Baby Stetson (Love and Music in Texas #1) (20 page)

Why did he care so much? Why did it have to be the one time that he started to feel again, it was for a woman that complicated things? Ah, but life was so cruel, of course there were no answers to these things. He should have never gotten so involved, so invested. Avery wanted a life filled with traveling, because that’s what a singer did. Lucas needed to stay in one place, find some roots and actually plant them. Alone, or not alone. What mattered was that those things needed to happen. No more life as a shadow. No, he was ready to find his own way. How could he have lived, but yet not lived, for all of his adult life?

“You can stay,” Avery whispered. She looked so stricken and sad, her eyes filled with confusion and a sadness Lucas had never seen. She huddled by the arm of the swing, rocking back and forth, occasionally darting her gaze to look at him. All Lucas wanted to do was gather her in his arms, hold her and make her problems fade into the background.

For what seemed like ages, they sat in silence again. The swing squeaked while the rocking motion put Lucas in a daze. This was nice. Just sitting back and enjoying a breeze, not having to do anything. Lucas flexed his wrists and when he moved his right one to rest on the seat, he found Avery’s hand there. Sparks of awareness flowed through him like hot lava. When his hand lingered over hers, he expected her to snatch it away, but was surprised when she didn’t. Lucas took that as a sign. He entwined his fingers with hers and shifted his body so he could face her.

“Avery, I want you to know that I like you. A lot. When I came here, I never expected things to progress like they did, and I’m not sorry for anything except for not coming to you with the truth earlier. I wish I could make you understand.” Lucas rushed the words. He squeezed her hand, loving the way her fingers fit so perfectly with his own.

When had he started thinking like that? Geez. His mind was all over the place when it came to Avery Callimer. Lucas had to admit he kind of liked it, though it terrified him at the same time. What was this effect Avery had on him? He could never give her the life she so desired.

Okay, what the fuck? It’s not like she’s even asked for anything from you, other than the truth, so why in the world would you even think like that?

Yep. There, once again, went those strange feelings. He needed to think straight. Not like that happened anytime he was in close range of this tantalizing woman.

He’d never connected with anyone the way he had with Avery.

“I’ll be honest, I’m mad as hell,” Avery replied, grazing those eyes over his face one more. “I’ve had too many strangers come in here lately and it’s scary, cool and possibly heartbreaking at the same time. I trusted you Lucas, and you let me down, but you owe me nothing, really. We did the things we did last night knowing that. It’s not like there’s a long term for us, so we’ll just call it crazy feelings and move on. What’s keeping you here anymore?”

Her words stung. They shouldn’t sting. They shouldn’t make his heart sink. That would mean he had hope in the first place, which he didn’t realize he had.

What was keeping him here? He’d said he was done. He could go.

But those words about keeping her safe echoed in the back of his mind, and something told him this is where he should be.

“You, Avery.” Lucas lifted her hand to his lips, just like the first night they met. When they grazed her skin, he flicked his gaze to read her expression. No struggle, no moving her hand away from him, she just watched him with her mouth slightly open, like she had something to say. “I can’t seem to stay away from you.”

*****

Lucas said all the right things. Avery didn’t trust herself around him. Hell, right now, she didn’t trust him. Did that stop her from longing for his comfort? She wanted to feel those strong arms around her again like she had all last night, before things got sticky complicated. Before the encounters with Paula, and the hurtful things she said.

Avery needed to gain control over her thoughts. Find some perspective.

When it came to Lucas, control flew out the window, and perspective, well, there wasn’t much of that either. Not the way it should be. Turn around and run. Don’t let him into her mind. That’s what should happen.

Avery didn’t move, didn’t say a word. Lucas had her hand to his lips and all she could do was melt. Melt the ice around her confused heart. As she watched that sexy face, those dark, secretive eyes. The way they bored into her soul last night. The way that he looked when he’d given her pleasure and had been pleasured himself. The way that he took care of her, talked to her. He’d held her all night, touching her gently, keeping her close. And then reality happened. Lucas probably had so many secrets and things he hadn’t told her. Why should he? What would ever become of the two of them? She was just a person he had to watch? Protect? What? And at the same time, Avery wasn’t sure what would happen if Lucas wasn’t around. He had a helpful and kind way about him. He seemed to be there lately when life spiraled into one weird situation after another. Lucas Bennett was a damn contradiction.

He drove her crazy. Some of it good. Some of it, not so much.

Confusing! Ugh!

She’d known the man for just a little while, and somehow he managed to send her emotions into overdrive. Everywhere she turned, every time she moved, Lucas was right there.

Avery couldn’t keep him out of her head. No matter how hard she tried.

And yes, damn it, she had tried!

Maybe not very hard, but hard enough.

“Lucas...” Avery jumped when a lightning bolt cracked through the sky, followed by a long rumble of thunder.

Lucas laughed. The sound of his laughter made Avery smile and then laugh herself.

“I don’t know what to say to you Lucas. I don’t know what to do around you.”

“You could let me hold you, for starters.” The corners of his lips curved up in a grin.

Damn him again. That sexy smile, his easy responses. If she caved in, what next? Lucas was a drifter. Why get attached? Why keep allowing herself to want him, to need to be held, touched by him when she would only get hurt in the end?

When he looked at her the way he did right now though, how could she refuse?

“If I let you hold me, I-”
I lose control. I want you all over again. I abandon all of my senses and have so many dangerous thoughts when it comes to you.

“Talk to me, Avery.” Lucas prodded gently, pulling her to him. Avery gave in, resting her head against his chest. His arms closed around her, providing a cocoon. How is it she felt so good right then, when just before she couldn’t decide how she felt? He ran his hand up and down her back in soft, tender motions. Avery shuddered, and a snake of chills traveled down her spine.

“Avery, what you said awhile ago. You’re right. Why should you trust me? I’m a jerk, okay? I admit that. But you make me want to make everything right. Before you, if I lost someone’s trust, I wouldn’t care. People lose my trust all the time, and I’ve leaned not to trust in return. So I can’t expect you to. But you’re different. I care way too much what you think, what you feel.”

Avery stayed silent, letting the words sink in. He sounded sincere enough.

“Avery. Look at me for a minute,” Lucas pleaded.

She complied, staring up at his face. The emotion in his eyes made her heart beat faster.

“I can arrange for you to meet your biological mother.”

Avery gasped, pulling away from him. Her legs quaked. Was he serious, or pulling her leg just for another chance? From what Rodney said before, she didn’t want to meet Avery. And now, Lucas all of a sudden could make it happen?

“I guess she had a change of heart,” Lucas said. It’s like he read her mind, knew her questions.

“When?” Avery demanded.

“I don’t know when she did. I just found out tonight.”

“No, I mean when can this happen?”

“Hell, I could take you there tonight, but I have a feeling you’ll want to talk to your parents, the band, make arrangements.”

Avery nodded, trying to process this information. She could meet her mother. The woman that left her in the Stetson hat, right there on the stops of the inn that she now worked at. Avery had questions, she needed answers. This could be it. The closure she needed. To be able to meet her birth mother and father? This was too easy. So surreal.

“I’ll take you there. You just say the word.”

A trip with Lucas. To meet her birth mother. Wow!

Avery didn’t know what to say.

With Paula being here and having a jealous streak, spouting hurtful, hateful words, it would be nice to get out of Harmony’s Echo for awhile. The band didn’t have any huge shows coming up in the next couple of weeks. She’d miss practice, but no one would mind. Though Avery had protested, Mom and Dad gave her vacation time, though she’d never used it. It wouldn’t be so bad to take some of that time now.

She hated the idea of leaving Mom when she was so exhausted, but Avery would bet a week’s worth of dinner that Mom would be more than willing to give her that chance.

She had nothing holding her back except for herself.

She wouldn’t get this opportunity again. She had to take it. Get it over with. It couldn’t hurt.

Oh yes it could. She could be rejected. She could hear terrible things. She could-

“Avery. I see the smoke coming from your ears. What are you thinking?” Lucas’s deep voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Avery snapped out of it. “Sorry. I’m just trying to sort this out in my head.”

“I know it’s a lot to take in. For the longest time, she didn’t want this. Now, for reasons unknown, your mother is ready to meet you. You don’t have to do it, but would you be able to ignore any questions you may have?”

How did he know her so well?

“Okay,” Avery said slowly. “Okay, Lucas. I’ll need some time to talk to Mom and Dad, Rodney, and make sure my shifts are covered at the inn. If you can make this happen, then yes, I want to meet my birth mother.”

Last night, had it been a dream?

Avery opened her eyes the next morning in a daze. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and noted the time. Seven am. The sound of rain runoff falling from the gutters indicated that the storm was long lasting. Good. She loved the rain.

Avery recalled last night’s events. What a night! For that matter, what a day. The conversation with Lucas last night was what stuck out in her mind the most. Now today, Avery needed to talk to her parents. Even though Mom and Dad were supportive of pretty much anything Avery wanted, she worried about how the conversation would go.

She needed this. To travel. Get out of Texas. She had to learn to stop fearing and making excuses. A lot of it had to do with not wanting to leave her parents. Avery was afraid. There. She’d said it. Abandonment is how her life began, and Avery certainly didn’t want to deal with that again.

It just took a long time to admit it. But now that she had, even to herself, it meant that she could get on with it now. With the love of Mom and Dad, Avery could do anything. Anything! So why did she hide behind her dreams? She knew what she wanted, but had always held back. It was a conversation Jameson had brought up to her once, but never again after the way she’d reacted.

He was right, though.

Avery couldn’t hide behind her fears anymore. Everyone wanted better for her.

So why not take it?

With a renewed sense of strength, Avery jumped out of bed, showered quickly, and dressed even faster. She had things to do today, including making sure that Lucas could still make these arrangements.

Avery went downstairs to the sounds of pots and pans banging in the kitchen. When she rounded the corner to the kitchen, she expected to see Mom, maybe even Dad. Instead, she came face to face with a weary looking Paula. Dark circles set under her eyes, Paula didn’t look well. Wearing a long flannel nightgown, she stormed around the kitchen. When she turned and caught side of Avery, a scowl spread across her face.

“Good morning,” Avery said tentatively, unsure of what would set Paula off. Just the sight of Avery seemed to do the trick.

Paula grumbled something. Avery had no idea what she said.

“Where’s Mom? She didn’t go to the inn already, did she?” Avery hated the fact that when she said ‘mom’ in front of Paula, the woman shot her daggers. She also hated that she felt uncomfortable calling her Mom when that’s what she’d done her entire life. Paula didn’t want to share her parents with Avery. She’d made that clear.

“Actually, she did. She wanted to get out a little bit and walk. She got tired of being cooped up,” Paula said, with no emotion in her voice. She turned away, going back to her cooking.

“Okay. Thanks.” Avery was starving, but this morning she’d skip out on eating. Not here, anyway. She could just run back upstairs, grab her purse, and head for the inn.

“And that’s where you’re running to, I bet. Why don’t you get a real job? Come one, you’re how old, and still living here? Haven’t you been taken care of long enough? What’s holding you here?” Paula whirled around, spatula in hand, fire burning in her hazel eyes.

Avery stopped in her tracks, as she was just about to take the first step up. Balling her fists, she stomped back to the kitchen and leaned against the door jamb, matching Paula’s evil glare. “What is your problem with me, Paula? You’ve been spouting shit about me ever since you arrived. I haven’t done a thing to you, and you’re as nasty as can be.”

Paula snorted. “Oh please. You’re the little innocent good girl, living here, working at the inn, making Mom and Dad happy. It’s sick. You’re like a leech. Get on with your life, Avery. Move on. Let them be.” Paula shook the spatula, getting the egg that stuck to it all over the floor and even a little flew at Avery, landing on her shirt.

Avery fumed. Her entire body quaked to the point her muscles spasmed. “You’re immature, rude, and nasty. It’s not even necessary. You are full of venom and you let out your own frustrations on every one else. Take a look in the mirror, Paula. You’re what’s wrong, not me, not anyone else. Don’t spew your anger all over me, okay?” Five minutes later, Avery hauled herself out the door. If she spent another minute around Paula, Avery wouldn’t know what to do with herself!