Awakening the Beast (17 page)

It was cold. She turned around and tried to see the forest that she had come from, but it was no longer there. The white raven shrieked again. When she searched for it, Illiana found nothing.

“Hello,” she called into the void.

The darkness did not respond, but Illiana felt a presence behind her. It was feral. She turned and noticed shining eyes in the darkness. The blackness receded and the wolf stood before her. It growled and slipped back into the darkness. Fire sparked and illuminated the space she was in. The wind raged trying to extinguish the fire. Earth shook trying to swallow it up. A clap of thunder came from above and lightning illuminated the sky. It all came together in a maelstrom. Illiana tried to gain control of all the elements at once, but she could not tame them. The elements were inside of her as they were inside of anyone. She had learned to channel that energy. She could tame this storm as well. Illiana took a deep breath and focused on each and called back the power that raged within her. When each extinguished, she found the darkness receded and the white raven was before her. The environment changed. The landscape was neither forest nor village, but a massive lake that she stood upon. The white raven stopped flying and transformed into a reflection of her with white hair.

“Trying to figure out what’s going on aren’t you?”

Illiana did not know how to respond to this other half her. Maybe the raven was another part of her mind, a manifestation of what was going on with her. “Maybe. What are you supposed to be? Are you the mirror image of the fifth element I’m supposed to confront?”

“I’m something, but maybe that isn’t exactly what I am. Maybe I’m something more. Maybe I’m more than what you expect. More than all the elements. Maybe I’m a spirit that you need listen to or the fears you have,” the other Illiana shifted into a cougar and sprang at her.

Illiana dove out of the way, but it did not matter. The cougar landed on her chest and snapped its jaws around her throat. She tried to push it off of her, but it was too strong. She screamed. The pain of those jaws pierced her throat. The cougar pulled back and had blood on its muzzle. Her hands went to her throat and she felt the life bleeding from her. The beast’s weight vanished. Illiana gazed around and did not see it. She got up and instead of standing on the water, she fell in. No matter how much she tried to swim, it was no use. Frigid water filled her lungs suffocating her. No matter how hard she tried to swim upward toward the surface, she kept sinking. Images flashed before her eyes of things she had done. In one, Christopher reached out to her. She reached back. Once their hands touched, she was sucked under, falling until she hit bottom. The impact made her spit out the water and breathe. Illiana touched her neck and discovered her wounds were gone. She studied her surroundings and saw a fire. The whole pack was gathered around. It was a familiar sight, the night of her initiation into the wolf pack. The white raven was perched in the branches.

She watched her memory self as the wolves tightened their circle around her and Christopher. Instead of Christopher’s father accepting her into the pack, he turned her away and so did Christopher. Fear had her in its grips. Illiana cried out to the memory of the man she loved, but no sound came out. Instead, her memory self fell to the ground and called out to Christopher. The others gathered around her and threatened her. The raven cackled. It was laughing at her. She looked up and wiped her eyes.

This isn’t real. This is all inside my mind. Christopher didn’t reject me and I have the scars to prove that I was accepted into the pack.
The raven glided down and took on the guise of Jalisa.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked.

The werewolf smiled. Christopher appeared out of the forest. He embraced the wolf and kissed her deeply. Her hatred for the woman returned and the hurt the vision inflicted upon her pierced her soul.

“Get off of him!” She jumped at the two of them. Before she reached them, Illiana was on the ground. Jalisa stood over her with accusations in her eyes.

“Don’t like the fact he could’ve chosen this one? I see your qualms in your mind. You try to hide them from the world and from yourself, but you can’t. You fear you’ll lose the ones you love.” Jalisa snapped her fingers and the world was suddenly set aflame.

The trees burned and the ground rumbled. The smoke choked Illiana and the heat was worse than anything she had felt before. She could not control the fire the way she normally did. Trees snapped and branches fell. People screamed and raced through the forest. Belik was burned and gasping for air as he came toward her, his eyes begging her for help. Ohanzee was being torn apart by a vulture. Christopher fought with a cougar. Her world was crumbling and there was nothing she could do.

With the all-consuming hopelessness and terror of what she saw coming true, the guilt of the situation overwhelmed her. “I did this. I caused this.”

“That’s right. Look at all of this. It’s your fault. You sent the cougars and the vultures into the forest.”

Illiana touched the falling ash. It smudged on her fingers. She walked over to Belik. The light was dying from his eyes. She touched his face and tried to heal him. The fire still ate away his clothes. It licked at her fingers. It would be fitting that the fire would eat her, too. Christopher screamed a wretched sound that died away. The cougar had him around the throat, shook him, and then he was still. Ohanzee reached out to her, but his fingers went limp. All those she loved had died because of her. Her home was nothing more than sticks. From the shadows she saw a tall man approaching her. When he smiled, his teeth were sharpened into points. This was Vorhan and he was coming for her.

“You’re mine!”

Illiana remembered what Rama said. The leader of the vultures had an interest in her because he wanted to eat her heart, hoping to gain her powers. She kissed Belik’s forehead and set him down on the ground. If this was the way it would end, then she was not going to back down. Illiana stood slowly and gazed at the men who she loved. They had laid down their lives for her. It dawned on her that there were other players in this game. She might have sent the invitation to the cougars, but they were the ones who had invited the vultures to the forest. Her mother and the wolves had accepted the cougars into their village. The decisions did not solely weigh on her shoulders. She had this discussion before with Belik and others, but she had never truly accepted it. Seeing the final outcome of what was to come she knew this was the culmination of her fears. This did not have to happen. It could be prevented. She looked for Jalisa and realized that the woman was no longer there.

“You are going to die and everything you worked for is going to go up in flames.”

Terror took her over. A ring of fire surrounded her and Vorhan. He raised his weapon and aimed it at her heart. If she was going to die, then she would stare death in the face. The vulture threw his spear at her. This was how it was going to end and she could not move. Illiana bit down on her fear because she remembered this was a hallucination. Her aunt had given her tea to drink so that she could face her fears. Nothing was real. She was inside of her own mind.

Illiana raised her hand and willed the lance to stop. It halted inches before her body. The fire stopped creeping toward her. Everything had stopped. She plucked the weapon from the air and threw it back at the vulture leader. It found its mark easily in his heart. Once it hit Vorhan, the fire died and the forest scene faded away.

The white raven fluttered down from the tree and stared at her. It morphed into a shimmer or a rainbow of color, something that was formless and yet it was solid. It rushed at her and surrounded her.

“You’ve conquered your terror and know that there is more than one path to your destiny. Embrace what you are. If you live in fear, then you can do nothing because it will cripple you. Take what you know and use it.”

Illiana felt the strength of what she had been through and all the elements bolstering her. She had, traveled far, walked among lava, and come back to her home so that she could free her people. Illiana might be afraid, but she would not let the doubt and the guilt twist everything until she was no longer the person she knew. The visions would tear her apart if she did not face it. She closed her eyes, pulled the elements together, and felt the tickle of the presence that was around her. The presence was more than her, more than anything she had ever experienced before. It was a network of branches that spread before her and behind her. It was the paths that she had chosen and the ones she did not. Following the lines on one branch, she saw that even if she had never left, it was inevitable their way of life would come to an end. It all depended on what decision was made and what event triggered that change. Sorrow filled her because there was nothing that she could do.

She felt a gentle caress on her cheek. When Illiana opened her eyes, she gazed into those of her aunt. Only it was not her aunt. It was another manifestation of the fifth element. “You see there was nothing you could do. Eventually, all that you loved would’ve ended. At least you know who you are and can use that knowledge.”

“Have I? Embraced all that I am? Ranolo says I’m a healer. Daruk says I’m something else. I don’t know what I am.”

“You’re who you are
meant
to be. There’s no label for who you are. You can heal because you understand the elements. You shift because that is part of
who
you are. The same with your air bending. And this is the last piece of the puzzle. All you need to do is believe.”

“So I’m going to know the future for everything?”

“No. It doesn’t work that way, but when you need them, the answers will be there.”

“What now?”

“Just breathe.”

Illiana took in a breath. The image of her aunt faded. Something slid down her throat and settle over her heart. It was so hot it burned all the way through her body until she cried out. Her body grew heavy and darkness descended. When she opened her eyes once more, Coret was above her.

Her aunt smiled at her. “Welcome back.”

“How long was I gone for?” The effects of the drugs left her a little woozy.

“Most of the night. How did it go?” Coret asked.

Illiana rose slowly and thought about everything that had happened. She took the cup her aunt gave her and sipped the water. It was cool and helped focus her thoughts on what she would do next.

“I need to get back to the camp.”

“Of course. First look at this.” Coret led inside the aerie where there was a mirror.

She took a deep breath and wondered if she had become disfigured. Instead her eyes had lightened to the blue. She touched the glass and her eyes normalized. “What does that mean?”

Her aunt shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ve always been different. I’d say it’s your unique way of handling everything, but I wouldn’t be afraid of it.”

“I’m not.” Illiana smiled because everything was going to be okay, at least for now. The next thing she had to do was return to camp and check on her mates. First she peered into her mind and instead of the maelstrom she had sensed before, there was calm. The white raven was there. When she followed it, the bird brought her back to the tree where all the paths of the decisions sprang from. When she weighed the idea of going before the vultures and the cougars to talk, one possible future brought nothing but disaster and the death of one of her mates without the slightest thought. Another proposed they bartered a deal. That was not going to work either. There was one more, but it was dim and the least possible way to go. Nonetheless, if she played it out right, her plan might work.

Chapter Twelve

Belik drummed his fingers on his leg while he stared into the fire. Illiana and Coret had been gone for a long time. Once he carried her into the forest, Coret had asked him to return to the campsite. Jalisa and Tullin had wandered off to be on their own. Daruk flown off along the coast and had not come back. Lelana had fallen asleep leaving him, Christopher and Ohanzee around the campfire. Ohanzee was dozing, trying to stay awake, but he was having an arduous time. Belik was too tied up in knots, knowing that he might lose the woman he loved. If she was going to find her inner self or whatever it was the priests did, they could emerge from the process different. Sometimes they were so changed from the experience all the memories of their old lives were wiped clean.

“You worried about her?” Christopher asked.

He glanced at the wolf. “Aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. Just because you both went away, doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped loving either of you. We both love her, but you’ve changed. You weren’t so hard before.”

“You weren’t so ugly before either.” Belik chuckled.

The wolf touched his scar and flashed Belik a half smile. “And you got someone prettier than you to vie for Illiana’s attention.”

“Ohanzee is a decent man. I think you already know that,” Belik said.

Christopher nodded. “I do. I know they love one another, but what happens when this is all over?”

He shrugged. “We go back to the village and see if everyone is okay. What about you? Have you thought about it? Maybe you can come back with us or are you even okay sharing her with someone else?”

“She’s already chosen you two. Why would she want me?”

“Christopher, you know that she loves you, too,” Belik answered him and crossed his arms. He could see the wolf’s frustration and wished he could ease it. Over the year he had been gone, he had missed the other man.

“I know she does, but our lives are different now. Where do I fit into her life?”

“Exactly where you fit into it the last time,” Illiana responded from behind him.

Belik stood up and drew her into his arms. Feeling her warm and whole in his embrace was the best coming home he had ever had. He inhaled her vanilla scent and knew that it was her and not some mirage. “You’re back. Are you okay? Did it work?”

She planted her mouth on his and kissed him deeply, brushing her tongue along his lips until she pulled away. When she did, Belik noticed her eyes were deep blue. He was about to say something else, but her eyes faded back to their normal black. However, there was a calm that she never had before.