Avoiding Temptation (49 page)

The next morning, she would wake up alone, wrapped in his sheets after he had carried her exhausted body into bed. It was the only way she found some peace from the headache and the heartache.

But tonight, when she quietly closed the door behind her and walked into the living room, Jack was sitting on the couch with his hands clasped together, staring at the coffee table.

“Hey. Did something happen?” Lexi asked, dropping her bag and walking over to him.

Jack dropped his head and then sat up straight. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me, too,” she said hesitantly. “Is everything okay?”

“Ramsey called me.”

“He did?” she asked, her stomach dropping out.
What did Jack talk to him about? Did he tell Ramsey that she was staying here?
She glanced back at the door, wondering if Ramsey would be breaking it down any minute. “What did he say?”

“He wanted to know if I’d heard from you.”

“What, um…what did you tell him?” she asked, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

“I told him that I had and to give you some space. He didn’t really like that answer.”

“Did you tell him I was here?” she squeaked.

Jack arched an eyebrow incredulously and stood. “I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t have told him. I’ve still kind of been waiting for him to show up all afternoon.”

“Oh,” she said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that to your doorstep.”

She stared down at her feet and tried to figure out what the hell had become of her life. If Ramsey came here and messed with Jack because she had needed someone, then she was going to be so pissed. But she didn’t want Jack to have to go through that. She just wanted to do the right thing.

“Do you want me to go?”

His face showed actual shock at her conclusion. “How could you think that? I don’t want you to leave. That’s the exact opposite of what I want.”

“Ramsey punched John at Chyna’s wedding. I don’t want him to come here and do that to you. You don’t deserve it when you’ve been nothing but supportive of me through all of this.”

“My attorney would probably love for Ramsey to come and beat the shit out of me,” he said with a sad laugh. “Then, we might be able to do something about this situation the Bridges are throwing on my table.”

“What are they doing?”

“Besides Bekah divorcing me? Besides trying to take me for every penny I’m worth? Besides dragging my name through the mud? Besides all but forcing me out of the company?” he asked.

“They can’t fire you over this!” Lexi cried.

“Oh no, they’re not firing me. They’re just strongly encouraging me to seek employment elsewhere.”

Lexi’s mouth dropped open. “They can’t do that.”

“And why not? They own half of Atlanta. They’re not going to get in trouble for kicking out one employee. And even if it came to that, they would just get a pat on the hand, saying don’t do that again. It’s okay. Really. This whole situation has made me see things very clearly,” he told her. “Seven months separated from Bekah, and I see the kind of person she is. I get what you were saying all along.”

That she was a lying, conniving, manipulative bitch?
Yes, that was what she had been saying all along. She was so glad that Jack was really realizing all of this, but she did hate that he had to get hurt so much to realize it.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You’re the last person to blame.” He reached forward and cupped her chin, tilting her face back up to his. “You tried to tell me. I was the one who didn’t listen.”

“I’m just sorry that you’re going through this,” she said, gazing back up into those eyes.

“And I’m sorry that I hurt you, Lex.” He sighed and stroked his thumb down her cheek instinctually. “You’ve been hurt too much by too many people.”

Lexi blinked back tears and pulled away from him. “We should go to sleep,” she whispered.

“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you,” he said with a sigh. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot since you’ve been here, thinking about how we were, how we are.”

She turned her head and assessed him. He was staring at her with some fierce intensity. He hadn’t been waiting up to tell her about Ramsey. He had been waiting up to talk to her about whatever was on his mind now.

“What about us?” That word felt so foreign yet so familiar.

“Let me try to get this out. I…I had this idea in my head that it would never work out between us. I wanted it. I really fucking wanted it. But I just couldn’t see it happening, Lex,” he murmured softly.

Lexi’s heart tightened at his words.
Just what she wanted to hear. He wanted it, but it was never going to happen. Hadn’t she known that from the start?

“Well, thank for your honesty,” she said sarcastically. She couldn’t keep the hurt out of her voice.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” he said, reaching out for her.

She moved away from him. He had said he didn’t want to hurt her, and then he tossed this out.
Like she could handle anything else this week.

“I’ll try to explain. I can admit that I was really messed-up from my parents’ divorce. My parents were so completely, totally, madly in love. I’ve heard stories from family friends about how they were so cute that they were disgusting. I’ve heard it from both of them that they just got married too young, they were too in love, they didn’t know what they were in for. They thought that the love and passion were enough, that it would carry them through,” he said softly, “but it didn’t.”

Lexi gulped. She didn’t know this part of his history. She knew about the divorce, of course, but not about his parents being in love—at least not like this.

“I thought after it all went to shit that I was
never
going to be like them. Not ever. I wasn’t going to just give in to someone like that. I’d find someone solid, stable…”

“Predictable,” Lexi offered.

“Very much so. It wasn’t that I wasn’t invested or that I didn’t love the people when I was with them, but it wasn’t right. In every new relationship, I tried harder and harder, and it just seemed to get worse and worse. It seemed like I had to push at every step to make it work…when things should have just fit together.”

He sighed and met her gaze. She could feel the waves of emotions rolling off of him.

“Well, look, I pushed so hard that I married someone without that passion, without the burning drive, and it’s all fucked-up, too, Lex. It didn’t matter that my parents loved each other because they let that love die. I never had it with Bekah…I’ve only had it with you. And I don’t want to let it die, Lex. Not ever.”

Lexi smacked him in the chest. “I can’t believe you would say this stuff to me right now. After what—nine or ten years, you finally realize how dumb you were? You finally realize that I’m the one you want? I’m no saint, but you’re an asshole,” she whispered.

He grabbed her hand and brought it softly to his lips. “I am, but damn, Lex, I’m your asshole.”

“Jack, please…”

“When you landed on my doorstep last week, you asked me what you should do,” he reminded her. “I asked you the same question on my wedding day. You should have told me to walk away. You should have told me to leave her. That’s what you should have told me. I think all along it was what I wanted to hear. I made the mistake…and I don’t want you to make the same one.”

His eyes blazed as the words he had been holding back fell from his lips. He reached out and rested his hands on her face, and she stopped breathing. Lexi had known that was what he was asking her that day, but she hadn’t been able to say it. She shouldn’t have
had
to say it. She had wanted him to come to the conclusion on his own, but he hadn’t. And he had married Bekah. Now, he was telling her it was all a mistake and that they had gone through all of that for nothing.

“So, you asked me what you should do. You should leave him. Because if you’re not happy now…you’re not going to be happy when you’re married.”

Lexi locked on to those baby-blue eyes, on to the face of the man she had loved for longer than she could imagine. He was telling her to end it with Ramsey. He was fighting for her happiness. His mistakes with Bekah were far from what she was dealing with right now with Ramsey, but they had their similarities.

But she didn’t know if she was ready to make that decision. She could work things out with Ramsey. She could make things right.
She could be happy…right?

“I see what you’re thinking. You have it written all over your face. You’re making a terrible mistake,” he pleaded with her.

Jack Howard was pleading with her
.

She felt years of need pressing on her from all sides. She had wanted this. She had wanted him to fight for her.
And now that he was, what was she supposed to do?

Three years with Ramsey, an engagement ring, a wedding…

That she had asked him to postpone.

“I can’t make a decision like that right now. It’s midnight. I’m exhausted. I still have to talk to Ramsey. I can’t…”

“Excuses,” he said quickly. “You already know you’re not happy. You wouldn’t be here if you were. Why did you stay friends with me, Lexi?”

Lexi bit her lip and turned away. She didn’t like to answer that question.

“You could have cut me loose. You could have used me for the D-Bags show and then never saw me again. You probably should have walked away from all the bullshit that I put you through, but you didn’t. Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she whispered. “I don’t know what you expect from me.”

“The only thing you’ve ever expected from me, Lex. The truth. Why? Why, after everything, did you stay friends with me? Why did you still see me? Why are you helping me with the divorce?” he asked, following her as she walked a few steps away from him. “I just want to hear what you have to say.”

“Because I couldn’t, all right?” she cried. “I couldn’t walk away. I was bound and determined to leave you in the dust after you married that fucking Bitch. You gave her a duplicate of
my
ring, and then you married her! I didn’t even want to think about you, let alone see you. And still, you managed to wiggle your way back in.”

She turned around and smacked his chest again. He let her lash out without even trying to stop her. She wasn’t really hurting him, but she wished that she had the energy to. She wished she had the energy to fight him and not cave to his words.

“I wanted you gone, but then when I was around you again, it felt right. It always feels so right and so easy. Then, you were my friend…even when I thought you were going to try something…even when I fucking wanted it, you held back. You were the only person aside from Chyna that I could count on. Do you know how fucking strange that has been? But I didn’t just like it…I started craving it. You were always there to pick me up. You even defended me against Bekah…your own fucked-up wife. I let you be that person. And now what?”

Lexi stopped fighting him and hung her head low. Her hands still rested on his chest where she had been hitting him.

“You’re still here. You’re still a part of me. I can’t seem to get rid of you, Jack. And I don’t want to,” she whispered, defeated.

“And I don’t want you to either,” he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Seth has always said that you’re my girl. Well…I’m your guy. I always have been. I’ve just been too damn scared to do anything about it. But I’ll be damned if I let you slip through my fingers again. I’m yours. You’re mine. Just…be mine.”

“It’s not that easy, Jack,” she said, tears pooling in her eyes.

His thumbs brushed against her cheeks, sweeping away the fallen tears. “Nothing is ever easy with us, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting for. The best things in life are worth fighting for, and you’re the best thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

She couldn’t breathe. It was just like Jack to flip her world upside down. It was just like him to make her feel the most intense emotions. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jack continued, “I don’t want it to be easy. I just want it to be right, and the only way it’s ever going to be right is with you.”

“I need to…I need to sleep on it. I need to talk to Ramsey. I can’t…I’m not in the right mind-set to make a decision,” she said, trying to forestall this, trying to hold back. Because if she let loose, then she didn’t know what would happen. She had to change the subject, or she might combust. “What are you going to do about work?”

Jack waved off the question. “I don’t care. I’ll get another job. I’ve already been looking.”

“Where?”

“Anywhere. Does it even matter? I’ll go anywhere as long as I have you,” he said with earnest.

“Jack, you’re still married,” she reminded him, hoping to put some much-needed distance between them.

Jack groaned and shook his head. He looked like talking about his marriage at the moment was the last thing on his mind.

He wanted her. He fucking wanted her. How long had she been craving those words?

But could she even trust that they would last? Could she trust that if another predictable blonde walked by, he wouldn’t walk, too?
Two years ago, she would have said with certainty that he would run scared. He would find another Danielle, another Kate, another Bekah. He would look for something stable and solid, just like he had said, and leave her behind in the dust.

Second-best.

That was what she had been for so long. But she didn’t
feel
second-best any longer. Sure, they hadn’t been working toward a romantic relationship for the past two years, but they
had
been working toward a relationship. They had been working toward a friendship. And it was as solid and stable and perfect as she could have ever wanted from anyone…let alone, Jack.

He hadn’t put her second.

He had exchanged the D-Bags tickets for the front row because he knew she wanted to be closer. He hadn’t put a move on her, and he had respected her relationship with Ramsey. He had defended her to Bitch Bekah against Elisa. He had followed her that night on the beach. Even drunk and desperate, he had told her to leave his place. He hadn’t wanted to fuck up her relationship. And then, when her relationship was in shambles, he had still waited four whole days before telling her how he felt and risking his feelings. And she was almost certain that he wouldn’t have said anything at all if he had thought that she was going to go running back to Ramsey on that first day.