Away (38 page)

After pouring my heart out to her for a good fifteen minutes, we began our drive back down to where my heart knew I should have stayed. They were my parents, yes, but they weren’t the people I should have been with today. No. Today was important for Jason, and I needed to be next to him, not my parents. I knew Jason was okay and out of surgery, but that still didn’t stop me from being overly anxious to see him. I had a lot to make up to him for being gone when he needed me the most. Thirty minutes into our drive back, I felt my phone vibrate against my leg, breaking me from my restless thoughts.

I looked over at Mel who was peering at me out of the corner of her eyes. “Who is it?” she asked curiously.

I glanced at the unknown number on the screen. I looked up at her and shrugged. “It says ‘unknown’. Should I answer it?”

“Yeah, it might be the hospital,” she reminded me.

“Good point.” I replied as I slid my finger across the phone to answer it. “Hello?”

“Cassie?” I heard a faint voice on the other end of the phone. It sounded like Moose, but I wasn’t positive from the muffled voice.

“Moose? Is that you? I can barely hear you.”

“Yeah, it’s me, Cassie.” His voice sounded strained and subdued as he spoke into the phone.

“What’s up? Trish already called me a while ago. We’re on our way back now.”

“Cassie, you need to hurry. It’s bad.”

“Moose? What are you talking about? What’s bad?”

My heart stopped. It literally stopped beating as I froze, trying to understand what he was saying. “You have to tell me what that means. I don’t know what you’re saying. Please tell me what it means Moose?” I screamed into the phone, my body shaking with nerves, my heart racing a mile a minute as I waited for his response.

“The doctors are doing everything they can. Just get down here fast.” He sobbed into the phone, finally stopping the fight against them.

“Moose, No!” I yelled harder into the phone. I put a hand to my chest, the pain too much to bear. My heart was being torn apart, not into, not in pieces, but in shreds.

“Just hurry.”

“No!” I screamed into the phone as he hung up.

“What the fuck is going on?” Mel looked over at me, her eyes wide with horror.

I frantically shook my head as I tried to catch my breath between sobs. My whole body convulsed under the immense power. Mel pulled off the side of the highway. I could tell we had stopped, but that was the last thing we should be doing. I just couldn’t get a break in between cries to tell Mel we had to go; we had to save Jason. She turned her body to face me, and putting her hands firmly on either side of my face, she peered into my tear soaked eyes.

“Breathe, Cassandra. I need you to breathe,” she said with a calm tone.

“I, I, I can’t.” I managed to stammer. “No. Please, hurry.”

“Sweetie, you have to tell me what is going on.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t talk. Of all the times I needed to, my voice wouldn’t allow it. All I could do was panic, and let the sobs take over my body.

“Now!” she screamed at me in a tone she’d never used with me before.

I ripped her hands off my face and screamed as my instinct to get us to Jason kicked in full gear. “Moose said it’s bad. We have to HURRY!”

“Oh my God,” she muttered under her breath as she looked over at me with the most scared set of eyes I had ever seen.

Her hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles were white. She spun her tires as the car left the side of the road and reentered the highway, leaving a trail of dust behind us. Her hand tightly gripped mine as she drove like a racecar driver down the highway, not once losing speed or caring that we might get pulled over. I was sure she would keep going even if the police were behind us.

We arrived at Prairie Medical Hospital in less than an hour. Mel parked in front, not giving two cares in the world that it wasn’t an actual parking spot. We raced out of the car and through the front doors. I was out of breath, and my chest felt weighted with bricks. My body was in immeasurable pain as the sobs and shaking took over. I didn’t care though; I didn’t care about any of it. I just needed Jason. He was all I could focus on as we made our way up to his floor. The elevator ride felt as though it would never end as each floor passed slower than the last. The doors finally opened, and like a scene out of a horror movie, no one that I knew was in the waiting room. I couldn’t see Trish, Bart, or even Moose. I scanned the room two times, but they weren’t around. I began to panic until I thought they might be with Jase. The doctors must have fixed whatever was wrong. I had to believe with every fiber of my being that this was why. I looked over at Mel who also scanned the room, and she met my eyes with hers. It seemed we both had the same thoughts running through our minds that Jase was okay, and we let out a breath of relief at the same time. I started walking to find him, with Mel following behind. I couldn’t wait to wrap my arms around him after the scare he just gave me.

“Everyone must be in his room. I could hit Moose. I’m so mad for the scare he gave me.” I told Mel as we walked.

“Yeah, no kidding,” she replied.

We walked down the recovery hall and immediately stopped when we saw everyone standing in the hall around the doorway of a room. I didn’t care who I was bumping into as I pushed past them to see whose room it was. After passing a few people, my heart stopped as I saw Trish. Her face would haunt me for the rest of my life. It was ghost white as she cried in Bart’s arms. He, too, looked pained, tears streaming down his anguished face. I put my hand to my mouth as I watched and listened. Everyone was in hysterics, screeching, and wailing. It sounded like a pack of wolves howling in pain. Mel put her hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t feel it, but I could see it. I was starting to go numb as we continued watching.

Moose came through the crowd and headed toward me as if he was walking to the edge of a cliff. He seemed to have a hard time placing one foot in front of the other as he neared the edge.
Me
. His eyes, almost too swollen to see through, were open as he approached me. He stared at me a moment, a moment that was too long, before he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. I felt sick, like my insides were about to explode any second if he didn’t start talking. He stepped even closer, our toes almost touching, tears trickling from the corners of his eyes.

“What’s going on Moose?” I asked him. I needed answers.

“Something went wrong and there were complications.” His voice was quiet and cracked as the last of his words came out of his quivering lips.

“He’s okay though, right?” I asked, using all the hope I had left in me. Everyone was just crying because they were scared. That had to be the reason.

“No. He went septic and he’s gone.” His voice was a soft whisper, but it felt like a cannon exploding in my ears.

I watched as Mel’s head dropped and her body went limp. One hand went to her face and the other to her stomach as she held herself. It wasn’t possible though. It couldn’t be real.

“No! I don’t believe you. I need to see him.” I tried to get past him, but he threw his arms around my flailing ones as I tried to escape the strong hold he had on me.

“Listen to me. They tried everything they could to save him, but it just wasn’t enough. He didn’t make it. His body shut down,” he cried, trying hard to breathe through his own hard sobs. “I’m sorry, Cassie.”

“NO! JASE!” I screamed in agony. Moose didn’t say anything else as he wept with me. His arms went weak and his hold turned into a hug as he tightly gripped my body. He needed someone to hold him as much as I needed someone to hold me. Except I wanted it to be Jason, needed it to be Jason’s arms around me. I held Moose back though, unleashing my heartache on his shoulder. Visions of Jason ran through my brain as I saw his perfectly scruffy face, his bold green eyes, and his sexy infectious grin.

Moose let go of his hold and looked at me through his wet eyes. “The hospital won’t take him away until we’re ready, so we all have time to say goodbye. Do you want to see him?”

“I do. I have to see him Moose,” I sobbed back to him. He shook his head and held my hand, guiding us through a sea of people.

We didn’t make it far before I had a feeling to look over to my right. The instant I did, our eyes met. A moment passed between Trish and me that I would never forget. I saw in her eyes that her heart had just been ripped out, and that she had just lost her son, her baby. I all but ran to her and threw my arms around her neck. Bracing ourselves against one another, we poured out our grief together. I hugged her tightly, trying to get any sign of comfort from her, but there was nothing. Nothing would ever be okay or comforting about this. The world had just lost a ray of sunshine. It would never be as bright as it once was. Her arms held me for several minutes, but nothing could be said in this moment. The only thing that could be done was the releasing of the pain inside us. I felt a hand on my arm and looked over to see Moose. It was time. I didn’t know how ready I was for this, and as I let go of Trish, her hand touched the side of my face before I walked away. We stepped the few feet and stopped at the door to Jase’s room. Moose dropped his gaze, tears streaming down his face as he let go of my hand.

“Take all the time you need,” he whispered.

I slowly entered the silent, somber room. I couldn’t look at the bed that he was on as I walked up to it. I didn’t know how to prepare myself for what I was about to see, but when I finally lifted my gaze and saw him, I realized then that nothing could have prepared me. I held my stomach as hard cries escaped me.

“Jase!” I cried out as I looked at him, shaking my head in utter disbelief. He was lying so still with his eyes closed. He didn’t look like he was gone. It only looked like he was sleeping.

“Jase, wake up! Please, wake up. PLEASE!” I screamed as I carefully reached my hand out to touch his face. I prayed my touch would work some kind of Disney magic. I carefully placed my hand on his cheek, the scruff that I loved so much tickling my hand. He didn’t wake up though. He didn’t look at me and pull me down for a kiss like the reunion we were supposed to have. This wasn’t right. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

“You must have been so scared. I should have been here. I’m horrible Jase. I never should have left you.” I stepped closer to the bed, leaving no room between us. As I bent down to wrap my arms around him, I laid my head on his still chest and listened for his heartbeat that had soothed me to sleep countless nights. But there was nothing. The beating had stopped. “I need your heart to beat, Jase. It’s supposed to be beating.” I clenched my eyes closed as I held onto him, letting the tears escape my closed eyes.

“You weren’t supposed to leave this way. Not like this. What am I going to do without you?” I asked him, soaking the gown that covered his body with my heartache.

“I’ll never forgive myself for leaving.
Never
. All I want is for you to put your arms around me and tell me it’s all a dream. Wake me up, Jase. Please.” I begged him. I moved my arms from his waist and grabbed his to wrap around me, to hug me back, but it was limp and wouldn’t stay around me. I choked out a hard cry and slowly lifted my shattered body from his chest, and placed his lifeless arms by his side.

I looked down through my wet eyes at his unresponsive face. “I can’t say goodbye. I can’t do it.”

I lowered myself down, placed my hands on either side of his face, and put my mouth to his. I pressed hard against his lips, wanting, needing him to kiss me back, but he couldn’t. Every ounce of Jase that was once in this body had vanished. It was nothing but a body that looked like Jase. My sweet guy was gone. He was really gone.

I pressed my lips onto his once more, and then gently held his face in my hands. “I love you so much. I’m your Sweetheart forever.”

I removed my hands from his cheeks and looked one last time before I cried out, falling to my knees next to his bed. Moose rushed to my side, wrapping his arms around me. My heart squeezed as I bawled into Moose’s shoulder, and then it exploded. Torment and pain spread inside of me, piercing through my veins, and every vivid memory of Jason seeped through me. The world around me had just come undone in such a way that no builder would ever be able to piece it back together again. It would never, ever, be the same. I could feel my lungs gasping for air as my chest tightened, making it too hard to breathe. I put my hand to my chest as the pressure built. I needed to get out of here. I had to do what brought me here in the first place. I had to run away.

I got up as best I could, leaving Moose, and the room behind me. I ran down the hall to the elevator, not once looking back, but knowing Mel was right behind me. I dashed inside the elevator as it opened, pushing past a younger man who was rushing to get out. I slammed my hands against the buttons not knowing which ones I was hitting until Mel gripped my hands in hers and pushed the button for the lobby. We started moving down to the bottom level. Ironically, it felt like I had already hit the bottom. I didn’t think I could get any further down, but I was about to find out that I was wrong.