Bachelor Father (19 page)

Katherine thought she’d squeezed out every possible tear in her body, but more threatened to fall as she gazed at the flowers and wished they were from Zeke instead of Naomi. She needed some token, some sign that he was thinking of her, that he was as torn apart by this parting as she had been.

The helicopter had arrived quickly, and once it had landed, there had been no time for tender goodbyes. The last thing she’d seen as the chopper lifted off over the trees was Zeke standing on the steps of his porch, arms crossed, as he watched her leave. The sight of him there all alone had nearly killed her.

Besides, she’d rather not have flowers from Naomi. Naomi shouldn’t be congratulating her. Someday Katherine planned to repay Naomi the cost of everything, including the bachelor auction. It would take years, no doubt, but Katherine needed to clear her conscience. She hadn’t really operated in good faith with her godmother, and guilt lay heavy on her heart.

With a sigh she fit her key in the lock, picked up the flowers and walked inside. She returned for the car seat and the diaper bag, shut the door and secured all three locks. Zeke hadn’t needed three locks, she thought. He blended with his environment instead of erecting barriers against it. While she’d been with him she’d felt that sense of unity soothe her soul. The constant sadness of losing her parents had eased, and the world had seemed more balanced.

She tucked Amanda into her crib. The baby had her own pink-and-white bedroom, one that Katherine had been proud of until now. But she couldn’t help thinking how lost the little girl looked in such a big bed with so much furniture around. She’d seemed cozier in the copper kettle bassinet Zeke had created for her.

And when Katherine left the room, the separation of walls between her and her baby felt wrong. Her apartment seemed to have far too many rooms, in fact, and the noise from the street bothered her for the first time in the years she’d lived there.

Maybe she’d buy some nature music, she thought. Something with wolves howling in the background. She clutched her stomach as a wave of anguish passed through her. Zeke.

* * *

Z
EKE
HOBBLED
OVER
to the pile of wood by the fireplace and picked up another log, a log that Katherine had brought in.

After tossing it on the fire, he sat down in the rocker and picked up his beer. He still had the empty bottle from when she’d had a beer during their first lunch together. And their second lunch... He sighed and leaned his head against the back of the rocker. He’d had a total of three nights with Katherine, counting last summer. Three nights of memories to last him a lifetime.

He was probably an ungrateful son of a bitch to want more than that. He wasn’t the right man for her, and he should count himself lucky that she’d been willing to love him for a little while. And she’d given him a gift. For a solitary, gruff man like him to have a sweet little daughter like Amanda was nothing short of a miracle.

Time to let Katherine go. Time to face the fact that he was who he was, and no woman would want to shut herself away in the woods with a guy like him, least of all a sophisticated lady like Katherine. She’d hooked the brass ring when she’d been born the goddaughter of Naomi Rutledge, and no way would he ever drag her down.

He wondered if she was home by now. It frustrated him that he couldn’t imagine her there because he’d never seen her apartment. He didn’t know where Amanda would sleep, where Katherine would sleep. He didn’t know what pictures she had on the walls or what her furniture looked like. That seemed important, somehow.

Maybe one day he’d see her apartment...or maybe not. They might decide it was safer if they met in neutral territory. He’d have to be very careful not to do anything that would cause her to leave her New York job just because of their strong need for each other, which meant never, ever being alone with her again.

Naomi would not be happy when and if Katherine announced she was pregnant again. Zeke wished he could be there to give Katherine support when she made that revelation. But he’d probably only add to her stress. For the thousandth time since she’d left that morning, he worried about whether he’d done the right thing by making love to her with no protection. And whether at this very moment, their child was growing within her.

* * *

A
S
WOLVES
HOWLED
in Katherine’s apartment, Amanda smiled and gurgled in delight.

“Like that, don’t you, Mandy?” Katherine said as she finished changing the baby’s diaper. The nature CD was Amanda’s favorite, and Katherine had gotten into the habit of playing it every night when she and Amanda came home from
Cachet.
It soothed them both.

And it brought Zeke closer.

Katherine carried Amanda to the rocker in her living room and nursed her while the sounds of rushing water and the cry of a hawk brought back memories of the wilderness and the man she’d left behind. She’d traveled to Wyoming twice, and each time she’d learned more about herself, gained more confidence in her ability to handle any situation.

The rugged Wyoming countryside, she realized, made her strong in ways that the city could not. To be a whole person she needed that connection with nature that had been fostered when she was a child, and although she’d probably never become a wilderness guide as she’d once fantasized, she wasn’t happy living in a high-rise in Manhattan, either.

She still wasn’t sure how to reconcile this latest self-knowledge with her obligation to Naomi, but she would reconcile it somehow. So much depended on whether she was pregnant again. She prayed that she was. Far from dreading the prospect of telling Naomi that news, she welcomed it as a way to start revealing her true self to her godmother.

Katherine smiled. She was definitely a braver woman these days. She had Wyoming and Zeke to thank for that, but she also owed a debt of gratitude to Sadie. Without the bear’s late-night visit, Katherine might never have discovered the courage to face her worst nightmare.

She longed to confide all this to Zeke, but he hadn’t contacted her, and she didn’t think she should call him until she knew definitely about the pregnancy. She missed him painfully and constantly, but she worried that excessive contact with her might make their separation worse. She’d disrupted his life enough as it was, and now he needed to return to the comfort of his normal routine. She’d no doubt be doing him a favor if she exercised some restraint.

* * *

A
S
HE
DID
MOST
nights, Zeke walked out to the front porch and settled into a chair. He wasn’t limping much these days, but he almost hated to have his ankle heal because the injury kept him connected to those two incredible days with Katherine. He hadn’t been able to make himself wash the clothes that she’d borrowed even though her scent was very faint now. Somehow they’d become “Katherine’s clothes,” and he didn’t want them disturbed.

He’d never been on a sea voyage, but he felt like the survivor of a shipwreck. Night after night he sat on his porch, searching for the peace that he’d always been able to find there, but it was gone. Everything reminded him of her—the empty Adirondack chair, the soulful howl of the wolves, the grazing deer, the hoot of an owl.

Then there was the ache that wouldn’t leave, the hollow place inside that called out for his daughter. Two damned days he’d had, and she was imprinted like a brand. Once he’d accepted her presence in his life, he’d learned to hate the two months of growing he’d missed before he knew she was alive. Now that he’d come to know her smiles, her babbling and even her cries, he resented every hour that went by because it was another hour that Mandy was growing. And he wasn’t there to see it.

He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t interfere in Katherine’s life, but he hadn’t had a clue what he’d been promising. He hadn’t known that she and Mandy had become as essential to him as breathing. He hadn’t known that as the days stretched out before him with no prospect of seeing Katherine or Mandy, a part of him would slowly die.

* * *

K
ATHERINE
WHIRLED
A
MANDA
up in her arms and danced around the living room. “I’m pregnant! I’m pregnant,” she sang. “You’re going to have a baby sister, or a baby brother, you lucky little kid!”

Amanda grinned back at her. Now that she’d passed three months, nobody doubted that her smiles were really smiles, and she even had a start on honest-to-goodness laughter.

“Time to call Daddy!” Katherine planned to honor her promise. Zeke would be the first to know that the home pregnancy test was positive. Well, not counting Amanda, who wouldn’t tell on her. She glanced at the clock. It would be very early in the morning in Wyoming.

As she allowed herself to think about Zeke, her jubilation faded a little. She’d had no communication from him, none at all. She hoped his reasons for not getting in touch were the same as hers. She’d tried many times to send a letter herself, but in the end she hadn’t been able to figure out what to say. The emotions between them had been so intense that a letter seemed incredibly inadequate.

Even the phone call she was about to make seemed like the wrong way to tell him the news. She wanted to be able to see his face, see the light come into his eyes.

God, how she missed him. He was on her mind before she went to sleep at night and immediately after she awoke in the morning. He filled her dreams, and even her daydreams. She’d had some close calls at work when she’d been distracted by thoughts of Zeke and had nearly missed an important part of a meeting.

She kept hoping that the excitement of the job would kick in again and the time she’d spent with Zeke would fade somewhat in her memory. Instead, the job didn’t seem able to hold her interest as it once had, and she found herself constantly reliving her days in Wyoming and wanting to be there.

She wondered if Sadie had come back and if the Adirondack chairs were still in one piece. She wondered if Zeke had rebuilt the bridge, and if Elmer the moose had come calling. Sometimes she tried to pretend the sirens on the streets were wolves howling, but the sound wasn’t really the same. So she’d bought some more nature music and played it over and over, even if sometimes it made her cry.

She sat on the couch and gazed into Amanda’s eyes. The older the baby was, the more certain it became that her eyes would be hazel, like Katherine’s. Maybe this new baby would have Zeke’s dark eyes. Katherine wondered if the dimple in Amanda’s chin inherited from Zeke’s mother would show up again in her baby brother or sister.

“I can’t tell your daddy something this important over the phone, Mandy,” she said at last. “And I promised he’d be the first to know, so I guess we’ll keep this between us until I figure out what I’m going to do about that.”

She tried to picture asking Naomi if she could take another trip to Wyoming without telling her why. It wouldn’t wash. Naomi was already very curious about exactly what had taken place that weekend, because Katherine hadn’t given out very many details. Naomi probably suspected that a flame still burned in Katherine’s heart for Zeke, and an unexplained trip to Wyoming would confirm her suspicions.

Worse than that, it wasn’t a good time to be jetting around the country. Naomi was turning over more of the magazine’s responsibilities every day, and Katherine didn’t have a lot of free time aside from the hours she spent taking care of Amanda. She even worked weekends, although that was supposed to be temporary until the changeover was complete.

Now that the rest of the staff understood Naomi’s plan, Katherine had to be careful that she appeared responsible enough to take command. Running off to Wyoming when so many projects needed her attention wasn’t going to inspire confidence in her coworkers. Announcing the pregnancy would be shock enough to everyone’s system, especially considering how the last pregnancy took her out of the action.

Katherine looked down at the baby in her lap. Amanda had mirrored her mother’s changed mood, and her chubby face wore a solemn expression, as if she carried the weight of the world on her baby shoulders.

“We’ll figure this out, Mandy,” Katherine said. “Don’t worry. We managed with that bear. We will definitely figure this out. Just give me some time.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Z
EKE
TRUSTED
K
ATHERINE
. He believed she would keep her promise. Yet she’d been gone six weeks and she should have called him by now to let him know if she was pregnant. Home pregnancy tests were all the rage these days, and he figured she’d use one the minute she missed her period. They hadn’t established that she’d call him if she
wasn’t
pregnant, but somehow he thought that she should, as a courtesy.

Hell, he just wanted to hear from her. The loneliness was excruciating. He’d been a loner all his life, but he’d never felt as if he existed in a vacuum before. He was so desperate to relieve his agony that he’d considered selling the cabin and building another somewhere else, somewhere that wouldn’t remind him of Katherine every time he turned around.

But he couldn’t do that until he heard from her, one way or the other, about the baby. Sure, she could contact him at work, but he thought she might try the cabin first. He couldn’t always be there because of work, but whenever possible he hung around the place, hoping that she’d call. Of course, that meant he was faced with memories of her and the baby constantly.

When the waiting and wondering and remembering threatened to drive him crazy, he decided there was only one thing to do.

* * *

W
ALKING
ALONG
F
IFTH
A
VENUE
took Zeke’s breath away. He kept looking up at the buildings towering above him, which meant he was constantly bumping into people hurrying down the sidewalk. So many people, all of them in a rush. He’d nearly been run over twice by taxis.

“Hey, cowboy, watch where you’re going,” muttered a guy Zeke knocked with his elbow.

“Sorry.” Zeke tipped his hat. He’d decided against the flannel shirts he usually wore when he was out of uniform. For this trip to the big city he’d put on a western shirt and his best jeans. At the last minute he’d added the Stetson that Shane Daniels had bought him for the bachelor auction. He could use a dose of luck. There was a nip in the air on this October morning, but he’d left his jacket in the hotel room because he thought it was too scruffy to wear to the
Cachet
office.

He’d called, and without identifying himself had asked a receptionist to direct him to the place. Now he finally stood in front of the building, heart pounding. Somewhere in that tall gray mass of stone Katherine was working. She’d have Amanda with her. Zeke was so eager to see his baby he could almost taste it, but
eager
didn’t begin to describe how he felt about meeting Katherine again. His breath hitched and his palms grew sweaty.

Well, he’d come this far. Pulling the brim of his hat low over his eyes, he pushed through the revolving doors and walked into the building. The heels of his boots clicked on the marble floor as he crossed to the bank of elevators. He consulted the directory.
Cachet
took up three floors—the top three.

An elevator opened in front of him and several people got off. Others waiting with him got on and turned to stare at Zeke as he stood there and debated whether to go through with this, after all. The elevator doors closed.

He was out of his element here, a stranger in this land of skyscrapers and crowds of people. This was Katherine’s territory. She probably wasn’t pregnant, and so she’d decided they shouldn’t communicate again until Amanda was old enough to visit him by herself. She wouldn’t welcome his intrusion into her busy workday.

But the fact that she was so close drove him crazy. A ride up the elevator and he’d be able to see her again, talk with her, even if only for a few minutes. And he was damned sure going to see Amanda. To leave without quenching his soul’s thirst for a glimpse of his child would probably kill him. If Katherine became upset with him for showing up like this, he could take it. After all, she’d been upset with him before. He’d endure her anger for a chance to see his daughter.

He punched the elevator button.

Moments later he stood in the reception area. He looked around with a sense of doom. Everything from the glass-and-brass receptionist’s desk to the white upholstered chairs lining the wall spoke of money and sophistication. He’d known his world and Katherine’s were very different, but he hadn’t realized just how different.

But by God, he’d get what he came for. By the time he left this slick world of hers he’d see how Mandy had grown and he’d know whether he’d made Katherine pregnant that night or not. If he had, she might even be regretting it by now. Ice surrounded his heart at the thought that she might have changed her mind about the baby, might have...no. She wouldn’t do that. He believed in her more than that. He had to.

“May I help you?” The receptionist, a well-manicured brunette wearing a telephone headset, looked friendly enough.

“I’d like to see Katherine Seymour.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No, but...I think she’ll see me.”

The receptionist gave him a long look. “And your name?”

“Zeke Lonetree.”

“If you’d like to have a seat, I’ll buzz her office, Mr. Lonetree.”

“Thanks. I’ll stand.” He couldn’t sit still if someone paid him to do it, he thought.

The receptionist punched a number into her phone. “Ms. Seymour? Oh, yes, Ms. Rutledge. I didn’t expect to find you there. I see. Well, I have someone here who wants to see Ms. Seymour. His name is Zeke Lonetree.” The receptionist fiddled with a gold pen while she listened. “All right. I’ll do that. Thank you, Ms. Rutledge.”

The receptionist cut the connection and glanced up at Zeke. “Ms. Seymour is in a meeting, but Ms. Rutledge will see you. She’s in Ms. Seymour’s office watching Amanda.” She smiled, and her professional mask slipped a little. “That’s Ms. Seymour’s baby.”

“I know.” Zeke just bet Naomi would see him. She’d probably tell him to get the hell out of town. But Naomi didn’t have that kind of power over him, despite her money and her connections. He’d stay until he saw Katherine, but in the meantime, he could get a look at his sweet baby girl.

The receptionist now gazed at him with frank curiosity, as if she had begun to put two and two together. “Do you know how to get up to Ms. Seymour’s office?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Just go down that hall and take the elevator all the way to the top. Her office is the door on the left. Her name is on it.”

“Thank you.” Zeke walked down a hall carpeted in a black-and-white pattern he thought was called herringbone. The walls were lined with framed
Cachet
covers. The place was a maze, he thought as he rode the elevator to the building’s top floor. And standing guard to make sure he didn’t penetrate it and find Katherine was Naomi Rutledge. Well, he’d open every door in the place, if necessary.

Once he stepped off the elevator he saw Katherine’s office door immediately. It was partially open. A similar door with Naomi’s nameplate on it was right across the hall. Cozy.

He tapped on Katherine’s door.

“Come in, Zeke.”

He opened the door and stepped into one of the most elegant offices he’d ever seen, but then, he didn’t spend much time in elegant offices. A wall of windows looked out on Fifth Avenue, and when he stepped through the door, his boot heels sank into thick cream-colored carpeting. Naomi sat behind a delicately carved cherry desk, but he didn’t waste much time looking at her. His glance went immediately to a small crib in the corner of the office where Amanda lay fast asleep. Next to the crib were a rocking chair and a changing table.

He crossed the room to gaze down at Amanda. He couldn’t believe how much bigger she seemed and how much more hair she had. His throat tightened as he watched her sleep, his beautiful daughter, growing so fast. And he’d missed all those days. He wondered if she still loved to play when she took her bath, if she’d learned how to roll over and when she’d get her first tooth.

“Hello, Zeke.”

He’d forgotten anyone else was in the room. With an effort he returned his attention to Naomi. “Hello, Naomi.” She was about as he’d expected, polished and attractive in her black suit. Although she might be in her sixties, she carried her age well. Not a silver hair was out of place and her skin was in excellent condition.

“I wondered if you’d show up,” she said.

“And why is that?”

She motioned to a chair in front of the desk. “You can sit down, you know.”

“Thanks, but I’m just here to see Katherine for a minute.” He didn’t want to leave his position by the crib, just in case Mandy woke up.

Naomi’s eyebrows lifted. “You came all the way from Wyoming to see her for a minute?”

“I—there’s something we need to discuss.” Amanda stirred and he turned back to the crib. If only she would wake up, then he could hold her.

“Try not to wake her up,” Naomi said. “Katherine managed to feed her and get her to sleep before the meeting, which is a small miracle that doesn’t always happen.”

“I won’t wake her.” He was bothered by Naomi’s attitude, as if he couldn’t be trusted around Amanda. He was the father of this kid, and if he accidentally woke her up, he knew what to do about it.

“Katherine tells me you want visitation rights,” Naomi said.

“Yes.” He gazed down at the sleeping child. She was so perfect. Still. The tiny dimple in her chin made her even more perfect. He thought of it as the Lonetree stamp. She made a little sucking noise in her sleep, and the sound took him back to those magic moments in the cabin when he’d watched Katherine nurse her.

“Of course, she wouldn’t be able to come out and stay with you for quite a while yet,” Naomi said.

“Not until she’s weaned,” Zeke said. He wasn’t sure how long that was, but he hoped not too long.

“Oh, I’d think you’d want to wait much longer than that. I’d say when she’s four or five, then she might be ready.”

Zeke turned to face Naomi as a slow-burning rage seared his gut. “I have no intention of waiting four or five years to spend time with my daughter.”

Naomi regarded him quietly for several long seconds. “I see. It seems you became quite attached to her while the three of you were trapped in that little cabin.”

Zeke glanced around Katherine’s office. “You know, traps come in all shapes and sizes.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I—” Whatever he’d been about to say disappeared from his mind as Katherine walked in the door.

“Zeke!” Her face lit up with surprise and delight, but she quickly doused the light of those emotions and glanced nervously over at Naomi. “I wasn’t expecting you,” she said with more composure.

He held on to her first reaction and ignored her second. She looked great, charcoal business suit and all. “I know this is a surprise. I thought about telling you I was coming, but then I just...came.”

“It’s good to see you.” Her eyes held a special glow as she gazed at him.

He lifted his eyebrows, silently asking the question. When she smiled back, he knew. Pleasure washed over him in a wave and he started grinning like a kid with a ticket to a major-league baseball game. Hot damn. Another baby.

“Zeke said he had something to discuss with you, so I should probably leave you two alone.” Naomi stood and rounded the desk.

Zeke glanced at her. Once again he’d forgotten she even existed. Good thing he hadn’t followed his impulse to swing Katherine up in his arms and twirl her around the room. Of course he wasn’t supposed to be doing stuff like that anyway. They were officially off-limits to each other now. He’d said he wanted it that way, as a matter of fact.

“Oh!” Katherine seemed similarly surprised to find Naomi still in the room. “Well, maybe that would be best.”

Naomi held out her hand to Zeke. “I’m glad I finally had a chance to meet you.”

He took her hand. He’d never held one with so many rings on it. “Thank you again for your contribution to the ranch. I stopped by there not long ago and construction’s started on the new bunkhouses for the boys. You made that possible.”

“Actually I think you made that possible. I hope you enjoy your stay in New York.”

“I’m leaving this afternoon.”

“Really? What a shame. It’s a great city.” She withdrew her hand and turned to Katherine. “May I see you when you’re finished here? There’s a detail that’s been nagging at me concerning the layout we approved yesterday.”

“Certainly. Thank you for watching Amanda.”

“As always, it was my pleasure. She’s the light of my life.” She left with the graceful air of a queen taking leave of her subjects.

Zeke waited until she’d walked across the hall and into her own office before he turned back to Katherine. “When did you find out?”

“A week ago.”

His gut tightened.

“Don’t look like that. I had my hand on the phone to call you, and then it seemed so impersonal.”

“Damn it, Katherine, I’ve been practically living by the phone!”

Katherine glanced across the hall, where Naomi’s door remained open. She nudged hers shut. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes pleaded for understanding. “But I wanted to tell you in person. I tried to figure out a way to get out there, but I couldn’t see how I could leave again, so I mailed you a plane ticket yesterday. Believe it or not, I talked your boss into telling me when you’d have a few days off.”

“I switched those days so I could come now. I couldn’t stand it another minute.”

She clasped her hands in front of her. “I’m really sorry. I’ll be glad to reimburse you for—”

“Not on your life.” He cleared his throat. “You look terrific.”

Self-consciously she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks.” She blushed. “You, too. I’ve never seen you so...”

“Clean?”

She laughed, but her laughter had a nervous edge to it. “Don’t you think Amanda’s grown a lot?”

He couldn’t seem to stop looking at the color of her eyes, the texture of her hair, the shape of her lips. “I can’t believe how she’s grown. She’s going to be a big girl.”

Katherine nodded. “Tall. Like you.”

“And you. Both of them will probably be tall.” Excitement churned within him and he couldn’t help looking down at her stomach. “And you’re absolutely sure?”