Axira Episode One (13 page)

I was going to have to catch my sister and explain this
before she said anything to Em. I’d managed to foster a scrap of
trust with her last night, and I didn’t want to lose it already. I
wanted Em to know that I was on her side. So I rushed faster until
my feet pushed into a jog.

...

Axira

I was being forced to endure far more stares than usual
today. It seemed that my classmates were now more convinced than
ever that I was the greatest curiosity in the universe. I heard a
few of them whisper that word –
master
– but none of them were brave
enough to walk up to me and ask who or what he was. Which was a
good thing, because I wasn’t entirely sure what I would do if
someone did.

I was beginning to realize I wasn’t as controlled as I’d
thought I was. I’d left it four years before joining the Academy,
not just because I’d enjoyed the feeling of freedom, but because
I’d known there was a lot to learn. From customs and behaviors to
discipline. I’d accepted this would be a hard task. Yet I was
rapidly learning I’d underestimated how hard it would
be.

I walked through the grounds to my next class. I was somewhat
disappointed to find out it was combat, and Elle would not be
there. She was still attending the introductory class, and I’d
moved up very swiftly to the elite course.

Lieutenant Ma’tovan was waiting at the track for us, his
enormous form casting a long shadow over the grass. He growled at
us, as he always did, and instructed us in today’s
lesson.

Before I could pair off with a partner, he walked up to me.
“I’ll be your partner today, Cadet Em,” he snarled. The man
couldn’t say anything without growling or snarling it. He probably
even roared in his thoughts.

I dutifully snapped a salute and took up position.

The lieutenant shot me a wary, angry gaze. “I’m not gonna
lie, Em: you’re one of my best combat recruits. But I don’t need to
tell you that, nor do I need to tell anybody else. You take one
look at the way you hold yourself and anybody knows not to mess
with you.”

My brow crumpled in confusion. I wanted to ask what he was
getting at, but I was smart enough to know he’d reach his point
when he was ready.

“
They told me what you did yesterday. They told me you were
verging on insubordinate in your telepathic defense class, let
alone what you did when that mindair confronted you at the party
last night. Now I’ll be honest with you: I hate telepaths, myself.
I can’t stand the thought of them prying around my mind. I once
broke a Kore assassin’s nose because he had the hubris to get
between me and my thoughts. But I had every right to attack him,
because he’d been attacking my crew.”

I stared at a point just below the lieutenant’s left
shoulder. I controlled my expression.

“
Admiral Singh wanted me to drop this, and I am dropping it;
you aren’t going to be reprimanded. And I agree that’s a good move.
But we shouldn’t ignore this, because it demonstrates something I
already know about you, Cadet.”

I looked up. I shouldn’t have; you weren’t meant to meet a
Ravang’s gaze, but I couldn’t stop myself. Nor could I control the
particularly hard edge of my expression.

“
You can’t control yourself,” he supplied. “Don’t get me wrong
– you’re the least troublesome cadet I’ve ever met. You don’t get
into bar fights, you don’t get into trouble, and you haven’t wound
up in the med bay once. But don’t think I don’t know what’s going
on in your mind when you look at me like that. You want to stick
your fist right through my face. I’m a Ravang, and I know just how
to spot that particular desire.”

I remained silent, but I couldn’t drop my gaze no matter how
hard I tried to force myself to.

“
You might think you’re controlled, but what you are is
bottled up. You try to manage your environment so you don’t come
across anything that truly pisses you off. Because if you do come
across something that truly pisses you off, you’re not sure how
you’ll react. Right?”

I still didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t stop my left hand
from clutching into a fist.

The lieutenant let his gaze dart down to it before it slowly
returned to my eyes. “One day you will make one hell of a Coalition
soldier. One day I would be happy to go into battle with you. But
not today. I don’t doubt that you could run faster and hit harder
than any of the other recruits.” He jammed a thumb over his
shoulder to indicate the rest of the class who were thankfully well
out of earshot. “But that’s not gonna make you a protector. That’s
gonna make you a killer.”

I reacted. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. But I jerked
back as if I’d been slapped, my face contorting with
emotion.

My entire life was predicated on the fact that I had not been
in control when I’d been Axira. I was not responsible for what I’d
done. And now I was free of my master, I would never have to do
those horrible things again. Yet here the lieutenant was, casting
doubt on that belief.

I took several jerked steps back from him, pressing a hand
over my eyes.

He didn’t move. “I’m not gonna ask what you did in your past,
because all that matters is that you’re an Academy recruit now. But
I am gonna tell you this: if you want to be nothing more than a
glorified killer who wears a Coalition uniform and pips, then
continue doing what you’re doing. Your orders – no matter how
brutal – will be an outlet for all that anger. You’ll twist every
mission so you can wield your strength and power, do anything to
make yourself feel in control. But if you want to be a guardian,”
he brought one of his massive hands forward and stabbed a finger my
way, “If you want to protect, if you want to only kill if it means
the difference between saving someone’s life and condemning them,
then you need to learn how to control yourself. You need to learn
how to deal with all that anger, before it continues to control
you.”

I couldn’t cry; I wasn’t capable of it, but my face could
still twist with emotion, my eyes still shake as terror and grief
gushed from me.

“
The Admiral didn’t want me to confront you, thought I should
treat you with kid gloves. Well I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but
my hands are far too big for those. I know how to deal with people
like you, because I happen to be someone like you. Now, why don’t
you take the day off and think about what I’ve said. Go for a run.
Not one of the measured runs you always give me when you hold
yourself back. Sprint. Push yourself to the limits. Make your
muscles and bones scream until they can’t take any more. Then, when
you’re tired – if you can ever get tired – sit down and think.
Consider your future, Cadet Em. Consider what I’ve said. Figure out
whether you want to be a killer or a guardian. And when you’ve
decided, report back to me.”

With that, the lieutenant turned sharply on his heel, the sun
glittering over his black skin as he stalked off to shout at the
rest of the cadets.

I stood there, mouth open, eyes wide with shock. In that
moment I was feeling more emotion than I had in years, maybe my
whole life. It spilled out of me like it was gushing from a wound
in my chest. I brought a hand up and clutched it over the fabric of
my uniform, digging the fingers in as if I were looking for the
injury. Eventually I managed to force myself to turn. Then, with my
body still shaking, I did as I was told and pushed myself into a
run.

There was just enough reason left in my mind to ensure I
didn’t go all out, that I didn’t run so fast I tore the boots from
my feet. Yet I didn’t control myself completely. I let my body
move.

I kept running until I made it all the way out of the Academy
grounds. In fact, I ran right out of the city, keeping a pace that
would have killed most of my classmates. I ran until I reached the
forest. And when I was there, I jumped, reaching a glen amongst the
trees. I let my body disappear from one point and travel through
subspace until I reappeared somewhere else.

With a scream that cut the air, I kept subspace jumping as if
I were crazed. Darting around the glen from one tree to another,
from the sky to the ground – just jumping and jumping and jumping
until finally I could start to feel the fatigue emptying out of my
body.

With another scream as if I’d been shot, I fell to the
ground. I slammed my fists into the dirt, one after the other,
obliterating any stone or twig that was underneath me, until
finally I stopped. Dirt covered me, and scraps of wood were
scattered around my feet. I rested back on my haunches and stared
up into the sky.

Though the ever present paranoid part of my mind told me it
was over, and that it was time to leave the Academy, I didn’t move.
Instead I did as I was told, and I started to think. Think about
what the lieutenant had said.

Did I honestly know the difference between being a mindless
killer and a guardian?

Chapter 8

Jason Singh

“
You’ve gotta be kidding me.” I sighed into my drink and shook
my head.

Another night wasted, I thought.

I’d had a lead. One of the teachers from engineering – Emma
Carrington – had come to my attention recently. Too many private
encrypted messages and too many holidays away from campus. Well now
I was sitting two seats across from her as I realized her secret
was less of the treasonous kind and more of the romantic tryst
kind. To be honest, I kind of felt happy for her, as she’d been
single since her husband had died in a Barbarian attack. Still,
this was another night wasted.

I paused, slammed a hand on the bar, then drowned the rest of
my drink. Returning the glass to the table, I smiled at the
bartender and walked out. Shoving my hands into the pockets of my
civilian jacket, I warded off the chill by rounding my shoulders
and receding into my collar.

Admiral Forest was understandably getting twitchy. Three
months, and what did I have to show for it? Nothing but dead
ends.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. It felt like I’d canvassed
every single member of the Academy, but I still couldn’t find out
who the leak was. It wasn’t as if our spy had run away either – we
knew from leaked documents that they were still at it. But who they
were and where they were, was still a mystery.

How the hell was I meant to catch them?

Shaking my head and grating my teeth together, I walked down
the treed boulevard. When I realized it was too full of cadets and
teachers from the Academy, I walked down a few side streets
instead.

This area of town was beautiful. Wide thoroughfares offset
with mature oaks and elms that led down to cobbled laneways with
well-kept median strips. There were even old-style lamp posts and
wrought iron chairs. It was exactly the section of town you went to
if you were on a date, and I had to congratulate Emma for her good
taste.

“
You’re not getting anywhere,” I moaned to myself, shoving my
hands further into my pockets. I rounded a corner into another
laneway, and that’s when someone ran into me – smack bang into me.
It felt like being hit by a cruiser.

I fell flat on my ass. “Jesus,” I said as I brought a hand up
to check my back.

Then I blinked. It was Cadet Em. She was dirty, the front of
her uniform muddy, her sleeves caked in earth. Her hair, which
usually sat in sleek lines of thick tendrils down her back, had the
occasional leaf and twig sticking out of it.

“
Christ, are you okay?” I jumped to my feet to take a better
look at her.

She tilted her head to the side before nodding. “I’m fine.
Sorry for knocking you over.” She turned to walk away.

I held a hand out to her. “No, wait.”

Reluctantly she came to a stop.

As I saw how stiff her body language was, a wave of cold
dread spread through me. Had my sister told her what I’d been
discussing with Hendra this morning?

My mouth quickly became dry and I struggled to suck in a
breath. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened this morning,” I said,
realizing it was better to man up to it even if my indiscretion
wasn’t the cause of Em’s current mood.

She blinked hard. “There’s no need to be sorry; Lieutenant
Ma’tovan was correct.”

“
What?” My brow knotted together.

“
I lack control,” she remarked in a weak voice.

It was my turn to tilt my head in confusion. I remembered my
mother promising me that no one was going to say anything to Em.
None of her teachers were gonna push her, regardless of how rude
she’d been to Hendra. But now it sounded as if Lieutenant Ma’tovan
had ignored that order.

My hackles started to rise. Em was clearly not in a position
where she should be pushed, so what the hell was the lieutenant
doing pushing her anyway?

Perhaps Em could sense my growing ire, because her eyes
flashed up to mine. “It’s nothing to concern yourself with,
Lieutenant. I apologize for knocking you over.” She turned to
leave.

I reached out a hand again. “No, look, you don’t have to
leave. We could … walk back to the Academy together,” I suggested
in a halting voice that sounded like I was asking her out on a
date. I really wasn’t; I was trying to keep her talking so she
didn’t do something stupid like quit the Academy. Yet I couldn’t
convince my shaking voice and trembling heart to stay
still.