Avis Blackthorn: Is Not an Evil Wizard! (9 page)

Our attention with Tina’s quest (and Tina
herself) was all but abolished by Partington in one fell swoop the
next afternoon, when he announced the most terrifying news
ever.

He ran into the room two minutes late,
skidding on the stone, sweating at the temples and looking round at
us with a terrified expression.

“Now, there has been a slight… oversight in
this area and… it’s not my decision,” He said, polishing his
glasses, wiping his brow and pacing up and down. “But because of
Magisteer Grenadine’s illness, her form will not be taking part in
the friendly Riptide match tomorrow afternoon. Which means one form
had to take their place, and er… well,
we
were chosen.”

There was a horrible intake of breath and
much farting. “What?…” called Simon. “But we don’t even know how to
play!”

“I know,” said Partington. “If I would have
known our first game was tomorrow, we would have been out on that
pitch the very first day practicing! Our first match was not
supposed meant to be played until the second year!”

Call me naive, but I didn’t know we had to do
any type of sports or activities at Hailing Hall. I just assumed
that we studied Magic and it would be a quiet boys utopia, but this
was beyond my coping mechanism and I felt a full blown meltdown
ready to exude at any moment.

Partington carried on rather hurriedly. “So
today’s lesson is cancelled, instead we will be learning the rules
of Riptide.” Partington carried on in this rather rushed tone,
before Graham and Dawn managed to convince him to take ten minutes
to himself and come back. He said that was a good idea, and that he
would return with the rule book.

When he went, we all burst into terrified
shouts.

Jess: “How can this be happening!?”

Simon: “I want to go home!”

Graham: “You’re all a bunch of pansies!”

Dawn: “In front of the whole school? You lot
better be good!”

Florence: “Is the field muddy?”

Robin: “I hate Sports!”

Jake and Gret: “We love Riptide!”

Ellen: “It sounds scary!”

Joanna: “Oh my god.”

Hunter: “What the hec is Riptide?”

I didn’t say anything but let out a huge long
moan. How could they do this to us? Ten minutes later and after
much moaning, Partington appeared looking slightly calmer, but
still fraught.

“I have a book with the rules, and I managed
to find out the location of the Condor’s Riptide Shirts. They all
come with your names on.”

Oh god, this was all becoming so real! Surely
Partington would turn around in a second and laugh at his brilliant
joke? But he didn’t. He began with a big swig of coffee (or
something), and he was off, like an information machine gun…
“Right, Riptide… is a game… that’s been played here at Hailing Hall
since day zed. It’s a simple game yet complicated at first, with
twelve players and two substitutions. The aim of the game is to get
your
flounder
, or coloured ball, into the other team’s goal.
Yet there is more to it. The main points awarded are for getting
your ball into the other team’s bolt-hole, or goal. At the same
time, they are trying to do the same with their flounder. So you
have to attack and defend simultaneously.”

This picture of a chequered pitch drew itself
on the board behind Partington. Twelve dots moved around on the
pitch, throwing a blue and a red ball to each other. “When you get
your ball in the other team’s bolt hole, you score a point…” this
jet of red light shot into the air from the bolt hole. “And light
shoots out into the sky. The goal which we call a bolt-hole is a
magical stone, looks like a stone fountain, you must get the ball
in there.” I was taking notes and trying to keep up furiously with
what he was saying. “But… you can also score points by stealing the
other teams ball and putting in their own goal.” Everyone was
scribbling down notes now.

“There are seven allowed Spells in Riptide,
which is more like twenty-three if you include Counter-Spells.
These seven Spells are for offence, defence, effecting your ball
and changing yourself or the environment. The main two you will
want to use are…” Partington counted on his fingers. “Raising an
opponent into the air and the Spell for breaking the Spell that
raises you into the air. We will cover these shortly. When you
raise an opponent into the air, if they are airborne for longer
than
three seconds,
then they are out of the game. If you
escape within three seconds, you’re safe. It’s all governed by
Magic, so there’s no cheating. When you are eliminated, you will
shoot off, back to the game bench.

“Now, the pitch. The Riptide pitch looks
chequered, but it’s actually what we call an
illusory-habitat
, write that down. It means that the pitch
will change into a variety of set environments. So it might fill up
with large rocks, good for hiding behind, or with long grass, or
with trees, or with historical buildings which make for the best
entertainment. It could be anything and you won’t know what until
you step out there and the whistle goes.”

“The flounders are always red and blue. You
can throw them, hide them, do whatever you want with them, as long
as you get it to that bolt-hole in time. The games run for twelve
minutes and there are five games a match. Extra points are earned
for getting the entire opposing team into the air, no matter how
many points the other team has, you win that game. But don’t worry
about this too much for now.

“Now, the environment has other tricks up its
sleeve. Hidden around it are what we call Ornaments. It might be a
vase on a fireplace in a Venetian fourteenth century setting, or a
locket in a tree stump… these Ornaments have special powers that
last the entirety of a game. The powers are too numerous to name,
but could include - making you invisible to the opposite team, they
make your ball invisible, give you flight, it could be a Spell
shield… literally anything you can think of…”

The whole time he was talking, I was trying
to think of a way out of this. These thoughts tripled when I found
out the whole school would be there to watch! Fancy that, the first
game of the season between two teams who have no idea what they
were doing. When Partington finished talking all our stomachs were
rumbling, so he sent for food, not that we could eat. I just sat
nibbling an egg sandwich.

“Sir?” said Graham. “Who will we be playing
tomorrow?”

“Oh…” said Partington. “You know, I never
looked.”

Suddenly and without warning, Straker
appeared at the door without so much as a sound. It scared the
absolute bejesus out of me!

“And I thought I was expecting you
all
at my lessons?” he said, voice aimed at Partington. Straker's eyes
drifted to the board. “
Oh
… I see we have some new opponents
tomorrow?”

“What?” said Partington, sounding like he
might break down at any moment. “We’re playing… we’re playing
you
?”

“Oh yes… my form is the
Eagles
isn’t
it? And you are the Condors?” he said with a sneer. “Therefore we
are playing tomorrow at noon, good luck to you all. Oh, I nearly
forgot,” he said, turning looking vicious. “You have homework, in
for tomorrow from today’s class. It will be on your form table at
midnight. Anyone who doesn’t do it, will get my dungeon detention.”
He sailed out of the room chuckling.

“Git…” muttered Partington under his
breath.

We stood facing our partner. Partington had
written seven Spells on the board with a flick. They floated up in
shaky white chalk.

Pasanthedine

Kadriepop

Goaternut

Sevhurton

Nouchous

Zxanbatters

Returious

Sounded like gobbledegook to me.

“Make the words big in your mouth as you say
them.” said Partington. We repeated them over and over, until
everyone in the room remembered them without having to look - we
all,
however
,
had to wait for Hunter who couldn't
remember
Zxanbatters -
God, it was painful.

But, everyone pulled together and we did it.
I think it was the fact that we were against Straker’s form that
spurned us on that little bit extra. Once we all remembered the
Spells, Partington asked us to put our channellers on and hold our
arms out in the correct position, which he demonstrated.

“It doesn’t hurt!” he assured us.

I put my amulet channeller on, which felt big
and heavy on my wrist, then raised my right hand at Robin.

“On three say the first Spell,” said
Partington. “One, two… THREE!”

The room echoed with -
“
Pasanthedine
!”

As soon as I said it, I felt the channeller
grow red hot on my wrist. Then this translucent swirling wind like
a tornado expelled from my hand. In fact a whole line of swirling
tornadoes flew across the room, hitting our partners square in the
chest… but no one moved. Robin just stared back at me through his
fingers.

“Ok, try again…” said Partington. “Let’s call
that one a practice.”

We all repeated the Spell again, the
tornadoes flying across the room. This time, it worked! Simon, went
straight up into the air and dangled by his foot like a bag of
shopping caught in the wind. Hunter proceeded to do this dance
around the classroom until Partington told him off. Robin, who I
was spelling didn’t move, he twitched a bit but, disappointingly,
that was all. Robin didn’t look confident when it was his go, but
as soon as he said the Spell, I felt the tornado flap around my
robe, before I was yanked unceremoniously into the air. I felt my
face grow red as the blood rushed downwards to my robe covered
face.

“Yes!
Yes
!” called Robin.

“Well done!” said Partington.

This carried on for hours. I kept trying the
Spell but nothing would happen, followed by Robin lifting me into
the air. He’d done it so many times now even he was getting bored
of it. Finally, with me and Jess, the only two having not mastered
the first Spell, it happened.

“Yes!” I cried, as Robin, all nearly 6 foot
of him, was yanked up and he floated upside down.

“I see now,” he said. “It is rather
unpleasant isn’t it.”

Partington proceeded. “Now you know how to
launch each other in the air, it’s now time for the second Spell,
getting down again. Expect in a match for this to be used as much
as Pasanthedine. You must know your
Kadriepop
.”

We did the same again, this time launching
our partner in the air and watching them flounder around recalling
the Spell…

“Kadriepop!
Kadriepop
!” Robin cried as
I bent over laughing with Graham.

“No, no Robin,” said Partington as Florence
and Dawn floated back down looking red in the face. “You have to
move your arms in the circular motion around your body…”

Eventually Robin got it. I didn’t get it so
fast, I now languished in mid air going a little dizzy waving my
arms around reciting the Spell over and over. When I did get it,
that was it. There was no going back. The atmosphere in the class
got better and better with each success. We all applauded one
another whenever someone completed another Spell. The other Spells
were not as important as the first two, but still played a big part
in Riptide.

Goaternut
- made you kind of blend
into the background like a chameleon, but it weighed you down to
walking pace.

Sevhurton
- froze a patch of ground
making it skiddy.

Nouchous
- created a temporary wall of
fire.

Zxanbatters
- that gave you a magnetic
grip of the ball.

Returious
- is kind of a complicated
Spell, because its a bridge to other more complicated Spells, like
growing the grass taller, or cutting through it, or raising the
water levels or being able to see through buildings. So you’d have
to say ‘
Returious
- ____’ then the other Spell.

“Ideally…” Partington was saying. “You will
want to use all these Spells to become the biggest bad-ass team in
all of Hailing Hall! But for now just concentrate on the main
two.”

In the afternoon Partington took us to the
Riptide pitch. He made us run up and down to see who was fastest.
The stands were huge and stretched all around in a hexagonal
formation of oak stands and red seats. I imagined it full of
people, then regretted it as I immediately felt sick.

When we sprinted to the end of the pitch, I
beat everyone! I was always fast as a kid, you have to be if you
have lots of evil siblings chasing after you. Robin and Hunter were
really slow, as too were Dawn and Ellen, who ran with her hands in
her pockets.

We practiced our Spells some more as we ran
around. Partington said it was harder to aim at a moving target. It
was too, you had to really aim your arm right. I managed to get
Simon, who I had been aiming for all afternoon, he was scooped up
in the air and hung, robes over his face, whimpering. I smiled. The
girls were much better than I thought they would be, that’s not
sexist or anything, it’s just my sisters never played any sports,
mind you, exercise is not their strong point. Eating cake is
though.

Gret, Jess and Joanna were naturals. When
Partington got the flounders out, which were blue and red, he
chucked them to us. They were both biggish but able to be held in
one hand, squishy but hard and made of Hubris leather and it had
these tiny sparks all over it.

“Now remember, the Spells we learnt earlier
can be applied to the flounder too. So, you can freeze it, disguise
it and hide it, put a wall of fire around it, or anything else via
Returious… but also you must learn how to throw and catch, kick and
control… When the ball is in the air you can use Kadiepop to guide
it towards you. When it’s on the ground you can use Pasanthedine to
shoot it into the air. But
communication
is the key.”