Back to the Drawing Board (7 page)

“I’m not afraid,” I lied.

“Yes, you are,” he answered. “And I understand why. Just don’t let the past decide your future, Carter. Believe me. It won’t get you anywhere.” With that, he turned and walked out the door my mom and the kids had left a few minutes before. I pushed myself off of the couch and stood at the slider, watching the waves lap the shore over and over. I looked back at my phone, mocking me from the table. I needed to be a man, but the little boy inside of me was pouting and shaking his head no. I thought back to what my dad had just said to me about life being more important than a job. It was the exact opposite of what Ronan had instilled in me, and it confused me even though I knew what the right answer was. I’d always thought your life
was
your job, and how high on the ladder you could get determined your worth as a man.

I finally snatched the phone up, irritated at myself. Just as I was about to hit her number to call her, the screen changed and Hayden’s face illuminated on the screen. Saved. I hit accept on the call.

“Hayden,” I answered.

“Hey, Mac!” He’d taken to calling me Mac, short for McIntyre after I’d officially changed my last name. It had been annoying at first, but I kinda liked it now. “You back?”

“I’m back,” I echoed. “And boy do I need your advice, man. You coming over here?” I knew already what I needed to do, but for some reason I needed someone else to tell me what I should do. Or tell me I was a moron. Either one.

“Yeah, I’m on the road. I’ll be there in a few hours. You okay?”

I breathed out slowly. “I’m not sure. I think I may have screwed things up.”

Hayden laughed. “I’m sure you knocked it out of the park, Mac. You’re a shoo-in for that internship.” I couldn’t tell him that wasn’t what I was worried about, well at least not the biggest thing. I’d wait until he got here before unloading that on him.

“Call me when you’re close, I’m headed out to the beach with my family right now.”

We flopped onto the lounge chairs surrounding the pool, water dripping off of us from our rigorous swim. Hayden shook his head, his long curly hair flinging water all over me. He looked up at me, his shit-eating grin telling me he did that on purpose. He was, by account of most women we came across, a catch, with his light brown curls, big green eyes, and tall, muscular body. He was also hilarious and my best friend in the world. In the years I’d known him, he’d never had a serious girlfriend either. We liked keeping them at arms length and focusing on school and our goals.

“Thanks,” I laughed. Hayden had just gotten here about an hour ago and we’d spent time in the pool, catching up on meaningless bull. He and I had been inseparable since we became roommates when we were both freshmen in college. He graduated last year with a degree in Marketing and was working for a PR firm in Fort Lauderdale. I missed the time we used to spend together and knew no matter where my new career took me, it was going to take me away from here. This was, in a way, a last hurrah for us before I joined the ranks of real life.

“So tell me what you’ve been avoiding,” he said. “I’ve let you pretend for the last hour. Give it to me.”

I sighed, staring at my phone on the table between us. I still hadn’t called her, using the excuse of playing with my siblings and then spending time with Hayden as a reason to not press the button. Hayden sat patiently, knowing I’d start when I was good and ready.

Over the next fifteen minutes, I explained everything to him, from the second I walked into the interview until this morning when I left Julia in the hotel sleeping, and how she called me while I was on the plane. He said nothing, his gaze locked onto me as I let it all pour out. All of my insecurities, worries, and feelings about what had happened. With Hayden, I never pretended. He was the one person other than my family that I felt I could completely trust. There was no reason to sugar coat shit with him. Plus, I needed him to be real with me. I appreciated and loved my dad’s advice, but I also needed to hear what Hayden thought I should do.

He whistled. “Ho-lee shit, Mac. So you have no idea if you had sex with her or not?”

“Right,” I said, lowering my voice to make sure no one around us could hear. “I don’t think she remembered either. But then her message kind of seemed like maybe she did.”

“And the dream? Do you think it was real?” Like I said, I hadn’t left out anything.

“I wanted it to be,” I admitted. “But I have no idea if that was just my imagination or that’s what actually happened. How could I not remember having her? God,” I groaned. “She’s so beautiful, Hayden. I can’t even describe her. There’s just something about her that I’m drawn to.”

“Well, obviously,” Hayden laughed.

“Not just that,” I laughed back, feeling some of the stress loosen from my shoulders. “In the time we spent together talking, I just felt something between us.”

“Hormones,” Hayden continued to joke. “No really, okay. Let’s think about this. Damage control needs to be done. So do you think she won’t cause an issue with her dad about the job?”

“She said she wouldn’t,” I answered, “but you never can tell. Maybe once she starts thinking about things, or if she remembers something we did, what if she changes her mind?”

“Worst case scenario here is that she tells her dad not to hire you, right?”

“That can’t happen, Hayden. I want this job more than anything.”

“Anything?” I knew what he was asking me.

“Right now, yes. I’ve only known her for a few hours.”

“Yes, that’s true, but you want to know her.”

“I want to know her,” I echoed, being truthful with both of us. “But what if it costs me my internship?”

“What if it doesn’t? Okay let’s go to the next scenario. You get the internship. Now you’re working under her. Haha, working under her. Or over her, whichever you two did . . . maybe both.”

I smacked his arm, both of us laughing at his innuendo. This was one of the many things I appreciated about Hayden. He could make light of the worst scenario. It reminded me of the time I told him the entire story about my family, and he’d helped me through it with his classic way of lightening serious moods.

“Sorry, I digress. Anyway, so you get the job and she’s
overseeing
you. I like that word better. Then what?”

“Then what if I want more? What if she wants more? Or what if she wants nothing to do with me and makes my life a living hell?”

“Dude,” Hayden held up his hand to make me stop. “She called you. She didn’t have to. I don’t think you have to worry about her making your life hell. You want to know what I think you should do?’

“Yes, I do.”

Hayden picked up my phone, scanning through the received calls until he saw the one that was from Colorado this morning. Right when I figured out what he was going to do, I leaned over to snatch the phone from him, but it was too late. The phone was already ringing, calling Julia. If I hung up now, she’d see that I called and hung up.

“Damn it, Hayden,” I growled, ignoring the cat-ate-the-canary look on his face. “It’s ringing. What if she doesn’t answer?”

“Then you leave her a message, you bozo. Geez, I’ve never seen you so stupid over someone before.”

“That’s because I’ve never screwed up so epically before,” I hissed, my stomach churning. When the phone stopped ringing and her addictive voice said to leave a message, my throat closed up. What the hell was I supposed to say?

I looked at Hayden, silently pleading for help. “Tell her you got her message and you look forward to seeing her soon, that it was great to spend time with her.”

That sounded foolish, but I had no idea what else to say. The voice mail beeped. “Julia, it’s Carter. I got your message. It was great to spend time with you. I hope I get to see you soon, too. I’ll look forward to your dad’s call. Talk to you soon.” I hung up, knowing I sounded only slightly better than a formal business call.

I put the phone in my lap, wondering if her number was going to pop back up on my screen. “You’re a moron,” Hayden said, smacking me in the back of my head.

“Why?”

“You and I both know what that message was. That was Steel-Walls-Carter. The one that won’t let anyone get past his goals and dreams.”

“You aren’t any different,” I retorted, knowing he was right but wanting to deflect.

It was Hayden’s turn to look away. I studied his profile, wondering what that was all about. “What is it?”

When he finally looked back at me, I could read him like a book. “You met someone.” I couldn’t believe it. Hayden and I had a good time when we were in college together and enjoyed many of the finer parts of college life. But as far as I knew, he’d never in his life been serious about anyone, either.

“We’re growing up,” Hayden answered. “College life is behind us. While that was awesome, I realized it wasn’t fulfilling for me anymore. I wanted something more than just a night or two.” I opened and closed my mouth. Who was this guy, and where was my best friend? We sounded like a bunch of chicks sitting here by the pool. When I didn’t respond, he continued. “I met Karrie at work. She works in human resources, and we hit it off right away.”

“How long have you been seeing her?” It might’ve been a while since I’d last seen Hayden, but we talked all the time. He’d kept this from me?

“Officially, just a few weeks. Before then, we would go out together with people from work. We’d flirt, but nothing serious. She makes me feel different, Mac. We’re getting serious, fast. I want you to meet her.”

“Wow,” I mumbled, feeling out of sorts. “Of course I want to meet her. I’m just a little floored. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I know how you feel about relationships right now,” Hayden answered. “Plus, I didn’t want to say anything if nothing ever came of us. She’s gone through hell in her prior relationship, so I wasn’t sure if she was relationship material or if this was going just to be a fling.”

I thought back to Julia, her sad eyes looking away from me when I broached the subject of her brother. I wanted to know her story. The image of her body lying next to me in bed this morning clouded my thinking, and I simultaneously wished for the phone to ring and willed it not to.

“Where’d you go, man?”

I shook my head, focusing on my best friend. “I’m happy for you, Hayden. Do you have a picture of her? I can’t wait to meet the woman that is going to take my friend off the market.”

“I wouldn’t go that far yet,” Hayden laughed, picking his phone up off the table. He opened his picture app and scrolled, turning the phone so I could see it. “This is us at a work function a few weeks ago. It was right afterward we officially decided to start dating.”

I studied my handsome friend, his arms wrapped protectively around the petite woman. They were both dressed to the nines. Her ebony hair was up in some sort of fancy ‘do, and her face beamed at the camera. They were a breathtaking couple. “She’s gorgeous, Hayden. You look so happy there.”

“I am,” he admitted, looking back at the photo himself. “I miss her already. We talked all the way here from Ft. Lauderdale.”

“So you’re whipped, huh?” I joked, cuffing his shoulder.

Hayden threw his head back and laughed. “Oh boy, Mac. You just wait. I have the feeling this is just the beginning for you, my friend. Let’s have this conversation again in a few months and see how you feel then.”

I laid my head back on the chair, knowing it was futile to argue with him. But he was wrong. This wasn’t going to be me. I had to stay on track and meet my goals.