Baby Love (22 page)

When Maggie went to clink her glass against his, her goblet beat a tinkling tattoo, a telltale sign of how badly she was shaking. Dismayed, she jerked away to stop the noise and slopped wine over the front of her gown. "Oh, dear!"

Rafe grabbed a napkin and began dabbing at the flannel, each rub of the linen over her breast making her nerves leap. She instinctively grabbed for his wrist, spill-214 CATHERINE ANDERSON

ing still more wine in the process. Scalding tears gathered behind her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm making a complete mess of this. I'm sorry. "

She had to stop this.
Now.
What if she blew this so badly that Rafe became disgusted and decided all deals were off? Until they consummated this marriage, he could get it annulled. He'd made it clear from the start that he expected them both to make this a real marriage in every way. She
needed
him. Without his protection, she'd have no way to keep her son and Heidi safe.

He grabbed another napkin to help her mop up. She decided to set aside her wine before she spilled the entire glass. She groped to find a clear spot on the tray. The instant she turned it loose, the goblet toppled and struck the wine bottle. Horrified, Maggie stared at the shattered remains.

"Oh, no! Susan's
crystal!"

"Don't worry about it. "

"Don't worry about it?" The very way he had said the name "Waterford" told her how special the crystal was. "I'm so sorry. I know how Susan must have treasured it. I didn't mean to break it. "

He spared a long glance at the shattered glass, then went back to wiping at her gown. "It's not that big a deal, honestly. "

"And I've ruined the food!"

"There's more where that came from. "

He suddenly froze, his gaze locked on the outline of her erect nipple thrusting so pointedly against the crimson-soaked cloth. For an awful moment, Maggie stared down at it as well. Then she clamped her hand over her breast to hide the evidence.

When she glanced back up, Rafe was gazing out the window, a muscle ticking along his jaw. There was no laughter or tender understanding in his eyes now. He looked furious enough to chew through nails.

He pushed to his feet so suddenly that it startled her.

"I didn't mean to ruin the celebration, " she hurried
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to explain. "It was all an accident. Honestly, it was. I'm sorry about the glass. "

He cursed under his breath and set his wine goblet back on the tray with a loud click. With his smoldering gaze riveted to her, Maggie's heart was already doing tumbles. Memories of Lonnie in a temper flashed through her mind. When Rafe made a sudden move with his hand, she instinctively flinched and threw up her arm.

He froze with his splayed fingers near his temple. When she realized he'd only meant to run his fingers through his hair, as he often did, she felt like a fool.

A pained expression crossed his dark face, and his lips drew back in a grimace. "I, um... I just remembered something I need to go do. "

With that, he turned and strode from the room. The door closed behind him with a loud bang. Maggie just sat there, staring at the panel of wood, feeling sick. She should write a book, she thought a little hysterically.
How to Get Rid of Your Bridegroom in Five Easy Steps.

Oh, God... oh, God. This wasn't funny. He was furious with her, and she couldn't blame him. He'd been so kind and patient with her. She had humiliated him during the ceremony. Now, to top it off, she'd broken his dead wife's Waterford and spoiled the little party he planned. Even the candles were splashed with wine.

They'd made a deal, and she had welshed on it. If he came back and told her to take her sister and baby and get out of his house, it would be no more than she deserved.

Rafe sank his boot into the hay, putting so much force behind the thrust that the bale slid across the feed-room floor. Pain shot to his knee. He swore and hobbled in a circle. "Son of a
bitch!"
Had he broken his toe? "God
damn!"
This would teach him not pitch temper tantrums, he thought as he gimped toward the bale where it had come

216 CATHERINE ANDERSON

to rest against the unfinished wall. He sank gratefully onto the hay, braced one elbow on his knee, and reached to massage the throbbing digit through the leather. When the ache finally abated, he swore again and covered his face with his hands.

I
just remembered something I need to go do.
Every time he recalled saying that to Maggie, he got a sick urge to laugh. Big problem. It was a little difficult to go outside and kick himself in the ass. But, oh, God, how he wanted to.
Stupid.
He'd pulled some good ones in his time, but this took the prize. Where in the hell had his head been the last few days?

She was scared to death, and he'd bulldozed her into marrying him, paying her barely a second's notice since bringing her here, except to force pills or water down her. A person could suffer far more ills than just the physical, and he'd completely ignored that fact, so bent on getting what
he
wanted that he hadn't given a good God damn about her feelings.

Well, it was done. All legal and binding. He felt as though he'd been running a race for days, with a man-eating monster nipping at his heels, only to be caught just as he staggered into the safety zone. That look in her eyes.
Jesus.
He had prepared the food tray and taken it to the bedroom, intent on pulling off the smoothest seduction in history. Getting her a little looped on the wine, then gently kissing her until she forgot to keep a death grip on that damned nightgown that covered every sweet inch of her. Oh, yeah.

Rafe Kendrick, the great lover, his chosen victim so terrified she couldn't hang onto a glass. But, oh, hey.

No problem. She had all the usual body parts. He could just tease and kiss his way past her reservations, until she quivered in the throes of orgasm. Home free.

He had been ashamed of himself a few times in his life, but never like this.
Just be careful that you don't
become a bastard yourself,
Ryan had warned him. If only he'd listened. Now, here-he sat, hating himself.

And

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Maggie still lay in that bed, undoubtedly trembling, waiting for him to come back and ravish her. If it hadn't been so awful, he might have laughed. He'd never forced himself on a woman in his life, and he sure as hell didn't plan to start now.

"Aren't you the picture of wedded bliss. Trouble in paradise already?"

Rafe jerked his head up to see his brother standing in the feed-room doorway, a well-padded shoulder propped against the frame.

"Why in the hell didn't you knock some sense into me, Ryan?" He groaned again and passed a hand over his eyes. "Jesus. Since when have I started thinking of women as pieces of meat?"

Ryan pursed his lips and scratched just below the edge of his hat, which he wore cocked low over his eyes.

"Aren't you being a little hard on yourself? You've been a little self-focused, sure, but you haven't mistreated her. "

"Hell, yes, I have, and you damned well know it. Why didn't you say something?"

"Well, now. There's a question. I guess because I don't like getting my ass kicked. "

Rafe took another long look at his brother's shoulder. "Yeah, right. I need a month to pack on weight before I take you on. "

Ryan ran a finger under the loose collar of his shirt. "You aren't exactly puny. " He studied Rafe for a moment. "You've changed since you left. There's a hard edge to you. " His lips twitched. "I'd just as soon keep my face the way it is, thanks. And I try to stay out of other people's business when I can, my brother's included. I warned you, and I figured, enough said. "

"I wish I'd listened. "

"That bad, huh? Damn. I was only gone a few minutes. She seemed all right enough when I left. "

" 'All right enough?' " Rafe considered that. "I
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guess that describes it, not exactly leaping for joy, but not hysterical. " He laughed bitterly.

"Maggie'll be okay. She's had a rough time, but she'll come through this. "

"I don't know what to say to her when I go back in there. "

"What in hell did you do, leap on her?"

"Of course not. I was just gearing up. "

"I knew you'd come to your senses before you went through with it. " Ryan closed the distance between them, his boot heels thudding on the plank floor. "Move over. If I've got to play counselor, I'm gonna sit. "

Rafe slid over to make room. "On second thought, why am I even talking to you? You've never been married. You'll probably screw up your wedding night worse than I have. "

"I won't have the same set of problems. I'll sample the merchandise before I buy the goods. Trembling brides are passe. These days the girls give us boys instructions, and I like it that way. Born to please the ladies, that's me. "

Right then, an experienced woman with decided preferences in lovemaking techniques sounded damned good to Rafe. "Maggie isn't like that. "

"Go to the head of the class. You're just now noticing?"

"Lay off. I feel bad enough, all right?"

Ryan leaned forward, resting his bent arms on his knees. He joined Rafe in staring down at the hay scattered over the floor. "So... now that you realize what a jerk you've been, what are you going to do?"

"I
have
been a jerk, haven't I?"

"Class A. "

Rafe scuffed his heel through the hay. "If I don't consummate the marriage, it isn't binding. She can still get an annulment. "

"You're incurable. " Ryan shoved his hat back to fix
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an incredulous gaze on his brother. "Would you listen to yourself?"

Rafe shook his head. "I
am
incurable, aren't I? Now that I've found her, I'm so afraid of losing her I'm par-anoid. And not just about her deciding to leave me. This kidney thing, knowing it can go sour if the antibiotics stop working. I had Dr. Kirsch check her over. He says she's doing well. But it worries me, and I can't seem to stop hovering. "

"We tend to worry about the people we love, Rafe. It's normal. You've just carried it a little too far. " He shrugged. "Hell, a doctor knows his orders won't be followed to the letter once a patient goes home. If it were a life-and-death situation, don't you think patients would be kept in the hospital?"

"Probably, " Rafe admitted.

"I'm sure it won't kill her if she goes to the kitchen and makes a sandwich. You've kept her chained to that bed since she got here, and there have been times I was afraid you might drown the poor girl. " Ryan laughed. "All the clocks in the house being set to go off at pill time is another nice touch. I was having lunch with Becca today, and at precisely twelve-thirty, alarm clocks and radios started going off everywhere. It reminded me of living in the dorms. Like her kidneys will go bad if you're thirty minutes off schedule with her medication?"

Rafe winced. "Have I been
that
bad?"

"Not bad, exactly. I think everyone knows you mean well, even Maggie. It's just so—" He frowned and tipped his hat back. "You can relax a little, you know? She's going to be fine—if your idea of in-home care doesn't kill her. "

Rafe laughed. It was true, he realized. He'd been behaving as if Maggie were terminally ill, and that was only the half of it. He considered his actions over the last few days and tried to see himself as others must. The picture that formed wasn't a pleasant one to face.

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"I've really messed up, Rye. I shouldn't have pushed her into this marriage. "

"Well, you have pushed her into it. Now you have to make the best of it. It isn't just Jaimie's welfare you have to think about now, but Heidi's, too. If you call it off at this late date and let Boyle take that girl back to Idaho, you'll have more problems than you can handle, and they'll have my initials on them. "

"She's a cute kid, isn't she?"

Ryan smiled and nodded. "She asked me today if I've got a girlfriend. I think I'm the target of a serious case of puppy love. " He rubbed beside his nose again. "She sure looks a lot like Maggie. It's good to know she'll be able to grow up here and not have all the same heartaches. "

"Yeah, it is. And that tells me exactly what? That the road to hell is paved with good intentions?"

"You can work this out, brother. You just need to sit down and hash it out with Maggie, that's all. The results of the arrangement are great. Now instead of bulldozing, move forward slowly, taking one thing at a time. "

Rafe heaved a weary sigh laced with self-disgust. "I thought I could make it all up to her later, you know?

Work past her reluctance, make her—well, you know— enjoy the intimacies. And once that was done, I wouldn't lose either of them because she'd be married to me. "

Ryan nodded. "I know that, and I understand—sort of. " He gestured with his hand. "Don't get mad, all right? But I'm gonna be flat-out honest here for a minute. You're an emotional mess, and your feelings for Maggie have you so mixed up, you don't seem to be thinking straight. "

"What are you saying? That I don't really love her?"

"No, I'm not saying that at all. I think you do love her, and, knowing you, probably deeply. You never have done anything slowly or gone into it half-ass. It was love at first sight for you with Susan, too, if you'll remember back. You're one of those lucky people who somehow

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just knows when things feel right. It's just—oh, hell, I don't know. You aren't yourself. You seem almost—

well, sort of frantic. Maybe even a little grasping. "

Rafe's guts balled into a cold knot in the pit of his belly. "Grasping?" It was an ugly word, one that he'd never dreamed might be used to describe him.

"You lost the three people you loved most in the world, Rafe. When we've been hurt like that, I think we all have a fear of it happening again. It's like you saw Maggie, fell for her hard and fast, and saw a way to grab hold. Do you know what I'm saying? That's no way to treat a woman. " He shrugged again. "Deep down, you know that. Especially not someone like Maggie. She has her own past history and her own set of fears. She needs a slow hand. "