Attraction (30 page)

Mr. Sanders stood and faced me. “I thank you for all you do here and for taking a chance on a crazy old man. This business is like a lover to me; I would take any risk for it, and I’m glad you will too.” He shook my hand as I stood to thank him. “It’s all settled then. Have the documents drafted and sent over to legal. I look forward to another long and successful venture with PHI and you especially, Miss Chase.”

Marcus escorted the group out, and I fell into the desk chair, completely exhausted. Have you ever felt the high of excitement and anxiety and then crashed from it when it was resolved? Well, that is where I found myself. The sleepless and malnourished existence that I lived for the past few days was finally catching up to me.

Reentering the room, Marcus threw his fists in the air victoriously. “You are a phenomenon. I don’t know what spell you cast over that man, but up till yesterday he was unwilling to budge or compromise. Thank you, Eva. I don’t know how this would have worked out if you had not returned.”

“You deserve it, Marcus. You have worked hard every day since you took over, and I owed it to you to be here,” I said with true sentiments but little emotion.

“Look, I don’t want to bring the black cloud back into the room, but I think you should talk things through with Alexander. Sometimes it is better to get away and concentrate on what you really feel and then approach a conversation. We tend to leap with our emotions, and at times we say things we don’t mean. Don’t give up on something that is obviously the missing piece in your life. I saw you two, and there was not a thing that wasn’t perfect in your observable emotions, love, and your life with him. He made a mistake,” Marcus urged me.

I swallowed, trying to dislodge my heart from my throat, but it wasn’t budging as I choked out my response. “I didn’t leap, Marcus. I walked away—slowly. I gave him what he asked, I loved him unconditionally, and he took advantage of that. He tried to make me into someone who I am not and will never be.”

“Eva, he didn’t take advantage of you; he took advantage of the control you willingly gave up to him. You allowed him to decide for you because you couldn’t make a decision. But you allowed it. He may have made the wrong decision, but he was looking out for your love and your life together—nothing else.”

Marcus’s statement rang truer than anything anyone had said to me in weeks.

I started this journey with all the power and control that my life was given. When I met Alexander, I hadn’t the slightest idea of how to adjust my life to fit what my heart required. And so I gave him control—of my heart and my life. Marcus was right; I had allowed him to control me, and he never stole or took my control away. But he had made a mistake and he had lied to me, and the contentions between us were because of that. I hadn’t minded in part acting like the little lady to my strong, protecting man. But I couldn’t handle being
just that.

We had tried it my way, and we failed. We tried it Alexander’s way, and we failed. I didn’t know if there was a happy medium or if there was another way, but what if we tried again…
and failed
?

“I’m not telling you to forget everything,” Marcus started again, seeing my blank and broken expression. “I’m just telling you that sometimes the moment of impact is worse than when you stand back and look at the situation from an outside point of view. The two of you together are one whole. The two of you apart are hundreds of shattered pieces trying to make wrong things right.”

Was he right? What he was saying felt right.
I did feel whole with Alexander. More whole than I had ever felt in my life. I had till now worked only on my career, and in the last month I had left my career and only concentrated on love. Why can’t I have them both? Why can’t I have it all?

The next few days at work were catch-up days. Samantha had in fact left her position as my PA, so I began interviewing new candidates; but no one came close to filling Samantha’s shoes. The rest of my hours served as clean-up time for all the projects I had left behind. My desk was a disaster, just like my life.

Marcus asked me to take the last few days of the week off to help Samantha finish the last-minute details before the wedding, and I was happy to oblige. I was truly happy for them, and I wouldn’t allow my mess of a life to interfere with all Samantha had worked so hard to hold on to and build upon.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

I had never realized how much there was to do before a wedding. Samantha and I spent the last few nights before her wedding, together at my house. Our reunion was that of a long lost love. Samantha let me drain my poisons as she listened in silence.

“You do realize you will see him at the wedding. Have you thought about what you are going to do or what you will say?” Samantha asked.

I shook my head, having pondered those exact questions and having found no answer to give myself or Samantha. “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything embarrassing. It’s your day, not mine and not Alexander’s. I haven’t done enough for you as a friend, so for the next few days I am at your beck and call.”

Samantha slid closer to me and embraced my shoulders. “I’m not concerned about you embarrassing me or yourself. I have seen you at your best, if you’ll recall. I think you should consider the situation and realize calmly that perhaps now that you are back in your home and your own world that you can call it even. Eva, one thing is for sure and that is that you two share a love that most people aren’t fortunate enough to experience in a lifetime—and you’ve found it. This love thing is scary and strange, but it is also enlightening and amazing. The first few weeks after I started planning the wedding, I felt useless and nonexistent. I had nothing to do but party plan, and I couldn’t find my self-worth—until the moments when I would rejoin Marcus. He fulfilled and quantified my existence. And so I learned to accept that, and there is nothing at this moment that I would change. But getting there is not easy or simple. It is, absolutely and without a doubt, worthwhile.”

“Sam, I feel like it was all a lie. Like I loved him, and he created a mirage of a life just to make sure I wouldn’t leave,” I said, grappling onto her arm for support.

“Eva, can you tell me something? Did you tell Alexander you loved him?” Samantha raised her eyebrows with an inclination to what the answer would be.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, confused.

“I know you are new at this love thing and sharing your feelings and all, but if you don’t tell a man that you love him, then how is he to know that you do? Alexander has been so afraid of losing you because you have never given him the satisfaction of knowing that you
do
love him and that he didn’t
have
to keep you because you would be with him willingly.” Samantha’s conviction jolted me.

I recalled the many times he had pronounced his love to me, followed by the deafening voice inside my head that feared repeating the
I love you
that Alexander longed to hear.

“He can’t take back his mistakes even though he is sorry for them. But he can make it right. Let him make it right for you, Eva, because your life is incomplete if your heart is shattered,” she continued.

I listened tearfully and carefully to the ranting of a woman who had embraced love with all of herself.

I once thought that I was the stronger woman of the two of us; but Samantha had shown a strength that I had yet to learn. She dove into the unknown emotions and chaos that love brings with it and swam her way back up for air with Marcus gripping her heart. She hadn’t feared love as I did, and I envied her courage.

The realization becoming clearer now to me was that work was easy. You go to school to learn. You work and gain experience, and even the things you don’t know today you will learn in time.

Love, on the other hand, isn’t that clear and straightforward. There are no classes to train you on how to love or how to handle love. There are no step-by-step textbooks that take you through the phases of love or that can prepare you for all that you may encounter. Love is a journey that you walk into blindly, carrying only the trust and emotions for the man beside you.

The morning of Samantha and Marcus’s wedding came with sunny blue skies and birds chirping outside the window. Samantha had asked me to spend her last
single
night with her at her parent’s home. And so I did. We got little sleep as we reminisced about every crazy and hilarious moment we had spent together since the first day we met; taking extra time to laugh through all the countless stupid things we had done. Samantha had grown over the last several months, and I had been too busy destroying myself to notice. But those few moments spent living in our joyful past were a sweet change from all that had been recently lacking.

She stood tall and poised, glowing from head to toe. She was a newfound woman filled with love and a lifetime ahead of her.

And so I stared at her through the full-length mirror as she slipped on her diamond-white wedding gown glistening with Swarovski crystals.

“Samantha,” I managed to get out, “you like a princess.”

“Do you really think so? Can you help me get this on?” she asked, flushed and physically nervous.

“Stop shaking, Samantha. This is the most wonderful moment your life has encountered to date. And there will only be more of those days to come with Marcus. Here, turn,” I said and handed the veil to Samantha’s mom to help her place in into her perfectly curled golden strands. “You are a vision in white, and I can only dream of looking this beautiful when my time comes.”

Samantha’s lips trembled, and her eyes gave way to subtle tears, but I couldn’t let her, even for a moment, think of anything else but Marcus standing at the front of the altar.

“Don’t you let one tear slip from those angelic blue eyes of yours. Come now. The photographer is ready for you, and we only have an hour before the ceremony,” I said, pushing her through her emotions.

And so we proceeded.

I wouldn’t be surprised if brides have fits and beat up their wedding photographers. The end results are always magnificent, but the process of smiling bigger and brighter and turning and leaning is just excruciating.

And after an hour and fifteen minutes of gawking at Samantha in her glamorous wedding couture, we headed off to the church. But not until the limousine pulled up in front and started to play the wedding march did I feel a tremendous ache in the chambers of my heart.

Alexander was inside. He would be standing beside Marcus. And knowing this moment to be the first I would see of him in a week, I quivered to walk down the aisle toward him. I wasn’t the one in white today, but the vision of walking to him at the ceremony unhinged me.

“Are you all right?” Samantha asked.

“Yes, stop it. I am fine. I am so happy for you…I love you both,” I said and kissed her hand.

“It should be just that easy for you to tell Alexander how much you love him. Make that my wedding gift,” she said as her father helped her out of the car.

The church pews were draped with white satin swags dripping with white calla lilies and pale pink roses. The place was warmly filled with family and friends as the coordinator arranged us into single file. Samantha decided to only have two attendants: her four-year-old godchild as flower girl and me as her maid of honor. So the procession to the altar fast approached, unlike most weddings where there are twenty people in the procession and then the bride.

I stood at the edge of the white runner that led to the front, and before the coordinator signaled me to begin walking down, Marcus and Alexander appeared to take their places. I quickly glanced down at my tight floor-length satin dress and ensured it lay perfectly. And when I looked up, I gasped.

And there he stood, gallant and as dashing as ever. The pinstriped suit made him look broader, hugging his body in excellent fashion. The thick tie matched the bronze-colored dress I wore, and his expression mirrored the nervousness in my heart.

This wasn’t my first time in a wedding party; I had been in several weddings of my friends and family. But it was my first time walking toward what could be my own future. I couldn’t help my stare. But as I walked, the only thing in front of me was Alexander.

The tops of his cheeks bared his excitement as they changed in color the closer I approached. His eyes were reddened and glassy yet again, but this time it wasn’t due to sadness; he was experiencing the same emotion I was—
love!

I reached the front, and we both turned our attention to the lady of the day—Samantha. She made her entrance in a glorious and enlightening fashion. She glowed as she approached us in her strapless Vera Wang; she was brighter and more breathtaking than the sun that shined through the stained-glass windows.

And as much as the bride is the focal point of all weddings, sometimes the groom can steal the attention of a few glaring eyes. Marcus’s eternal devotion shown through the single teardrop that he couldn’t stop from trembling down his cheek as he watched her take every step, slowly walking toward the rest of their lives. It was the most endearing and heart-warming moment I had ever witnessed.

Samantha reached Marcus gracefully with her elegant lace train following her. Her father gave them his blessing, and Marcus took her hands in his for
forever
. He raised Samantha’s hands and kissed them and then walked her up to seal their destiny.

Alexander and I peered back and forth at each other as the priest went through the ceremonial readings. And when it was time for the bride and groom to say their vows, Samantha and Marcus were speaking to us as well as each other.

“Marcus, please say your vows to Samantha,” the priest instructed.

“Samantha, you are the dearest and most precious of beings to me. You have shown me that love is unfounded with just anyone but the validation and fulfillment of love can only be realized with the right
one, the truest of loves
. I promise to protect you, to grow with you and not a moment without you. I promise to love you unconditionally and endlessly for the rest of my days on Earth and in the afterlife. I promise to try to make only a few mistakes throughout our marriage, but even when I do, I swear to you that my heart’s desire will always be that of loving you. And with this ring, I give you my life for safekeeping until the end of time.” Marcus placed the ring on Samantha’s left ring finger, but his eyes never left her gaze.