I hold your head in my arms, Jasmin, and the snow around you is stained grey with grey blood, and why doesn’t this night have any sound, any colour? Not even the blood has the strength to be red.
And what’s Jerry shouting? What is it he’s shouting?
He wants something. And now I remember, how the words shot through the car, drive slower, slow down, and the world spun around, around, around, breaking into a thousand different sounds and the screams stopped and I was hanging upside down in the silence and looking at the steering wheel, at Jerry who was fiddling with a tape, and then I fell and started crawling.
I thought I could see someone standing above Andreas’s body.
A being with the colourless colour of fear.
And Jasmin in my arms. She’s breathing. How do I know that? Jerry is standing beside me, screaming: ‘She’s breathing, she’s breathing’, and slowly, coldly, as if through cotton wool, his words reach me, he’s screaming, looking at me with his relentless blue eyes, he wants something, he really does want something.
In a way that I will never want anything again.
I can drift back to that field now. It lies there still and pale in the rain and mist, in this raw cold that confuses even the voles that live there.
I’m not about to tell anyone about that evening, that night. About love and decisiveness and death and the white snow and the delicate trickles of blood running from a girl’s deaf ears, the blood that spread out beneath her like a soft pillow of the finest velvet.
I was angry.
Disappointed, but determined to push ahead with the life that was mine. I would become the most ruthless of all ruthless people.
I’m drifting higher now.
Looking at Skogså from above. I can see Linnea Sjöstedt’s little cottage, she’s sitting inside waiting for a death that won’t come to her for a long time yet.
The snow sails through the air in its perfect flakes, hardly bigger than motes of dust.
I used, I use my blue eyes.
I am standing in a field, a few square metres of the boundless, outstretched world that is mine, of the vastness of space that is now mine.
A boy ceases to be a boy, as the snow and rain come to rest on the ground.
Who was I, as I stood on the steps in front of a school building just a few months before, feeling the muted rays of the late-summer sun stroke my cheek?
The boy, as he still is, stands on the steps of the Cathedral School in the late-summer sun, warm as the memory of his mother’s cold hand.
The boy doesn’t smoke like so many of the other students of Linköping’s most prestigious high school. But he still stands on the steps, holding court, sees his people around him, learning each day how to manipulate them into doing what he wants, thinks that there’s nothing wrong with that, because the others don’t know what they want.
Then come the boys and girls from the large farms, the estates and castles throughout Östergötland, and it doesn’t matter what he says or does, or how much the others look up at him, those people treat him as if he were air. They might talk to him and about him, but there’s always a sense of amusement, of distance, in what they say and do, the fact that they let him exist, yet somehow not.
He wants to be able not to give a damn about them, not to want their favour, but he can’t help himself, he tries to be amusing on the steps, in class, in the refectory, but it doesn’t get him anywhere.
There are closed societies in that school.
For the castle and estate boys, for doctors’ kids with family trees, but not for kids from Berga with a mother dead from rheumatism and a pointless father studying in adult education, of all fucking things.
He, the most handsome and smart of all, ought to be an obvious member of the Natural Science Society, or Belles-Lettres and Tradition, which, even though it’s where the poetic nerds hang out, is still full of status and validation.
Fuck you.
And the parties. The ones they hold and where they invite everyone except him. His brilliance threatens them, frightens them.
But Jerry merely sees a closed door.
A door that will be opened.
At all costs. And if the boys, with all their silly names and houses and cars, are ridiculous, it’s a different matter with the girls. The castle and estate girls with their fine-limbed bodies and soft blonde hair framing their narrow faces and even narrower lips.
There’s something beautiful, irresistible, in the way they move, and they all move towards the boy, like almost all girls do, but while the others allow themselves to be moved by his blue eyes, the nice girls look away at the last moment. The well-bred girls know who the boy is, where he comes from, they know he’s a sight worth seeing, a source of amusement rather than a person to be taken seriously.
But there is one girl, the most beautiful of the well-bred girls, who sees who he is beyond the person that he is, who sees the formidable boy he really is, the man he will become, and the life he will be able to offer.
She dares.
And so one evening, after an annual school competition and the party that followed, they make their way down to the Stångån as it winds through Linköping, and they lie down together on a mattress in an abandoned pump house, and she is naked beneath him and her body is white and he fills her with his warm hard fleshy soul and they both know they will never get past this moment, the feeling of this instinctive love, how their unconscious can let go of all doubts and simply relax in the sweat, pain, explosion, and a space free from fear.
Then a New Year’s Eve.
White snow falling from a black sky on a blood-stained field.
A boy screaming the words that make him a man.
The sea is shimmering in shades of blue that Malin has never seen before, and the sun appears to see its task today as erasing the boundaries between the elements. Malin can feel her dress sticking fast to her lower back, as the warm wind wraps itself around her body in a soft, undemanding embrace.
She looks at her showy surroundings.
The pool terrace has been built on a cliff some hundred metres above a deserted beach of black sand.
The pool.
Lined with black mosaic, and Malin thinks a swim would be nice as she looks at the man in the water, swimming length after length without paying any attention to the visitors who have just arrived.
The terrace must be at least four hundred square metres, and Malin and Inspector Jorge Gomez, wearing a crumpled beige linen suit, are sitting under a parasol at a teak table towards the edge of the terrace. On the other side of the pool, in front of the enormous cube-like house, two big-chested blondes are lying on sunloungers, tapping at their mobile phones and adjusting their outsized sunglasses, while three gorillas in jeans peer out of a living room whose large glass doors have been opened onto the terrace.
A modern castle, Malin thinks. A secluded setting, but only ten kilometres or so from the clamour of Playa de las Américas.
A modernist dream.
White and steel, with the sun to heat it. This must have been the sort of thing you were dreaming about, Mum?
The man in the pool carries on swimming, and small waves spread out to the black edges of the pool, running over, and one of the big-chested blondes gets up and waves across to them, and Gomez waves back.
He drove Malin out here, not saying much, only that they were aware of Jochen Goldman’s questionable past but that there were a lot of far worse crooks on the island, people who really had been convicted of murder and didn’t just have a dodgy reputation, and that they naturally left him alone seeing as there was no current warrant for his arrest.
‘He’s not one of the noisy ones,’ Gomez said in broken English. ‘Not like the Russians. We keep them on a short chain.’
‘Do you think he’ll let us in?’
‘If he’s home, I expect he will.’
Ten minutes later they were standing outside the gates, the black Seat in neutral, as a male voice said over the loudspeaker: ‘Drive up to the house and someone will meet you there.’
They were met by a young woman wearing a dress, and she showed them to the table on the terrace, and said before disappearing inside the house: ‘Mr Goldman will be with you shortly.’
Doing the crawl.
Water.
Goldman in the pool.
One arm in front of the other. And Malin sees the muscles in his arms working, feels how much she wants to get in the pool, feel her own body fight against the water, forcing back the pleasant, soft barrier it constitutes.
The muscular yet still fat body is full of energy as the suntanned Jochen Goldman heaves himself out of the pool, accepts a towel from one of the gorillas, then heads towards them with a smile, and wet, bleached hair.
The towel around his neck. A heavy watch on one wrist, skin the colour of bronze, and a thick gold chain around his neck. His teeth whitened, unnaturally bright for a man of forty-five who, in all likelihood, hasn’t led the most sedate of lives. A murderer? The sort of man who gets rid of people? Impossible to tell.
Malin feels no fear of him. She feels something else.
Jochen Goldman stops ten metres away from them, puffing out his bulging stomach, drying his hair with his right hand before fastening the towel around his waist.
He holds out his hand to Malin.
She takes it, and the handshake is as firm as his smile feels untrustworthy, and Malin sees that he must have had several bouts of plastic surgery during his years on the run, he has just a few wrinkles around his eyes, and cleaner features and a more pointed nose than in the old pictures from the papers. Jochen Goldman sits down in a chair beside them and one of the gorillas comes over with a pair of sunglasses with diamond-studded frames, and Malin smiles, saying: ‘Nice sunglasses’, then she introduces herself: ‘Malin Fors, detective inspector with the Linköping Police. We spoke on the phone. This is my Spanish colleague Jorge Gomez,’ and Gomez nods towards Goldman, who raises his head slightly in return.
‘I’d be grateful if you could take off the sunglasses. So I can see your eyes when we talk.’
‘They’re from Tom Ford. You’ve got taste,’ Goldman says, taking off the glasses. ‘So you were the one who called about Jerry?’
You know I was, Malin thinks, and Goldman smiles in amusement.
‘And now you’ve come all this way just to have a chat with me.’
Malin realises that nothing in the world will make Goldman tell her more than he’s already decided to say, so she gets straight to the point.
‘We have reason to believe that you knew that Jerry Petersson once tried to give you up when you were on the run.’
Another smile, and his brown eyes sparkle against the sun as he says: ‘Of course, I knew that. I found out through my source in Interpol. I only just got away that time.’
‘Did you want revenge?’
‘No, I got away, didn’t I? And why would I want revenge now, several years later? I’ve never trusted Jerry completely. He wasn’t the type who inspired total confidence, and in a situation like mine it made sense to take precautions.’
‘But you said you were friends?’
‘We were. I still had more confidence in him than most people.’
Malin nods.
She can see the drops of water slowly drying on Jochen Goldman’s skin, as he leans back, legs wide apart, shamelessly making the most of the day as though it were his last.
‘He wanted to sell books,’ he goes on. ‘His greed was amusing. He had just cashed in several hundred million from that IT company, but he still couldn’t help himself trying to increase the sales of the book.’
Out at sea a large cruise ship had appeared on the horizon.
The busty blondes had disappeared from the terrace now.
All that was left were the watchful eyes of the heavies from inside the living room.
‘You have a good life here.’
‘I work hard. But I’d like to have a woman here.’
‘You’ve got several,’ Malin says.
‘But no one like you.’
Malin smiles, feels Goldman’s eyes on her, and she wonders if she should adjust her dress, the wind has blown it up, but she leaves it where it is, she doesn’t usually take advantage like that, but this time she makes an exception. For herself, or to confuse Goldman?
I don’t care, Malin thinks, looking down at her skin.
Gomez is holding his mobile, and it buzzes as a text arrives.
‘So you’re saying you weren’t even angry with Petersson?’
‘No. If you don’t expect loyalty, you don’t get disappointed by betrayal. Don’t you think?’
‘I don’t know,’ Malin says, and she sees Janne in the hall of his house the first time he was about to go to Bosnia, the evening before his departure, and how she tried in vain to stop him packing his camouflaged rucksack.
‘It’s true.’
‘Did you carry on doing business with him?’
‘Oh yes.’
‘Even though you didn’t trust him?’
‘He didn’t know that I knew. And one thing you need to understand, Malin, is that sometimes Jerry Petersson was exactly the sort of man you wanted on your side.’
‘Why?’
‘He had certain qualities. A ruthlessness that could be exploited.’
‘What do you mean by ruthlessness?’
Jochen Goldman raises his eyebrows, to indicate that he isn’t going to answer.
‘How did you get to know each other?’ Malin asks instead.
‘It was when I got into trouble on one occasion. My usual lawyer at the same firm was on holiday. I liked him at once. And when he set up his own practice, I went with him.’
‘Do you know why he set up on his own?’
‘He scared the others.’
‘Scared them?’
‘Yes, he was much smarter than them, so they had to get rid of him.’
Malin smiles. Goldman strokes his stomach and flares his nostrils like Tony Soprano.
‘Is there anything you think I should know? About your business dealings? About Jerry?’
‘No. Surely you should do some of the work for yourselves?’
Goldman smiles.