Autum's Lost (A letting go series) (23 page)

I still have tears streaming down my face as we sit on the bed. “He hates me, he trashed MY house, and he almost
killed me. For what? Because I filed for divorce? Because I want my happily ever after? That Autum never saw with us as a couple? Yet he comes in here and sleeps? Autum would never have any of this. It’s like he thinks if he stays in here it’s all okay because he was the Dad.” I shake my head and wipe my tears. “He knows what will kill me, it’s not his words or his actions or his fists. It’s this.” I walk over to the mantle and pick up a picture of Autum and Floyd. “Do you remember Floyd?”

Michael smiles and laughs once.
“Yes, the black lab, or what I called him, the black ram rod. That dog’s tail could take out a small army.”

I smile at the memories
of my beautiful man. “Yes, he was a ram rod of epic proportions and he hated Curt. Auty and I went to the park when she was five and a lady was talking about this lab that showed up on her door steps. He wasn’t even a year old. She had cats and he didn’t seem to like that so she was trying to find a home for him. I went over later that day to her house and he literally ran into Autum’s arms. It was love at first sight and I brought him home.”

Michael smiles and takes my hand.
“He was a smart dog. He was a butt sniffer and had a good sense of personalities. Probably the reason why he hated Curt.”

Tears are falling on the picture, yet I am smiling.
“Yes, that’s exactly why. He slept in here with her and he never allowed Curt in here while he was. I took this picture of them a few days before he died. He was very weak with cancer and Autum just wanted him with her. He died in her arms just the way they found each other.” The tears are now streaming down my face. “She told her Dad that Floyd could sense when someone was full of shit.” I bust out laughing wiping the tears from my eyes. “Her Dad wasn’t amused but I thought it was hilarious. The night Curt raped me in the bedroom Floyd was scratching and barking like crazy at the door trying to get in. When Curt let him in he bit him on the leg and drew blood. I thought he was going to take off his leg. He kicked him away and he growled and snapped at him. He came running into the bathroom with me and as I lay on the floor, he stayed with me all night. After that Curt decided it was best not to touch me again.” Michael squeezes my hand. “These are the two things in my life that have stood up for me.” I place my hand on his face. “Until you Michael. I don’t care what he destroys in this house. It’s all insured. I will take her stuff with me, he’s getting nothing.

Michael walks with me to the living room an
d Officer Darcy comes up to me. “Addy, the detectives are done here, they took pictures and fingerprinted everything they needed.”

“Can I pick up in here?
I am signing papers to sell the house tonight so it needs to be cleaned.”

“Yes, absolu
tely. They have everything they need.” He hands Michael and I his card.

“If you guys have any questions just give me a call and I will
be glad to help.”

“How long does it take to get the fingerprinting back?”

“It takes a good week, they will run the data base and start to build a case. If it happens to come back positive for Curt, they will add that to the domestic violence charge and violated restraining order against him.”

I shake my head.
“It’s all for nothing you know? He’s doing it because I filed for divorce.”

Patrick shakes his head yes.
“He has a coke problem, Addy. He didn’t have any on him that day of the garage incident but there was rumor of it, and now seeing what we recovered upstairs we have proof.”

I sigh heavily the weight of those sentences hitting me like a ton of bricks. Michael massages my shoulders.
“Fuck! That son of a bitch! Of course there were drugs upstairs.”

Patrick looks at Michael.
“He seems to have a grudge against you as well, Michael.” Patrick asks Officer Austin for the picture recovered up stairs. A sealed blue evidence bag was brought over and the picture Autum took of us had Michaels head cut off and the word whore scribbled across me.

Michael laughs and rolls his eyes.
“Well, at least he can spell right.”

Officer Austin walks over and addresses Michael. “You can have a protective order placed against him as well. It’s just a piece of paper but if he violates it he can be put in jail and have that added to the list of other charges he has against him.”

“I will think about it. I will let you know by tomorrow, is that okay?” The Officers smile and nod.

The detectives say their goodbyes and take the evidence. Officers Darcy and Austin follow shortly after. I look around the house and make my way up to the loft. The TV is smashed and the leather chair is ripped with the stuffing pulled out. T
he listening couch is over turned and has what looks like cigarette burns in it. At my desk there is white powder residue and lines dug into the top. The pictures of me are shattered and pencils stuck into my face.

I look over at Jess and laugh once.
“Well looks like we will need stage furniture.”

Jess smiles and shakes her head. “He just can’t let go, he did this, and he fucked up. So you are what? Just going to lay down in fear and take it?”

I look at her then over at Skyler and Michael who have made it upstairs. “No, there is no fear, Jess. I will take what I can today and deal with drama as it comes. Autum’s stuff will be safe with me and that’s all that matters.”

Michael sighs
. “I feel like in some way he has won. He knows you won’t fight so he pushes you and it just gets worse.”

S
kyler adds, “He will keep this up, Addy, you know that. His drugs are fueling his hate and it will consume him.”

I smile.
“He hasn’t won, not at all. I have you.” I say looking right at Michael. “And he will never know what true love is because he cares only about himself. So, no, he didn’t win, he only thinks he has.” Michael comes over and hugs me tightly.

“Jess and I we will pack up Autum’s room and then grab all the stuff I have left that isn’t cut up or laying in the bath tub with bleach on them.”
I say as Jess and Skyler nod.

“That sounds like a plan girly, do you want anything up here?”

“Just the art on the walls and any pictures that are not smashed or cut up.”

Skyler goes downstairs to go get the boxes out of the truck. Michael helps me take the art off the walls and Jess goes and gets a broom to sweep up the glass. We walk downstairs carrying the artwork and Skyler has the boxes sitting in the living room. We each grab a box, Jess and I head to Autum’s room and Skyler and Michael h
ead to my bedroom.

Jess l
ooks over at me “So what are we taking?”

“I want all the things on the mantel and in her desk. She has a hope chest and the boys can carry that out to the truck. Take her laptop and
iPhone. Clarissa can go through that because she will have the passwords, the diary is under her mattress.”

Jess laughs. “You know where her diary is?”

I smile. “Yes, but I never read it. I found it by accident one day while cleaning. Maybe in the future I will be able to read her words.” Looking away I see her awards and medals from gymnastics and basketball. Packing up all of her is like a dream. Even in death I feel I must protect her. I feel Michael’s hand on my shoulder and turn around. Jess looks pissed and Skyler is standing in the hallway.

“What’s wrong?”
I ask cautiously.

Michael bites his bottom lip.
“You need to see something, beautiful.”

“Great!
Something else from the fucker that I can hate him for. What could this possibly be? Jess, can you stay here and pack? I don’t want to be here all night, can you help her, Skyler?”

Skyler salutes me.
“On it, boss.”

J
ess hugs me. “Yes, we got this.”

Michael takes my hand and squeezes it. I follow him down to my bedroom. When he opens the door a faint smell of smoke hits my nostrils. I look up at Michael and he has his tight worried smile on.
I follow him into the bathroom and there in the middle of my tiled shower are the charred remains of my wedding dress and wedding albums. The smoke from the flames are like paint on the walls and the shower door is black with soot.

“Out of everything that happened this does not surprise me.” I snort
. “I knew I should have sold my dress in the garage sale.”

Michael chuc
kles. “You amaze me, you know that, right? This is disgraceful.”

I tilt my head. “To you, marriage is sacred and is about committing yourself to the one you love. That’s not what it was to Curt. To him it was a document that said ‘I know Addy will never stray and I can fuck whoever I want’.”

Michael takes my hand.
“I have told you this and I will say it to my dying day. You are my life and I will strive to make you happy every day.”

“You always have
, Britty. I have no doubt that life with you will be my dream come true.”

He kisses my forehead.
“Did you find any of my clothes not cut up?”

“Actually he didn’t cut up the clothes in the dresser. He was too busy rummaging the closet for his book on arson for dummies.”

I burst out laughing. “That’s funny shit, Britty!”

I hear Skyler laughing in the bedroom. “What are you laughing at
, bat boy?”

“Batboy? I will have you know, that I work shortstop
, little mouth.”

“I still need to see this in action. Have you pulled a groin yet? Being forty is hard stuff.” Michael bursts out laughing carrying a box of my clothes into the hallway. Skyler has two boxes and I follow him out with one.

“No, mouthy, I have not pulled my groin.” We reach the living room and Jess appears carrying out two boxes and it looks as if she has been crying.

I walk over to her and hug her.
“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

Jess wipes her tears.
“No, it’s okay. I found the letter from Autum to you” My mouth opens and my questioning look must have clued her in that I didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Oh, My, God, Addy!!
I’m sooo sorry it was opened and I assumed you had read it.” Tears are streaming down her face.

I hug her tightly. “Don’t apologize, she loved you and it doesn’t bother me, ok
ay?” I look at her face all blotchy and red.

“Ok
ay, just know I am so sorry.”

“There isn’t anything to be sorry about. If the letter was opened then Curt opened it and he saw what was in there that was meant for me.” Jess shakes her head yes.
“Do you have the letter?” Jess goes over to the desk box and takes it out and hands it to me. Autum’s handwriting takes my breath away and I just stare at the letter. I can feel the hot tears run down my cheeks, as Michael wraps his arms around me.

“Not here
, baby, don’t read it here. I will take you home give you a bath and then we can read it together.”

I hug him tighter and the tears that were sliding down my face subside. I
whisper
.
“
Okay.” I look up at Michael. “Can you and Skyler get the hope chest out of Auty’s room?”

Michael smiles lovingly.
“Yes, of course we can.”

I
walk over to Jess and hug her. “You have been my best friend for all my life, I could never be mad at you. Do you understand me, twat?”

Jess bursts out laughing.
“Yes, yes I do, cootie licker. Is there anything in the basement you want tonight?”

“No, I was down there a while back and it was overwhelming. I need to get the house fixed and then I can deal with that crap. It’s mostly Autum’s baby stuff.” I stand there for a moment and then change my mind.
“Grab a box, I just thought of some things I want for sure.”

We head down to the basement and on the far shelf there is a tote with a lid. I look at the box in my hand and start laughing.
“Oh, yeah, at one time I was organized.” The tote is labeled ‘Autum’s baby stuff.’ I grab it and hand it to Jess. On another shelf I see a tote labeled ‘random crap’ that is the tote that has my diaries and the letters from Jack that I kept. “Dumbass thought I threw everything away from when I hired Jack to follow him around.”

J
ess smirks at me and says, “How do you like me now?” and we both burst out laughing. Walking upstairs with our totes, I see Michael and Skyler coming out of the main bedroom with two boxes each.

Skyler looks at me and rolls his eyes.
“Do you girls really need that many pairs of shoes?”

I look over at Jess.
“He just doesn’t get it does he?”

Jess shakes her head.
“Fuck no he doesn’t, I kicked his clothes out to the spare room closet because mama needed a whole wall of shoes.”

Skyler is shaking his head.
“Well good luck with that, Mikey, she will fill your home up with purses and shoes.”