Autumn (22 page)

I felt his hand shove me and saw the outline of his muscles bunch up. He was pushing me over the edge.

“NO,” cried Holt, struggling desperately against his bonds. But I could already see that it was no use. Logan wouldn’t have made a mistake in tying up his own brother.

“Logan Roth, stop it,” I said, trying to keep my teeth from chattering, whether from fear or the cold I wasn’t sure. “You have no right to interfere with Fairy justice.”

“Oh, but he does,” said Rog, stepping forward. “He has every right. Why don’t we just end this right now?” he asked, looking at Logan.

Logan smiled indulgently. “Because that isn’t as much fun.”

I felt myself being pushed further over the edge of the cliff. I was too afraid to struggle, since the only thing keeping me from plummeting to my death on jagged rocks was Logan’s strong hold.

“I told you once to stay away from her,” said a soft, familiar voice, filled with steel and winter nights. “You should have listened.”

And then Samuel was there, shoving Logan aside as if he weighed nothing, grabbing hold of my arm and pulling me back towards safety. Cold fury radiated from him and I wanted to flinch away, but all I could do was stare. His eyes, the only thing I could see in the darkness, were a stunning blue. They softened slightly when they looked at me, but they hardened again when they came across Logan.

My eyes flicked to Holt and I realized that in all the commotion he had broken his bonds. He was just waiting for the right moment to strike.

“Tell me why?” I asked suddenly, trying to buy time. I didn’t want the boys to fight each other, especially over me. Even if Logan was behaving grotesquely, I didn’t think Holt would be able to forgive me if something happened to him.

Logan sighed. “I already explained. You have messed with their minds. You should have left my brother alone, and the fact that you have worked your little spell on him and he has fallen for it simply proves that he is not fit to rule.”

Ah. So, there it was. Finally. Logan wanted the throne.

“You think you can do a better job than me?” Holt cried. “When you practice this sort of justice? You lie and manipulate and turn against your own family?”

“I’m trying to SAVE the family,” Logan bellowed. “She’s supposed to be with HIM!” He pointed his finger at Samuel and me.

“You idiot,” Holt cried, and jumping up he launched himself at his younger brother. The two fell back to the hard rock, scuffling and yelling.

“Stop,” I screamed. “Stop, you’re BROTHERS.”

But they weren’t listening. Samuel tried to wade in and break them apart, but it was no use. Holt shoved him aside and he went crashing to the ground. Dazed, he didn’t get up.

My eyes were locked on the battle. I knew they were both using magic, and I couldn’t help but have the sick feeling that irreparable damage was about to be done.

“Well, while they’re busy...” I heard Rog say. Dimly I registered that he had lost interest in his best friend’s battle and locked his eyes on me.

I stared at him, not comprehending. A ball of greenish magic was gathering around his fingertips, and it could only be headed for one place. It illuminated his face in a freakish light and he grinned.

I opened my mouth in a wordless scream.

“No,” cried a voice from the ground that sounded a lot like Holt’s, but wasn’t. “Not that way!”

But it was too late. Rog loosed the burst of Fairy magic and it zipped towards my chest, ready to knock me off the cliff. I tried to shield myself, but I knew it was pointless.

Suddenly, though, before I fell, a body appeared in front of me.

Logan was trying to protect me and was going to take the killing blow himself. As if in slow motion, Holt pushed himself up from the ground. His eyes locked on mine, then shifted to Logan. A look of indescribable pain twisted across his face as he started to run towards us.

I thought he was going to try to shove us to the ground, then realized that behind us was a cliff. There was nowhere for us to fall but down.

Instead, Holt wrapped his arms around Logan, protecting him.

Taking the blow himself.

After that all I knew was that I was screaming and screaming as I watched Holt’s strong body crumple to the ground. Then I didn’t know anything any more.

Nothing can hurt more than losing someone you love.

When I had first heard that saying, I hadn’t even considered that I might lose someone to death.

Holt, my Holt, was dead. He wasn’t coming back to me. Or to his family.

He was gone.

In the end the Fairy Courts couldn’t abide changes and couldn’t accept a different way of life.  The Supreme Council had only been able to think of fixing what had gone wrong instead of embracing what had gone right. I had thought that Holt and I were right. In my heart I still believed that. He was the first person I had met when I came to Maine. When I thought about how fast and strong he was, how loyal, all I could do was smile. I would never forget that. More importantly, I would never let go of that.

I hadn’t thought my happiness with Holt would be fleeting, but that, like other things, I was wrong about.

When I thought about that later, it often reminded me of my mom trying to use the computer - she just couldn’t understand why e-mail was better than “snail mail” - except much worse and much more deadly.

I was sure that a part of me would never recover. How could it? I had bound myself to him - and he to me.

After that day I spent as much time as I could alone. I needed to be by myself to heal and think. I also felt closer to Holt when I was outside, among all the things that he had loved. Often, I would just go sit on the shore and stare at the ocean.

Worst of all, and what I didn’t want to think about, was that Logan was not going to be punished. They said what he did was an accident. Attempted murder was an accident? I didn’t think so. I had seen his eyes that night, felt his hatred, but the Fairy Courts didn’t want difficulties. It meant that Logan was now going to become the Summer King. Even if in the end Logan had tried to save me, what difference did it make when his previous actions were so vile?

Even though she hadn’t disliked Holt,
Mrs. Cheshire was over the moon about Logan ascending to the Summer Throne, but  obviously Samuel and I were not. I was lucky to have Samuel on my side. He was still on my side. He had always been on my side.

Everything would have been a lot worse without Samuel.

I had to remember that.

Not that I could ever forget him.

I wondered what it would be like if he married and I wondered if Susan was still interested. Sometimes I caught her looking at him and thought she was.

Only time would tell what would happen with the Fairy Courts, or with me, but I did realize that this was no longer just about Holt, Samuel, and me. I had obligations to my fellow Fairies, and if I had learned anything through all the pain, it was that I could handle anything. Well, maybe with a little help from the likes of Susan and Samuel.

Sitting by the sea, I turned my face into the cool autumn breeze, sadness washing over me with the wind. All summer I had thought of Holt when I smelled the fragrant wind of summer. Now there was no sweetness left in the wind, only a refreshing cold.

Holt was too good. That’s why he had died. All he had ever wanted to do was the right thing - loyalty to his family and loyalty to his heart - and he had paid the price for it. It didn’t matter that the Fairies felt bad about what had happened. They had created an impossible situation, and the one person who shouldn’t have suffered, suffered the most.

“I’ll always remember you smiling,” he had said quietly at the end, so softly I could barely hear him. His last words were soft and kind and loyal, just like he had always been.

Rog, at least, was in trouble, and I was glad. Even Logan wouldn’t stand by him. Even though they claimed they had just been trying to scare us, when the heir to the Summer Crown dies the joke has gone too far.

Logan was distraught at his brother’s death, at least I could say that much for him. He had collapsed in tears, screaming at anyone who came near him. I didn’t scream, I just felt hollow.

There was no point to being angry with anyone any more. Maybe later, anger would replace sadness, but not for a long time. At Holt’s funeral I realized that even Mrs. Cheshire had liked him. It had always been me that she wanted out of the way, but the fact that Holt and Samuel had been on such good terms and were always friends had always boded well for the future of the Courts.

Susan had arranged and taken care of everything. She was the only one close to Holt who was still able to function. Upon hearing of her oldest son’s death, Mrs. Roth had taken to her bed, not to be heard from for weeks. Whenever I saw Susan in the weeks that followed, her eyes were puffy and red, but her back was always straight. She said that Holt would want everyone to be strong, not to fall into tears, and even though a part of me knew she was right, I didn’t see much point being strong without him.

I tried to keep my mother from seeing any sort of change in me, but it was difficult. I never laughed and rarely smiled. She left me alone, knowing that whatever was going on with me, I needed time. There was no way I could tell her that my future had died.

The only person I felt comfortable being around was Samuel. I had always felt comfortable around him, even when he had acted like he hated me, but now, in the wake of Holt’s death, I was tormented with thoughts of that night. The only thing that soothed me was talking to Samuel.

He would usually pick me up after school. If I had homework I did it while he read or watched TV, and if I went to work he would go to UP UP and Away and hang out until my shift was over. My mother showed no signs of wanting to leave Castleton. I would have assumed that after the disastrous end to Holt’s and my dating, the Fairies would have encouraged me to disappear immediately. But it wasn’t like that. I think they realized that they had done enough damage, or maybe someone, like Samuel, insisted that I be left alone now.

It was on one such afternoon at UP UP and Away, when the place was empty except for Samuel, that the door opened and a familiar breeze blew in.

I had avoided Logan, partly because I couldn’t forgive him for what he had done to his brother, and partly because he looked so much like Holt that seeing him made my heart ache. But today there was nowhere for me to run to.

He glanced at Samuel, who gave the smallest of nods and went back to his book.

“Hi,” he said to me.

I folded my arms across my chest and waited. He didn’t look so good. He was pale and his skin was pinched. He was long overdue for a haircut.

“I just wanted to say how sorry I am,” he said, his voice breaking.

I felt tears prick at my eyes as I said, “We’re both sorry.”

Holt wouldn’t want me to hold a grudge against his brother. I was in Fairy limbo, seeing as how I had never actually been given Holt’s Rose. Plus, Holt had never stopped loving his brother.

Logan glanced nervously at Samuel, but Samuel was doing his best “I’m alone in a room” impression.

“Rog is gone,” said Logan quietly. “They sent him somewhere to be punished, but I don’t know where.”

“Probably a Miss Manners school,” I said. “Learning not to be stupid and horrible would be a good punishment for him.”

One side of Logan’s mouth went up just a fraction. “That would be too kind a punishment.”

I knew that was true. I was just tired of being mean about other Fairies.

“Look,” said Logan, “Holt would have wanted you to have this.”

I felt a swift jabbing in my chest, like someone was prodding me with the point of a blade, but I took what Logan offered. It was a picture of me, wrapped in a note I had written him.

“I don’t know when in the summer he took it,” said Logan, “but after he left I know he kept it with him. He never let it go. You meant so much to him, Autumn. How he felt about you.... I don’t think he ever dreamed he would feel that way about someone. He definitely hadn’t been looking for someone when you came along, and he was loyal to his family.”

Logan paused, choking up, then continued: “If he had felt less strongly about you he would have given you up, because he knew we didn’t approve.”

“He died protecting you,” I said, even though my throat burned to say it. “He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

“What will you do now?” I asked him after a pause, keeping my head bent as I looked at the picture and the note.

“Going to go away for a while. Probably a long time. My mom doesn’t want to be here any more. It’s too soon, so we’re going to go stay with other family. Holt wouldn’t want us to stay away forever, but right now it’s too hard. There are too many memories.”

Logan paused for so long I thought he might have left. When I looked up he was standing there, looking at me. I raised my eyebrows and he bent closer.

“Samuel cares about you, you know,” he said.

After Logan left, Samuel put his book down and came over.

“You okay?” he asked. He hadn’t asked me that before now, I realized, because he knew I wasn’t.