Baby Stetson (Love and Music in Texas #1) (30 page)

The first one was from Mom and Dad. “Just checking in to see how your trip is going. We love you! Everything is good here. Call us soon!”

Then from Laura. “How’s it going? Are you getting your sex on with hot and hunky while having fun? Miss ya!”

Jameson. “I hope we didn’t lose you to the bright lights of Hollywood. Isn’t that where you’re close to? I hope you’re finding what you need. Miss you, Baby Stetson. We all do.”

Avery almost wanted to go home now. Could she go through another disappointment of high hopes being shattered? She sure as hell didn’t want to go back to that house. She still had her curiosity, but after everything last night, her feelings changed. She thought back to the events in disgust, hating how she handled things. Avery must have looked like an idiot. The only consolation had been Lucas. He’d been right by her side, ready to comfort and ease her mind with his presence. His touch, his voice, everything.

For some reason, Avery thought she’d heard something last night that he’d said. It had to have been a dream. Avery vaguely recalled him whisper something in her ear. He loved her? No. It was a dream. Lucas wouldn’t have said that. Could he really love her?

Just wishful thinking. Avery shook it off without another thought. Instead, she took her pad from her purse to finish the lyrics she’d started writing during the sunset yesterday. She had a few more in mind. Somehow, Avery had to find a way to release the tension.

Avery sat with her legs folded on the chair, writing furiously, occasionally humming out a melody. Then a sound at the door startled her. Was it Lucas? Sure enough, when the door opened, Lucas strolled in. He was pale and he looked as if he hadn’t slept very well last night. Had he ever climbed into bed next to her? When he noticed her on the chair, he looked relieved. Lucas flew to her side and knelt beside her.

“You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Still processing, I guess,” Avery mumbled, putting the pen and pad aside. Lucas pulled her into his arms. “Where did you go?” She slipped her arms around his neck. Avery had come to love being in his embrace.

“Went for a run.” Lucas’s breathing against her ear tickled. He sounded like he had a lot on his mind. “I thought you would have slept a little longer.”

“I think I slept quite a bit. I’m sorry I cried myself to sleep on you last night. I- I don’t know what to say.”

“Avery, you have nothing to apologize for. You were upset, and that was a natural reaction. I just wish I could have done something more for you.” Lucas touched her cheek gently. His warm fingers on her skin tingled, a reaction she had every time Lucas’s hands were on her.

“You’ve been wonderful, Lucas. I appreciate everything. You have done so much,” Avery whispered, overcome with emotion once again. This time, she didn’t cry. She smiled and kissed his lips. When he didn’t kiss her with the same passion, Avery pulled back. “Lucas?”

Something was wrong. But what?

Lucas took her hands in his, watching her with such a serious look. He swallowed, like he had something to say and didn’t know where to start. Avery’s stomach clenched.

“Avery.” His voice was strangled, wrapped in agony. Lucas looked down, and when he met her gaze again, his eyes were clouded. “I- I have so much to say.”

“What’s going on, Lucas? You look so terrified all of a sudden.”

Lucas nodded. “Terrified? You could say that. I’m terrified of opening myself to you, showing you all of the horrible things that have made up the last fifteen years or so of my life and then losing you. I love you, Avery. I’ve known you just a few weeks, but damn it, I know what my heart is telling me. I love you. Believe me when I say I have never, ever spoken those words like this, so I know what I’m feeling is real. There is so much about me you need to know, and you’re probably going to hate me.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Avery said, processing what Lucas just told her.

He loved her! He loved her?

Lucas sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Start at the beginning,” Avery prodded. Whatever Lucas had to say, it sure weighed heavy on his heart and mind. If Avery weren’t so worried about what he had to say, she would kiss that fearful frown away. But this wasn’t the time or place for that. Right now, she just needed to listen. What could be so bad that Lucas would fear losing her? Avery had never seen him so riled up like this. He was visibly shaken and upset.

“Okay. The beginning. Do you remember that night I told you about some of my past? How I grew up?”

Avery nodded. She recalled that night very well. The first time she’d learned a part of Lucas’s history. When she had practically thrown herself at him and he’d pushed her away. He’d opened himself to her then.

“I told you about a friend from the street.”

“Yes, I remember.” Where was he going with this? What did it have to do with why he thought she would hate him?

“He’s dead.” His voice broke.

Avery’s heart ached for his loss. “Lucas, I’m so sorry.” Avery tried to console him, but he put a stop to that.

“Please. Let me finish. There’s a lot to say, and this is hard.” Lucas didn’t meet her gaze. Avery dropped her hands to her lap and nodded. “I was the one who shot him.”

Avery gasped. “But, it was an accident, right? You didn’t know it was him, you were protecting yourself and the home you lived in-”

“Well yes, but I let it all get swept under a rug. Not just for my sake, either, Avery. I would have taken responsibility. I
should
have manned up and taken responsibility. Instead, I cowered. And that’s why I hid feelings within for so long. I felt nothing. Nothing! Until you. All I’d become was an angry man on a leash, following my ‘family’ around so that I could make things easy for them. I dealt with it. They paid me. I was provided for, at least in the sense that I had somewhere to go instead of fending for myself on the street. What else did I need? I never realized how far I’d fallen, how my life was in shambles until I met you. Then I realized all the things I wanted in life.”

“So, make amends. Get that life, Lucas. You don’t have to hide yourself anymore.”
I’ll help you.

“Those people I stayed with, Avery? It’s your birth mother.” Lucas finally met her stare.

Avery’s heart sank.

No.

Her birth mother.

That meant-

Lucas knew her well. He said he didn’t know her that well.

No!

He’d told her so much, yet so little.

Damn him.
Damn Lucas Bennett!

“You told me that you hardly knew her. You lied to me!” Avery blanched. “Why did you lie to me, Lucas?”

“I know. I’m a moron. I should have- should have just told you then.”

“You think?” Avery snapped, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but here. Bile rose in her throat. “You’ve been living with her? And these messes you keep saying you clean up ... what the hell does that mean? What does that make me?” He claimed to love her? What a crock of shit! Unbelievable. To think that her feelings for him could ever be anything more than just a wistful feeling.

No way! Avery couldn’t trust Lucas. He’d been there to sweep her under the rug, too!

How could he say he loved her? How?

“It makes you a complication,” Lucas admitted. “When I came to Harmony’s Echo, I was there to see what happens with your father. To see if he’d honor your birth mother’s request to be anonymous. Why do you think I tried to stay away from you? My reaction to you, my feelings, that was never supposed to happen. How was I ever to know that I’d fall in love with you? You’re more than just a job, a mission, Avery. So much more. And I know I’ve gone and fucked that up by not being honest from the start. You have to understand-”

“I don’t have to understand anything except that you’re a liar and untrustworthy!” Avery shot to her feet. She’d surprised Lucas with that, and he almost lost his balance from where he’d knelt. Lucas jumped up and made an attempt to reach for her.

Oh, but wasn’t this so familiar? Avery couldn’t live a life like this. Bombshell after bombshell. Lies? No. A life with Lucas wasn’t going to happen. “You jumped into the middle of things that were never your business. What, you thought because you’re name was cleared that you owe my birth mother? So you live under her roof, her rules and get what you want?” Avery went off. She knew she made no sense, throwing out accusations when she had no idea what really mattered.

Lucas paled. She’d hit him right where it counted with her words.

“Avery, no.” Hurt flashed in his eyes. “I didn’t get what I wanted. Sure, I had a place to live, but it wasn’t a home. What you felt last night- I understand that. It was better than the streets at first, but there’s no love in that house. I stayed there after the accident with Sam because I thought I owed her. I was wrong. So damn wrong! I was afraid if I left, she would take back the care she was paying for Sam to get better. I hid. Every time I helped your mom and her ‘family’, I was paid, very nicely, but it should have stopped a long time ago. When I met you, started feeling for you, I begged her to leave me alone. No. She held it over my head that I owed her. I told her after this, I was done. I convinced her to meet you. I didn’t know she had a daughter that she’d left behind until she told me your father planned on making contact with you. I regret my past, I regret things I’ve done, but I don’t regret it leading me to you.” He was pleading with her. That look on his face...

Lucas couldn’t be trusted. Avery should have gone with her first instinct. Not let her heart get in the way. Lucas was a man of secrets. She’d known that from the start. She just had no idea the extent of those secrets until now.

“What are these messes, besides me, that you cleaned up for her? Huh, Lucas? What kind of trouble are you in?”

Lucas shook his head. “Most of them were small things. Your mom has a habit of acting out without thinking, and someone gets hurt. I’m usually the one to smooth things over.”

Vague. Too vague.

That answered nothing!

“So you were sent to distract me from finding out about her or something?” Avery crossed her arms over her chest. It was cold in here all of a sudden. Icy, invisible fingers encased her body, her feelings. What next? Lucas was the only ally she had here. She didn’t know what he was any longer. He’d lied. He knew all along who she was, who her mother was, and flat out told her he didn’t know her personally. Now it came to light that the woman that gave Avery away so easily took Lucas in? Covered his ass, his mistakes and used it for personal gain? It was sick. All of it. Disgusted, Avery made her best attempt to hold in her tears that threatened to fall. No. She would not cry over her birth mother any longer. She sure as hell wouldn’t cry over Lucas Bennett. No. That had to stop right now.

“No, Avery. All I was supposed to do was make sure Rodney didn’t rat her out. That’s it. I know it doesn’t help. I know-” His voice broke. He stood, reaching out for her but Avery moved out of his reach.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t get near me,” Avery snapped. Lucas’s eyes widened, his lips parted like he had something more to say. His hands dropped and he cast his eyes downward.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You’ll never know how much. If there’s anything I can do-”

“Anything you can do? Haven’t you done enough? You toyed with me, Lucas. How am I supposed to know or believe your feelings are real? My birth mother didn’t have it in her to be honest, so she sent you? And again, you never told me any of this! I agonized about all of it, and you knew. Go back and tell her I don’t care. Whoever she is, I hope she lives her life knowing that I am better off without her.” Avery grabbed her purse. She needed to get out here. Even if it were just a walk around this place. She couldn’t sit in this room with Lucas anymore. “I’m sorry for your loss, Lucas. It’s not easy to lose someone you care about. I wish it hadn’t taken this happening for you to be honest with yourself, or to me for that matter.” She wrapped her hand around the doorknob, poised to go. She hesitated for a mere second. Lucas took that opportunity to try once more.

“Avery. Don’t go. Stay. Yell at me, slap me, I don’t care. Please don’t walk out on me.” His voice was strangled.

Avery shut off the part of her that cared.

“I’m sorry, Lucas. I need to get out of here for awhile. I need time to think.”

With nothing more to say, Avery yanked open the door and stalked out of the room, not giving Lucas another glance.

*****

Lucas wanted so badly to run after Avery. Maybe it was best he let her go blow off some steam. She would come back, maybe ready to talk. The worst was over, right? He’d said what he needed to. He’d expected Avery to get angry. Hell, he was angry with himself. Lucas hated himself for his past. Sam’s death left an open wound and he’d exposed himself to Avery. Two hits in just a span of hours. A large void filled him with sadness. Lucas shuffled outside to the balcony and stared blankly at the world below. The blazing afternoon sun graced the pool and waves of light reflected up into some of the windows.

“I’m so sorry, Sam. I fucked up and it never got any better,” Lucas muttered to the sky, as if Sam was there watching and could hear him. “I should have come to see you. I should have begged for your forgiveness. I shouldn’t have gone down this road. Wow, am I the worst friend ever. Rest in peace.” Lucas sank to the ground, head in his hands.

What am I doing? Hiding again? No, stop this! Get off your dumb ass and change things around this time.

Lucas drew a shaky breath. His phone rang.

Avery’s birth mother. He snapped open the phone.

“What do you want?”

“Lucas? Are you all right?”

Lucas moved back inside, not wanting to cause a commotion and have everyone stare up at him. He fumed. “Of course I’m not all right. I’ve lost a friend, and I’ve lost Avery. What more do you want from me?”

“Does she know who I am?”

Lucas blanched. “You know what? It’s not always about you. I told her that I knew you, that I’ve been staying with you and taking care of your shit. That was enough for her. She took off, so upset. She fucking hates me.”