Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes (12 page)

“Ben? It’s Helen. Is now a good
time?”

“Helen, babe, yes it’s fine,
I’m not on shift today. How are you? Congratulations, Derek sent
out an email saying you’d won the competition. That’s awesome.”

“You know, Rosa was thinking of
you when I took that shot.” Now, why had she told him that?

“Really?” He giggled, sounding
more like a teenager than a bank manager in his twenties. “Well,
bugger me.”

“I thought you’d like
that.”

“She didn’t happen to ask for
my number?”

“Sorry, Ben, she didn’t quite
go that far.”

“Ah well, can’t win them all.
Are you coming to the
Duck
later?”

“I’m still in Devon.”

“Oh.” There was a pause as he
digested the information. “Is everything okay? Your family?”

“Yes, my family are great. I…”
How to put it, what to say? “I’ve left Daniel.” She couldn’t get
all the information out, the words stuck in her throat. That was
enough for now.

“You’ve left him? For good?”
There was silence and when he spoke again his voice sounded
brighter. “What about the wedding?”

“The wedding is most definitely
off.” It was the first time she’d said it so bluntly. It sounded
odd, but rather liberating. So much of the last year had been spent
planning the damn thing it actually felt great to admit it was no
longer her concern.

“Bloody Hell. What
happened?”

“Well, at least you didn’t
assume he cheated on me.”

“I haven’t really thought of
anything, it’s a bit of a facer. So why’d you leave? I thought he
was the centre of your universe.” The acid in Ben’s voice could
strip paint.

“I have a new centre of my
universe now.”

“You met someone new?” Ben’s
voice sounded strangled.

“Er, well, I haven’t met them
yet, not for a few months.”

“I’m sorry, you’re not making
sense. You’ve left Daniel for someone you haven’t met? I thought
Sharni had the monopoly on arranged marriages?”

Helen smiled. Fun as it was to
wind Ben up she thought she ought to put an end to it.

“Ben, I’m pregnant. I’m going
to have a baby.”

“Oh.” He went silent for a
moment. “Daniel’s?”

“Of course it’s Daniel’s!”

“So why did you leave? Doesn’t
he want the baby?”

“You could put it like
that.”

“Hmmm.”

Helen nearly laughed out loud
at Ben’s response. She had a feeling he didn’t entirely blame
Daniel. Helen guessed that he was no different to any other young
lad: The thought of parenthood probably terrified him. He was half
a decade younger than Daniel though and single. What excuse did
Daniel have?

“What will you do?”

“Oh, Ben, that’s the million
dollar question isn’t it. I don’t know take it one day at a time I
guess. It’s early days, I might still miscarry.”

She heard Ben give a little
in-take of breath, as if she’d given too many details. He battled
on bravely. “What then? Would you go back to Daniel?”

“No.” There was no hesitation.
“No, there’s no going back, not after what he said. I thought he
loved me, but no one could be so uncompromising with someone they
cared about.”

“Are you coming back to London?
It’s not the same without you.”

“Yes, I’ll be back. I’m waiting
for my tenants’ contract to expire – I’ve given them notice, so the
flat will be empty by August.”

“That’s weeks away, are you
going to stay hidden in the sticks all that time? You’ll die of
boredom.”

“You’re as bad as Sharni. Stuff
does happen in Devon you know!” Helen laughed at his Londoner’s
view of the country. “Sharni is going to ask if maybe Dawn will put
me up for a couple of weeks, otherwise I’ll have to stay: I can’t
afford to put up in a hotel.”

“I’d offer you to come crash at
ours, but I’m not sure it’s the place for a pregnant lady.” Ben
still lived with his student mates, despite graduating several
years before. Helen could only imagine what a house of five lads
would be like.

“That’s sweet, Ben, but I think
I’ll pass. I’m struggling to keep my food down on a good day!”

They chatted for a bit and said
their goodbyes. Helen was conscious of a change in Ben’s demeanour,
a cooling of his unspoken ardour. She wondered if he disapproved of
her being a single mother, or if he no longer fancied her in her
pregnant state. Whatever the cause, she was fine with it. Right now
she needed friends around her, not languishing lovers.

Ben dropped the phone onto his
desk and sat back in the chair, staring blankly at the ceiling.

He felt empty. He'd fancied
Helen since the first day on the course, when she'd introduced
herself and explained her motivations for study. Reading between
the lines he'd longed to whisk her away from her twat of a fiancé
and treat her as she deserved to be treated; with understanding and
appreciation. Now she was free, here was his chance to give her
that love. Why wasn’t he more excited?

He stared at the faded posters
on his walls, his treasured CD collection, the curtains he’d had
for a decade.
Who am I kidding that I am in any way able to
whisk Helen away?
Besides, she doesn’t need rescuing
anymore
.
She has escaped all by herself
.

Of course there was the baby –
she still needed someone to help her with that. He swallowed and
got up from his desk, pacing as best he could in the small
cluttered space. His head felt muffled, like he was hung-over. He
kicked aside some dirty socks and a tangled pair of jeans that lay
in a half-animate heap, as if the legs within them had simply
deflated, and headed for the door.
I need a drink.

Walking slowly across town to
meet the photography group at the
Dog and Duck
, Ben felt
hollow. The future stretched before him with no purpose. It was as
if he’d suffered a bereavement but couldn’t understand why.

“Did she tell you?”

Sharni’s hiss surprised Ben out
of his reverie. He’d been staring into his pint, watching the
bubbles rise gracefully to fizz and pop on the surface.

“What?”

Ben glanced at Sharni, who had
taken her opportunity as Dawn and Stuart were in hot dispute about
the relative merits of Canon vs. Nikon.

“Helen!” She hissed even more
quietly, hoping that Helen had indeed told Ben. She didn’t want to
reveal a secret but was dying to talk about it with someone.

“Oh. Yes.” Ben caught up. “Yes,
she rang me. It’s all a bit of a bugger, really.” He returned to
his contemplation of the bubbles in his pint.

“What? Aren’t you pleased she’s
left Daniel?”

“Daniel? Oh yes. It’s good
she’s given him the heave ho. But still. You know.”

“She told you ’bout her other
news then?”

Ben looked at Sharni again,
could see the gleam in her eye, the need to gossip. He dragged his
thoughts into the present and tried to smile. “About the baby? Yes,
she told me.”

“So, what do you think?”

“I think…” He was about to say
I think it’s terrible, I think all my dreams have been
dashed
, but seemed to realise that wasn’t what Sharni wanted to
hear. “Er. I think it’s great. She’ll make a great mum.”

“That’s what I think. She
doesn’t need Daniel, she has us!”

“Right, yes. Of course.”

“I’d have thought you’d be
thrilled, Benjie, this is your chance.”

Ben sat in quiet contemplation
as a wasp buzzed noisily around the pint glass. The noise grated
his raw nerves but he couldn’t find the energy to shoo it away.

“I don’t want to be a father!”
he blurted out suddenly, startling the wasp.

Sharni shushed him, worried
Dawn and Stuart would hear. She looked anxiously over at them but
they were still in deep discussion.

She looked back at Ben. He sat
slumped like a kid whose team had just been relegated. She put her
arm around his shoulder and squeezed him in a hug, momentarily
diverted by the discovery of muscles under his navy polo shirt.
He acts the lad but there is a man there underneath his student
disguise.

“Poor Benjie boy,” was all she
said, hugging him again. “We’re not lucky in love are we?”

Chapter
Ten

The red-brick Victorian Terrace
was nestled in a leaf-lined road in Whitehall Park. Helen marvelled
that such a quiet residential road existed just yards from the A1.
It was lovely standing in the shade of the trees, shielded from the
hot midday sun. Leaning against a trunk, Helen paused to admire the
white painted windows and decorative porches.

After two weeks in Devon it
felt like coming home. Studying the ornate form of a black
lamppost, Helen tried to put her finger on why it felt so familiar.
Then she realised it was similar to her own street, with her own
beloved flat. She had lived with Daniel for long enough to forget
the quiet calm of a tree-lined road. Daniel’s apartment had
commanded an awe-inspiring view and was surrounded by grand
historical buildings, but she realised now she had an
unacknowledged yearning for the residential feel, away from the
City.

As she hovered on the pavement
Helen realised she was nervous. What if they didn’t want her there?
It wasn’t as if she and Dawn were particularly close. She was
starting to regret letting Sharni arrange this, however much she
was glad to be back in the capital.

Come on girl, you are going to
have to go over there and ring the bell eventually. You can’t stand
on the street all day as if you’re Freddy Eynsford-Hill about to
launch into song. It’s only for a couple of weeks. Mum’ll be up in
a fortnight for the scan and to help you move. You can spend your
time looking for work, Dawn and her husband will barely notice
you.

With the lyrical strains of
On the Street Where You Live
echoing in her mind Helen
walked purposefully over to a blue door, checked for the third time
that she had the right house number, and rang the bell.

After a long pause Helen heard
footsteps echoing along a wooden corridor, before the bolts were
shot back on the door. Conscious of an in-held breath, Helen
exhaled in a rush as the door opened.

“Hello, yes?”

The door swung back to reveal
Professor Higgins. Helen thought she must have fallen asleep
leaning against the tree and was now dreaming she was in
My Fair
Lady
. Only this Professor Higgins was older, with reading
glasses perched on his thinning white hair and a copy of the Times
tucked under his arm.

“I’m Helen. Um. Dawn’s
expecting me?”

She wasn’t sure what else to
say. She was certain she had the right house but the man’s
interrogating stare made her doubt herself. She assumed the
glowering glare must belong to Dawn’s husband, but she had met John
before at a party at Derek’s and she was certain this wasn’t
him.

Was I drunk? So drunk as to not
remember him? Surely if that were the case he would remember me? Is
that it? Does he disapprove of me coming to stay?

Panicked thoughts swamped
Helen’s mind as she looked mutely at the man, waiting for his next
move.

Without saying anything further
he turned his back on her. She wondered if he was going to slam the
door in her face. Instead he hollered in a booming voice that
resonated down the wooden-floored hallway.

“Dawn. There’s someone at the
door.”

Then, without inviting her in,
he walked back down the hallway and disappeared into a room on the
left.

What now?

Helen felt ridiculous standing
in the doorway with her suitcase, waiting for someone to appear.
Should she go in and close the door behind her, or cut her losses
and walk away? Before her sleep-deprived brain could muster up a
plan of action more footsteps were heard, this time running down
the stairs.

Dawn started speaking before
she got to the front door, so Helen missed the beginning.

“…sorry, really I am. My
brother has invited himself to stay for a week. He turned up last
night, too late for me to contact you.”

She smiled as she reached the
door and ushered Helen into the narrow hallway. “Come in, darling,
do. What a welcome!”

She lowered her voice
conspiratorially and added, “He’s a bit eccentric. But don’t worry,
he generally takes up residence in the lounge. I’m amazed he even
answered the door. As I said, I can’t hear the bell from the top
floor.”

Helen looked around her as she
followed Dawn down the corridor. It was the most Dawn had ever said
to her in one go and she was trying to listen as well as take in
her surroundings.

“Is it inconvenient for me to
stay? If your brother is here? I can find somewhere else.” Which
wasn’t strictly true, not easily, but she felt it was the right
thing to say in the circumstances.

“No, please stay.” Dawn turned
to face her, as Helen got a glimpse of a kitchen before they
arrived in a gorgeous book-lined drawing room with double-doors
thrown open to the garden.

“John’s away on some golf tour
until next week and I’ll go mad if I’m stuck here with Terrence by
myself.” She saw Helen’s face and giggled, the sound surprisingly
youthful. “I shouldn’t say that about my own brother, should I? But
really, he’s the most difficult guest. When John’s here we pretty
much ignore him but I can’t really do that when it’s just me, can
I?”

She continued through the
drawing room and out into the garden. Helen stopped in the doorway
as Dawn meandered leisurely towards a bench nestled under some
trees.

“Wow!” It was breath-taking.
The space wasn’t large, but it felt entirely separated from the
houses around it. Tall walls shielded the other houses from view,
while herbaceous borders and sweet smelling flowers in pots gave
the impression of a pocket garden-of-Eden. In the centre was a
decorative patio where a tortoiseshell cat sat in the sunshine
giving herself a bath.