B005HF54UE EBOK (14 page)

Chapter 41
Phases and Stages

Dan Mahony didn’t come into the Top Deck restaurant for two weeks. He had given the girl his address and his phone number on the back of a napkin some weeks earlier, though, and so one afternoon the girl walked to his house.

She went to Seventh Street and took his address from her pocket and began reading the numbers on the homes until she came to his. It was a small house set back from the road and surrounded by a yard. The grass was brown and half covered in leaves. There was an old cottonwood tree in the center of the lawn, its branches almost reaching from one side of the yard to the other. There were a few pine trees scattered along the chain link fence which surrounded the property.

The house itself was brown and had a red door. There was an aluminum boat to the right of it, set on a trailer, and an old Honda dirt bike locked to a fence post.

As she came to the metal gate and opened it, a dog appeared from behind the house and slowly walked towards her wagging his tail. The girl bent down and petted him.

‘Hello, boy,’ she said softly.

She walked to the front door and knocked, but there was no answer. The curtains were closed and she couldn’t hear anything inside. She knocked once again and was just beginning to turn away when the door opened.

Dan Mahony stood in front of her. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans with holes in the knees. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his hair was in disarray. He hadn’t shaven in weeks and looked as though he’d just woken up.

‘I tried to call, but no one ever answered,’ she said and smiled. The dog was at her feet and she bent down and pet him again. ‘I like your dog.’

‘He’s a good one,’ Dan said and rubbed his face to wake up. ‘Let me put on a shirt. Come on in.’

The house inside wasn’t much, just a main room, a bedroom, a kitchen, and bathroom. The main room had a wood stove, and it was burning, and the inside was warm. There was an old couch covered by a dark blue sheet against the wall, and a TV set on a plastic milk crate in front of a window. Next to it was a stereo set on an old wooden crate with stacks of CDs next to it. The walls were white and were bare except for a large black velvet painting of a Mexican bandit smoking a cigarette. His scarred face, his faded sombrero, his leather ammunition belt across his chest, his eyes staring off into the distance.

The room was cluttered and un-kept, clothes lay on the floor, newspapers and fast food bags were scattered everywhere. The floors were carpeted in worn out brown shag. There were holes in it where traffic had been the highest, with duct tape surrounding the holes to hold the carpet down. She took off her coat, gloves, and hat and set them on the couch and stood next to the stove to warm herself.

Dan reappeared from his bedroom wearing a red flannel shirt. His hair was wet and combed and he wore brown work boots.

‘I’m glad you came,’ he said and smiled.

‘This is a great place,’ she said. ‘I like the wood stove. I’ve never lived anywhere that had a fireplace. I’m sorry to bother you, but I hadn’t seen you in the restaurant for a long time. I was wondering if everything was okay.’

‘Well,’ he said and opened the curtains, letting light in the front room. ‘I guess I just hit one of those phases, you know?’

‘What kind of phase?’

‘The sorta phase where you can’t get out of bed,’ he said and smiled again. He leaned against the wall and looked at her. ‘You want something to eat, to drink?’

‘All right,’ she said. ‘I’ll have something to drink if you have it.’

‘Come into the kitchen,’ he said.

She put her hands close to the wood stove and rubbed them, then followed him into the kitchen. It was small like the rest of the house, and the paint was old and faded and lime green in color. There was a sink and some wooden shelves along the walls, an old refrigerator, a gas stove, and a table and two chairs set by a window. A calendar hung near a clock on the only bare wall. The calendar was large and had a photo of a woman in a bikini. Underneath it read ‘Johnson Plumbing Supply’.

There were dishes stacked high in the sink and the small table was covered in fast food bags, unopened mail, and soda cans. The room smelled of garbage and rotting food.

‘Sorry about the mess,’ he said and sat at the table. ‘You can get anything in the fridge. I could make us some coffee, too.’

‘I think coffee would be good for both of us. But I can make it, you just tell me where everything is.’

‘All right,’ he said. He opened the curtain covering the kitchen window and sat back down. Outside, behind the house, was an alley, and before it a concrete car port where his black Ford pick-up sat.

The girl made the coffee, then washed two mugs and poured them each a cup. She found a container of sugar and washed a spoon. She looked in the fridge for milk, and a quart sat full, unopened, but expired. She brought the coffee to him and sat at the table.

‘I apologize for how dirty it is in here,’ he said and drank from his cup. ‘It ain’t always like this.’

‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘What happened?’

‘I’m embarrassed to even tell you.’

‘You shouldn’t be embarrassed around me. Everything makes me depressed.’

‘Well,’ he said, then paused for a time. ‘I was waiting in line at this liquor store down the street. I was just buying a beer after work. It’s on the route I walk. There were a couple guys behind me. They were young, just idiots. Maybe they were in college, I don’t know. Just average looking guys, I suppose, but more than anything I guess they seemed a lot like the guys who beat me up. They made me nervous at any rate, and I had a handful of change I was gonna use to buy the beer, and I got so nervous I dropped the change on the floor, and it ran all over. I got on my knees trying to grab it all and when I looked at them, really just glanced at them, they were staring at me. I guess ’cause I was so clumsy or maybe it was my eye. Anyway, then they said a couple things.’ He paused again and took another drink of coffee.

‘What sorta stuff did they say?’

‘Ah, it was nothing really. They were idiots, you know? They were just making fun of me for spilling my change. But still, when I turned around to say something, stand up for myself, my heart just sorta fell, and when I looked at them, really looked at them, I got scared. More scared than I had been in a long time. Scared that they’d want to fight, that I’d go out into the parking lot and maybe this time I would die. Maybe they would kill me. It doesn’t sound like much to get me so upset, but it did. So I just walked out of there, left my money on the floor, left the beer on the counter. What’s weird is, even the guys at work, some of them are really all right, they wouldn’t hurt a fly, but when they raise their voice to me, my heart just sorta sinks, I break out in a sweat. I’ve always been that way a little, but not like now. Never like now. That day at the liquor store nothing really happened but still I was wrecked ’cause of it. And all the way home I was waiting for them to chase me, to get me. For what? Why would they do it? There was no reason for it. But I couldn’t stop that feeling. I kept turning around. I even walked down different streets and I took an alley when really I don’t walk home that way. It was a horrible feeling. When I got back here I just sat in my place and I knew I was beat. So then when I woke up that next morning, I just couldn’t make a go of it. Hell, it’s stupid but that was a couple weeks ago.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Allison said and looked at him. He was staring at the ground, his two hands holding the coffee cup. ‘Those guys, those guys that hurt you, they’re just horrible people. That’s all they are, Dan. Not everyone’s like that, even though it seems like they are sometimes.’

Tears began falling from his face. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’

She got up and kneeled in front of him. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you. You look different, but you’re not ugly. I don’t think so. Your scar makes you look handsome and your eye, it makes you look sorta tough. And think about those poor guys you were telling me about at the VA. They’d probably love to be in your shoes. To look like you, and live here, and have a dog named Zipper.’

He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked at her. ‘I know,’ he said quietly. ‘I know all that.’

‘Why don’t you go take a shower and change your clothes? You should shave, too. You look better without a beard and you smell worse than your dog.’

He laughed at that. ‘I probably do.’

‘I’ll wait,’ she said.

As he walked down the short hall and into the bathroom, she found a package of garbage bags, and started cleaning the kitchen. She threw away the old food in the fridge, the empty soda cans, and all the fast food bags laying about. She opened the back door and took out two full bags of trash. She set them by the garbage can and went back in and into the living room and turned on the stereo. With another trash bag she cleaned the living room and hallway. She placed the last garbage bag out by the others, then did the dishes, and cleaned the counters.

When Dan reappeared he was clean shaven. He was dressed in black pants and a white long-sleeve shirt. He sat at the kitchen table and put on his boots.

‘You look a whole lot better,’ she said as she finished wiping down the counters. She stood leaning against the sink with her arms folded. Her black hair was pulled back in a pony tail and sweat gathered on her brow.

‘You didn’t have to clean like that,’ he said.

‘Sometimes having a clean place can make you feel better.’

‘I kind of let things go, I guess,’ he said.

‘I’ve let a lot of things go,’ she said. ‘Sometime you can’t help it. Did you lose your job?’

‘No,’ he said and finished lacing his boots. ‘The doctor I told you about, I called him and told him what happened, and anyway he understood, I guess, ’cause he told everybody I had pneumonia and I’d be out a couple weeks. Problem is, the couple weeks are about up, and I gotta go back.’

‘You just got to go there then. Just show up and the rest will take care of itself.’

‘I’ll go, I will,’ he said and smiled. ‘The place sure looks nice.’

‘It’s nothing,’ she said.

‘You hungry?’ he said. ‘I could buy you lunch or dinner or something.’

‘I don’t have time right now,’ she said. ‘I have to go to work. But you and your dog could walk me there if you want.’

‘I’d like that,’ he said and stood up. He walked to a closet and got his coat. The girl put on her coat, hat, and gloves and they walked out into the yard. It was dark as they went down Seventh Street towards the casinos and the downtown lights. Dan Mahony couldn’t take control of her, she thought to herself, he could barely take control of himself. So as she walked, she felt all right with him there. Her hand fell next to his and she took it in hers and held it.

Chapter 42
The Second Letter

It was in a white envelope and addressed to her at the apartment. Postmarked Las Vegas. It was Jimmy Bodie’s writing on it and her heart fell when she saw that it was. She sat outside her apartment on the sidewalk and opened it. The handwriting was shaky and the paper was lined and taken from a binder. It was written in pencil and much of it had been erased and rewritten.

Chapter 43
A Late Night Conversation

That night there was a fight in the parking lot of her apartment building. It was nighttime and her day off. She was watching TV. She had a frozen dinner in the oven. The fight was between two men and they yelled at each other and then suddenly they were fist fighting. She could hear one of the men screaming. She turned off the TV and the lights in the room and listened. There were times of silence, then it would start again. She moved a window shade to the side and looked out at two middle aged men wrestling on the pavement.

The apartment manager appeared and yelled at the two men, but they didn’t stop. One of the men grabbed the other man by the hair and beat his head into the frozen parking lot. The apartment manager threatened to call the police and then after a while the police did come, and then an ambulance too.

She watched until the ambulance drove off and then turned the TV back on and ate her dinner by the light of it. That night she woke from a nightmare in which the new parents of her baby had left the boy alone in an alley. It was snowing out and they were walking down the road and then they set the baby boy next to a parked car and disappeared.

She woke in tears in a fit of anxiety that wouldn’t end. She waited and waited for it to pass and when it didn’t she bit down on the inside of her cheeks and with her hands she pinched her legs hoping it would calm her. She began crying. She went down a list of triggers to try and calm her nerves.

‘Try to breathe,’ he said suddenly to her.

‘Why did I do it? Why did I give him away?’

‘’Cause your boyfriend’s an asshole,’ he said as he sat behind a large oak desk. His feet were set up and he was leaning back in his chair drinking a can of Budweiser. ‘I’d bet he is one of the biggest dipshits I ever met in my life. He’d of made your life hell. He still could, I’m afraid.’

‘Do you think he’ll come here?’

‘Well, he could. He might be serious about this new broad he’s got, but it would be hard to pass up on you.’

‘I’m a horrible person. That’s why he’ll come here. He’ll find out about the baby, too. I deserve that.”

‘You aren’t that horrible. Old scarface likes you. And you know what? I like him, too. He seems all right to me. He seems like a good guy for you. He reminds me a lot of myself, except for the scar and the no money and the job as a janitor. I ain’t ever liked working a straight job.’

‘Don’t call him scarface.’

‘You just like that he has a dog.’

‘I like the dog, but I like him too,’ she said.

‘I wish I had a pitcher of iced tea. A man can only drink so many Budweisers.’

‘I could make you some,’ the girl said.

‘No, you just sit there and relax. We’re talking, after all.’

‘I wish I didn’t give him up. I wish it more than anything.’

‘You did what you thought was right. If Jimmy knew you’d had a kid, you’d be right back there with him. And let me tell you, that would be rough. You think your dad was a son of a bitch? Jesus, Jimmy would rival his own, I bet. Imagine being stuck with him for the rest of your life. Imagine him yelling at you and changing rules on you for forty years. I’d rather be in jail eating fifty eggs.’

‘I helped burn down that house. I deserve what I get.’

‘It never stops with you. Look, that wasn’t the best move I’ve seen you make. Neither were those tattoos. I can’t believe you’d put signs like that on you. I got to say I was pretty ashamed of you for that one. But that’s what being weak gets you. You’re gonna have to live with that. People do their worst when they’re weak. You’re no different. But now it’s up to you to make your own way. Anyway, the past is the past. I mean, how many people did I send to die in
Road To Perdition
? I even tried to kill old Tom Hanks. I ain’t a saint. My son in that one sure was a cocksucker. Jimmy and him, they’re the same sort of man. They’ll drag you down through it, kid. So you better stay clear of that shit heel.’

‘Is it all right if I don’t tell anyone I had him? Is it all right if I keep it to myself?’

‘You’ve told me. If you want to tell someone, tell them. If you don’t, don’t. Remember me in
Somebody Up There Likes Me
?’

‘Of course I do. You were a boxer.’

‘I was probably the greatest boxer of all time. Anyway, I fought like hell in that one. I fought to get through, and Jesus it was tough but I got through. You saw how I ended up. You could do the same.’

‘But I gave him away.’

‘Look, I’ll look in on the little tyke every day or so. I did a check on the family. If only I could’ve had them as my folks.’

‘Can you check on Evelyn, too?’

‘What the hell’s she doing down in Mexico?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘I’ll see what I can do. But I’m afraid she’s gonna go through some rough times too. That Junior, I’d like to put him on a chain gang and then send him down in the hole for a couple months. Maybe put him next to Hud. Hud, now that was a son of a bitch. I should have gotten millions for that part. Jesus, I could be mean.’

‘What’s gonna happen to Evelyn?’

‘She’s young. She’ll be all right, but if she wants to come back, buy her a ticket. If you have to go down there and get her, get her.’

‘All right.’

‘So what else is going on?’

‘Well, I really liked your girlfriend in
Fort Apache The Bronx
. I know I tell you that every time I see you, but it’s true. It really is. I just wish she didn’t die. She was my favorite girlfriend you ever had. I also liked the nurse you had when you’re an old man in
Where The Money Is
. When she helps you break out and you get away with the armored truck heist and make off with the money and move to Europe. I think of you and me in that one.’

‘I had them write that part for you.’

‘I bet.’

‘I did. Anyway, I sure wish you’d have brought us dinner. How’s your fried chicken?’

‘I could learn.’

‘I’m glad you’re taking your GED course. I think you should try college.’

‘Jesus, you’re aiming a bit high.’

‘No, I’m not. Anyway, I hear you talking. I hear you wanting to give it a try.’

‘I’m sure glad you’re here.’

‘You just watch yourself, kid, I’ll always be here. And lay off the booze. You ain’t much of a drunk. Remember
The Helen Morgan Story
? I admit I wasn’t much in that one, but then you can’t always pick your roles. Anyway, that poor gal Helen, she sure had a battle with the bottle. She went through and over and under the wringer in that one. I hate to say it but you could end up like that yourself if you don’t keep a lid on it. So take my advice and stay off the booze, go to school, and most of all keep on the lookout for Jimmy. Him and his damn Northline. Remember, kid, there ain’t no place where you can escape to. There’s no place where there aren’t weirdos and death and violence and change and new people. You head up to Wyoming or Montana and you’ll run into the same things as you do in Vegas or New Orleans. You’ll run into yourself.’

‘Do you think he’ll really show up?’

‘He could. I’m not saying he will, but he sure could. But maybe that’s the sorta test you need.’

‘I don’t feel like I could pass any test.’

‘You’ll be all right. We just have to toughen you up as much as we can. And save your dough and move to a nicer place. I don’t like this neighborhood much. That fight tonight didn’t set too well with me. Those two, let’s hope they get evicted. And watch out for old bent back in 213. He’s a pervert. And keep scarface around, you make him happier than he’s been for a long time. And my gut says he’s all right. If only he was as good looking as me. Anyway, kid, for fuck sakes lighten up on yourself.’

‘I’ll try.’

‘I know you will, Ace.’