Bachelor's Special (15 page)

“Please. It’s not like I can’t afford a nanny. My money would supply everything you need, and a lot quicker than going it alone.”

“You are crazier than Gina. If and when I have a child, I don’t want a nanny. And I don’t want
your
help.”

Bitterness filled Chet’s stare. How could she make him see the truth? Jill’s stomach rolled with a deep, overwhelming sense of loss. “You act like you’re the last man on earth.”

“Sometimes when you look at me, I feel like it.”

Good to know she sucked at hiding her emotions.

She needed to get away. Escape to the privacy of her room to absorb their conversation and try to make sense of it all. She brushed past him. When she cleared the arch, she stopped and spun in his direction, squaring her shoulders.

“Just because I want to have it all, doesn’t mean I want to have it all with
you!
”

Chapter Seventeen

Chet’s stomach contracted as if Jill had punched him with a brick fist. He couldn’t move, even minutes after she walked from view.

He inhaled, his regret over their fight mingling with her lingering rainwater scent. Zombielike, he sat in the nearest dining chair. His elbows hit the table’s surface and he dropped his face between open palms, scrunching his fingertips into his hair so hard pain shot across the crown of his head.

He’d accused Jill of so many things. Most of what he’d said, he hadn’t meant. All his pent-up emotions had built until they exploded, and he had taken out all the lies and mistrust between him and Gina on Jill.

At the idea of marriage, his brain froze, along with his ability to think. And he’d been the one to bring it up.
Why?

Life with Jill wouldn’t be so bad. They got along. Attraction between them ran high—maybe more so for him. They laughed together, talked easily, and he enjoyed her company. Plenty of others had based marriages on less. This could work. Friendship would be a great basis.

Damn it, if he were honest, he’d been dreading her leaving at the end of their agreement. He’d almost—
almost—
become dependent on having her smiling face greet him when he returned home from work each night.

All of his jumbled thoughts didn’t stop him from hating himself for how he had treated her. None of this had been her fault. He knew she wasn’t conniving. Blame lay at both their feet for not being responsible enough to use protection. Hell, pregnancy wasn’t even a fact yet. But he just couldn’t get it out of his mind.

Chet dragged himself to his office. He kept the bar stocked for clients and guests more than for himself, but tonight he needed to dull his senses and a stiff one would do the trick.

If his child grew inside Jill, whatever issues simmered between them would be cast aside in order to make this work. No matter what, he’d do the right thing. Even if he had to give up his bachelor status.

…

Jill rolled to her side, lifted herself on one elbow, and punched her pillow for what seemed like the millionth time. The ache in her neck pulsed. Her fluffy down pillow had turned into a lumpy bag of rocks.

“Ooohhhhh.” She flung it to the floor. Sleep had been impossible. The red glow of her bedside clock illuminated the time, filling the room with its muted light. Less than an hour remained before her alarm would blare. She might as well accept the inevitable and get up. If she’d been smart, she’d have climbed out of bed three hours ago and avoided all the tossing and turning.

Once showered and dressed, she sank onto her bed, fingers gripping her knees. Her energy zapped, she had no desire to leave her room. And even less desire to run into Chet.

She feared if they came in contact this morning, their conversation would continue from where it ended last night. And she didn’t have anything left inside to fight with. His accusations and words hurt. He’d never asked for any of this, but neither had she.

The look on his face when he mentioned marriage had almost choked her. She didn’t want him to offer marriage based on an obligation. Though not an ideal situation, she would go it alone before suffering through a loveless union. She didn’t want a rerun of her parents’ lives.

Jill almost wanted to laugh. Almost. Who would’ve thought when Mel approached her about a blind date that all these weeks later she’d have moved to a mansion, slept with her boss, and had pregnancy looming over her head?

She rocked back and forth, the gesture comforting. Hell, all of this hysteria was based on some assumption. Until Jill’s pregnancy was confirmed, they needed to get a grip.

Jill glanced at the clock, unable to stall any longer. Time to face Chet. Eventually they’d run into each other. Although the idea of leaving tempted her, she wouldn’t renege on their deal. She refused to run from trouble, plus she had her business to think of. Some issues were easier to ignore and put off, like delaying her pregnancy test, but hiding from an agreement and a dream wasn’t.

Down in the kitchen, she cracked several eggs into a large ceramic bowl, taking out her frustrations on the innocent yolks with her wire whisk.

“You’re up and at it early.”

Jill spun around, the whisk in her hand dripping egg onto the floor. “Couldn’t sleep. You’re up earlier than the norm, too.” She smiled. Relief washed over her when he returned one of his own. Not quite their special smile, but it was a start.

“I didn’t like how we left things last night.”

“Me, either. Words were starting to get out of hand.” She plopped the whisk on the counter and bent to wipe the mess. As she stood, she met his steady gaze.

“So it was good you walked away.” Chet moved closer.

She breathed in his cologne, her favorite one. Wood chips and nature mixed with Chet. Like her, he varied scents, choosing one that fit his mood. Her center tingled, deep down to her bones. At times they were so similar. And at others…

“Hungry? I planned to make your favorite and—”

“I think we need to clear the air first, Jill. Don’t you?”

“We seem to be doing that a lot lately.”

His firm hands spanned her shoulders before he crooked one thumb to lift her chin. She avoided his eyes and focused on his mouth. After his comment last night, about the way she looked at him, she needed to be more careful.

“You trust me, don’t you?”

“Um…yes.” His question surprised her. Not the one she expected.

“Good.” His hands slid along her shoulders until his fingers massaged the sensitive skin at the base of her neck. Calm waves washed over her, and her breaths grew shallow. Trancelike, she lifted her head until they stared into each other’s eyes.

“I said things yesterday I regret.” The tenor of his voice sent shivers down her spine.

“Me, too.”

“I know this baby will change both our lives.”

“There’s a good chance I’m not pregnant.”

“Okay, for arguments sake, let’s say you are. It wasn’t fair of me to act like I was the only one being…inconvenienced.”

Ouch.
Not the word she wanted to hear.

“I don’t want any child of mine to be shuffled between homes. You had a hard childhood, but we aren’t your parents, Jill.”

“But—”

“We get along. We have a good friendship. Marriage wasn’t anything I planned on, but we both could’ve done worse.”

His words yesterday hurt, but these killed her. Slowly.

“Yesterday you said you’d never forgive me,” she said, her voice stronger than she felt.

“I know. I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say in the heat of the moment. I didn’t mean half of what I said.”

“Then why did you say it?”

He stepped back and brushed his hands through his hair. She didn’t miss the fact that they shook. “When the word marriage came out of my mouth—for whatever reason, I panicked.” He released a stream of air, resting his hands on his hips. “You know I’m not interested in marriage, but to add being a father on top of it, twenty-four seven…”

“We’re both scared.” She hugged her middle in an attempt to replace the warmth he’d taken with him when he’d moved away. If only she could break through his toughened heart and teach him to trust. To care. To learn not all women were greedy, spiteful, mean, and liars. They weren’t all Gina.

“You hide it better.” He grinned.

“That’s your opinion. My insides are a quivering mass.”

“What should we do, Jill?”

On the verge of grabbing him in a tight hug, she stiffened her stance. “Like I said yesterday, let me take a pregnancy test. This all might be for nothing.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I am.”

The corners of his mouth lifted, and his boyish expression made her heart stammer. “I don’t like fighting with you.”

Her skin heated. She didn’t want to fight, either. “I’ll get the test today. We’ll have answers by dinner tonight.” Jill gave him a small smile. The uncomfortable tension between them disappeared. Now they acted more like two unsure teens on a date.

He nodded, shoving his fisted hands deep into his front pockets. Head bent, a lock of hair fell over his creased brow, exaggerating his boyish charms further.

Her attraction moved up another notch. If she were pregnant…

Hope swelled. Maybe she’d have the time to teach Chet to trust her. Together they’d build a family. It could happen. With patience, it would happen.

And if she wasn’t pregnant…

Life would return to normal. She’d move on with her career—the career she once so desperately wanted, the one that now took a backseat to the mass of emotion she’d become.

What the heck are you thinking? Quit fantasizing about a man who will never have feelings for you beyond friendship—and lust.

Maybe living with Chet for the last several weeks had weakened her senses and made her forget there were other men on the menu. Just sampling one had made her forget the appetizer list varied. Less than twenty-four hours ago her life spun out of control at all the possible changes. Today she looked forward to change. Either way, she’d be fine.

Chet cleared his throat. “Jill, I want you to understand I won’t allow myself to regret whatever decision we make. We’ve proven—hell, we’re proving it now—our friendship is strong, and that’s a good basis to start out any marriage with. Not that I know, but it seems—”

“Quit rambling. We’ll talk later tonight.” She’d never seen him so uncomfortable or so jumbled in his thoughts. At least she wasn’t alone there.

“I just need to say a few things. After last night…well, I really messed up. I’m sorry.”

She melted. “Things were a bit stressed.”

“I can make you happy. If we have to get married.”

Have to get married. Have to…

“As for our sexual chemistry, I’ll leave that part up to you. We can have a normal marriage, in every way. Or we can both be discreet.”

This had to be the worst proposal ever. Her hopes of a moment ago were sprinkled with ashes. Why should she care? She hadn’t fooled herself into believing either of them—especially her—could count on anything more.

Had she?

Hell, even if she did fall in love with him, there was no chance of winning his in return. He didn’t want it. “Why are we even discussing this? Let’s see what the test reveals first.” Her words came out in a harsh rush.

“We’re discussing this because it needs to be discussed. Take the day and think this over. I know that’s what I’ll be doing. If you’re pregnant, then we need to decide how our marriage will work. Will we be together for real, or for our child’s sake?”

“Fine. Let’s get it all out in the open. What happens if we try the traditional marriage, committed and faithful? Until death do us part, just you and me, forever?” Her heart broke as she pounded each word into his psyche, demanding he understand the full impact of what he offered. “Then in a few years you meet someone, or I do?” She held her breath.

Her unrealistic, wishful self hoped her words would make him realize—
realize what, Jill?
That his feelings for her ran deeper than friendship? She scanned his face, aching to see a moment of awareness.

Nothing. They were as far removed from being a couple as she was from securing a loan from the bank in the next fifteen minutes.

“Neither of us can predict the future, but since we do have a strong friendship, I’d hope we’d be able to talk and come to an agreement.”

He didn’t care. If he’d felt even an inkling of what she felt, the thought of her with another man would be unsettling. She might not love him, but she cared for him enough that the thought of him with another woman bothered her.

She clenched her jaw, dumbstruck at her own calm. She would get through this, like her mother had when Jill’s father left with another woman.

“And what about my catering business?” She wanted to know more out of curiosity than anything else.

“Whatever you want to do. We can get the assistance of a nanny, wait until our child is older, hire staffing for your business, and you can oversee things from home…it’s up to you. Marriage is all about communication.”

Since when had he become a pro? “You sound experienced.”

“Years of watching two experts. My parents set a great example.”

“So if you have to follow anyone’s blueprint, theirs is the one?” At least he had something to go by. Her example of adult commitment, marriage, and love were grossly flawed.

“Exactly.”

She gulped down her anxiety.

“My mind’s made up. If you’re pregnant, we’ll get married. All the details about how our marriage will be…well, that’s your choice. I’ll go along with whatever you decide.” His tone didn’t broker an argument.

Not that she possessed the strength to fight him. “Can I think about it? Or is this another sixty-second deal?” She laughed, amazed at how normal she sounded.

“Of course. Mull it over. We’ll discuss any questions tonight at dinner.”

Not sure if she should hold out her hand so they could shake on it, she clasped her fingers together. This conversation, proposal, life-altering moment had all the markings of a business deal.

So much for marriage equaling white picket fences, flowers, and merry-go-rounds. Reality hit her with all the pain of a dull knife twisting into her heart.

Dinner and her answer, it sounded like a reality game show. Jill fought against the wind to open the glass-paneled door and escape the dry warmth of the small grocery. She stepped outside, jumping when the door crashed shut behind her. Chilled air sliced through her thin shirt and she hugged the two paper grocery bags tight to her chest.

Tonight she’d make spaghetti with homemade meatballs, garlic bread, and a fresh salad. Pasta had always been her comfort food, and no matter the outcome of the over-the-counter pregnancy test—tucked in a separate bag between the salad fixings and loaf of French bread—comfort would definitely be on the menu.

She dared a peek at the angry gray sky and hunched down as the wind bit her face, driving drops of rain into her checks. Shivers raced across her bare arms as she rushed across the parking lot. When she reached her car, the rain grew heavy, and the sky went from releasing fat drops of rain to tossing them down in force. Her shirt soaked through and her hair plastered to her head.