Back Where We Belong (A Second Chances New Adult Romance) (7 page)

When I first come around, there's
no one there. I see a white ceiling; it's blurry and I shut my eyes again and
fall asleep. Sometime after that when I wake, I hear voices and once, someone
weeping. I don't know who they are or where I am or what I'm doing lying here.
And I sleep again. One time I feel someone holding my hand. And then whoever it
is fades away, and I sink down into a deep, deep sleep.

Then gradually, every time I open
my eyes after sleeping, I manage to focus a bit more. Sometimes it's dark and I
can't see much, other times I see that white ceiling and once, I see it clearly
enough to detect a few hairline cracks. That's a good day when I see that, but
I sleep again. I can't stop sleeping.

When I finally come around and
see that ceiling clearly again, I realize I'm hooked up to all kinds of
equipment. My mouth is dry. I could murder a glass of water.

A nurse comes in. “Do you know
where you are?”

“Hospital?”

“Yes. You were in an accident. A
bad car accident. You're at Mountview Hospital. I'll call your parents. I said
I'd call if you fully regained consciousness.”

“What day is it? How long have I
been here?”

“You were brought in here about
two months ago. You were in a coma but we've been seeing signs that you were
coming out of it for a couple of weeks now. Your mother wanted to stay with
you, but she's exhausted. We keep having to send her home before she ends up in
here herself. A doctor will be around soon to run some tests but don't worry.
You're in good hands.”

The nurse reminds me of
someone—Madeline, no Madison. How could I forget? I want to see her.

Summer comes to an end. I don't
go back to Sandy Cove. There's no reason to go back there. Luke hasn't tried to
contact me. Not once. Not to explain. Not to break up with me.

I feel sick when I think of how
much he meant to me and how he just tossed me aside like some piece of trash
when I had to leave. There were always other girls around who would do whatever
he wanted. I knew that right from the start. But I didn't think I meant so
little to him. It hurts thinking about it but I can't stop.

As if that isn't enough to make
me feel bad, I have to deal with Mom too. She spends half the time raging about
something Dad or I have done, half the time crying in her room. I can't forgive
her for the things she said to me at the beach house, but I can't say she was
wrong about Luke. I just get through every day and try to keep out of her way
as much as I can.

Dad calls me before I go to
college, and I meet him for lunch near his office in Manhattan. I wonder if she
will be there, his new girlfriend, and whether she really does look like me or
Mom was just saying that. Dad doesn't bring anyone with him.

“I'm sorry, Madison,” he says. “I
had to get out. Living with your Mom was killing me, destroying us both. It was
never going to work. Now I'm gone, perhaps she'll be happier. She wasn't happy
with me, always finding fault.”

“Mom is never happy with anyone.”
I feel disloyal criticizing her to him, but I know it's true. “I think she
hates me.”

“She doesn't hate you, honey.
It's not you. It's just the way she is. I think she loved me in the beginning
but lately I just think she's only capable of loving herself.”

“I'm not even sure she loves
herself. She spends all her time shouting at me or crying.”

He winces. “It's not much fun
just now, I know, but it will be better at college. It will give you a break
from her.”

“I hope so. Mom said you were
having a baby.”

“Yes, that's true. I'm not sure
how it will be to be a father again, but Cara and the baby are the good things
that have come out of all this.”

“Congratulations.” The word sticks
in my throat.

“Here,” he says and hands me an
envelope. “I'll cover your college tuition and expenses, but you'll need some
extras, so why not treat yourself while you're here in town? I have to go. I
have a meeting in ten minutes, but it was lovely to see you.”

He calls the waiter for the check
and pays with his credit card.

I feel dismissed. I have been
allotted forty minutes. He has given me lunch. He has given me money. He thinks
that his duty as a father is done.

I don't want to shop. My heart
isn't in it. My father knows nothing about my life. Nothing about what makes me
happy or why I'm sad right now, and I don't think he cares.

I go back to Greenwich. I know I
need to snap out of this. I don't want to ruin my first semester at college
with parental blues and heartbreak hanging over me. To anyone else, being
heartbroken over a guy I only knew a few weeks might seem ridiculous. But I
know how it feels. It's like someone died, someone special who is never coming
back.

I don't even mention Luke to my
new roommate at college. Chelsea is bright and bubbly. We're not very well
matched on the surface, but she's like a breath of fresh air after my mother.
Nothing seems to get her down. Not even being landed with a roommate who
doesn't want to socialize much.

“You've got to get out more,
Madison,” she says, “and start living a bit.”

I guess she's right, and
sometimes I go out with her to stop her going on at me.

Usually, the parties are not as
bad as I expect, and sometimes I even find myself enjoying being among a crowd
of Chelsea's friends who seem intent on nothing more complicated than having a
good time. I don't think I'm naturally gloomy. I've just had a crap time
lately. It's good for me to come out of my shell after the hell of a summer I
had.

It's at one of the parties that
Chelsea drags me to that I meet Brad.

I notice him as soon as we
arrive. He's tall, with thick, short sandy hair. A college jock type. He looks
like he works out.

When he comes over to us and
says, “Introduce me to your friend, Chelsea,” I'm flattered. Chelsea knows him
from high school.

He takes me out to dinner that
Saturday. There’s no point feeling sorry for myself forever and acting like a
hermit. He's good company and flirts with me. I need that. I need to feel
wanted again, and he has all the words and easy manners to make me feel good.

“So where have you been hiding
out on campus?” he says. “I haven't seen you around.”

“Oh, you know, class, the
library, the usual places.”

“The library this early in the
semester? No wonder I haven't seen you.” He laughs. “I don't hit the library
until I have to.”

“Don't you care about your
grades?”

“Eventually, I'll care, but not
tonight. Tonight I have dinner with you on my mind.”

I smile. He takes my hand. It
feels odd holding a guy's hand again after Luke. But I have to brush all
thoughts of Luke aside. Holding onto him is like believing in the tooth fairy.
The special relationship I thought I had with Luke didn't actually exist.

Brad walks me back to my place
and kisses me gently on the lips. It's nice, but I don't melt. I want that
melting feeling back like an addict needing a drug.

“Want to go to a movie during the
week?” he asks, and I tell him I would like that.

He holds my hand at the movie and
kisses me more deeply than before when he drops me at the door of my dorm. I
like him. We meet for coffee a couple of times during the week. He tells me
about his family. His father is in finance in the city. Brad plans to do
something similar when he finishes school. He asks me to dinner again, and we
go out.

After dinner, he takes my hand.
We walk through the campus as he takes me home and I don't mind at all when we
stop now and again so he can kiss me. He's a fun date and I'm starting to like
him more and more. As we get to my building, he pulls me into the shadows.

“I want to kiss you properly,” he
says.

I smile, and when he kisses me,
it feels good, his hands at my back and the heat of his body against mine. It
feels good to be in his arms, to have someone who likes me again.

His kisses become more urgent,
his tongue probing, and I respond. His hands are all over me now and I know
it's time to stop before someone tells us to get a room. We're just around the
side of the building, so I break away.

He laughs. “Sorry, I got carried
away there.”

I smile. He’s a real gentleman.

“We're throwing a party at my
place next weekend. I just wanted to make sure you were free Saturday and
didn't make any plans to go off with other guys.” It sounds like he wants to
know where he stands.

“No other guys,” I say.

“Good.” He smiles and kisses me.

***

Brad shares a large apartment
near the campus with three guys he knows from high school. It's no crumby
student place. Though it's dark and they’ve moved the furniture to the side of
the main room to make space for the party, I can imagine how good the apartment
looks normally with its high ceilings and tasteful décor.

“It belongs to Dan's parents,”
Brad tells me. “His mother designed the interior.”

He and his friends have really
struck it lucky.

“I'm impressed. She has good
taste.”

“You should see my room,” Brad
says, winking.

I laugh.

He gets me a drink, some kind of
punch with fruit floating in it.

“What's in this?”

“I'm not sure. Fruit juice,
vodka, I think. The guys made it. You prefer a beer?”

“No, it's okay.”

It tastes good. I'm not keen on
beer, but I drink it sometimes. There's alcohol at every party. It makes me
relax and feel part of the crowd. I sip my drink, though not too fast. I don't
want to get drunk.

We dance for a while. Brad holds me
on the dance floor and shouts in my ear above the music blasting out of their
sound system. I've no idea what I'm dancing to, but it's nice to be close to
Brad and not to be alone at a party, not knowing anyone, to be part of the
throng and not standing on the sidelines.

He gets me another drink and we
sit on big floor cushions at the edge of the room, watching the others dancers
and trying to keep our legs and feet from getting in the way. It's really
crowded. He kisses me and we make out a little like other couples around the
dance floor. I can feel the punch going to my head, but I'm okay.

More people arrive and pile in.
It's jam-packed in there.

“How many people did you invite?”
I ask.

“I don't know. We just told
everyone we knew. Maybe they invited others.”

It's too crowded now and I've had
enough to drink. The party is going to go on forever. I look around for Chelsea
to see if she is ready to go home, but she's in the corner kissing some guy I
don't know. I'll just have to go on my own. I don't know if Brad will leave the
party to walk me home, but it's not far.

“I'm going home,” I yell in his
ear, “before it gets any more crowded.”

“Don't go. I'll have to stay and
help the guys in case there's any trouble. But I don't want you walking back on
your own.”

I give in and stay. It's nice
that he cares about me.

“Why don't we go somewhere
quieter?” he says.

I know he means his room. I
hesitate. I'm not ready for anything more with Brad. Someone steps on my foot
and I yell. The dancer apologizes, but I know I'll have a bruise there
tomorrow.

“Come on,” he says. “We can't
stay here.”

We make our way through the
crowd. Chelsea sees me hand in hand with Brad as she lifts her head from her
new acquaintance and winks.

Am I really going to Brad's room?
I tell myself we're just going to make out a bit where it's quiet. Kisses and
nothing more. Yes, that's all I want.

It's dark in Brad's room, though
there's weak light from the street lamp outside filtering in through the
curtains.

He sits down on the bed and pulls
me to him. “It's much better in here. I've got you all to myself.”

He kisses me, his mouth seeking
mine in the dark, and I kiss him back. I like him. I'm happy to be out of the
noise and crowd but I'm still not sure I should be here. It worries me the way he’s
pressing his body against mine, and we’re alone in his room. He starts undoing
the buttons on my blouse.

“Don't. Anyone could come in.”

“Don't worry. They won't care.”
And his mouth is on me again, stopping me from saying anything.

He has unclasped my bra somehow
and his hands are on my breasts. I can't help but moan in response.

“You like that,” he says,
smirking.

Someone bursts through the door.
I pull my blouse closed, but it's too late. He saw us. I know he did.

“For fuck's sake, Charlie, get
out of here,” Brad says.

Charlie is drunk. “Sorry,
Natalie.” He’s slurring his words. “Oops, that's not Natalie is it? Smaller
tits.”

“Who's Natalie?” I don't like the
way this is sounding.

“Brad's girl. The noisy one. Kept
me awake half the week.” Charlie sways against the bed, a bottle of vodka or
something in his hand. He leers at me. The door shuts behind him, blocking out
the sound of the party.

I get up, livid. All the time
Brad has been taking me out, sweet-talking to me, kissing me, trying to get
into my blouse, he had someone else.

He grabs hold of my arm. “Don't
be like that, babe. Charlie doesn't know what he's saying. Natalie isn't here
tonight. She had to go to some family thing or other. And she's always fucking
studying. We can still have a good time. You were up for it two minutes ago.”

“Leave me alone.” There’s no way
I’m staying here. “I'm going home.”

Charlie looks on. He doesn't seem
to care that he's wrecked his friend's chances of ever dating me. I'm just some
girl he doesn't know and doesn't care about. And he knows Brad probably doesn't
care either.

“I never said I wasn't seeing
anyone else,” Brad says. “We can still have fun. A whole lot of fun.”

I try to pull my arm free, but he
won't let me go.

“Oh, a struggler, I like that.”.

“Stop it! I'm going home.”

“You're not going anywhere,” he
says. “Not until I'm finished with you.”

I gasp, fear taking my breath
away. I don't know him at all. His face has changed. He pulls me back so I fall
on the bed and wrenches my blouse open again where I'm still trying to hold it
closed.

“Get off me!” I struggle and
kick.

“Hold her legs, Charlie,” he says.
“This cock-teaser is not going anywhere...”