Back To Our Beginning (49 page)

Tansy felt sensations swarming her body, beginning to overtake any reasoning. She’d missed closeness, a loving touch, heated embraces. Enveloped within his arms the aloneness was less encompassing, he overpowered it. Nuzzling her neck he lowered her to the ground where he already had placed a soft fur in preparation. Tansy realized then he’d been planning this. Her emotions stormed within her. Her trembling increased as an internal war was waged. She began to sob into his shoulder as his hand lowered her pants.

“No,” Cord commanded. “Don’t you start crying. That’s not fair. I’m not hurting you. I’ve never hurt you.” His large body was suspended over hers waiting. His breath came in ragged gasps. He wished it wasn’t so dark, he would’ve liked to be looking into her expressive brown eyes.

“I’m afraid,” Tansy whimpered.

“I promise sweetheart, I’ll be very gentle, I won’t ever hurt you, you know I’d never hurt you,” Cord pressed, gentling his voice at her obvious distress. Still he waited.

“It’s not that,” Tansy sobbed into his neck. She knew he would stop if she asked, instinctively she knew.

“Then what?”

“I’m married.”

Relieved, Cord responded, “No you’re not, sweetheart. He’s gone. He’s been gone a long time. You’re still alive. It’s time you started living and feeling.”

He entered her inch by slow inch. Cord felt her warmth close around him, her small body shuddered under him; she reached for him and held him, their warm chests resting against one another. Tansy’s face pressed into him. She continued to sob, but she never asked him to stop; she wrapped her arms around him fully in acceptance. She wanted to live, but more than that she wanted to feel again.

Cord felt her begin to move beneath him, wanting him, needing him, accepting him. He was elated. He never remembered a time when he felt it so necessary to be gentle and caring. He wanted her to want him, it became important she did. He noted her subtle welcoming moans of desire heat his now encompassing passion.

They rocked together as one, savoring one another, allowing the experience to float over them without becoming frantic. Wanting it to last as long as possible. They moved together, tasting each other’s heat, becoming one while learning each other’s bodies. They fused together, each meeting the other’s thrusts, loathe to separate. When Cord finally lay still, he held her securely in his embrace while she continued to cry into his shoulder.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked concerned, using his thumb to wipe the moisture from her cheeks.

“No, I’ve hurt myself.”

“How, sweetheart? You couldn’t fight me, you had to give in,” Cord said, taking the blame, unnerved by her soft weeping. He cuddled her closer offering his warmth against the biting cold that had begun to invade his body, wrapping the fur tightly around them.

“No, it’s not that. I’ve never been with anyone but Shane. I thought if I made love to anyone else I would be betraying myself by betraying him. I couldn’t want another man. That would make me a horrible person.”

“Why? Because you’re human?”

“No, because of my vows.”

“Your vows said; ‘till death do you part.’ He died, you parted.”

“Why did I live?”

“To protect your girls, to give to others. You saved me like I saved you. It’s time we really healed. No more barriers, no more fears. It’s a new world, Tansy, a no-holds-barred kind of existence and one I’m getting used to. One you need to accept.” He rose and helped her to her feet. He clumsily assisted her while she dressed.

Perhaps he was right. Tansy wasn’t nearly as mortified or shocked as she thought she should be. She wasn’t hurt or angry or afraid of him, just confused. Tansy realized she missed intimate contact. She missed the warmth, comfort, closeness and the feeling of another taking control if only for a short while. She missed the feeling of safety while wrapped within a man’s arms.

Cord could see a play of emotion on Tansy’s face as they walked closer to the light streaming in the bottom opening of the mine. He grew concerned at her frown.

“Was I that bad?”

Tansy looked up at him and almost laughed at his vanity. Strangely enough she realized her answer was important to him.

“No, you weren’t bad at all. But this turkey had better be good.”

She began walking up the steep hill in the mine to where the others still slept, carrying the container of milk.

“Well hell woman, then don’t let Shanie cook it!”

* * * *

Everyone settled into a routine. After Stacie realized no one would harm her baby, she became open and welcomed the others’ aid of holding and changing her infant. Bart was a beautiful boy with big brown eyes and not much hair. It wasn’t a surprise to Tansy Clint found him fascinating, but she was almost doubled over with laughter when she caught Cord holding him and making quacking sounds.

Michaela loved the new baby as long as Clint was careful to give her added attention. Ricky and Max had their hands full with Lucky who crawled under a bed to hide whenever Bart cried. Which thankfully wasn’t often. They enlisted Trisha’s help who was more than happy to comply, ecstatic she had new friends.

Becky was a mother hen who fussed over all the children and adults equally. She drove Cord crazy, and he took great pains to avoid her. He mentioned to Clint it looked as though summer wasn’t the only long season. The only one who didn’t seem affected by her hovering was Ethan. He told Cord he enjoyed Becky’s attention and encouraged it.

The women were delighted when they realized they could bathe regularly and took full advantage of it. Tansy was grateful Stacie seemed to have as much aptitude for cooking as she did and proved to be exceedingly helpful. Being a nurse, Becky was fascinated with the herbal book Tansy had found and listened closely to plant remedies while sharing a few of her own.

Tansy spitted the turkey and all took turns turning it and basting it from the juices dripping into the pan beneath it. She then critically took inventory of their food supply. With the addition of the other people there were now sixteen mouths to feed. Tansy was grateful they’d been diligent in storing food but worried it might not be enough. The weather changed so dramatically she wondered how long a winter would last in these parts. With the strange storms roaming the earth, she was fearful any moment they could be under barren ground with the cold temperatures never ceasing its assault. To her dismay she realized the worry was endless, but as Cord had once said: “What’s done is done.” Only Mother Nature knew what was in store for them. Tansy could only hope and wait for the best to come out of a terrible situation.

“I wanted to thank you for helping Danny when he came here,” Becky said, interrupting Tansy’s train of thought.

“I’m sorry he was hurt so badly. Cord has a huge temper to go with his huge size,” Tansy said.

“Yes, he is quite large. After what happened, I’m grateful he didn’t kill Danny.” She paused then continued. “I’ve noticed Emmy and Aidan are close. It’s easy to tell they’re in love. I understand she’s carrying his baby, and everyone is excited about the arrivals of both babies. Are you involved with any of the other men?” Becky asked, an evasive nonchalant attitude to her demeanor.

Tansy smiled at her. Becky was an attractive older woman and she fussed over Ethan. Ethan had been quick to take Trisha into his arms during their long walk when she had stumbled in exhaustion, knowing Becky was too weak to carry the child’s slight weight. He had wrapped the girl in a warm blanket and cuddled her to his chest as Clint often did with Michaela to protect her from the harsh winds. He had slipped his extra pair of warm fur-lined mittens over her bare feet back at the cave, securing them with a leather thong. The hole-riddled clothing and worn plastic bags covering her tiny red chapped feet would undoubtedly leave her with frostbite if she was forced to traverse the ice and snow for any length of time.

“No, I’m not involved with any of them,” Tansy assured her.

Tansy was conflicted. She enjoyed her long insightful discussions with Ethan, finding him artfully articulate. She loved Clint’s humor and protectiveness, and she admitted she would like more intimacy. Cord had been right, and as disturbing as that thought was, Tansy realized she wanted and needed to feel closeness with a man again.

Looking at their shelves lined with food, Becky grew thoughtful. “Will there be enough now that we’re here?”

“I hope so. The men and Shanie are wonderful hunters. Cord got the turkey for tonight’s dinner. We may run out of some things, but while we were traveling last winter we found things that were edible. Cord and Clint never let us starve.”

“You seem very close to both of them.”

Tansy chuckled. Quizzically, Becky stared at her. “We are close, but perhaps Stacie could be encouraged to take one of them off my hands.”

“I’m afraid she’s a bit frightened of Cord.”

Now laughing loudly, Tansy squeezed Becky’s shoulder. “Honey, we all are!”

* * * *

Dinner was leisurely, and they asked many questions of the new arrivals. Becky was a widow, her husband died almost five years previously from a heart attack when Trisha was only four. She’d been devastated but had her children. The loss of her second son was too painful for her to discuss, her face paling and her eyes tearing from the terrible tragedy, and the others respectfully didn’t dwell on it.

Becky and Stacie and the children had been traveling together when they came across the men. One had been injured by flying debris and Becky healed him. In exchange, the men offered to travel with them and band together, claiming they’d keep them safe.

“We weren’t safe with the men, we had nowhere else to go and were too afraid to go off alone, especially with Stacie being pregnant and with the world so unstable,” Becky said.

“I’d been an accountant living alone in a rented basement apartment,” Stacie said. “I was forced to leave home. I woke one morning to find the bed floating, and barely escaped with my life.”

“So what happened to Bart’s daddy?” Cord asked.

Danny paled visibly. Stacie remained quiet and looked at Danny.

“I know what Danny told you. He did it to protect me. One of the men you killed was Bart’s father. Most likely the one who instigated the attack,” Stacie informed them a bit fearfully of what they might do. She would die if they decided to cast her out into the bitter cold, but she couldn’t keep up the charade.

“You must be very angry with us,” Ethan said.

“No, I’m glad he’s dead.”

“Did he rape you?” Clint asked.

“No, I wasn’t forced. He let me know he would be more willing to feed the others and myself if I was agreeable. Joe told me he was protecting me, anyone else would kill Bart because he wasn’t theirs and a burden. It would be years before he could hunt and help provide,” Stacie said. Tears coursed down her cheeks; she cuddled her son to her breast. Her moist cheek stroked the top of his forehead.

“No one will harm him here, or you,” Clint told her.

Stacey looked at him so gratefully, surprised the others were moved. Her tear-filled liquid eyes sparkled across the fire’s flames, her face an open book.

“I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t want any of you to take advantage of her because of what she promised in exchange for helping us. It was cruel of Joe to expect she honor and keep honoring a deal when it was made out of desperation and uncertainty,” Danny said.

Cord rose suddenly and headed into the darkness of the mine, his look a thundering stormy sea of loathing and indecisiveness.

“I said sorry. I am sorry!” Danny cried out.

Tansy knew it wasn’t the deception that upset Cord. Tansy had made a bet and Cord had taken her up on it. Tansy wondered if it was different. Tansy hadn’t been forced, she knew that. Neither had Stacie. Tansy knew it was different for her. There wouldn’t be any threats, her children were safe from harm; she could seek the protection of the other men in the mine at any given time. She came to the conclusion long ago Cord would never again coerce her with threats, and he would never harm her or her girls. There wouldn’t be a repeat occurrence unless she allowed it. There was no chance of pregnancy occurring to leave her feeling helpless and vulnerable. It suddenly dawned on Tansy, she liked Cord! She liked their bantering and antagonizing each other.

Tansy rose and went after him. The bottom of the mine was cold. They kept a fire going for light to guide them to the goat and lit the wood stoves only when they needed to be down there. Tansy found Cord sitting on the fur hide. It was dark and she nearly tripped over him, but with his hand to guide her, she was soon seated pressed closely to his side for warmth.

“Do you hate me as much as she hates him?” Cord asked quietly.

“I don’t hate you, Cord. What happened between us has been brewing for a long time.” She encouraged him to wrap the fur around them both as she snuggled closer into his side.

“I would like to think I didn’t force you. That you were willing.”

“I was. I was just feeling so confused. It had been so long...and you’re just as heavy as you look.”

“Well, next time I’ll try and keep my great hulking weight off you.”

“Maybe next time I could be on top.”

“Always gotta be in control don’t you?”

“I didn’t say for the whole time.”

Cord sat quietly for a moment then asked, “Next time, eh?”

“Maybe. Only next time, I think I’d like polar bear. It’s been a while since we’ve had polar bear.”

“Damn, woman you are hard to please.”

“Yes, I am,” Tansy agreed. “So maybe you were pretty good.” She rose to go but he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her onto his lap.

“I could be better,” he said gruffly. He found her mouth and kissed her, his lips probing her warm mouth.

She pulled slightly away with a small protest, “What about my polar bear?”

“I’ll give you a rain-check and go hunting first thing in the morning,” Cord promised and shifted her body beneath his.

“It better be a big one,” Tansy said a bit breathlessly.

“Oh darlin’, it will be.”

* * * *

Tansy woke one morning to hushed voices surrounding one of the wood stoves. She watched curiously as Ricky, Max, Michaela and Trisha examined the opening of the stove. Each wore concerned expressions.