Baby Experts 02 (17 page)

Tessa pulled her purse onto her lap from the passenger seat.

With her eyes still on the road, she felt for the small phone and pulled it out. As she stole a glance at the number, her heart skipped a beat. It was her facilitator from the adoption agency, Madalyn Grayson. Tessa told herself not to get excited. Maybe Madalyn just wanted to update material. After all, it had been a few months since the social worker on her case had finished the paperwork to approve her as an acceptable adoptive parent.

She tried to keep her voice steady as she answered the call. “Madalyn! Hi.”

“Did I catch you at a bad time? I phoned your office but the receptionist said you’d left for the day.”

“I’m in my car on the way to the hospital for rounds. How can I help you?”

“Maybe you’d better pull over.”

Madalyn’s tone was serious but there was a hint of something else there, too.

“What’s going on?”

“
I’m
the one with the questions,” Madalyn joked. “Are you ready to be a mother?”

“You’re kidding!”

“This has been in the works for a few months, but I couldn’t divulge privileged information. Do you remember Angie Marquez and her daughter, Natalie?”

Tessa recalled the young widowed mother and her daughter immediately. But confidentiality held between Tessa and her patients, too. She’d been involved in Natalie’s care for a year.

Madalyn jumped back in. “Angie came to us four months ago when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.”

Easily Tessa recalled Angie’s first visit a little over a year ago when she’d brought month-old Natalie to her for digestive upset. Tessa had switched Natalie to a lactose-free formula and she’d done well. Around three months ago—Natalie had been wearing an Easter bunny on her blouse—Angie had brought her daughter in again because she thought the baby’s ear hurt. Only, Tessa hadn’t found anything wrong. Angie had looked as if she’d lost weight but her sunny smile as well as her animated conversation had distracted Tessa as she’d focused on Natalie.

“When Angie saw your profile and video in our selection of parents waiting to adopt, she stopped and didn’t look further. She said you related to Natalie as a mother would and Natalie liked you. I think she was so relieved she didn’t have to choose a stranger. Call it coincidence. Call it fate. But after she brought Natalie to you again a few months ago, she was sure she was making the right decision.”

“Natalie’s the baby you have for adoption?”

“Angie died last night. A friend of hers was taking care of Natalie for the past week, but she has three children of her own and can’t take on another. Angie took care of all the paperwork before she died. So I just have one question. Are you ready to be a mom?”

Tessa felt overcome with emotion for Angie and Natalie…and for the fact that Angie had chosen
her.
“I’m ready,” she replied, her voice catching.

Suddenly she remembered Vince and Sean. What would Vince say about the adoption? What would he think?

She remembered what had happened Sunday, how he felt about Janet’s intrusion on his life. She remembered the basis of Janet’s worries. Where would Vince be? What would he do? Where would he go? He hadn’t called her since Sunday to talk about any of it, to talk about the night they’d shared together, to talk about commitment.

Even beyond her concerns about their night together, she relived that day twenty years ago when Vince came to her father’s house and told her he was going to join the Air Force. Now, he said he’d done it for her. Had he? Now, no matter what she did, would he stay or would he go? Could she trust him to love her? And now, what about this child she wanted to bring into her life?

Years ago, Vince’s decision had changed the course of her life. Today, she had to make a decision about this little girl based on what she herself needed and wanted. Natalie needed a mom and Tessa
wanted
to be a mother.

“Madalyn, I want Natalie. When can I get her?”

“I’m glad you’re ready for her. You’ll have to have a meeting with the judge before you can take her home.”

“When?”

“Give us tonight to meet with the lawyers and put everything in order. Come to our office tomorrow morning about nine and I’ll go with you to the hearing in the chambers at the courthouse. Hopefully you’ll be taking Natalie home with you afterward. Will that work for you?”

Tessa would make it work. “I’ll be at your office at nine, Madalyn. Thank you so much.”

“No thanks necessary. I’ll be giving her over to someone who will be a top-notch mom.”

Tessa thought about what had happened to Angie and the heartache she must have experienced. Then Tessa thought about the baby she’d soon be holding in her arms. She almost missed her turn into the hospital’s driveway. After she veered into the section of the lot reserved for doctors, she considered again how Vince would react to this turn of events. She had to call him.

First she tried his office. “Sorry, Tessa,” Ginny replied. “He’s out in the storm, supervising several sites where a storm cell cut through the area yesterday.”

“Do you think he’ll be checking in?”

“I doubt it. There are downed power lines, uprooted trees. He’ll probably just go home and come back to the office in the morning.”

After Tessa finished the call with Ginny, she dialed Vince’s cell phone. The call wouldn’t connect. Because of the storm? She didn’t want to phone his home and leave a message…not about this.

She’d try him again later.

Later, after she shopped for some baby supplies. Later, after the idea sank in she was really going to be a mom. Later, after she prepared herself for what Vince might have to say.

She had made a list of everything she needed to buy or do before she brought Natalie home. She was almost in a panic over all of it, when Emily offered her a cup of tea and urged, “Breathe!”

Tessa saw the twinkle in her friend’s eyes. Both she and Francesca had been so supportive. “I am breathing,” Tessa returned with a laugh. “You just haven’t noticed.”

Emily poured water from the teapot into a mug. “Today’s my day off, too. I’ll be glad to run to the store while you’re at the courthouse. And before you say another word, I don’t mind a bit. This little girl is going to have backup aunties to help out when she needs them.”

Emotion caught in Tessa’s throat and all she could manage to say was “Thank you.”

Emily’s hug told her no thanks were necessary.

For the past year, she hadn’t believed this day would ever come. She hadn’t really believed someone would pick her to adopt their child. Then suddenly Madalyn was walking toward her with a beautiful little girl in her arms.

Tessa gazed into the thirteen-month-old’s chocolate-brown eyes and felt a perfect fulfillment she’d never known. She took a few steps closer to Natalie. The baby’s wide gaze stayed on hers and Tessa’s heart burst to overflowing with the love she yearned to give this baby. Reaching out slowly, she almost reverently ran her hand over the little girl’s springy brown curls.

Trying to control the emotion in her voice, she opened her arms. “Will you come here, little one? I’m going to be your mommy.”

Natalie was silent for several heartbeats and just studied Tessa with those huge eyes. Finally she reached for Tessa, too, and Tessa cuddled her little girl close.

Madalyn smiled, then checked her watch. “I have papers for you to sign before we go to the courthouse.”

Tessa passed her hand up and down Natalie’s back as the little girl nestled against her shoulder. “And I’ll be able to take Natalie home with me afterward?”

“The judge will question you and decide that. But if she’s satisfied with everything she sees and hears, she’ll award you custody and the adoption process will begin. A social worker will stop in later today or tomorrow to make sure Natalie has everything she needs.”

“Do you have a checklist?”

Madalyn cupped Tessa’s shoulder. “When she sees the two of you together, I don’t think she’ll count diapers. Relax, Tessa, and just be the mom you’ve always wanted to be.”

Feeling Natalie resting against her, sure of the rightness of giving this little girl a home, Tessa wished she
could
relax. But she couldn’t stop thinking of holding Sean like this…she couldn’t stop thinking about Vince.

How would he feel about the decision she’d made?

Tessa was ready for the social worker. She’d set up a portable crib to the side of the sofa as well as a regular-size one in her room upstairs. She didn’t want to be far from Natalie. She needed to give her baby a sense of safety and comfort and intended to stay close.

However, when Emily opened the door a social worker wasn’t waiting outside. Vince was!

She heard him say to Emily, “I was on my way to my office and thought I’d stop instead of calling. I saw Tessa’s car in the driveway so—”

He stopped short when he saw Tessa ensconced on the sofa, cuddling Natalie.

Tessa gave him a smile that asked for understanding…a smile that hoped he could share her joy.

While Vince just stared, Tessa rose to her feet and laid Natalie in her crib. The baby tucked her thumb into her mouth and didn’t awaken.

Emily said in a low voice, “I’ll watch her if you and Vince want to go out on the patio to talk.”

Tessa asked Vince, “Do you have time?”

“I have time,” he agreed, looking wary.

Tessa went through the kitchen and outside to the patio, Vince following.

As they stood on the flagstone, she tried to gather her words, not knowing exactly where to begin. Vince’s piercing gaze made her feel as if she’d done something wrong. Yet she knew adopting Natalie was right. “I tried to phone you yesterday when I got the call.”

“The call?” His question was curt.

“About eight months ago, I started the screening process with a private adoption agency.”

Silence was thick with all of the memories and regrets between them until he asked, “And you didn’t think this was important enough to tell me?”

How could she make him understand? How could she explain that if she’d talked about the dream, it could possibly have eluded her? “I didn’t think it would ever happen. I didn’t think someone would actually choose me.”

“Someone did?”

“Yes, she did. Her daughter was one of my patients. Angie’s husband was killed in Iraq before Natalie was born. A few months ago, Angie was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Neither she nor her husband had family. In fact, Angie’s mom and dad were taken from her in an accident when she was twelve, and she was bounced around in foster homes. So she came to the agency where I applied, looking for the right parent for her child for after she was gone. When she saw my profile and recognized me…

“She chose me.
Me,
Vince. I’m actually going to be a mom.”

His face took on the stony quality she knew so well when he was trying to hide his emotions. “So what does this mean for us?”

“I don’t know what it means for us. After Sunday I wasn’t sure there
was
an ‘us.’”

He looked uncomfortable. “Because of Janet’s visitation agreement?”

“No. Because of your attitude toward it. Toward
me
.”

Turning away from her to stare at the horizon, he asked, “What do you want from me, Tessa? My life’s in flux because of Sean…because of the temporary job.”

Although Vince was there on the patio with her, he seemed so far away. “No, your life’s in flux because of
you
. You’ve always gone after what you want, Vince. You do what you want. You commit to who you want to commit to. Sean came into your life. You wanted that commitment. If you hadn’t wanted it, you would have looked into whether or not Janet wanted custody. You said you came back to Sagebrush because the specialist was here in Lubbock, and that’s true. But there were specialists other places, too. Why did you
really
come back here?”

He brought his gaze back to hers. “Because Sagebrush was familiar territory. Connections for Sean were easier to make here.”

“I came back because my roots were here,” she pressed gently.

“I didn’t have roots here…nothing to hold on to.”

“Memories of
us
are here. Memories of what we could have had, maybe should have had. We found each other again. What does that mean to you? What did Sunday night mean to you?”

He looked conflicted, as if there were too many doors and he didn’t know which one to open. “Twenty years ago, I was committed to us. But
you
weren’t. If you had been, you would have come home to our apartment instead of going home to your father.”

There it was—the basis of all of Vince’s doubts and all his turmoil. He believed she hadn’t loved him enough twenty years ago. She hadn’t been able to choose him back then, so he believed she wouldn’t choose him now.

The pain from the past had caused deep wounds that hadn’t healed for either of them. “I made a mistake,” she admitted. “I shouldn’t have gone home with Dad. But I was certain you were going to come get me. I was certain you were going to come and say, ‘She’s my wife and she’s coming home with me.’ I was sure you’d fight for us to be together. Yet you didn’t. Instead, you showed up after I left the hospital and told me you were going to join the Air Force. You told me what was best for me just like my father did. You made a unilateral decision and decided our future
without
consulting me.”

He shook his head, his expression frustrated and angry. “And that’s why you didn’t tell me about the adoption? Because now you’re making a unilateral decision without me? I think it’s more than that, Tessa. You still blame me for everything that happened—losing the baby…your hysterectomy. When I got to the hospital and you were in surgery, your father told me he blamed me and so did you.”

“I didn’t know he told you that,” she murmured, stunned. “I
never
said that.”

“Maybe you didn’t say it, but I knew you were feeling it. And I think you still are. That’s why you can’t trust me. If you had trust in me, you would have confided in me. Maybe that’s why I didn’t look at Sunday night too closely—maybe because I know you’re always going to hold my leaving against me and nothing I do or say will change that.”

Pain and silence enveloped them both. She could see hurt in Vince’s eyes. She could feel it squeezing her heart.

The lump in her throat kept her from speaking as she tried to absorb everything he’d said. Vince’s pride had always given him confidence, stature and strength. Now she couldn’t miss it descending over him—straightening his shoulders, lifting his jaw, erasing any emotions from his eyes. He didn’t say anything as he turned away.

She didn’t know what to say to stop him.

He didn’t go back through the house but left from the patio. Because he didn’t want to see the little girl who had brought the tension between them to a head? He didn’t want to be reminded that Tessa couldn’t be a mother in the natural way? He didn’t want to consider bringing their two worlds together? Possibly one child was enough of a responsibility and he didn’t want to consider another. Or was the hurt between them just too great to ever mend?

As Tessa heard Vince’s SUV start up, questions raced through her mind faster than she could count them.

Then suddenly none of them mattered. She loved Vince with all her heart. She loved little Sean and yearned to mother him. Maybe in time Vince could forgive her—for what happened in the past…for not confiding in him now. She hoped so. But whether or not Vince could open his heart to her again, Natalie was the one who needed her now.

Tessa hurried to her baby girl, tenderly picked her up from her crib and rocked her in her arms. She didn’t stop the tears rolling down her cheeks, knowing she should let them fall. She had to give up one dream for another. It was time to focus on a baby who needed her, not on a man who didn’t…who maybe never had.