Autumn (11 page)

“I’m good,” he said, smiling. “Better now. You must have been really nice to Samuel over the past week.”

I thought about my last week with Samuel. No, I hadn’t been very nice, but apparently he had gone to a lot of trouble anyway, and probably had several fights with his mother, to make Holt more comfortable.

“Something like that,” I said dryly.

Holt just kept smiling at me.

“What have you been up to?” he asked. My mouth felt dry. All week I had wanted impatiently to see Holt. Every time something good happened or I heard a joke on TV I had wanted to tell him, but I hadn’t been able to. They didn’t allow phones, even in Fairy prisons. Now, after talking to Samuel’s grandmother, all I could think of was that Holt was being kept there in case they wanted to murder him -- or me. Did he know? He must.

“School started,” I said. “It’s not bad. I mostly hang out with Nick. He misses Carley, but he doesn’t know what to do about it.”

“It’s too bad about them,” said Holt softly. His eyes twinkled as he looked at me and I had a hard time remembering what I wanted to say.

I nodded, looking around his room, for that’s what he was being kept in, part of a large room, kept sectioned off by the bars that stood between us. Even though they were simple things like ice and plant matter, they felt like bars of steal.

Since I hadn’t even been able to see his place last week I assumed that this was a vast improvement. There was a small bed with a plain green cover, the chair he had been sitting in, a small wooden table, and a lamp. There was also a stack of books. The floor, which looked like packed dirt, was now covered by a massive carpet.

“Samuel’s not much of a decorator, is he?” I asked.

Holt laughed. “No, I guess he’s not. Although I can’t say that I care much.”

I had been trying to avoid examining Holt himself. I didn’t want to notice that he was a bit thinner and paler, and that some of the shine had gone out of his eyes. I didn’t want to see the crows feet stretching towards his temples, as if he was always frowning, and I didn’t want to think about all the food he wasn’t getting...because of me. If he had just left me to my original fate he would be at home right now, with the other Roths, probably having tea with his mother.

We talked for a while. Holt wanted to hear about the mundane things I was doing and about Carley and Nick and about working at the cafe. My job had become almost unbearably boring, and yet it was somehow comforting to have tasks to perform.

At one point I tried to reach through the bars, just to grab his hand, but I couldn’t get within a foot of them without the cold intensifying to an almost unbearable amount.

“Let me see your hand,” Holt said, after I had stretched it forward to try to touch him. I frowned and held up my hand. He stepped closer. He was able to get right up to the bars, and I thought jealously that it was because he was a much stronger Fairy.

The designs under my skin were growing, but so slowly that I barely noticed.

“They haven’t made much progress,” I said sheepishly.

I saw a smile twitch over Holt’s face. “They are beautiful, the second most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” His eyes never left mine, and I felt my face grow warm.

“Thank you,” I whispered. Embarrassed, I let my brown hair fall further over my neck and face.

“Don’t do that,” Holt murmured. “I only get to see you for an hour a week. Let me see your face.”

Steeling myself, I looked back into Holt’s warm, familiar face and smiled.

Towards the end of the visit I felt like I had to mention what Samuel’s grandmother had told me. I had been so relaxed and so happy that I had almost forgotten about it, but my thoughts were brought back to our talk by the sight of the long steps leading me out of the house -- and away from Holt.

“I ran into Samuel’s grandmother,” I said, as casually as I could, although using the term “ran into” was a bit misleading given that she had been waiting for me when I came through the door.

Instantly, Holt stiffened.

“What did she have to say?”

I raised my eyebrows. Obviously I had hit a nerve.

“She wanted me to know why you were being kept in prison,” I said quietly. “Apparently, everyone knows this but me...for something new and different.”

I tried not to sound bitter, but judging by the look on Holt’s face I failed. “She told me that you are being kept in prison in case they decide to kill one of us...to break our bond, because I’m still supposed to accept Samuel’s Rose.”

Holt rubbed the back of his neck and started pacing. His long strides carried him around his prison quickly.

“And you believed her?” he asked.

“Of course,” I said. “She’s not like her daughter. She has no reason to lie. She was trying to help me. And it makes sense. What are you still doing here? Why isn’t your mom helping you? Or me? There’s no reason for you to be here unless they think that the punishment they’re considering is so severe that if they let you out you would run away...and apparently you would. Besides, you told me to take care of myself! Why would you tell me that if I weren’t in danger?”

“Autumn,” Holt said, his voice sounding strangled, “you’ve been in danger all summer. Samuel’s mother is not suddenly going to become some sort of kind and loving woman who embraces that you are with me and not her son.”

“Who cares about Samuel’s mother!” I sputtered. “I want that woman out of my life and out of my business. If it weren’t for her you wouldn’t be here, and we could be happy.”

I wouldn’t have thought it could be as hard as it was for me to say the word “happy.” Even if I
had
been secretly thinking about how unfair it was that I wasn’t happily walking the streets and spending the evenings at the Roths’ house with Holt, I had tried not to be too resentful about it. Susan had insisted that they were doing everything they could to help Holt, although I didn’t really believe her.

Today, though, after talking to Samuel’s grandmother and seeing Holt’s prison, the idea was becoming clearer for the first time. Maybe there was not going to be a quick resolution. Maybe Holt was there for the long haul; maybe he wasn’t going to be released any time soon. The thought made me sick to my stomach.

“You aren’t getting out of here soon, are you?” I asked softly.

Holt closed his eyes and came closer to the bars.

“I don’t know,” he said. He tried to reach through the bars but had to draw his hand back.

I stared at his hand, remembering what it was like to have my hand in his. I bit my lip to keep from crying, again.

“So, she was telling the truth?” I was sure she had been, but I needed to hear it from him.

Holt clenched his jaw, nodding.

Seeing his confirmation, I let the air whoosh out of my lungs. “So, what now?”

Holt shrugged, raising shoulders that were now just a little too thin.

“Same as I said before,” he said. “You have to keep yourself safe. That’s all that matters.”

“It is not all that matters!” I protested. “Don’t be ridiculous. If you aren’t safe then I don’t care if I am.”

“Autumn, listen to me,” he pleaded. “They are keeping me here because I’m stronger, but you have powers now, too. You know what’s going on, you don’t just have to go along with anything they say. Susan and Samuel are on your side...or at least Samuel isn’t on his mother’s. He wouldn’t have done all this if he were.” Holt waved his hand behind himself to take in the room now filled with light and furniture.

“What can they do?” I asked.

“Ask them,” said Holt urgently. “They know what’s going on. They know what’s at stake. This is not a time to be a hero, just be okay.”

I felt my lip tremble and bit it harder. I knew I should be angry at Holt for not telling me everything; I had thought we would be okay, one way or another, and now I was hearing that we might not. But I couldn’t be mad at him. I didn’t have enough time with him each week to spend it being angry. When you only get a few precious hours with someone you love, it isn’t anger you want to share with him.

“Autumn?” Samuel’s voice came down from above. It sounded strained and I growled in frustration.

“I’m not ready to leave yet,” I said to Holt, begging.

He smiled sadly. “You’ll be back in a week. It’s not that long. Just take care of yourself until then. I want to hear more stories from math class.”

I choked back a sob. “That’s ridiculous.”

But now I knew that Holt was still going to be there in a week. In fact, it was almost good that he was going to be there, because it sounded like if he wasn’t in jail he might be dead. I wondered what would have to happen so that he would just be freed, so that we could just be together, like we had been at the beginning of the summer. The idea that the Fairies would actually murder one of us was too insane to contemplate.

As I walked up the stairs, I hated Samuel Cheshire. Again, he had kept something from me. Again, not only my life but Holt’s was in grave danger. And Samuel hadn’t bothered to tell me any of it.

I moved slowly up the stairs. When I reached the top, Samuel took one look at the storm cloud that my face had become and swore.

“Yeah, no kidding,” I said sarcastically. “That’s exactly how I feel.”

“My grandmother got to you, didn’t she?” Samuel asked, shaking his head. “Troublesome woman.”

I stuck my chin out. “She’s been around a long time. Maybe she knows something that we don’t.”

“Maybe,” said Samuel, “or maybe she has always liked meddling.”

“She did me a favor,” I shot back. I never stopped walking. I knew my way out now. Samuel could follow me to the door or not, I didn’t care.

“Are you angry?” he asked. “Have the chances that you are going to do something stupid gone up exponentially? Then no, I’m not sure she did you a favor.”

I slammed the door open to the street, but I didn’t walk through. I don’t know what came over me, because all summer, even when something had happened that I didn’t like, I had gone along with it. But having seen Holt behind bars again, I had finally snapped.

I jabbed my finger into Samuel’s chest. “You listen to me, Samuel Cheshire,” I said, glaring into his surprised eyes. “From now on, every time my life is in danger and you know something about it I expect you to tell me. Don’t make me remind you again.” I waggled my finger in his face.

I thought I saw a flicker of something in Samuel’s eyes. Pride? He rubbed the part of his chest I had just jabbed. “That hurt,” he said, almost smiling.

“Good,” I said, and with a whirl I turned and stormed onto the street. I didn’t turn around, but I knew, maybe because of my connection with him, that Samuel stood in the doorway, watching me.

As I walked I felt the finger I had used to touch his chest tingle.

After I saw Holt that day my entire mood shifted. I had been going along assuming that Holt’s imprisonment would be resolved and that he would be out soon. Now I saw how wrong I had been. Samuel’s grandmother was the only person all summer who had told me the truth and I was grateful to her for it, but it totally changed my outlook for the fall.

Now, school dragged on even more than it had before. I had been expecting to leave school, maybe not even finish, after what happened with Holt. Now I knew I’d be in school until I graduated even if Holt got out soon. There wasn’t going to be any fast or massive shift in my life. And I hated it.

I still met Susan and Samuel, but I barely spoke to either of them. Samuel must have told Susan what had happened, because I caught her giving me sympathetic looks whenever we were together. I hated that too. I didn’t want sympathy. I wanted Holt’s mother to help him in the way that he deserved.

I emailed with Carley all the time, sometimes three or four times a day, whenever I could check my mail. She wasn’t a big fan of the computer and normally preferred to text, but unfortunately for her she also loved to rant, and ranting was easier in email.

Nick had stayed steadfastly away from all other girls. Carley told me that because he and I hung out all the time, a lot of girls at school probably assumed that we were together, and that I should play that notion up. Hold his hand, nuzzle his neck, that sort of thing. I just laughed. The idea of Nick and I holding hands, even if it was just pretend, was ludicrous. Then again, nothing had been exactly normal or made sense since the beginning of the summer, so stranger things could have happened.

Besides Carley, the only other bright spot in my days was learning more about my Fairy magic. It was a wonderful world I had been brought into, of that I was sure. Of course, I had sensed that beyond a doubt from the first moment I had met Holt, and I had known it for sure later on when he had explained everything to me.

That felt like a lifetime ago.

Susan explained that the only reason I wasn’t spending a lot of time at the Roths’ place was that Mrs. Roth didn’t want me there. Normally, when you first become a Fairy you spend lots of time with other Fairies, but my time as a Fairy was going to be far from normal. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near the Roth house, and Susan said that if I ran into Mrs. Roth I would be better off turning around and walking the other way. I had to agree with her. I was so angry with Mrs. Roth for deserting her son that it was probably best that I stay as far away from her as possible.