Awakening (10 page)

So Garrett stood off to the side, watching what remained of her family dynamic unfold. As the casket was being lowered into the ground, some of her cousins stopped by to speak to her father

He was amazed that they did not attempt to talk to Caitlyn at all, instead pretending as if she was merely not there.

It was no wonder Caitlyn carried all this guilt the entire time over her sister if this was how her family treated her. It angered him to know they treated such a good person like that.

When the cousins finally walked away, leaving just the tiny immediate family behind at the casket, Garrett walked slowly up to Caitlyn, his eyes reaching her sad ones.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Caitlyn.”

Caitlyn nodded, her eyes pleading. He had hoped that the emotional wall she had so effectively put up would come down.
“Don’t leave. Please.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Her father stole a glance at the casket that now lay in the ground before turning briefly to his still living daughter. At first, Garrett thought that he might open up to her, but it was quickly apparent that he would say nothing. Still, Caitlyn took it as her sole opportunity to talk to him.

“Dad…”

Mr. Young did not respond. Caitlyn pressed further. “Dad… Dad, I am so sorry. So incredibly sorry for what happened.”

Her father stared as though looking right through her, barely acknowledging her presence.

“Dad, please talk to me!” Caitlyn’s voice took on a frantic edge.

Her father’s response was pure ice, his voice devoid of any emotion. “I told you on your eighteenth birthday and I’ll say it one last time. I am not your father. As far as I am concerned, my two daughters died the day of Hanna’s car accident.”

Garrett would like to think that a father could not be so cruel to a child, but he knew better. Her father twisted the emotional knife he had plunged into her. “You killed her. Her death lies squarely on your shoulders. She would still be alive if it was not for you. Perhaps she would have been married, in school, or even a mother herself. Hanna will never get that opportunity. If I never see you again, it will be too soon. Goodbye, Caitlyn.”

Caitlyn recoiled at the words he spoke. The strong woman Garrett had known disappeared, and an unsure child, desperately seeking acceptance took her place. Caitlyn’s only response was to nod meekly, as she turned to walk away.

Garrett wanted to punch her father, make him pay for the way that his words impacted her. After a quick glare, he walked after Caitlyn. She started slowly, her steps even and long.

“Wait up.”

She ignored Garrett, instead choosing to pick up her pace, stumbling over nothing, unsure of her destination.

“Caitlyn, please wait up!”

By this point, she was practically running, making it to the other edge of the graveyard, her father barely visible to even the eye of an Actual. When her feet finally hit the pavement, her body gave out from the stress of the past few days, her knees scraping against the harsh gravel, with large sobs falling from her lips.

Garrett caught her in his arms, letting her cry. His heart broke for her. He rubbed her back slowly with his hands, in an effort to comfort her. After five minutes, her sobs began to slow down, her body taking deep breaths trying to calm itself down.
“Shhh…It will be alright. I am sure he did not mean it.”

He hated that he told her that lie.

“He meant every word, Garrett. Every damn word.”

“Caitlyn, tell me what happened.”
There was obviously more to the story than what was on police reports and newspaper articles. Garrett was desperate to alleviate some of her guilt.

“I can’t. I failed her in so many ways. That should have been me.”

He should have asked her days ago what happened. This was not the ideal time at all. Still he pressed further.
“Caitlyn, you need to let this out. Do you trust me?”

Her voice sounded raw as she spoke out loud. “Read me. It’s okay. I give you permission. I can’t… I can’t say what I did out loud.”

Garrett hugged her one last time before focusing on her. The images came easily, without much coercion since they were in the very forefront of her thoughts.

There were the memories of her mother dying from cancer, turning from a strong willed woman into a shell of her former self. Garrett felt the anguish and frustration of Caitlyn as she watched her mother pass away and there was nothing that she could do to stop it.

He witnessed her father handing over the day-to-day responsibilities of the household to Caitlyn at the tender age of sixteen, until she finally rebelled from the stress of it all and began to skip classes and hang out with the wrong crowd.

The day of Hanna’s accident was the most vivid. Caitlyn was supposed to pick her little sister up from her dance class and had forgotten, her friends convincing her to hang out with them behind the school. He watched as Caitlyn practiced her best apologetic speech as she sped along in her beat up compact car, being well over forty-five minutes late.

It wasn’t long until she came upon the flashing lights.

Hanna had grown tired of waiting to be picked up and decided to walk home. The weather was miserable, cloudy and rainy, and the driver of the car that hit her sister never saw her until it was too late. Caitlyn sat on the ground, her pants soaking through the wet grass, as the paramedics treated the pre-teen as best they could before loading her into the ambulance. Caitlyn sat there, repeating a mantra to herself that Hanna, the only bright spot in her now dreary life, would be fine.

However, she was not fine and life as Caitlyn knew it came to a screeching halt. Hanna never woke up, the past eight years laying in comatose state, her father refusing to let go and pull the plug. His only outlet for the grief was to blame his eldest daughter for his favorite child being stuck in a coma and come her eighteenth birthday, Garrett observed with anger that he unceremoniously kicked her out of the house, advising her never to return.

He felt her loneliness, desperation, but most of all, her determination to make amends for her mother and sister.

Caitlyn’s eyes were red and swollen from the fresh tears.
“If I had been a faster learner…”

Garrett pushed her away from him just slightly.
“What are you talking about, Caitlyn? You are exceptional.”

She shook her head.
“No. No, I am not. I should have been able to heal her. If I had learned faster, if I was more disciplined, I could have learned what I needed to heal her.”

Garrett’s finger tilted her head up.
“Healers cannot fix everything, Caitlyn. Even the strongest Healers have limited abilities.”

“But I would have learned.”

Garrett smiled at her earnest response. If anyone would have, it would have been her. He had never met anyone so eager before.

She took a deep breath, this time opting to speak out loud. “I was not as dedicated as I needed to be. I should have focused more.”

“Caitlyn, you do not need to focus more. You are already learning at a highly accelerated rate. You could not have done anything to stop this.” Garrett held her at arm’s length and looked in her eyes. “Don’t you understand? Even if you were the strongest healer in the Trust, you could not have reversed the damage. Our healing does not work that way.”

“How do you know, Garrett?”

“I just know. I’ve met many of our healers, Caitlyn.”

“But you don’t know how to heal well so you can’t be positive.”

In truth, Garrett did not know how to heal very well. It was a specialty he was never very interested in. He had always been interested in mind techniques, while others, for some reason tended to have special skills in healing and they naturally gravitated towards that.

In that moment, he wished he knew how to heal her broken spirit. Caitlyn appeared worn down and weak when she was anything but. His body was telling him to kiss her and make sure she knew everything was alright and that she was cared for. He knew what he wanted to do, but even if he were sure she would return his affections, now was not the time to take advantage of that. So Garrett instead pulled her back to him and held her tight.

“I know the basics that I’ve been teaching you. If you still want to pursue it in more depth after the Threshold, I’m sure that we can get a specialist. But Caitlyn…before all of that, before the Threshold, there is something you need to do for me.”

“What?”

Garrett stated simply, “You need to grieve. Your sister is dead. Nothing you learn, no matter how fast or how well, will change that. She is gone.”

Caitlyn stiffened in his embrace. This is not what she wanted to hear, but what she needed to. He continued. “I know you blame yourself for what happened all those years ago, but it is not your fault.”

Caitlyn yanked out of his arms. “How can you say it is not my fault? I should have picked her up that night!”

Garrett sighed loudly. “Yes, you were supposed to. But you didn’t. Your sister also should have tried to call you or tried to get a ride off of someone else. She did not need to walk home, especially in bad weather. I know your father has blamed you for this and I know you have blamed yourself all these years. You need to let this go, let it all go. Forgive yourself.”

“I can’t let go.”

“You must.” The rain began to pick up in intensity, their clothes already quite soaked. Despite that, Garrett grabbed her hand, preventing her from leaving and led her closer to the burial site. “Look around you Caitlyn. Your father is gone. This is your opportunity. Go to Hanna’s grave and make your amends with your sister.”

Caitlyn turned around wildly realizing they were indeed alone. In a quiet whisper she stated, “They are gone. They are all gone. I have no one left.”

“That is not true.” Garrett lifted her head with his index finger, his eyes searching hers. “You have me. You will always have me, okay? I’ll be here for you.”

And Garrett knew that he would. He would stay her mentor, her friend, or her lover if she wanted it, no matter in what capacity, as long as she needed it. It scared him to know he was falling for someone. Garrett had mutual fun with women, but he did not get attached. And here he was, not even involved in that sense, and he was developing feelings he should certainly not be having.

Without another word, Caitlyn walked over to where Hanna Young’s final resting place was. Garrett stood next to an oak tree as Caitlyn kneeled by the grave for hours. His student did not say a word out loud that entire time. Garrett was not sure what demons Caitlyn had put to rest, but when she finally stood to leave, she had a peacefulness that Garrett had not seen since she had been given the news that her sister died.

I
t had been ten days since she had returned from the funeral and Caitlyn found herself fussing in the mirror in her hotel room for the past twenty minutes. Ten days since she said her final goodbyes to her sister. When they returned the day after the funeral, she had been insistent that they immediately go back to training, longing to immerse herself in something, anything to take away the pain. She had forgiven herself that day for the transgressions she made against her sister; but it had not removed the sting of her passing; had not made her forget that she had lost the only family member left that she knew had loved her unconditionally.

Garrett naturally disagreed with Caitlyn’s enthusiasm for returning to training, insisting that she should be taking more time off than the two days she allowed herself. Caitlyn persisted, stating that this was what she needed and Garrett, whom she was sure still saw the pain in her eyes, finally gave in to what she needed. His agreement did not come without a condition, however. The condition he established was that in a little over a week’s time from their return, she must take a full four days off and attend the annual Trust Gala down in Cape Cod.

Now as she stood here, fidgeting in her dress, she wondered what would have possessed her to agree to this. It would have been easier to take an additional four days off in the beginning rather than standing here in this cocktail gown, making sure everything looked perfect. She did not know why she was nervous; Caitlyn normally did not have a problem being in social situations. In fact, she had often been complemented on her networking skills in various gatherings while in college. This was different though. She assessed that her nerves stemmed from the amount of influential people that would be milling about in the room. This was not simply going to be college professors spouting off and bragging about their recent research findings and self-important chatter about who obtained what grant. She knew that a majority of these people were in real positions of power, people who had influence on changing the world. She wanted to impress them; she did not want to seem sorely out of place.

“Caitlyn, meet me in the Lobby in five minutes.”
It was amazing how quickly she had gotten accustomed to Garrett’s voice randomly popping in her head. His voice in her head was becoming second nature.

“Okay, I’ll be there.”

She checked her makeup and her dress once more, mentally chastising herself that she should not be so snobbish, before grabbing her clutch purse and heading out of the hotel room door. The elevator music hummed quietly in the background, her mind going through various customary and witty greetings in her head, in preparation of her initial introductions tonight. It was a ritual Caitlyn had in college and she hoped it would serve her as well tonight, preventing her from making a fool of herself, or worse yet, Garrett. Garrett had already prepared her for the fact that she was going to be the only Actual there who had not taken the Threshold yet. As if Caitlyn did not need anything else to be anxious about this evening.

The lobby of the hotel was relatively quiet, and she spied Garrett staring out a window. She began to walk over to him in greeting but stopped; the view he took in was of the park next door, but she quickly realized that he was staring at nothing at all.