Awakened (Vampire Awakenings) (5 page)

“Then why did you go all the way to Buffalo?”

“Wanted a change in scenery, something new, but I’m not a big fan of the cold, and after last winter I decided to come back.”

She raised an eyebrow. “This isn’t exactly Florida.”

He laughed softly and placed the water bottle on the floor. “No it’s not, but it’s also not as cold, or snowy as it is up there.” Sera nodded. He smiled warmly as he slid back on the bed and leaned against the wall. “What about you Sera?”

“What about me?” she asked warily.

“Why are you at this school?”

She shrugged and sat on the corner of the desk. She didn’t want to show him how uncomfortable the question made her so she forced herself not to bite her lip as she met his inquisitive stare. “It was far enough away so that I could live at school, but close enough to my family so that I could go home on vacations. Plus, this is a good school.”

“Good reasons. Did you know anyone here?”

“No, but that was the point. I wanted a new beginning, a chance to start my own life, and make new friends. I like the way things have turned out.”

It was only a little lie there was no reason to feel bad for it, she told herself. “That’s good. Why don’t you date?”

She blinked in surprise at the abrupt change of topic. Her hands automatically clenched upon the desk. “Excuse me?”

“Why don’t you date? All the guys around here say that you’ve never dated anyone on campus.”

“You asked about me?” She couldn’t keep the surprise, or the dismay, out of her voice.

He shrugged as he watched her with an amused gleam in his eyes. For a moment she was reminded of a panther studying its pray, unfortunately she seemed to be the pray. She swallowed heavily as apprehension began to prickle its way up her spine. “Just a little.”

Sera’s eyes widened as her heart began to beat wildly. Fear coursed through her, and she had to fight against the violent shaking that wanted to rack through her. “What did they say about me?”

He smiled at her and shook his head. “Don’t worry, it was nothing bad. They just said that you didn’t date anyone, that you never had, and not to waste my time. So, why haven’t you gone out with anyone else?”

Some of the tension eased from her, and she found herself able to breathe regularly again. Then, his words caught her attention. Her brow furrowed as she stared at him questioningly. Why hadn’t she gone out with anyone else? Were they going out? Her heart did a hopeful flip flop, but she quickly buried it.

“Nobody ever asked me,” she replied, “while they were sober anyway.”

“That’s because they didn’t have the courage unless they were drunk.”

Sera smiled softly as she raised an inquiring eyebrow. “What about you then?”

He grinned cockily. “I don’t need alcohol.”

“Conceited,” she commented dryly.

“Far from it. Not having the courage to do something just means that you lose out on it. If you get rejected, so what, at least you tried. Besides, it isn’t the end of the world.”

She nodded slowly, admiring him for a courage that she could never have. “So, how did you know that it wasn’t the alcohol in me last night?”

“I didn’t. That’s why I came by so early, I figured you might still be drunk.” He grinned charmingly, and she felt the rest of her fear beginning to melt away.

“I didn’t have that much to drink last night.”

“No, but you never know how you’re going to feel about someone the next morning.”

“Oh, and how did you feel about me?”

“Very good,” he said with a small smile. “Sit down,” He patted the bed beside him.

She eyed him warily for a moment. She knew that if she got close to that bed, and him, her thoughts and emotions would get all tangled up again. But she desperately wanted to get close to him, to touch him, and to have him touch her. Besides, she didn’t think that he would hurt her. He could have done that last night if he wanted to. She bit nervously on her lip as she released the desk and made her way slowly to him. She sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, her body more tense than she wanted it to be.

“Come on,” he said gently, pulling her slowly toward the head of the bed. “Lie down, you look tired.”

Panic seized her for a moment and she stiffened beneath his touch. Her eyes flew wildly to his as memories suddenly assailed her. Her chest tightened and for a moment she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. He slowly moved his hands away from her, and she was finally able to breathe again. He sat silently, his gaze intense as he searched her face. Sera lowered her lashes before he could read too much, and guess at her fear.

“It’s okay,” he said gently.

She fought back the tears that wanted to fall. She had worked so hard to rid herself of her fear of men, and although she had gotten better, she still couldn’t control some of her instinctive, involuntary reactions. She hated herself for it, hated herself for the weakness, and hated the fact that he had witnessed it.

He slid his jacket off and lay down on the bed to give her some space. He didn’t touch her, didn’t force her to lie down. No matter how much he wanted to hold her, he restrained himself from grabbing her. Her back was rigid as she sat on the bed; small shivers racked her delicate spine. A raging anger suddenly tore through him. Something had happened to her, someone had hurt her. His hands clenched at the thought and he had to take a deep breath to steady the fury that was blazing higher within him.

He never felt like this; never let his anger reach such a point. It was dangerous when it did, he was dangerous. But the idea of anyone hurting her was pushing him toward a perilous edge. He didn’t understand why he was unable to resist this girl, why she got to him in a way that no one else ever had.

“I won’t hurt you Sera,” he said softly.

She lifted her lashes to look at him. He could see the tears that shimmered in her eyes, the self loathing that filled them. Those tears touched something inside of him. Something fierce and protective. He wanted to reach up, pull her into his arms, and soothe the hurt that radiated from her. He wanted to shield her from the rest of the world, but he knew that if he reached for her now she would bolt like a frightened rabbit, and never come back. That wasn’t an option.

She bit into her bottom lip, straightened her back in determination, and scooted back on the bed. She lay down beside him, forcing herself not to tremble as he wrapped his arms around her. She hated herself enough for letting him see her weakness without making it worse by shaking like a leaf in his embrace. He drew her closer so that her head rested lightly upon his chest as he began to stroke her hair back. 

She found herself slowly relaxing as he made no move to hurt her, made no move other than to hold her gently. He had given her no reason to fear him. It was unfair of her to do so. She smiled softly as she nuzzled into him. His warm body, gently pounding heart, and wonderful, masculine aroma served to comfort and relax her even further. She stifled a yawn as she melted beneath his soothing touch.

“I can’t stay long,” she whispered, trying to keep her eyes open. “I’m supposed to meet Kathleen for lunch.”

“Okay, just rest for awhile.”

He kissed the top of her head, and her eyes slowly started to close. Liam remained staring at the ceiling long after she had drifted off to sleep. His arm involuntarily tightened around her as he lightly stroked her silky hair. He couldn’t quell the protective drive surging through him as she lay trustingly in his embrace, her breathing slow, and even.

His body craved and responded to her in a way that it never had to anyone else. But it was more than just his body that wanted her. She was so warm, caring, and delicately fragile that he couldn’t resist her. In the library he had only wanted to say hi, and to see her, but he had lost himself in her dazzling warmth.

He couldn’t seem to get enough of touching her, of holding her. It was a dangerous game that he was playing, one that he was sure to lose. She had been hurt once before, and he could bring her nothing but more pain. It was against the rules, rules that he had made for the safety of all of them.

Sera stirred slightly, her hand twitched upon his chest. He clasped it gently, running his fingers along her silky skin and delicate bones. Bones that could so easily be broken. His body tensed at the thought and fresh anger tore through him. He was losing his damn mind, he knew that, but he didn’t particularly care. He sighed softly and kissed the top of her head. Rules be damned, sanity be damned.

He didn’t really know her, but for some reason, he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to let her go.

CHAPTER 4

Sera woke with a start. For a moment she didn’t know where she was. The room was dark, shadowed, and unfamiliar. Loud, boisterous laughter was echoing through the hall outside as people shouted to each other. Then, she felt Liam’s arm still wrapped tightly around her waist, and she heard his deep, solid breathing. She lifted her head to look at the clock on his nightstand. The bright red numbers announced that it was five forty three.

“Damn,” she whispered. “Damn, damn, damn!”

She lifted Liam’s arm gently. His eyes instantly flew open. Sera gasped aloud when they landed upon her, bright, and brilliant green in the dim light of the room. “What time is it?” he asked sleepily.

“Quarter to six.”

“Oh.” She stiffened as he pulled her back into his arms. “You missed lunch already.”

She lay rigidly for a moment before relaxing against him. She forced herself to remember that he had done nothing to make her fear him. That he had done nothing to hurt her. His arms were like steel around her, but she knew that he would release her if she asked him to. His hand gently stroked her hair and she found herself smiling softly as she nestled closer to him.

  With a soft sigh, he gently lifted her chin, and kissed her lightly on the lips. The brief touch sent a wave of warmth through her that dissolved her remaining fear. Never had anyone been so gentle, and kind with her. Her body yearned for his touch in a way that it never had with anyone else.

He pulled slowly away from her; his thumb gently stroked her chin as he stared at her intently. He seemed to be searching for something, but for what, she didn’t know. His hands wrapped into her hair, drawing her against him as he kissed her lightly. She melted against him, her body on fire as their tongues touched and teased. His kiss slowly became deeper, fiercer, and more urgent.

She pulled him closer, wanting more of him, needing more of him. She had never felt like this, she hadn’t known that anything could feel like this. An involuntary moan escaped her as she clung to his solid, well muscled back. He groaned softly and lightly nibbled at her lip as his hand stroked her neck, then her collarbone.

She gasped in surprise when he gently cupped her breast. The searing pleasure that raced through her blocked out all fear as he stroked and kneaded her. She moaned again as he teased her nipple into a hardened bud while his mouth kept firm possession of hers. She was certain that nothing had ever felt this wonderful, this good, and she was afraid that she would catch on fire from the sheer pleasure of it.

A loud bang in the hallway made her jump in surprise. With the contact broken, reality crashed down on her. She shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be doing this. If anything, she had learned from past mistakes how quickly things could get out of control. How rapidly she could be hurt, and betrayed. Her breath came in rapid pants as memories, and fear washed over her.

His eyebrows drew together as he reached out to brush a loose strand of hair off her face. She flinched involuntarily and his hand fell instantly away. She rolled quickly away before she could see the disgust that was sure to follow her reaction in his eyes. She wanted to hang her head in her hands and sob out her anguish, and self loathing. She hated this weakness.

She wished that she could be normal, that she could be like everyone else. She wished that night had never happened. She had worked so hard, tried so hard to forget about it, but she couldn’t. It was always with her, always in the back of her mind, constantly haunting her, chasing her. Now, she’d met someone that she truly liked, that made her feel things she had never imagined, and she was going to lose him. No guy, no matter how nice, would want to be with someone that flinched every time they touched her.

“Sera,” he whispered softly.

He sat up and gently laid his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened slightly and turned her head so that he couldn’t see her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“For what?”

She shook her head, her long hair falling forward to obscure what little of her face he had been able to see. A small tremor shook her, but she refused to look at him. As slowly, and as gently as possible, he reached out to lightly seize her chin. He turned her head, forcing her to look at him.

“There is nothing to be sorry for,” he said firmly. “Okay?” She nodded slowly, but self loathing still filled her eyes. He sighed softly, unsure of what to say, or do. “I won’t do anything that you don’t want to do. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Her eyes flicked over his face as she thought over his words, and tried to figure out if he was telling the truth, or not. He seemed to be telling her the truth. He had to be. She was sitting with him, alone in a dark room, and he was making no move to do anything to harm her. Instead, he was only trying to assure, and comfort, her.

“There’s no rush,” he said softly. “I’ll wait until you’re comfortable, until you’re ready. I just want you to trust me, all right?”

She had to fight back the wave of tears that flooded her eyes. “Wait?” she managed to choke out through the lump in her throat.

He smiled softly as his thumb began to stroke her chin. “Yes, wait. I like you Sera. I want to be with you, with, or without sex. Understand?”

Her eyes widened in surprise as his words sank in. He could have any girl he wanted, at any time, why would he want to wait for her? For someone who shrank away from him? For someone who was broken? She simply couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but he seemed so honest, so sincere, and she truly wanted to believe him.

“Why?” she had to ask.

He stared at her for a moment, trying to figure it out for himself. He liked her, he knew that, but he had liked girls before. Though none of them had ever made him feel the way that she did. None of them had made him feel so protective before. And none of them had managed to arouse him as much as she did with just a look, or a kiss. He was throbbing and hard now, yet he was telling her that he would wait for her.

It would be better for her if he left now, walked downstairs, and found the first girl he could take his lust out on. Instead, he found himself not wanting anyone else. He was suddenly certain that they would not be able to satisfy him and that only she would be able to. Although they had just met, and he barely knew her, she helped to ease the loneliness of his dark existence, and he was not going to let her go. He would have to someday, but not yet.

“Because I want to be with you. Okay?” he asked with a small smile.

She managed to smile back at him as her heart filled with happiness. He had to be too good to be true. But at that moment, she didn’t care. His thumb stilled on her chin as he leaned forward and kissed her gently. He pulled back and smiled warmly as he held his arms out to her. She didn’t hesitate as she went into them. He enfolded her tightly and held her gently against his chest, his chin on her head. To her surprise she realized that she had never felt so safe before.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked softly, his lips gently brushing the top of her head.

“Sure, what?”

“You may not like it, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

She shrugged as she nestled closer to his warmth. “Then ask.”

“What happened to you before?”

She stiffened in his arms. Her breath was frozen in her lungs, as her heart began to beat a wild staccato in her chest. “What do you mean?” she asked, trying to keep the tremor from her voice.

He sighed softly as he lightly stroked her hair. “I mean, what happened to make you so fearful?”

Agony tore through her as memories threatened to rush forth. She closed her eyes and clamped down against the tidal wave of pain that wanted to break free. Resolutely she turned her attention away from the past, and made herself focus upon the here and now.

“If you don’t want to answer me, you don’t have to,” he reminded her.

She didn’t know why, maybe it was because he hadn’t pressed her, or maybe it was because she felt so incredibly, irrationally safe with him, but she suddenly felt the need to tell him. Or at least tell him some of it. “Remember when I said that I came to this school because it was close to home, but far enough away?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that wasn’t entirely true. To me it wasn’t far enough away from home, not nearly far enough, but I couldn’t afford anything else. My parents only live three hours away, in New Hampshire, but I don’t go home for the holidays. I stay with my grandmother on the Cape. Sometimes my mom comes to visit me, but she never stays long, and my father never comes.”

She took a deep breath to steady herself as she began to reopen wounds that weren’t completely healed. “My graduating class was only thirty two kids, and we all knew where everyone else was going. No one was coming here, so I did. As far as I know, no one from the following classes has come here either.”

He remained silent while she took another deep breath. Now that she was speaking, she suddenly found herself unable to stop. “In the middle of my senior year I started dating this guy named Jacob.”

Her voice broke off as a shudder involuntarily wracked her. She hadn’t said his name in years, had never wanted to say it again. Just saying it brought cold terror to her gut. Liam gently stroked her hair and back, easing some of the tension from her, and giving her the strength to go on.

“He was the quarterback on the football team of the town next to ours. Our town was too small for a team so the kids in our school played on that team too. My friends and I went to all of their games; it was the only thing to do on a Friday night. Jacob was popular, outgoing, and good looking. I thought I was the luckiest person on earth when he asked me to go out with him. My parents wouldn’t allow me to date until I was a senior, so he was my first boyfriend.

“We had been dating for about a month when we went to my homecoming dance. I was crowned queen.” Sera snorted as she recalled how happy she had been that night, how childish, and naive. “At that moment, it was the greatest night of my life. After the dance we went to a party at my friend Lisa’s house. I never wanted the night to end but I had a two o’clock curfew so Jacob drove me home.”

She closed her eyes as she tried desperately not to shed the tears pooling in her eyes. Liam remained silent as she nestled closer to him, needing to know that he was there, that Jacob was the past, and that she would never have to see him again. That he couldn’t hurt her anymore. Liam’s hands massaged the back of her scalp as he hugged her tighter to him.

“He was drunk, but I didn’t care, nothing bad could happen to either of us,” she continued in a strangled voice. “He pulled onto a side road and drove to a place that we had gone to a few times before. It was nice there, quiet, no one bothered us.

“He started to kiss me, and at first it was nice, you know. But then... I don’t know; I don’t know anything anymore.” She blinked rapidly as she lost the battle against her tears and one slid free. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” she mumbled. “I haven’t even told Kathleen. She’d be so mad at me if she found out I told you, and not her.”

He gently clasped hold of her chin and lifted her head. She looked up at his handsome face, as he stared tenderly down at her, his eyes dark and stormy. “You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to,” he assured her, gently wiping the tear from her face. The tender gesture nearly undid her. She blinked rapidly against the flood of tears that wanted to spill forth.

“I know, maybe that’s why I can tell you. Or maybe it’s because for some reason, I don’t know why, but I feel that I can trust you.” Although, she often put her trust in the wrong people. First Jacob, then her parents, and most recently Michelle.

He smiled as his finger continued to stroke her face. “You can trust me Sera,” he vowed.

She took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “I want to.” His hand stilled upon her cheek as something flashed through his eyes. Something that seemed to be filled with longing and wistfulness. Sera’s breath caught in her throat. In that moment she knew that she could tell him anything, trust him with anything.

She raised her hand and gently took hold of his. She couldn’t tell him the rest if she kept looking at him. She would get lost in him and forget everything else. For a moment she wished for that, but she knew that if he was ever going to truly understand her, than this was something that he needed to know. She lowered her head and buried herself within the warm security of his powerful arms.

“Like I was saying, I don’t know what happened, but everything seemed to go from blissful, to frightening in a moment. I tried not to be scared, but I was. I had planned on losing my virginity to him that night, and I had wanted it to be perfect, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to. I told him to stop, if only just to give me a few moments to calm down and relax.”

Sera’s voice became tighter as she continued. Memories were washing over her, threatening to suffocate her with their intensity. She could suddenly feel Jacob’s hands on her again, smell his stinking, alcohol drenched breath; taste her blood in her mouth.

“No matter what anyone says, I know that I told him to stop. But, he wouldn’t. He just kept saying that this was what supposed to happen, that this was our night; that I had said I would. He ripped my dress, tore the front out of it. I started to cry, and he told me to shut up, to stop being a selfish bitch. I tried to make him stop, I screamed, God did I scream, and I beat wildly at him until my hands were bruised, and numb.”