Avenge (20 page)

Chapter
Twenty-Three

“
Why?” I demanded. I closed
my eyes, lowered my voice and adjusted my tone. I didn’t want to go
all black-eyed again. “Why would they do that? Alastair
said—repeatedly—that he wanted to use Max to drink from. It was the
one thing that kept me hopeful these last few weeks. If I could
last through almost a month of that torture, I knew Max could last
at least three times as long. He’s the strongest person I know. But
we would find him, and he would be okay. Why would they keep him a
vampire?”

I didn’t notice tears were pouring out
of my eyes until they splashed onto my legs. Cassie handed me a
tissue and Adam kept hold of my other hand, squeezing
reassuringly.

“
I don’t know, sweetie. But
I think this is a good start. If we know the why, we can begin to
figure out how to fix it.” Adam patted my knee and stood up. He
kissed Cassie on her forehead and started for the door. “I’m going
to go talk to James for a bit. Cassie will stay here with you, and
then I’ll be back in a little bit.”

I nodded and leaned into Cassie a
little more. I had been through the emotional wringer tonight and
was ready to crash. “Will you take Frenchie with you? She hasn’t
gone on a good walk in a few days. “

“
Of course. I’d be happy
to. We’ll even stop by the Commons. They’re baking fresh doggie
treats in the bakery now since so many people are getting dogs.
C’mon, girl.” Adam patted his knee, and Frenchie took off running,
dancing in circles around his feet. He hooked her collar on and
they set off.

“
You want to make some
popcorn and watch a movie?” Cassie asked, seeing the tears
threatening again and wanting to distract me.

I rubbed my eyes as fatigue sunk in.
“No, I think I’m going to lie down for a bit. Wake me when Adam
gets back from talking to James.”

I walked to my bedroom and
lay on top of the blankets. I needed to rest for a bit. No matter
how long I laid there, sleep eluded me. I couldn’t seem to slow my
mind, and after a half an hour of tossing and turning, I got back
up and went to sit with Cassie. She was curled up watching
The Princess Bride
.

“
Again, Cass? Haven’t you
seen this about a thousand times by now?” I plopped down next to
her and she opened up the blanket for me to snuggle in with
her.

“
It’s been at least two
thousand, but I can never get enough Buttercup and Westley.” She
handed me the bowl of popcorn and I took a handful as we watched
the Dread Pirate Roberts prepare to save the girl.

Ten minutes into watching, I fell
asleep on Cassie’s shoulder.

*****

“
Lucy? Wake up, sweetie.
James and Elizabeth are here.” I opened my eyes and wiped the side
of my mouth to make sure I hadn’t been drooling. Adam, James, and
Elizabeth were sitting around the small kitchen table while Cassie
sat on the coffee table getting my attention.

“
I’m so sorry. I didn’t
mean to keep anyone waiting.” I sat up and threw the blanket off
me, taking a second to stretch my arms. I didn’t know how long I
was out for, but the TV was now off and Cassie cleaned up the
popcorn and drinks from earlier.

“
Don’t worry about it. You
needed the rest,” James assured me. “We heard from Adam what you
discovered, and we want to go over a few things with
you.”

I stood up to find my shoes so we
could go to the Gideon facility, but no one moved. “Shouldn’t we
take this…elsewhere? I mean, it’s not really safe to talk here,
right?”

“
We have Lola, Zander, and
Marco strategically placed around this floor and the complex
itself, so if anyone even comes close to your room to eavesdrop,
we’ll know. We also did a sweep for any recording devices or
anything else that could be used to spy, and the place is
clean.”

“
Why go through all that
trouble? Why don’t we head over to the meeting room we’ve been
using?”

James and Elizabeth glanced at each
other and shared a silent conversation. I worked hard to push away
the irritation that quickly was becoming annoyance and anger. They
were doing things behind my back that obviously concerned me.
“Someone want to fill me in? Before my eyes change to all black and
I want to rip your heads off.”

James nodded at Elizabeth and she
turned to come over to where I was sitting. “After talking to Adam,
and seeing how you’ve been…feeling recently, we think it best if
you remain here for now. Somewhere that brings you comfort, but
also where you won’t be a danger to anyone.”

“
Elizabeth!” James
admonished. “Why would you say that? We talked about—”

Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders and
cut him off. “It does the girl no good to coddle her, or leave her
in the dark. So I think honesty is best here.” She turned away from
James and looked me in the eye. “I don’t want to upset you, Lucy,
but the fact of the matter is that we have no idea what will set
you off next. Or how far you will go.” She paused for a second and
looked me in the eye. “Right this moment you’re on the verge of
losing it. We all know how hard you’re working to control your
emotions, but what happens when you slip? It’s best this
way.”

I hated that she was right. I would be
devastated if I became a liability or hurt someone. I closed my
eyes for a few minutes and pictured Max’s loving face, the passion
in his eyes, the dimple on his cheek when he smiled at me. I calmed
down. Pulling the couch pillow closer to me, I hugged it to my
chest. “I understand. And I don’t blame you. I only want what’s
best for the team.”

Elizabeth gave James an “I told you
so” look and turned back to me. “I know that Adam gave us a recap,
but tell us in your own words what you’re experiencing. James and I
are both older and may have a few ideas that could
help.”

I took a big swig of my now cold latte
and went through with them again, filling in as much detail as I
could. All the while when I was speaking, I couldn’t stop thinking
about what Elizabeth had said. How dangerous was I? Could I really
harm my best friends? Would whatever was inside of me override the
love I felt for them all? Should they even be near me
anymore?

“
Max is a part of me. He’s
the very best part of me,” I explained. “Whenever he was near me, I
could feel it. My skin practically hummed when he would come toward
me. He and I are halves of a whole, and when we’re together it’s
like I’m invincible. Everything is perfect because he is perfect
for me.

“
But with his
soul…compromised like it is right now, I can feel that too. I
didn’t recognize what it was before. I thought it was my own anger
at the situation and my own grief at everything that has happened.
I didn’t realize before tonight that he was still…” I couldn’t
finish that thought.

“
But everything we’ve ever
seen says they only take the souls of the departed to make new
vampires. How do they make one out of a Patronus?” Cassie asked,
pulling her knees to her chest and leaning back into
Adam.

“
I think they honestly
pushed the vampire soul into him—forcefully. The vampire who did it
collapsed afterward and never woke up.”

James took a few steps toward me. “So
what happened to Max’s soul? If they pushed a vampiric soul into
him, where did his go?”

Everyone sat silent, not having the
answer. It was Elizabeth who finally spoke up. “It’s still in
there—fighting for control. That’s why Lucy has stretches of calm
and tranquility. And why she has bouts of extreme hatred and rage.
It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“
Oh God,” I cried, glad I
was sitting. “What does this mean for him long term? I’m so
worried. When I talked to the vampire who took over my sister’s
soul, it was like no part of her remained. For weeks while I was
chained to that cell wall, I attempted to find even a shred of the
sweet girl I knew her to be, but all she ever showed was vile
hatred and contempt.”

“
Lucy, we’re all worried
about him,” Cassie interrupted. “But I’ve talked to members of the
Retrieval team. They have seen souls turned for centuries and ones
that have committed the most evil and vile of crimes. But none of
them were beyond redemption. It’s why free will exists. People may
do horrible things, and think the worst, but no one is one hundred
percent evil. We are born pure and innocent, and we can return that
way again. Each one of those souls was able to have its goodness
and purity restored. Jessica will be fine as soon as we get her
back, I promise.”

It was beyond a relief to hear her say
that, but she misunderstood my main worry. I shook my head. “No, I
know that. But what if we don’t get Jessica and Max back soon? What
will happen to my soul? Am I supposed to fight this for years, or
centuries? I can’t continue to be a Patronus like this. You said
yourself that I am a danger to others. What happens to me
now?”

I looked hopefully at James and
Elizabeth, but I could see in their faces that the answer was not
going to be one I liked.

“
For now, let’s focus on
doing what we can to keep you calm while the rest of the team
searches for them. We still think that the best plan is to find the
spy first. If we do that, all the other pieces will fall into
place.” James stood, nodded his head at Elizabeth, and walked to
the front door. Elizabeth pushed back in her seat and joined him.
“We’ll be back tomorrow. For now, relax and let us do all the hard
work. We’ll keep you posted if there are any
developments.”

Three days passed, but nothing new was
reported. James, as promised, stopped by at least once a day, but
without any news to share, the visits were pretty much pointless. I
watched every movie we owned on DVD and slept as long as I could. I
was growing restless, and the longer I stayed cooped up, the more
cabin fever set in.

Cassie was almost a permanent fixture
in the apartment with me. She only left when Adam came to relieve
her, and even then it was only to go shower and change clothes in
her own apartment, grab food for each of us from the cafeteria,
walk the dog, and hurry back.

My stomach churned knowing I was
keeping her there, and fire burned in my gut when it dawned on me
that my best friend was reduced to a full time babysitter. It
wasn’t fair to either of us. I’d only had two more “incidents”
where I lost myself in the anger and hatred, but while it was only
two, they both lasted a significantly longer time. I threw and
broke several dishes during the second one, and Adam physically
restrained me for a few minutes so I didn’t hurt Cassie.

I tried everything I could think of to
shake off the dark thoughts that plagued me before they turned
serious. I did yoga, meditated, took so many baths my skin was
probably permanently pruney, tried breathing exercises, and prayed.
But unless I was doing one of those things at all times, the
darkness seeped in like a cockroach. It was impossible to get rid
of no matter how hard I stamped it out. I was rotting from the
inside out.

“
Luc, you want Kung Pao
Chicken tonight or Fettuccini Alfredo?” Cassie was slipping her
shoes on to head on a dinner run. I tightened my bathrobe and
grabbed a bottle of lotion to rub into my skin now that I was nice
and clean.

“
Um, surprise me.” I told
her, and headed into my bedroom. Once inside, I flopped down onto
the bed and punched the pillow a few times. It helped to let the
anger out and I really wished I could go for a long run or swim to
work some of it off. Adam was asleep on the couch, and before
reason could change my mind, I decided that this was my
shot.

I was going to head to the
pool and do a few laps. This time of day, it was doubtful that
anyone else would be there and I wouldn’t be a threat. I knew if I
did a couple of laps, I would be more relaxed. It worked for years
when I was in high school and college. And the more exhausted I
was, the better I would sleep tonight. I was tired of the
nightmares I woke up from each morning. As long as no one caught
me, I would be in and out before anyone even noticed I was
gone.