Awakening (37 page)

And then her final phase, at least for now, was her Awakening. It still amazed Caitlyn how this one event so dramatically altered her life, so dramatically altered her. She felt a responsibility she never had before; she felt a loyalty she never expected to after only a few short months. Her entire life she had felt as if she was a little off, like she was not set on the path she was meant to be on. Now, she finally felt as if she was home, she was where she needed to be.

That was primarily thanks to two people. And it was those two people at the moment that had caused the most confusion, most heartache that she had experienced in her life. But she was eternally grateful to them, because both did it with the best of intent, and both cared for her in a way she had not known since she was a young girl.

Since Garrett returned, she took a lot of time meditating, thinking about what was really important to her in this life, and what she wanted. She came up with two conclusions.

She had feelings for Declan McPherson. Right or wrong, they were there. He was so vastly different than Garrett and that was part of the appeal, she supposed. He was more like her than anyone she had ever met; they were old souls, they both understood that life is hard work sometimes, and they both shared a similar love for their people. His love was built up over the years, a result of his understanding of their heritage and understanding what being an Actual truly meant. His was a true dedication to their way of life.

Her love was new and unblemished. She saw the potential in their people, the hardships that they were going to endure over the next few decades, and she saw the great capacity for kindness that their people could bestow and how they could help mankind.

It was this kinship that fueled their fire, fed the flames of the developing feelings between the both of them. She admired and respected him tremendously. Caitlyn was not going to lie to herself and say she was not hurt when he had told her he couldn’t be with her. When he had explained his reasons why he could not pursue a relationship, she understood. He was right, of course. He needed to be there for his people; what was coming was going to be momentous, she could feel it when she looked him, he was practically collapsing from the burden on his shoulders.

She hadn’t intended on kissing him that last time in her apartment. But when she knew that he was telling her he would not pursue her, she could not go without feeling his lips on hers one last time, even if it was just for a brief moment. The two of them had something incredibly special; and she would keep him in her life anyway possible. But she wanted the memory of his lips on hers as a keepsake to treasure for always.

But more so, he was right about Garrett. When Declan had come to her with his true identity, she was heartbroken. She spent those two weeks he was in the hospital, wondering if she really had known him at all.

Then he returned. The look he gave her was of such true remorse, that her heart broke right then and there again. She was conflicted.

So she did the only thing she could at first, she held him. Words did not pass between the two of them; instead, she pressed her head against his chest, letting her silent tears soak his shirt, finally allowing herself to feel everything that she had not allowed herself to.

She knew then that was what Garrett was to her. While Declan was the person who drove her to be better, Garrett was the one that forced her to feel. Both were important; both played part’s that were essential to Caitlyn’s growth as a person. It was no wonder her conflict was so great.

When they finally discussed their differences, she found that the wound their relationship had was deep and vicious. Garrett on all accounts was a very different person than she was. She could not relate or even begin to fathom where he was coming from, how he could think the way he did. And then he changed everything with his offer to show her his world.

She was hesitant to accept his offer, but realized that he did deserve a chance to redeem himself. When the last memory faded, Caitlyn’s world shifted. Garrett had many demons he needed to deal with, and many things that he needed to prove.

His shoulders were slouched, and weariness from what she guessed was a very trying two weeks, six months, and life had taken over.

She rested her hand on his cheek and turned his head to hers. It was then she saw him. Really saw him. Not the Garrett he wanted the world to see, nor the one she had known for these past six months. She saw the person that was vulnerable and unsure of himself, that never knew if he was good enough, or was even positive that if he was wanted.

It was the Garrett that she had longed to know this entire time; the Garrett that she suspected was hidden underneath a mask, simmering underneath the surface. It was the man that she knew was there all along.

They still had their major differences that they needed to try to overcome, but this was a start. She now had hope that perhaps they could salvage what was left of their relationship.

She reached up on her toes, her lips touching his tentatively. His tears mixed with hers as their lips met, her heart pounding heavily in her chest.

“Can you forgive me?”

She knew she meant her next words. “I forgive you.”

“I should have been honest with you from the first day.”

“You should have.” Caitlyn paused. “But thank you for showing me all of this, for showing me your world, and who you really are.”

“Am I too late?”

She pressed her lips together. Her betrayal filled her mind. It was not only a physical infidelity, but also an emotional one. She considered telling Garrett the truth. But she couldn’t.

He was raw, exposed, and his only crime had been to hold a secret that he was sworn to keep. She could not hurt Garrett. Not now.

She shook her head. “No, you’re not. I am willing to try if you are. But I want this-” she put her hand where his heart lay. “This is real. This isn’t Garrett pretending to be someone else, pretending to be strong, or flirtatious, or indifferent. This is the real you. And if I can’t have the real you, then there can’t be an ‘us’ Understand?”

He buried his face in her hair. “I promise. I will not hold anything back. It is the truth and only the truth from now on.”

“Thank you.” She ignored the twinge of guilt she felt deep underneath the surface.

The next two weeks, Garrett and Caitlyn talked. This time, Garrett openly spoke about his past, his mother and father, his frustrations and understandings of the Trust not making him the Head of Household. He talked of having a difficult time letting anyone truly in, his father’s use of him to achieve his own means causing that.

Garrett talked of how much his missed his mother, of how she was the only person who really had looked out for his best interests. He also talked about Councilman McPherson and the loyalty he felt to him for giving him chances time and time again.

She noticed that he still wore the ring around his neck; his family crest. He talked of how he longed to redeem his family’s name among the Descendants, and how his goal was eventually to get back into the Tribunal.

Finally, he talked of her. They spent countless hours, lying next to one another, with him whispering sweet nothings of his devotion to her and how glad he was that he could truly share this part of his life with her. It was something he had always dreamed of, being able to share who he really was with another person.

It was two of the happiest weeks she had spent with him and when it was over, she could not perform Projectile Telepathy, but she had something much more valuable in its place. She was cared for and happy and nothing could take that away.

Until Declan returned.

The mid-afternoon December air was crisp, on the verge of chilling. Caitlyn wrapped her jacket around her tighter as she waited for Garrett to return from a brief meeting with the lead Inquisitor, Randall Eaton, regarding his reinstatement. The new Actual could have waited inside the building for him, but she wanted to be outside, along with her thoughts. Instead, she chose the Gazebo to wait in, watching some of the last brown leaves clinging desperately to their trees in a vain attempt at survival.

Last night had been a long one for her; she did not get back until close to sunrise. She had not expected Jonathan to come to her asking for help. The fact that they had caught Lionel surprised her; the fact that Declan was not involved surprised her even more.

But what really caught her off guard was the news that greeted her this morning. The Trust revealed that they broke off the treaty agreement with the Cine Tofa as of the night before. Jonathan had mentioned nothing of this action to her, not that she would have expected him to. People were already meeting in private, discussing actions and setting up plans. Emotions appeared to be varied at the report, the murmurings revealed that some were thrilled, some were angry, but most we just plain nervous about the unknown.

The Trust had not announced yet that they had caught Lionel, but she imagined it to come soon, very soon. Caitlyn did not expect that to be a secret they would want to keep quiet for long, especially with the turbulence from this morning’s report.

She literally jumped when Declan’s voice popped into her head mid-thought.
“I need to speak to you. Are you available?”

Caitlyn’s heart clutched. Reality was crashing in.
“I am at the Gazebo at the Maine facility.”

She heard the familiar pop of teleporting by the entrance of the structure and turned her head. As he walked up the stairs, his face never took his eyes off of hers. He looked more fatigued, if that was even possible.

When it became apparent that he was not going to speak first, she asked,
“Are you alright?”

Declan did not respond, instead he fell into her arms. Caitlyn could feel the stress of every muscle, the tenseness from the worries he has been burdened with. He held on to her as if she were the air he breathed. She rubbed his back lightly, letting her be his support.

“It has been a very challenging few weeks.”
As if finally realizing he practically collapsed onto her, he pulled back awkwardly. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I understand. Really, I do.”

He leaned against the railing. “So how have you been? How is the mentoring going?”

She smiled slightly; surprised that he was asking such a mundane question at a time like this. “The mentoring is going well. I’ve come to the conclusion that projectile telepathy is not one of my talents though.”

“Is the great Caitlyn Young accepting defeat?”

“It appears she is.”

“What is the world coming to?” He meant it jokingly, but there was a tinge of sadness with greater meaning of those words behind it.

“You know better than I. What exactly is going to happen now anyways?”

He rubbed his eyes. “Quietly, there have been a lot of changes made in the past couple of weeks within the structure of the Trust.”

“What kind of changes?”

“I can’t discuss all of them right now. But there are new departments and the training revamp has been approved early.”

“That is a good thing.”

“It is part of what I’ve been working on the past two weeks. But it has been stressful. And then there is Lionel. I heard you visited my father last night.”

Caitlyn examined her fingernails guiltily. “He has told you then?”

“This morning he called me to meet him. He told me that he asked you to bring him to Utah.”

“I’m sorry.”

Declan scratched the back of his neck. “For what?”

“For keeping that from you. I should have told you the second I found out. I told you I would help you when it came to Lionel.”

“Caitlyn, I’m not mad at you. My dad did it to make sure I did not do anything rash, and when it comes to Lionel, he is right. I am not always thinking my clearest. But he was. Don’t feel guilty for my dad trying to look out for my best interests. Besides, I hardly think that you keeping it from me for less than a day qualifies as keeping a secret.”

She instinctively grabbed his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before letting it go as was customary between the both of them. “Well, just know that I really am sorry, and I will be there in whatever capacity you need me to be with everything.”

He gave her a smile. “About that… Caitlyn, what I came here to talk to you about wasn’t the treaty, nor was it Lionel.”

Caitlyn placed her hands on the rail, gripping it lightly. “What did you come to speak to me about then?”

She knew the answer before he even spoke. “I came to talk to you about how I left you two weeks ago. I told you I couldn’t be there for you. I was wrong. Dead wrong. I do need to be there for our people, but the past two weeks made me realize that I need you too. You steady me; you make me a better person. But more than that, there is something there I don’t always want to look back and say, what if?”

She closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath. The past month had been a rollercoaster of her emotions when it came to the man in front of her. She had accepted his explanation two weeks ago and moved forward, making progress. It was not fair that he was asking this of her now. “Declan.”

“Caitlyn, please give me a chance.”

“I can’t.” She released the railing and turned to face her mentor.

“Why?”

“You know why.”

He frowned. “Garrett.”

“Yes. You weren’t wrong two weeks ago when you voiced concerns about my lingering feelings for him. I did have unresolved feelings with Garrett that I needed to address. Those sentiments did not just go away. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have feelings towards you? Absolutely. But I have chosen to be with him.”

When Declan did not speak, she continued. “I care for him… a lot.”

“Did you tell him about what happened between us?”

She began to reach out to him, but thought better of it. “No, and I am not going to. What happened between the two of us was special, but I won’t hurt him. Promise me that you will not say anything.”

He was quiet, but in the end he stated, “I promise.”

“This is going to impact us, isn’t it?”