August (The Year of The Change Book 2) (21 page)

Regret

Dad left for work before my stupid stomach made me go down for breakfast. I’d woken, in my own bed, thinking of the apologies I owed my friends, so my mood was back to being cloudy. I scarfed everything in sight and when done, cleaned up and headed back to my room.

“Sylvia?” Sue stood, leaning against the sink. I turned and tried not to frown. She didn’t deserve my still solemn mood, no one did.

“Yes?”

She relaxed a little. “I would like my bowl back.”

I looked around the kitchen and at both of my hands before I looked at her. “What bowl?”

“My fruit bowl, from the dining room table.” She was surprisingly calm.

I rolled my eyes, how stupid of me. “Oh yeah, I forgot, I’ll bring that right down.”

The large bowl still sat next to my bed. There were fruit cores and banana peels fermenting at the bottom. I went downstairs and out the kitchen door. At the base of one of the raspberry vines, I dumped the cores and peels and covered it with more grass clippings. Back in the kitchen I washed out the bowl and dried it. Sue left some fruit on the counter. All of it fit in the bowl and I replaced it in its usual place, on the dining table. I stood back and looked at the beautiful china bowl that had been Sue’s mother’s before her. I had
really
been out of my mind to take that from its honored place. I would try to never do that again.

In the kitchen, I scrounged for two granola bars, a sandwich and an orange before going back to my room.

A gentle breeze blew through the back window and beckoned me to the fire escape. I breathed in the fresh air as I leaned way out of the window. This was much better than my dark gloomy room. I needed sunshine. Gritting my teeth, I climbed out the window and sat on the old, creaking metal fire escape. I sat cross-legged and closed my eyes. The sun shone almost overhead and its heat permeated my depressed mind, warming me all over. With each breath, I could breathe deeper as the muscles around my chest relaxed.

Voices to my left drew my attention. The Petersons were working in their garden. I watched for a long time, mesmerized by how well everyone interacted … laughing … talking.

That’s what I wanted when I had a family of my own. I leaned my head back and sighed, if I ever had a family of my own. The tears stung my eyes and nose before they tumbled out and rolled slowly down my face. In the last three days I’d cried so much there weren’t many tears left. I didn’t wipe them away. I knew the sun would dry them, so why use the energy to move?

A scurrying sound told me my friend had returned. It climbed down the window frame to my shoulder. I stroked its head and back. When I paused, it jumped to my knees, scolding me. All I could do was look at it for a few minutes before I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I needed the sun on my face. There were more apologies to make today and I wasn’t looking forward to it.

My eyes opened and strayed to the Petersons, busy in their wondrous garden. Even Destiny was on her knees digging in a flower bed. Knowing her as I did, it was surprising she would get that close to dirt and bugs. The Petersons were always amazing me.

As I watched, Emma looked up in my direction and waved. Heat flooded my cheeks because she noticed me on my perch. It was like I got caught peeping on them. I lifted my hand. The rest looked up and waved. Maybe they weren’t too mad at me. I could hope.

Destiny stood and cupped her hands to her mouth. “Good morning, Sylv!” She motioned to me. “Come help, we’ll give you an easy job!”

She had to be the best friend ever. I didn't deserve her. The others also waved for me to come over. Now was as good a time as any. I might as well get the apologies over with. “Okay, I’ll be right down!” I crawled back in the window.

It had been a good thing I’d showered last night so I didn’t look as bad. My face was still puffy and red, but I couldn’t do anything about that. I put on a t-shirt and my old tennies. I would work extra hard in the garden for Emma. With Emma’s tea set firmly in my grasp, I went next door to make my apologies. Sue had been surprised when I told her where I was going, but seemed pleased.

The walk to the side gate was too short and I wasn’t sure I was ready to go in.

Eddy yanked it open. “Hi ya, Sylv.” He stood to the side so I could enter, closing it behind me with a thud.

I jumped. “Uh, thanks, Eddy.”

He shrugged.

They all stood together and stared at me. I made myself move towards them, keeping my eyes on the tray and my feet. It wouldn’t do to trip and break Emma’s precious tea service. Plus, I was ashamed and this gave me a good excuse to not look at them until I had to.

Carefully, I handed Emma the tray. “Thank you for being so kind and bringing me tea, it was delicious. I hope you’ll forgive me for being so rude.” I wanted to cry again, but fought the tears back.

Emma lavished a warm smile on me and took the tray. “Of course you are forgiven. We all have bad days. I hope you are feeling better.”

I breathed deep the sweet smell of the garden. “Yes, I’m doing much better today, thank you.” I turned to Destiny. “I don’t know why you put up with me, but I’m sure glad you do. I’m sorry I was a jerk.”

She smiled and threw her arms around me. “You weren’t a jerk. I’m just sorry I couldn’t help.”

“Nobody could help me. I just had to work through it myself.”

She held me away a few inches and looked me in the eyes. “Are you all the way through it?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, probably not.”

Richard hung back and was very quiet, so when there was a lull Destiny stepped beside him and hit him in the chest. It didn’t hurt him, but it wrenched him from his thoughts and he frowned at her. When he did raise his eyes, his face softened and he looked penitent. “Sylv, I’m sorry I pushed Caleb over the edge.”

“You should be sorry, and if it hadn’t been for Emma, he could’ve hurt you.”

“What?!” He looked almost mad, but after a sharp look of rebuke from his grandmother, he calmed down.

“Of course, you would’ve hurt him, too, but that’s beside the point.”

He half grinned.

“I couldn’t stand seeing my big brother get hurt like that, even if it was your fault.”

He looked at his feet.

“With all that said, I’m not mad at you for getting between Caleb and me.”

He looked at me surprised.

“I’m just not happy at how you did it.” His full grin found its place. “You did what I couldn’t do, thank you for being my big brother.”

He swooped me up in a bear hug and swung me around. “I knew you would forgive me.”

At first I tensed, but then decided he was being playful, not affected.

I giggled and patted his face. “From now on, though, no more fighting.” With both hands on his face, I made him look me in the eyes. “If anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself.”

“I promise, no more fighting.” He squeezed one more time before he put me on my feet. “But I can still threaten, though … right?”

I grinned and nodded. “Yes, you can still threaten … if they’re weaker than you.” I figured I’d better put that disclaimer in. He scowled, but agreed.

His face brightened. “Since I’m so strong, that leaves the field wide open.”

I shook my head and took the work gloves Cara offered. He was definitely the best big brother.

Sweat and dirt covered my t-shirt after working in the garden, and it took a few minutes to clean the mud from my shoes. It was time well spent since Sue would have my hide if I tracked up her clean floors. As I entered the kitchen Sue huffed and I knew she was going to speak to me. I tensed.

"Those boys came over earlier." This was said with such distaste, you would’ve thought she was sucking lemons.

"Which boys?" There were too many for me to just guess.

"The two young ones, David and Kerry?"

"Who?"

She looked irritated. "You know, the two in the neighborhood who keep bugging you."

"Oh, you mean Danny and Cory?"

"Yes, them."

I cringed at the memory from three nights ago. "What did they want?"

"They each came separately to check on you." That in itself wasn’t a crime in anyone’s book, but Sue’s.

"That was nice of them."

She huffed again. "They wanted to come in the house."

I rolled my eyes. I could just see them begging to come in.

"I guess I could’ve told them you were in the Peterson’s backyard, but they would’ve caused all kinds of havoc."

"Thank you for not telling them. The last thing Emma needs is for those two fighting in her vegetables. Plus, I'm still embarrassed for being outside in my pajamas."

Embarrassed didn't cover the half of it. I wanted to forget the whole incident and was sure Cory and Danny wouldn't let me.

Sue pulled out plates and handed them to me. "Set the table, it's almost time to eat."

I took the plates and gladly went to the dining room. It was never comfortable talking with Sue.

Marigolds

I was alone in the kitchen eating breakfast when Emma knocked on the back door. It was kind of weird, her coming to
our
kitchen

“Are you up for some gardening today?”

“Yes!” I was always up for gardening.

“Good I picked up too many marigolds this morning and the extras need a home.”

“Why’d you get so many flowers?” Where could we put them so Sue wouldn't object?

“It is the end of the season so they were on sale and I could not help myself.”

“I’m glad you couldn’t, I’ll take them, thank you.”

“When you are done with breakfast, come out and I will help you plant them around your raspberry patch. Marigolds are very good for keeping some of the garden— I mean patch pests away.”

“I’m done, let me clear my plate and I’ll be right with you.” I stuffed the last roll in my mouth, chewing while I rinsed and stacked my dishes. Swallowing, I dried my hands.

Emma chuckled. “No one can say you are not enthusiastic.”

It was hard for me to hide my feelings when I was so happy, and today, I was truly happy. My family and friends forgave me for my tantrum. My melancholy was gone. It was another beautiful day and Emma had flowers to make my green sticks look even better. I couldn’t ask for more.

Outside there was a full flat of medium sized marigold plants. They were much too over grown for the small plastic nursery pots. They were obviously left over from the local planting season which was probably late June or July. I didn’t care as long as I got to enjoy them for a little while before the snow came, which could be as soon as a few weeks. They deserved to stretch their roots a little and I was glad it could be in my garden … I mean, in my patch.

On our knees beside my raspberries, we chatted about how to care for root bound plants and what to expect from the few seeds that would mature enough to sprout next year. Emma seemed to know everything about marigolds.

Dad and Tim were good about making sure all the grass clippings were piled around the raspberry twigs, but I made a habit of coming out after they were done to spread the piles evenly around our perfect bed. There were now a lot of new leaves on the vines and they were still a good, healthy color.

After patting down the dirt, I stroked each plant. I’d always liked to work with soil. Grandmother and I had the best house plants of all her friends. The ladies from her church club were always asking for her secret.

She would tell them the same thing every time they asked. “I let the plant tell me when it needs water and fertilizer. Other than that I just give it lots of love.” Gram was great at giving lots of love. I must’ve picked up stroking leaves from her.

“You are a natural, Sylvia. If you keep this up you will have as beautiful a garden as I do.”

That idea made me smile. “Thank you, but I’ll never be anywhere near as good as you.”

Emma took her work glove off and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “You are much better at this than you give yourself credit. Allow yourself to feel good about what you can do, you deserve it.”

I deserved it? I had to think about that. I didn’t deserve any of this. I hadn’t earned it in any way. How could I be any good at it? All I’d done was dig in the dirt, and hadn’t proven anything.

Emma pursed her lips as she watched me think. She was a good person and I would have to try hard to live up to how she views me.

“Thank you, Emma.” Maybe I did do a good job, nothing had died so far. “I guess the proof is in the pudding, as Gram would say.”

Emma sat back and looked at what we’d just finished. “Yes, and the pudding looks pretty good in my opinion.”

All the marigolds were spread in a straight row at the edge of the raspberries. “They really cheer up the patch, don’t they?”

“They look as happy as they can be. I think they will do quite well here.”

After dinner, while the odd light shimmered beyond the western mountains, I crawled out onto my fire escape. From here, there was a great vantage point to look down on the miracle of the century. Not only did we have our very own raspberry patch, but we now had flowers, too. This was a first for us. The most we ever had in our yard in Midwest City was three small bushes and two trees.

Before dinner, I overheard Dad tell Sue the patch would be good for me, that it would give me something to do. He was right. I enjoyed watching over the little plot. Drawing plans for the back yard had become my favorite alone time activity. My talent even drew pictures of how the backyard could look with the right kind of tending. I knew it would take me more than a couple of years to develop that kind of a garden.

There was only one more summer before I would escape and be free to go south, back to Oklahoma. I wasn’t sure what I would do there, but knew Midwest City was my real home. Or maybe Kevin wouldn’t mind if I moved to Nebraska. I smiled. I mean we were still buddies, right? Maybe he had a friend that was desperate enough to want me. I shook myself and forced my brain to quit thinking of the fact that I would never have Kevin.

I looked down in awe at the greatest addition this family has ever had. We have a garden and it looked beautiful. Maybe if I got a good start, Dad and the twins would keep it up. Each summer I could come back and expand it a little. But just a little, I wouldn’t want to put Sue into a panic.

The eastern corner needed an apple tree. I wondered if it would survive here in Alaska. I thought a minute then looked into the Emma’s backyard. In the northwest corner was a fruit tree and if I remembered correctly, Emma had said it was an apple. Well, then, I would have to talk Dad and Sue into an apple tree. Another uphill battle that didn’t seem as insurmountable as it would have a month ago.