Azaria (18 page)

Azaria wondered if Dogahn was able to detect all the subtle shades. Of course she knew everyone could see the basic colors: the blue sky, the green trees, the yellow sun. But was he able to make out the little differences between the colors like she could? How the end of that cloud was just a little redder than its beginning?
Of course he could,
she decided
- if he were paying attention.
He's just more interested in my neck right now.

Dogahn’s lips were pressed against the area between her ear and shoulder. She could feel the tip of his tongue flicking lightly against the sensitive area, sending chills down her spine. She sat still with her head slightly bent, watching his right hand move down her thigh until it found the end of her bottoms. As if it had a mind of its own, it pulled the trim up a little and massaged the inside of her upper leg. She let it continue until she could bear no more, the ticklish sensations overcoming her. She swiped at his hand and when it didn't move, put her hand over it, clasping the meandering fingers within her own.

He whispered something into her ear that she didn't quite make out. She turned her head toward him and met his waiting lips with hers. She felt his tongue slip between her lips and nipped at it with the tip of hers. Azaria swiveled her torso just slightly to reduce the strain in her neck. As soon as she opened her mouth again, he entered aggressively, poking and prodding the insides of her mouth. She sucked lightly on his tongue, pulling it deeper inside, a maneuver she knew would make him recoil. She smiled to herself and let out a small titter of amusement as he pulled back. She also knew the retreat would be fleeting. Not a moment had passed before she felt his mouth again against hers. She opened it to his and met his tongue halfway, rolling it against his and delighting in the sensation. She loved kissing him, relished the tingles it produced deep within. When she was with him, all her worries over her mother's illness dissolved, if only for a few brief, wondrous moments. He possessed what she felt was a magical ability to distract her from her troubles. She could never get her mind off him. When they were separated, she pined for him to be near. Although she wasn't exactly conscious of it, those precious thoughts helped keep her concern for her mother from consuming her.

But she was also feeling less and less comfortable when they were alone. Their interludes had started out innocently, but as the summer matured, his constant and overpowering urge for her felt like a giant boulder blocking her path - their path. She didn't know what to do about it and the dilemma frightened her. Azaria felt his frustration whenever she was alone with him, even if he didn't mention it. She could feel his need pressing against her back and wished it would go away. She'd told him more than once he could go relieve himself if he wanted, but he always refused, usually making some excuse about how he could prove himself to her until she was ready. The problem was, he wanted her to be ready now. He’d asked her once if they could mate and pushed her for a good reason when she refused. He seemed to think the normal rules didn't really apply to them, since of course they’d be together forever. When she asked him what her father would think of his reasoning, he quickly dropped the subject. But the point had been breached. It was out there now. She knew what he wanted and that she couldn't give it to him. She didn't think the disagreement would break them, but still it was there and would be until they were tied. All she could think to do was to try to ignore it until it resolved itself properly.

As if his fingers could read her thoughts, she felt them migrating higher up her thigh. She kept her hand on his while it explored, a last resort guardian. It moved up to her mid-section and then back down into the dark hairs that grew just below her waist. She wasn't sure if his fingers should be there or not, but let them linger for a moment before tightening her grip on his hand. His fingers massaged the area briefly, perhaps surprised to have reached this unknown land, before sliding further down. Azaria finally grasped his hand tightly and pulled. She could feel the muscles in Dogahn's hand tighten, resisting her objection. "Please," he pleaded lightly in her ear, "I just want to know what it feels like."

Azaria tolerated his trespass briefly before saying, "Dogahn, that's enough."

"Can't I play just a little while longer?" he whispered before taking the bottom part of her earlobe between his lips. When she didn't respond, he slid his hand down past the tuft of hair again.

"Aaahhhh!" Azaria exclaimed, tugging his hand back.

"What is it?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"We've had enough fun for now," she said firmly.

"I'm sorry," he quickly said, having detected a note of anger. He shifted position to look into her eyes and could see she wasn't truly angry, perhaps more startled that he’d moved so suddenly. "I won't do it again."

"It's okay," she said, reaching over to press her lips against his. "I shouldn't have let you go so far. It's not your fault." Turning around, she lowered her body back down until all her weight was resting on his, now facing him with her legs straddling his frame. Her skirt was still hiked high on her hips and he knew the only thing between himself and the spot he was just exploring was his thin leather garment. He wished it wasn't there.

"Azaria?" he whispered after a long kiss.

"Yes?"

"Maybe you could explore me a little now..."

She leaned back, taking his head in her hands, peering into his brilliant, hazel eyes. She could see all the longing that had dammed up over the last moon, ready to burst at any moment.
No, over our whole lives
, she realized.
Since we were children we were attracted to each other. I always wanted to play with him and he with me, even when the other boys teased him for it.
Now she wanted to please him, to do what he asked.

But it was forbidden.

What she’d already allowed went too far. She had to be the one who kept some semblance of discipline between them. "You know it’s wrong, Dogahn. We've already talked about it. I'm sorry."

He looked away, her heart breaking at his clear agitation. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"It isn’t fair, Azaria," he said, not bothering to mask the anger in his voice. "I touched you. I made you feel good. You should do the same for me. Isn't that the way things work? Our people survive because we share, we do things for each other. If someone does something for someone, then the other person owes him a debt."

"I know..." Azaria felt guilty listening to his logic. Of course, he was right. She hadn't thought of it that way, but he was right. She should return the favor. Custom demanded it. But she also knew she couldn't do what he asked. Both paths were wrong. She grew frustrated at the paradox and then angry at herself for allowing it to happen in the first place. She was also a little annoyed at him. He pushed her farther than she thought right and then used her grudging compliance against her. That wasn't fair either. She got up and pulled her skin back down. "I'm sorry, Dogahn. I do owe you a favor. If you want to ask for something else, I’ll happily give it to you. But I'm not doing that."

"But I don't want anything else. That's the only thing I want. And it's of equal value. It's the same thing, just returned. Like you cut my hair and I cut yours." He had seen her initial look of guilt and pounced on it, thinking he could exploit it to win the argument. But her answer surprised him.

"No, Dogahn. Go explore yourself. I'm going back. If you don't want anything else, then you forfeit the favor. And I'll make sure never to make the mistake of accepting that
favor
from you again."

Startled and a little scared of the new divide his pressure had forged, he sprung up and reached for her. "Azaria, I'm sorry," he called as she took quick steps away from him.

“Ha ha! What’s wrong Dogahn? Can’t control your woman?” a deep voice called out.

Dogahn turned quickly only to find Luzon’s massive frame standing several paces away, laughing at him.

“Shut up, Luzon,” Dogahn spat. “Where in the Ta’ar did you come from anyway? Were you spying on us?”

Luzon glared back at him. “Make me shut up!”

“Come on, Dogahn,” Azaria said, also wondering when he’d shown up. She grabbed his hand and tugged, knowing Dogahn had little hope against the hulking young man.

Dogahn pulled his hand away sharply, lost in souring contemplation, imagining Luzon teasing him ruthlessly in front of the other boys. He'd go on and on about how he wasn't man enough to control his woman. How he wasn't man enough to make her do what he wanted her to do. Everyone would be making fun of him, soon enough. He was angry and tired of it. Young men needed to have pleasures. That was the way things were. He resolved that things would be different.

But he knew he had little chance against the giant younger brother of the wrestling champion. "Right," he answered. "Let's go."

Azaria noticed the sharpness in his voice but ignored it, thinking it was directed only at Luzon.

6

Nearly every family eagerly anticipated the imminent arrival of loved ones from the Great Temple’s second work detail. The Ta'araki had scheduled the Matrimonial Ceremony, the most favored event of the summer for a few suns after the workers and servant girls returned. Most women loved to watch their daughters, sisters and friends tied off, while the men were more excited for the subsequent feast. Men and women were encouraged to celebrate the new matings by honoring the Great Earth Mother. This meant sharing pleasures with members they might not normally consider. It was one of the last vestiges reserved only for the Great Mother and although some Ta'araki might have secretly wished it was done away with altogether, its popularity among the Natu assured its continuing survival. It was the one night when a man or woman could approach someone desirable with no threat of reprisal from a mate or overly protective friend or family member. It wasn't required that every member participate or accept every offer, but many opened themselves to possibilities they normally might not entertain. Large quantities of fermented beverages and psychotropic substances emboldened even the most demure to all varieties of acts they generally wouldn't consider. Some took multiple partners, others experimented with the same sex. Many women pursued men known to be particularly good lovers. Quite a few also made themselves available to the young men who were not yet mated. This fact made the Matrimonial Feast the most anticipated celebration for almost all the young men, even more so than the Summer Solstice Festival with all its games and competitions.

Azaria was particularly looking forward to it, as her young friends Malena and Azul were set to be tied. She was filled with a little trepidation however. Yumineh and Malena were very close. Avoiding the Fox Camp girl would be next to impossible.

The morning of the Festival arrived quickly. To almost everyone's great fear, a rare mid-summer shower threatened to ruin the event. Azerban was busy all morning, tasked by Fahim and Takur with the duty of beseeching the Ta'ar to hold off the rain. Azaria was scrambling around preparing herself for the grand night, while also tending her mother's needs and making the finishing touches to the red deer outfit she'd been working on. Zephia, her condition improving, kept herself busy not only assisting her daughter, but also warning her once again of the dangers of the night's extremities. Quzo had been running in and out incessantly, as excited as the grown-ups for the fun night he'd have - participating in the separated activities reserved for the children.

Azaria left her shelter in a rush, eager to meet her girlfriends early. As she approached the seating area she spied Daneel, Malena, the twins Ilaya and Aisika, and Yumineh choosing seats close to the front, just to the right of the central corridor that the night's honored participants would be parading down. It was as close as they could get to the spot where Malena advised them her and Azul would be standing. They would also have a clear view of all the betrothed couples making their way down the aisle. Hundreds of stumps along with many long, large logs had been set out for the viewers' comfort, the ceremony being too lengthy to expect the attendees to remain standing. The Ta'araki knew they could hold the audience's attention longer if they were made as comfortable as possible.

As she met them, Yumineh stepped forward to greet her first. Inexplicably, the Fox Camp girl hugged her affectionately. “Azaria! I love that outfit. You must’ve worked so hard on it. You look beautiful!” she said.

Azaria was stunned. Yumineh acted as if nothing had happened between them. She’d expected they would mostly ignore each other, but apparently Yumineh had other plans. Azaria wasn’t one to relish a scene however and decided if Yumineh wanted to pretend, then she could play along. “You too,” she answered. “I’ve always admired the Fox Camp styles.”

Yumineh stepped back and smiled, waiting to see if Azaria would offer anything more. Finally she spoke again, loud enough for the other girls to hear, “I know you probably hate me, Azaria. I was really awful at the Temple. I’m truly sorry. I guess I didn’t think it was fair you were getting the easy assignments. But I know it wasn’t your fault. Can you forgive me?”

Azaria silently damned her. She was in no mood to forgive so easily. Yumineh had made her first experience with Temple duties unbearable, had almost broken Daneel and her apart. Now she was putting her on the spot, having to either reject her in front of her other friends or accept the apology. She decided to hike the high trail. “I understand why you were upset. I’d be happy if we could put it behind us,” she said.

As they took their seats, Daneel slid one arm through hers and pulled her close. “That was brave of you, Azaria,” she whispered. Azaria looked down at her smile and leaned into her. She knew what she was thinking and hoped it was so. Maybe Yumineh really meant it.

After the ceremony, Azaria was prepared to wait to mob Malena and Azul, but Daneel was pushing her in the opposite direction, pulling Yumineh with her. Azaria acquiesced and followed Ilaya and Aisika toward the outer edge. The five girls grouped up outside the seating area.

"Should we wait for Malena?" Ilaya asked.

"No. She'll be busy for a while," Daneel said. "We'll see her later. Let's get something to eat. I'm starving."

The others agreed and the five were soon filling their plates, picking and choosing from among the many offerings. Nearly every kind of meat in the Natu diet was being served, from gazelle, wild goat and aurochs, to all varieties of fowl and fish, to the finer delicacies, like giant turtle, frog and lizard. Huge bone plates were packed full with greens, mushrooms and rooted vegetables. There were also bowls filled with plump figs, roasted pistachios, chestnuts and almonds and several kinds of deliciously sweet berries. The girls talked amongst themselves while they ate, most of the conversation filled with comments about how much better Malena looked than the other girls or how long the entire affair was. Azaria added little to the discussion, preoccupied with watching for Dogahn or Malena and Azul. She found Dogahn first, or rather he found her. She saw him walking straight for them, smiling as he caught her eye. As usual, Tiriz was by his side. Both had huge mounds of food piled on their plates and cups filled with something Azaria doubted was water. Tiriz's plate was piled so high, he was having trouble balancing both plate and cup, losing food or drink depending on which hand he was concentrating on.

"Do you think you have enough there, Tiriz?" Daneel said as the two arrived.

"No! I think you should get me more!" Tiriz shot back. "Maybe you should keep your mouth shut and help me sit. See, watch Azaria. You can learn from her." He’d jealously noticed Azaria taking Dogahn's plate so he could sit beside her without making a mess.

"Ha! None of that is ever going to happen," Daneel said. "Actually, I'll help you with your cup. What do you have in there?"

"Noooooooh," Tiriz replied, pulling the cup away sharply, causing a large heap of meat to fall off his plate. "Holy Ta'ar, woman! Get away from me!" he said, sending everyone but him into fits of laughter.

"Tiriz, why so much food? You can't possibly eat all that. You're not trying to make up for some other deficiency are you?" Ilaya teased, causing Dogahn to laugh so hard he had to spit his first bite from his mouth.

"Yeah, you do know not everything grows in proportion to how much you eat, right?" Aisika joined in, producing more laughter from the group.

Tiriz, having managed to seat himself, could only stare from one mocker to the next with a blank look on his face, wondering what he’d done to deserve it all. Finally coming up with what he thought was a witty comeback, he said to Ilaya and Aisika, "I was going to share it with everyone. But now you two will get none." He looked smug.

"Yeah right!" Ilaya and Aisika yelled out.

"Whatever!" Daneel added.

"You'll get none either, Daneel!" he barked. "Azaria, Yumineh, would either of you like some of my food?" he asked, producing another outburst of laughter from the group.

"No thanks, Tiriz," Azaria said, smiling at him sympathetically, her head slightly cocked to the side.

"I'll have some, Tiriz," Yumineh said, picking at a small morsel of turtle meat. "We don't want you getting too big. You'll scare all the girls off, you know," she added with an innocent smile, producing another round of laughter.

"What's so funny?" a soft, feminine voice asked, finally putting Tiriz out of his misery.

Azaria looked up to see Malena and Azul standing with their hands bound together behind Dogahn and Tiriz. With all the bantering, she hadn't even noticed their approach.

"Malena!!!" the five girls screamed in surprise, instantly jumping up to embrace her. The girls' response startled Tiriz so much he had to catch himself from falling backward off the log. Although he kept himself upright, he wasn't able to stop another large amount of food from dropping into his lap and his cup from tipping over, spilling all its contents. Luckily for him, everyone was too caught up in Malena's arrival to notice.

"Congratulations!" they all yelled, trying to hug her all at once.

"Congratulations, Azul!" Daneel said, offering a hug and kiss.

"Yeah, you too, Azul. Congratulations!" the other girls joined in, embracing him also.

Dogahn had removed enough food from his plate to safely set it on the log, allowing him to get up and congratulate the new couple. Tiriz however was still scared he'd lose yet more food and was having trouble deciding what to do. Yumineh finally came to his rescue, taking the plate from his hands so he could get up.

"Tiriz, I know you have more than enough food there, but you're supposed to put it in your mouth, not on your lap," Malena said as she reached out to hug him, pointing to the fresh stains near his belly. She was surprised at the amount of laughter her teasing produced. She didn't think it was that funny of a joke.

"Have you eaten yet?" Daneel asked them.

"No, not yet. We've been trying to see everyone first. But we will now, while the food is still warm," Malena replied.

"My parents want us to eat with them, but we'll see you during the dancing," Azul added.

"Okay, go eat! We'll see you later," Daneel said, amid goodbyes from the rest.

Shortly after Malena and Azul had left, the tone of the background music morphed to a merrier cadence. The deep throbbing of the drums became more prominent and the pace quickened. Dancers soon filled the central area within the circle of bonfires, twirling and gyrating in rhythm with the beat. Many of the male revelers slipped out of their tunics. Some of the women pulled their outfits halfway down to expose their breasts, while others ditched their garments entirely.

"Oooohh! The dancing is starting," Ilaya said.

"Ohhh! Let's go find some poison first," Daneel suggested. "Do you guys want to come?"

Tiriz, who was still stuffing his mouth with food, shook his head vigorously.

"You go ahead. We'll catch up later," Dogahn answered for both of them. He got up, his gaze on Azaria. He hadn't seen as much of her as he would have liked lately - he'd have been happier spending the evening alone with her rather than drinking and dancing all night. As she rose, her eyes met his. She could read from his expression what was on his mind, and felt the same way. She would rather stay with him than go off searching for drink with her friends.

Shedding her natural reservedness in front of others, she stepped up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll see you later, okay?" she whispered in his ear.

"I can't wait," he whispered back.

As they turned away, Tiriz called out, "Can one of you fill my fist? Someone knocked it over."

The five girls looked back at him unsympathetically. Azaria noticed his wooden cup lying by his foot on the dirt, a small puddle next to it.

"What? Everyone jumped up when Malena got here. Someone must have kicked it," Tiriz explained defensively, twisting the truth. "Please? Someone just fill it... Yumineh?" he asked, sending the Fox Camp girl a forlorn look.

"Fine..." she answered, taking his cup in her other fist.

The five girls wandered around the bon fires and throbbing crowds searching for an unattended bag they could fill their cups with. But unlike the Solstice Celebration, where drink was freely available, all was now being regulated. This night was too dangerous for the virgin girls to be allowed to partake without some minimal precautions.

"We'll have to ask someone," Daneel eventually said.

Azaria's eyes were drawn to a large mass of revelers near one of the tables. Bursts of laughter kept emanating from it. "What about over there?" she suggested, pointing to the group.

"Oh, those are the fillers," Ilaya explained. "Father said we're not to go near them," Aisika added.

"Why not?" Daneel asked, "They're no harm. They look like they're having fun."

"We'll be all right as long as we're all together, watching after each other right?" Yumineh argued. "Let's go..."

The five approached the crowd cautiously, but after a while of straying around the outskirts, unable to fully hear what was being said and not understanding what the older revelers were laughing about, their frustration grew and they tried pushing into the mass. Azaria was feeling claustrophobic with the crush of bodies around her and began to question her initial suggestion, deciding she'd rather back out and try somewhere else.