Back to Life (17 page)

“Rory,
don’t do this,” I begged again, walking closer to her. “I love you.”

More
tears poured from her eyes. She looked at me and said, “And that’s why I have
to let you go.” She turned quickly and ran out the door, slamming it behind
her. I could hear her crying as she ran down the hallway…and away from me. I
stood rooted in place as I replayed the last few minutes in my head. What the
fuck just happened? What had I done?

Rory

As
soon as I got off the elevator, I took off in a run. I didn’t stop to think
about anything, especially how bad my legs and feet were burning from running
three blocks in heels. I just had to get out of Liam’s apartment and away from
him as fast as I could so I didn’t even think of slowing down until I reached
the front of my apartment building. I hadn’t realized I’d been running that
fast…seemed like I got here in no time at all. I pulled my keys out of my
clutch and unlocked the door with shaking hands. As soon as I got inside, I
continued to run as I got into the elevators, which earned me some pretty
strange and offended looks from some of the other tenants. I didn’t care at
that point. I just needed to be safe inside my apartment and away from the rest
of the world.

As
soon as I stepped off the elevator, I ran down the hall to our front door and unlocked
it. As soon as I was inside, I shut the door and leaned against it. In that
moment, everything came crushing down on me. He wants to marry me. Liam actually
said he wants to marry me…but I can’t let him. I can’t hurt him because I love
him too much. I can’t let him fall even more in love with me when he will just
leave me in the end. At that moment, every emotion and fear I had about our
relationship came crashing down on me like a tidal wave, and I broke down. I
slid down the door and fell into a heap on the floor and sobbed loudly.

“Hey,
Rory, is that you?” I heard Brody call out as he was walking into the living
room. “Listen, Marissa and I were about to head out for lunch and we thought
you and Liam might want to-shit!” he said once he saw me. I looked up at him
and he was running toward me. “Rory? What the hell happened? Marissa, come
quick!” he yelled.

Sniffing,
I tried to speak but I couldn’t. I felt Brody kneel down at my side and pull me
up into his arms. He held me around my shoulders and I buried my face into his
chest. I felt Marissa’s hand on my leg, rubbing it comfortably. “Oh God, Rory.
What’s wrong?”

Again,
I tried to form a sentence, but I couldn’t. I just cried into Brody’s shirt,
which felt wet against my cheek. “Rory, we are starting to freak here. Sweetie,
what happened? Is it Liam?” Brody asked. I nodded, still crying. I felt Brody
stiffen under me. “Did he hurt you?” he asked, angrily.

I
shook my head. “N-no…” I said, but Brody cut me off.

“I
swear to God, I’m going to fucking kill him!” he shouted, making me and Marissa
jump. He let go of me and punched a hole into the wall.

“Brody…”

“Brody!”
Marissa shouted. “That’s enough! She said Liam didn’t hurt her. Let her explain
before you go punching another hole into the wall!”

He
tried to remain calm and placed his arm back around my shoulders and grabbed
onto my hand. I noticed that his knuckles were starting to bleed. “Brody,
you’re hurt.”

He
shook his head. “I’m fine, Rory. Just tell me what happened, please.”

I
took a deep breath and said quietly, “He said he wants to marry me.” As soon as
I said it out loud, I started sobbing.

Marissa
moved and was sitting on my other side. “Oh, Rory,” she said, taking my hand.

Brody
blinked. “Wait…I’m confused. Liam told you he wants to marry you and that’s why
you’re upset?”

“Brody,”
Marissa interrupted, “she’s upset because of what happened after Mason died,”
she answered for me.

“What?
I don’t understand. I thought he knew everything about that,” Brody said.

“Brody,
he doesn’t know everything. He knows that Mason died and that I blame his bitch
boss for it, but he doesn’t know how bad it got afterward. I can’t let him get
any closer because we will both be hurt in the end if he finds out how bad I
lost it,” I said, still crying. “He’ll run away from me, and I won’t be able to
live through that.”

“Rory,
I know you are afraid that he won’t be able to handle what happened, but I
don’t think you are giving him enough credit. He’s a cop, sweetie. He has seen
the worst of the worst, and I really feel in my heart that he wouldn’t love you
any less if he knew,” Marissa said.

Brody
squeezed my arm. “She’s right. I have known Liam for a long time, and you don’t
know him like I do. He used to be a total player, and probably was up until he
met you. The cop thing aside, I think that Marissa is right in thinking he
won’t turn away from you. He loves you, Rory. We can all see that. He’s
different with you.”

“I
don’t know. I am terrified of the look on his face when he finds everything out.
He won’t want me anymore, I just know it,” I said, sniffing.

“I
think you’re wrong. I think that Liam loves you so much and if anything, he
will want to protect you and make things right as best as he can. Give him a
chance. Have a little faith in him,” Marissa said.

Before
I could answer, someone buzzed the apartment. My eyes got wide. Liam was here.
I looked from Marissa to Brody and back again. Brody gave me one more hug
around my shoulders and said, “Rory, just breathe. You can do this,” he said,
his eyes full of hope. “Just let go.” I was terrified…I couldn’t do this. Brody
was wrong. I’d already lost so much, and I was about to lose my reason for
existing all over again. Liam wouldn’t be able to handle this, I knew it. But,
I also knew Liam well enough to know he wasn’t going to give up on me. He would
let this go if I asked him to, but he wasn’t about to let me go. He loved me
and I knew that. I at least owed it to him to be fair and let him decide if I
was worth it. I felt Marissa squeeze my hand, and the buzzer sounded again. I
nodded, and Brody stood up and helped me to my feet. Marissa wrapped her arm
around me as Brody pushed the button to unlock the front door.

“It’s
going to be okay, Rory. I promise,” Marissa said to me, and I hugged her
tightly for a few moments.

A
knock on the door jolted me back, and I felt fear spread through me like rapid
waters. “Okay,” I whispered, “I’m ready.”

“Rory,
its Liam. Please open the door and talk to me,” I heard him say from the other
side of the door. I looked at Brody and silently nodded at him to open the
door. I felt like I was either going to puke or pass out. When the door opened,
I looked at Liam and my heart sank. He looked just as terrible as I probably
did. His beautiful blue eyes were full of sadness. Oh no, had I done this to
him? “Rory,” he said quietly, “I’m so sorry for everything I said back there.
Can we please talk this out?”

I
nodded, and Brody moved aside so Liam could come in. Marissa said, “Brody, why
don’t we give them a moment alone so they can talk?”

She
started to pull away from me, but I grabbed onto her and shook my head. “No,
don’t go. I need you here, please.”

Liam
looked confused. “Rory?” He took a cautious step toward me. “What’s going on?”

I
took a deep, unsure breath. “Liam, I am sorry for freaking out on you, but you
need to know why I did. We can’t take this relationship any further unless
there are no more secrets,” I said, my voice quivering.

“Oh,
angel, you don’t have to tell me anything, really. I don’t care about your
past, I really don’t. I just want you, here and now, and to hell with the
rest,” he said. He took another step in my direction, but I stopped him.

“No,
Liam, I need to get this out…for me. For us. I just hope after you hear it
there still is an
us
,” I said, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. I
took a deep breath and said, “I need to tell you what happened after Mason
died.”

He
looked at me, his blue eyes boring into mine. “Are you sure, Rory? I mean it
when I say that you don’t have to tell me.”

I
shook my head and sniffed. “I need to do this. I have been carrying it around
so long that I have to just let it go,” I said, looking at Brody, who gave me a
sympathetic smile.

“Are
you sure you don’t want us to let you two talk in private?” Marissa asked, but
I shook my head.

“No,
I need you and Brody here with me. You were there then, and I need you two here
with me now,” I said.

Brody
frowned and nodded, and Marissa said, “Sure, okay. Anything you need.”

I
turned and walked toward the couch and everyone followed slowly. I sat down on
the end closest to the loveseat, Marissa sat in the middle, and Brody sat on
the other end. I motioned to Liam to sit on the loveseat and he did, scooting
as close to me as possible. “Can I ask you one favor before I tell you
anything?” I asked.

“Of
course you can,” Liam replied.

“Just
don’t say anything until I am finished, okay? I’ve been holding all this in for
four years now, and I need to let it all out at once. Can you do that for me?”

He
reached his hand toward mine and grabbed it before I could react. “Of course I
can, angel,” he said, rubbing his thumb along the side of my hand. He let go
and sat back on the loveseat, waiting for me to begin.

“Okay,
here goes,” I said, my voice cracking. After a few quiet moments, I took a deep
breath and began. “After Mason died, I was obviously destroyed. I could barely
function. The night he died I had to be sedated because I couldn’t stop
screaming. I remember when I slept that night that’s when my nightmares
started. I had to relive his death over and over all night long, except instead
of finding him on the sidewalk I was alone in the nightclub with loud noises
and screaming, and I felt like I was falling down. Once I woke up, I was still
screaming, and I was terrified to sleep at that point. I knew the nightmares
would find me again, so I fought hard to stay awake because at least I didn’t
have to relive those moments over and over.

“The
funeral was a week later, and I was practically catatonic by that point. I
hadn’t eaten or drank anything in days, and I think I had succumbed to sleep
maybe twice. The funeral was beautiful, or at least what I remember seeing of
it. There were almost five hundred people there. All of Mason’s friends,
colleagues, classmates, and family were there. Even my parents came,” I said,
with bitterness in my voice. “His father had asked me to speak but I couldn’t
do it. I could barely form a coherent thought in my head at that point, let
alone make a speech in front a congregation. Everyone was getting up and
telling stories of Mason and reliving memories of him. I don’t really remember
what anyone said because I had just shut down. I numbed myself to it to be able
to get through.

“Mason’s
brother Mark had agreed to speak in my place and was getting ready to go up to
the pulpit when I heard the sanctuary doors open. I turned to look at who was
coming in late, and there
she
was,” I said, hate burning in me. “His
boss, the woman that caused all of this, came strolling into his funeral
dressed to the nines with a fake ass frown on her face. She sat down with all
of his friends and family like she was so sorry that he was gone. At that
point, something inside me snapped and I grabbed Mark’s arm. I told him that I
decided I wanted to speak after all and ran toward the pulpit before he could
stop me. I turned toward the congregation and instead of eulogizing Mason like
he deserved, I pointed right at that woman and told the whole church that she
was the reason Mason was lying in the casket with a bullet hole in his chest. I
told everyone how she’d harassed him, hit on him, ran him ragged, and
threatened his job if he didn’t do what she wanted. I also,” I paused, knowing
that what I was about to say would change everything. “I also screamed at her
that not only did she take my fiancé from me, that she took away the father of
my child.”

I
stopped, tears pouring down. I could hear Marissa sniff beside me, and Brody
cleared his throat. I waited to hear Liam do anything…gasp, breath heavily,
yell, shout…anything. But he didn’t. I looked up at him and he was just sitting
there on the loveseat, calm as can be. Wiping my face with the back of my hand,
I continued. “I was pregnant with Mason’s child, and I didn’t even get to tell
him. The next thing I knew I was being led out of the sanctuary. I remember my
mother yelling at me as we walked down the hallway that I was acting like a
child and I needed to stop my tantrum before I embarrassed myself any further.
I was so angry. My mother, the woman that was supposed to love me through good
and bad and be there for me no matter what, was treating me like I was a
spoiled child. She acted like was throwing a fit over not getting a toy I
wanted. She didn’t care that I just lost my fiancé and I was going to be
raising a child alone. She only cared how this looked to everyone else. At that
point, I couldn’t hold it all in anymore and I turned around and punched her as
hard as I could in the face. The last thing I remember from that day was seeing
her fall into my father’s arms and feeling searing pain in my stomach before I
passed out.” Marissa was openly crying at this point, and I heard Brody sniff.
Liam still hadn’t said anything, and it was scaring me that I didn’t know what
he was thinking. But, I did ask him to not speak until I was finished, so I
continued.