycles, even when Reid was away because it was such a big part of him. Now it didn’t matter anymore.

Good riddance, I tried to convince myself. No more abnormal life. I could get back to being a normal woman. Maybe one day when I was over this and I’d managed to pick myself back up, I could find myself a normal man, and we could live a normal life.

I tried to make myself believe that that was what I wanted, that being normal was the thing to go for. I tried to ignore the fact that I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what normal was anymore. I unlocked the door and pushed it opened, walking into the dark living room. I blindly hung my keys on the hook, working by feel and habit. I flipped the light on and turned away from the wall.

Reid stood in the middle of the lounge, larger than life, and my body jerked, startled, before my mind put the logic together and recognized him.

“Reid, you scared me,” I said, clutching my chest, trying to get my heartbeat back under control. I took two deep breaths.

“What are you doing here? I thought you left hours ago.”

I looked around the room, looking lost.

“I did,” he said and his voice was low. Finally his eyes settled back on me, a soft green like spring leaves. His face was an iron mask that showed now emotion. But then it was like a dam burst. His face crumpled and emotion gushed over him in waves.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said. “I can’t. I don’t want to do this without you.”

His voice was shaky, like he was on the verge of tears. But Reid would never cry in front of me. He took two long, fast steps to me, and part of me winced, my body remembering the violence that had come with this last visit even though with my mind I’d forgiven him. He stopped in front me like my feelings were a wall that stopped him.

“I don’t want you to be scared of me,” he whispered. He reached his arms out slowly, like he was moving deliberately slow not to scare me, and pulled me closer to him. At first I held my body stiff. I didn’t want to fight him, but I didn’t know what I was feeling and I didn’t want to open up and let this sudden surge of emotion soften me up.

If he pulled away again and I’d let him in it would just hurt that much more when he left. But he held on to me, and after a while I relaxed, my body melting against his.

“Why are you here?” I asked him, my cheek still against his chest.

“Because I would rather lose my job and the pack than lose you.”

I looked up at him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“The pack is your everything,” I said.

“So are you. I don’t want to have to choose. I don’t know how to show you that you’re just as much a part of me as they are. I need you both. But if I have to choose…” he took a deep breath. “Then I choose you every time. I love you, Allegra. I know I’m horrible at showing it. I know I make mistakes all the time and I know I should try harder to talk to you. And I will try. Just please… stay.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was scared to believe this was happening. I was nervous to believe what he was saying. But he stood in front of me, his eyes drowning deep and sincere, and he was so raw, his emotions so clear on his face I believed him just because no one could look like that an lie.

Sincerity had a look all its own.

“How do we figure this out? I don’t know how to be the wife you need me to be.

He shook his head. “You already are. You’re doing everything right. It’s me, I’m the problem. Okay?”

He was intense when he said it, eyes fierce, and it was like it was the most important thing in the world that it was okay.

And it was okay. It really was. I didn’t want to lose him either. I closed my eyes and nodded.

“I’m just a human,” I finally said.

“You’re my mate,” Reid countered, and in that statement lay the promise of all the power I had in our relationship, the equality between us, the magic the affected me differently. Somehow, it made me different. I wasn’t a wolf, but being mated to Reid made me not exactly a human, either.

“Please don’t disappear on me again,” I said. “I can’t take it. When you’re home, be home.”

“I’ll stay home from now on. I’ll be done with it,” he said. I knew how hard that decision was for me. I shook my head. The fact that he’d made it was enough for me.

“Don’t. Do what you need to do. As long as I can have all of you when you
are
home, I’m okay with that. And don’t keep secrets from me.” I pulled a face and he looked guilty. “Don’t lie to me. You’re a werewolf, for goodness' sake. I’m pretty sure anything else you lay on me can’t be that bad.”

He smiled sheepishly but then it drained away again and his eyes were unsure again.

“I don’t know how to be someone else,” he said. “There are sides to who I am…” he took a shuddering breath. “I’m not proud of who I am or the things I do sometimes. But I can’t change it.”

I shook my head, willing him to stop speaking, and eventually he did. I put my hand on his cheek, touched his face, and it felt like forever since I’d been able to do that. Since I’d had my husband back.

“I missed you,” I said, stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. It was like it had surprised him at first, but then he kissed me back. His lips were firm on mine, and his arms tightened around my waist. I put my arms around his neck. His body was hard and warm against me, I could feel his muscles like chords under his skin.

The kissing changed from passionate and careful to urgent and searching. He slid his tongue into my mouth and drew circles around mine with it. I let him explore my mouth, and his breathing sped up, became shallower. My stomach lurched and he pulled my body tighter against his. I was aware of the length of my body against the length of his.

He broke the kiss and looked into my eyes. His eyes were still the human green, but they were glowing now like no human eyes glowed. His pupils were dilated and black holes sinking into the fiery green. He took my hand and led me down the passage to the bedroom.

When we were in the room together he turned and kissed me again. He slid his hands over my body, tracing the rise and fall of it. My skin broke out in goosebumps wherever he touched me, and I could feel the heat that radiated off him building.

Power flowed out of him like he’d been hiding it behind a screen that he suddenly lowered now, and it rolled over me in a wave, caressing my skin like an invisible hand. I gasped with the intensity. He only kissed me harder.

I trailed my hands down his back and pushed them under the belt of his army pants, hooking them there at the top of his ass. His skin was smooth under my fingertips.

He found the hem of my shirt and his hands were on my bare skin. His hand was so big it covered most of my waist. He held me there and his hand burned an imprint into my skin. I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself together. He tugged my shirt up and over my head before he went for the bra clip and then pulled it off and dropped it on the floor. I stood in front of him without my shirt, and he looked at me like he’d never seen me before.

I didn’t feel shy or self-conscious like I usually did when he came home, because I hadn’t seen him in so long. Instead I felt confident, and it felt right that this was happening. For the first time in a long time it felt like when he looked at me, he saw me again.

I fumbled with his shirt, trying to undo the buttons.

“If mine come off so should yours,” I said and looked up at him. He grinned and pulled the whole shirt over his head like a t-shirt, buttons to hell. His skin was a dark tan, naturally because he was a werewolf, and I traced my fingers along the muscles, feeling the ridges rippling under his skin. He let me run my fingers over his body for a while before he kissed me again.

He undid the button of my pants and worked it down over my hips and then my legs. He got rid of his pants as well, and when we were naked completely he pulled my body against his again.

The sensation of skin on skin was incredibly intimate. His skin was hotter than skin usually was, but when I looked into his eyes there was still no sign of his wolf. He was still completely in control. He pushed his body harder against mine, and I could feel him hard and hungry against my stomach. He turned me and leaned me over the bed, pulling me up like I weighed nothing. When I was on the mattress he crawled over me and stretched his body out next to mine.

He kissed me again, first on the lips, then on the cheek, along my jaw and then in my neck. He left a trail of fire behind as he worked his way down. His hand found my breasts and he massaged me while his mouth kept exploring my body. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, giving him space in my neck.

His hips moved and he ground himself against mine, and I could feel the anticipation building for what was to come. He left a slick trail of lust against my hip.

When I couldn’t take it anymore I rolled to him so that my body faced his and I moved so that we were touching, mirroring each other. The length of him pressed against my lower stomach. I looked him in the eye, and he looked back, and without words he told me everything before he kissed me again.

With that kiss another wave of power washed over me, prickling along my skin. My nerve endings were all raw, but not in a way that hurt, and it felt like I was burning too. He rolled me onto my  back and I opened my legs, ready for him. He positioned himself between my legs, positioning himself at my entrance. Then he pushed into me. Air left his lungs in a quiet gasp, and I moaned in unison as he slid into me.

When he was inside of me he lay still, letting me adjust to his size. I could feel my insides stretching and yielding to him, folding around him. I moved him hips slightly, and he took it as his cue to do the rest.

He pulled out almost all the way and pushed back in, and the sensation was just as intense as the first time. He moved in and out, building a rhythm and I gasped in time with his moving. A wave of ecstasy flowed through me, followed by the power that still flowed from him.

His magic was everywhere in the room, thick and palpable, like a giant hand wrapping around us. I didn’t know what it was I was feeling, but I knew that it was a part of Reid, and he would protect me and keep me safe.

Something powerful built inside me, vibrant and electric, and I was on fire. Reid’s skin slid over mine and a thin sheen of sweat developed between us. He slid over my body, slick and muscular, and I writhed underneath him as his hips bucked against mine.

Just before the orgasm rocked through my body his power surged, an increase of magic that slid into my body and up my spine like fur. It was like I was getting a taste of his wolf. I didn’t know how it worked, but I could feel the animal, even though it wasn’t looking at me through Reid’s eyes. It was beautiful and terrifying, majestic and dangerous.

Mine
it echoed through my head, and I knew Reid was claiming me as his mate all over again, not just as the person, but Reid’s wolf as well. Maybe it should have been creepy. I should have thought twice about the idea that a wolf was claiming me. But it was weird. I didn’t feel freaked out. It felt right.

The orgasm rocked through my body the same time Reid released, and his body stiffened under my own when I curled my arms and legs around him. He made small grunting sounds, like little growls, and finally he threw his head back. His mouth as shaped in an ‘O’ but he wasn’t howling, at least not out loud. The power in the room was so thick I struggled to breathe through it. And I could feel how it melded us together.

When the moment passed and the power finally lifted enough for me to gasp mouthfuls of air back into my lungs, Reid pushed up on his arms, still looking at me. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking by the look on his face, but it was good. He slipped out of me and lay next to me, pulling me against him. With his body against mine he buried his face in my neck, and we lay together in the dark.

“You know this changes everything,” his velvet voice crept over me in the dark.

“What?”

“You stood up to the pack. You took your place as the alpha’s mate. That makes you one of us.”

I thought about that for two seconds, and shook my head. I knew in the dark he could feel it. I didn’t want to be the alpha’s mate. I didn’t have enough power. I didn’t have what it took to be a leader. I couldn’t be an animal purely because I just wasn’t one.

“There’s no way—“

“You’ve already been doing it, baby,” he said and rolled to me so he was facing me. “All you need is practice. And to know what it’s all about. You don’t need to be cursed to be a werewolf. You’re my mate, you’re already where you need to be. And the pack submitted to you.”

“I can’t do it,” I said and my voice held the panic I was feeling. It rose in my chest like dough and I tried to breathe around it and failed. “I can’t be like you.”