Autumn Leaves (13 page)

The sun was shining into her bedroom. Beside the bed stood her smiling girl, all dressed for church.

“Daddy said to wake you,” Maggie said. “There’s still time for a shower and breakfast before church.”

“Church.” Rebecca’s face flushed. “Right. Of course. I’ll be right there.”

When she came down to the kitchen, breakfast was already in progress.

“Good morning, baby.” David got up to kiss her, and their daughters grinned at each other. “I’m sorry we got started already, but these funny girls wouldn’t get ready on time otherwise.”

“It’s fine. Thank you.”

In the familiar setting of her home, with her family around, Rebecca could barely understand what happened last night. It seemed like part of a dream, only she was very much aware that every moment was real. She fantasized, she said it out loud, and she did it.

The pleasure of kissing Callie Bryan certainly evened out the guilt. Distracted, she wondered how anybody could think this was wrong. Granted, it was all wrong for her to want and dream about, but what if there were no responsibilities, no ties in her life?

“Mommy is still asleep,” Maggie said, pleased with her observation. Usually, she was the one who had to be convinced out of bed with all means possible.

“Mommy stayed up too long last night,” Dina said teasingly.

David just gave her a thoughtful look, and that was when Rebecca remembered the note she’d left on the table. At the time, she’d thought it was sensible to let him know where she was. Now she wondered what he’d make of her going over to Callie’s in the dead of night.

For the first time in a long time, the service did nothing to help her clear her thoughts. The reasons were pretty obvious. Betty just barely greeted her and didn’t have a word for her otherwise, the reason not much of a secret. The choir performed gospel songs. Rebecca wondered if she even had the right to be here, or Callie, for that matter. That was the difference between them, that Callie didn’t need anybody’s approval. She was free to go whenever she wanted to, and maybe she would after the book was finished. Rebecca would be the one to stay, haunted by a hunger unsatisfied.

After the service, David went to talk to Charles. Rebecca followed hesitantly. The stormy look on Betty’s face didn’t bode for anything good.

“You knew,” she seethed. “You knew exactly what she’s doing, and you’re still letting your children near her.”

Startled by the venom in Betty’s voice, though not very surprised by the verbal attack, Rebecca looked around her to see if anybody had noticed.

“For Christ’s sake, Callie writes books for children and adults. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“She’s writing porn, and then she comes to church and sings about praising the Lord? At one point, there were laws against this.”

“Porn, or praising the Lord?” Inside, the uncertainty was threatening to take her over, but Rebecca couldn’t afford to let it show. Not now.

“God, Rebecca, look at you. What happened to the friend I knew?”

“That’s a very good question, Betty, because I’m not sure I know you anymore. When did we start to hate people just because they lived different lives?”
And when did you start to care?

“It’s not about hate,” Betty claimed. “It’s about protecting our children. You really have no qualms about leaving Maggie alone with that woman?”

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating,” Rebecca said calmly, her anger just close enough under the surface for Betty to notice. “Don’t you dare start rumors. About me, my family, or Callie. I won’t just sit by.”

“You’re crazy. Charles? Can we finally go home?” Betty raised her voice, unnerved.

“Good idea,” Rebecca muttered.

David asked, shaking his head, “Again? She
is
wound tight lately.”

“Tell me about it.”

They walked a few steps, then he said, “Why don’t you ask Callie to come over for dinner sometime soon? At least she’s the only one of your friends who doesn’t start yawning when we talk sports.”

Rebecca mustered a smile for his sake. Barely. “I’ll think about it,” she said.

* * * *

When the phone rang early in the morning, hearing Father Langdon’s voice was not something Rebecca expected, the guilt all but attacking her. She was almost ready for him to tell her he’d excommunicate her this moment. Instead, he informed her that her deadline for the youth project was just moved up, which gave her about one week to finish.

“I think I can do that,” she said, waiting, wondering if there was more.

“Really? That would be wonderful. I apologize for telling you at such short notice, but the decision was made this morning.”

“No problem, Father. I hope you’re going to like the final result.”

“Oh, I’m sure. I’ve seen what you’ve done for Mayor Beckett. You’re very talented.”

“Thank you,” Rebecca said, baffled by the compliment.

“I’ll let you get back to work. You think you could come by after church to discuss the last details then?”

“Of course.”

She looked at the calendar, mentally calculating how much time she would need to carve out to get this commission done on time. It was a tight schedule, but with a full weekend in between she’d manage…
Damn.

Why did it have to be that weekend? Truth be told, everyone looked forward to it a lot more than she had, but still, it was some rare family time. These days, it was more important than ever. Rebecca couldn’t possibly say “no” to the church and risk not getting commissions in town anymore. People understood about family when there was an emergency, but this certainly didn’t count as one. Now she had to confess. Rebecca chose to start with the family member who, she’d hoped, would be the easiest to convince.

“Well, you are the one who says we never do anything together anymore,” Dina said, her tone accusatory. It didn’t seem like she would find an ally in her older daughter.

“It’s not like you’re not going at all. I just can’t make it.”

“What are you gonna tell Maggie? She was so looking forward to it.”

“Maggie is old enough to understand about work, isn’t she?” Why did she have to get so defensive about it?

“Nobody’s starving,” Dina said with some unexpected heat. “It’s not like you have to do it. It’s something you do for fun.”

“That fun sometimes pays more per hour than Dad’s job—did you know that?”

“From the church?” Dina snorted. “Fine, Mom. We’re going without you. If you get bored, I’m sure Callie would like to come over and keep you company.”

Rebecca didn’t even try to analyze the hidden accusation, as the thought of being alone with Callie, here, was troubling enough. It was hard to trust herself, not that it was the biggest problem at the moment. “There’ll be other opportunities.”

“Sure. Is there anything else? I have homework to do.”

“No. Nothing.”

* * * *

“Rebecca, you can’t be serious about this!”

She would have liked to say the same thing to David. They both made an effort for their relationship lately, the remembered guilty pleasure of that one kiss notwithstanding. She’d had shown every bit of understanding for the demands of his job, so why couldn’t he do the same thing for her?

“Why? I do this for our church, for the town we’re living in. Why does everybody think this is some big ego trip I’m on?”

“Come on, it’s not like there aren’t other good web designers out there? We’ve been planning this trip for a long time. You can’t let us down now.” She let herself be embraced, but remained tense in his arms. Deep down inside, Rebecca knew that these were the terms she’d agreed to a long time ago. David had encouraged her to go back into web design, as a hobby that sometimes paid.

“Just call Father Langdon and tell him something came up. I’ll call him if you want me to.”

“No, I don’t want you to. How is it okay for you to call from wherever and say you won’t be home for another week or two, but when I need time for my job, it’s not that important?”

“Why is it this important all of a sudden?”

“You don’t get it,” she said, frustrated.

“You’re right, I don’t get it. I guess you made your choice then.”

“David, you don’t...”

“Let’s just forget about it for a moment, okay?” he interrupted her with barely masked irritation. “I’ll go with the girls. It’s all right.”

He left Rebecca standing in the middle of the room. There was a disturbing déjà vu in that.

She was living under the same roof with three people who were deeply disappointed in her, and it stung. Especially considering they were the most important people in her life. Rebecca had never been prone to procrastinating, but the week went by too quickly for her liking.

She talked to Callie on the phone briefly, twice, neither of them mentioning the kiss. They probably wouldn’t have if there wasn’t anyone around, either. At night, she wondered if David had ever thought about kissing anyone else, if he’d actually done it. Rebecca found it disturbing that the thought didn’t bring any jealously with it. She was just very tired. Maybe he was right, and she should see a doctor. It was an excuse as good as any.

Actually, at the moment she felt eerily calm. She’d tried. There weren’t enough tears or prayers to get it out her system. It was never going to happen. She should be grateful that neither her marriage, nor her friendship with Callie was irreversibly damaged, and leave it at that. She had a job to do. On top of that, she had to host the upcoming Saturday brunch
. The fun never ends.

They left for the airport around noon. Maggie smiled bravely, but her eyes were bright when she hugged Rebecca goodbye.

“You’re gonna have a lot of fun,” Rebecca promised, struggling to keep her voice even. Just a few days. Not like she wasn’t going to see them ever again.

“You really can’t come?” Maggie asked anxiously. “You’ll be all alone.”

“Yeah, but you know I’ll be very busy.”

Dina snorted. David gave her a look that said she was asking for this. Rebecca straightened her shoulders. “The time will go by quickly, and then you can tell me all about the adventures you’ve had. It’s going to be so great.”

“Okay.” Maggie didn’t sound convinced, but she turned to climb into the car, waving. Another quick hug from David and Dina, and then they were gone. Rebecca felt awful. Also, she had a lot of work to do, otherwise she’d have made this sacrifice for nothing.

* * * *

Callie wasn’t sure whether she should be relieved or disappointed. Her state of mind was a confusing mix of both. After Rebecca had left that night, they’d been on the same page, aware of the attraction they felt for each other, aware that there was no way they could give in to it. In Rebecca’s case, the reasons were obvious. For Callie...She might take the risk to get hurt this badly another time, but it always came back to the fact that there were more people to consider.

Asha had left after advising her to pour her frustration into a prize-winning novel, which wasn’t a bad idea at all. Fiction was a world in which Callie felt at home. If it didn’t work out, you deleted it and started over. Life wasn’t that easy. In spite of all the good reasons they had between them not to go any further, Callie would have loved to satisfy the curiosity she knew was haunting Rebecca. It was better to keep a safe distance, if for other reasons than with Nicole.

Her morning was productive, including three more chapters of her novel and several unchaste thoughts about her neighbor, not necessarily in that order. Asha’s advice worked surprisingly well. When she got out of bed around seven thirty, the lights were on in the Lowmans’ house. After the first batch of coffee was ready, she sat in front of her computer in her pajamas, mug in hand, made Sabine and Vanessa fight and make up again. In a lengthy scene. Sex, as usual, was easy to imagine, but hard to write in a way that made the readers’ toes curl. Callie didn’t normally use real people in her fiction, though Asha had good-naturedly accepted that Sabine was loosely based on her and the early days of their relationship. Callie wrote romance, two people staying together, and who the hell cared if it was realistic? People’s lives changed too quickly, which was why they were in need for happy endings, of the kind Callie didn’t think she’d ever find.

Certainly not with Rebecca Lowman who had signed up for “Till Death Do Us Part” with her husband. Still, as she was alone with her thoughts, the only sound the soft clicking of the keys, Callie dreamed of seducing Rebecca. It was such a bad cliché, the idea of trying to turn the straight girl and, of course, nothing good could come out of it at all. She couldn’t help it. Callie wasn’t stupid, and she had figured out a few things about herself over the past few years. She’d even had a few sessions of therapy, mostly out of curiosity, which had turned out to be a real eye-opener. In her previous relationships, she was drawn to women who were older, in professions where they had lots of responsibility and power.

“Yeah, so?”
she’d said to the psychiatrist.
“It’s a feminist thing. Chicks in charge are sexy.”
Rebecca certainly fit the bill. She might not have followed the brilliant career she could have had, taken a turn left before settling down in Autumn Leaves, but she was one of those women who seemed to effortlessly juggle the very different aspects of her life. Her schedule was that of a small business owner without the pay. She could handle just about anything. There was just one thing that made her struggle, being attracted to another woman.