Attachment Strings (26 page)

Parker’s face softened and he briefly touched my cheek with his fingers. “I guess.”

I didn’t want to see the compassion and the pity on either Parker’s or Ray’s face. The only thing I could do about it was to close my eyes again, so I did just that. Blocking out any thoughts about Alex proved to be more difficult—impossible, actually.

I
ENDURED
the ride to the medical center and all the prodding the doctors did there. My temperature went up astonishingly fast, so they gave up trying to convince me to stay overnight for observation. It might have had to do with me lamenting and demanding answers about the whereabouts and conditions of Alex and Sean. No one ever answered any of my questions.

Parker somehow emerged with a bunch of my clothes in his arms a couple of hours after my arrival in the medical center. He threw them on a chair next to my bed and bestowed a drop-dead look on me. Taken aback, I blinked at him. “How did you get my clothes?”

Parker scowled at me, but at least he answered. “I told one of the guys at the station to open your locker and bring some of your clothes over here.”

“You ordered someone to break open my locker?” I asked incredulously.

“Would you rather run around naked? Not that you’re bad-looking, but it might not be the wisest thing to do after almost drowning.”

“I did
not
almost drown,” I replied while I shrugged into a shirt. A satisfied sigh escaped from my mouth when I pulled a heavy and well-worn sweater over my head.

“The hell you did! You stupid asshole!”

Parker started pacing through the room, all the while cursing and ranting. Thinking it was for the best if he could get his agitation out of his system, I let him be. I dressed silently but also kept an eye on him. When I finished I said, “Parker? Where’s Alex?”

“It was my pleasure to make sure you have decent clothes after almost killing yourself, don’t sweat about it!”

I didn’t mistake Parker’s comment. Yes, I understood he was angry, rightly so, but I also knew he didn’t want to tell me something. I swallowed several times as my stomach decided to lurch suddenly. Throwing up would probably be considered a reason to evaluate my physical condition further and I didn’t have time for that. I needed to see Alex, needed to make sure he was still here and most importantly, still alive.

My voice sounded decidedly close to begging when I said, “Parker,
please
, where’s Alex?”

Parker watched me for what seemed like an hour. Eventually he relented. “He’s in the ICU and sleeping.”

“That’s… that’s good, right?”

Why the hell did he make such a fuss? The ICU wasn’t good but at least Alex lived. Sleeping was probably a normal and healthy reaction by his body after such a trauma.

“Jeff,” Parker sighed ominously. I didn’t like this kind of sigh; the implications behind it frightened me.

“What? Do you know which room he’s in?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Bring me to him,” I demanded.

Parker pinched the bridge of his nose before he dropped the bomb. “Alex went into cardiac arrest upon arrival here. Resuscitation was successful, but he’s on a ventilator at the moment.”

T
HE
world around me slowed down as I tried to process Parker’s words and their meaning. I remembered feeling helpless once before, to the point of thinking this had to be a bad joke. My parents’ deaths had evoked the very same feeling two decades ago. I couldn’t cope with losing someone I loved again.

“Jeff, stop holding your breath for Christ’s sake!” I heard Parker muttering while he forced me to sit on the edge of the bed.

The world suddenly snapped back into focus and I became aware of myself trembling and panting. I felt sick, utterly sick. Waves of nausea rolled through me while my thoughts and feelings were all over the place.

Sometime later, wheezing and shaking, I realized I was slightly bent over with my forehead resting against Parker’s chest. Parker’s hands clasped the back of my head, occasionally mumbling something I couldn’t decipher. Surprised, I detected I held onto Parker tightly. Once I noticed this, I forced myself to loosen the grip I had on him. Parker responded immediately by letting go of my head. I could barely look at him when I apologized. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out on you.”

“He’s young, he’ll get through it. I just didn’t want you to go to him without knowing what to expect, you know?”

I nodded. “Thank you. I….”

My voice broke. I hid my face behind my palms and tried to compose myself. I hadn’t felt this shattered since my parents died. Only this time it felt even worse.

Parker pressed a hanky in my hands and rested a hand on my shoulder. He urged me up and got me moving toward the door. “Sorry to appear like an ass but you have to pull yourself together if you don’t want the other guys, and especially Williams, to become suspicious. Your hero-act already raised enough eyebrows.”

“Shit!” I exclaimed. “I still have to go and see him, Parker.”

“I know. Come on.”

I
THOUGHT
Parker’s words had prepared me for what I’d see in the ICU. God, was I ever wrong.

Alex seemed so incredibly small and fragile in the hospital bed, his complexion only slightly darker than the sheets. That alone would have put the fear of God in me. The various lines sticking in his veins plus the thick tube in his throat had me trembling and teary-eyed in an instant. The guy in the bed? That wasn’t the lively, sometimes cocky, sometimes downright sexy young man I had fallen for.

I walked into his room, forcing myself to approach his bedside. I had seen other people lying in hospital beds, looking far worse than him. Yet it had never touched me like it did now. Something cold and hard clamped around my heart, tightening fiercely until it bordered on being unbearable. It hurt like all hell.

Willing myself to breathe through the pain, I wondered whether I should risk sitting down on his bed or not. Cautiously I sat, all the while keeping an eye out for any sign of discomfort from Alex. None came.

He lay there, completely still. Only his chest heaved up and down in a regular pattern. That, at least, should have been a positive, but all I could think of was how would he be when he woke up? Would he remember what happened? In the movies, the injured party always suffered from amnesia. I had never met anyone who didn’t regain their memory, but I couldn’t stop myself from worrying about the consequences of the cardiac arrest.

Parker’s hand on my shoulder startled me. Dry-mouthed and with a highly accelerated heart rate, I growled, “Geez, Parker! Giving me a heart attack after almost drowning is seriously not your brightest idea.”

I received an eye roll of epic proportions. In a hushed voice he said, “Our time in here is almost up and you haven’t talked to him yet. You might want to use your time better.”

I blinked and cleared my throat. “Just to clarify… you want me to talk to him? As you can see, he’s sleeping.”

“They sedated him so he wouldn’t fight the tube. I thought it was common knowledge that people register what’s been said to them even while they’re sleeping. Of course, I’d understand if someone like
you
doesn’t want an audience when you go all gushy.”

I refrained from asking why he emphasized the “
you
” so much. After all, he had a reason, maybe even two, to be pissed off at me. I gave a curt nod. “I’d appreciate it if I could talk to him alone.”

Parker left without saying another word. Which gave me a few more minutes with Alex, who would surely know what to say to someone in his position. I didn’t.

I sat there in silence and cataloged every tiny detail of his face. The chapped lips around the thick tube; his long, thick lashes covering those beautiful eyes of his; the tousled blond locks framing his face.

My hands shook slightly when I reached out and tucked a stray lock behind his ear. I brushed another one from his forehead only to watch it fall back at the very same place seconds later. The next time, I twirled the lock around my finger before I tucked it away. Alex showed no reaction at all.

“Alex,” I whispered, “oh, Alex. I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened.”

I stared at him for some time before I went on in a deliberately light tone, “See? I didn’t even scold you because you didn’t stay at home where nothing would have happened.
Nothing at all
.”

I rubbed my hands over my face while I choked on a sob. Taking in a deep breath, I added, “Sorry, that wasn’t very nice, huh? What is it called? Passive-aggressive behavior or something like that. All right, tell you what, I’m angry you didn’t listen and we’re here now. You almost
died
today, Alex. You scared the living hell out of me!”

Wringing my hands in my lap, I forced myself to continue. “However, I can’t really express how very, very grateful I am that you’re alive. So very, very much.”

The door opened and a nurse stuck her head into the room. “Sir? You have to leave now. You may come back in the morning.”

I nodded. I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to crawl into bed next to him and hold him all night long. I spared a brief moment to wonder how
that
would go over. Laboriously, I rose from the bed and pulled Alex’s blanket up higher.

“Shouldn’t you make sure he’s kept warm?” I snapped.

“That’s what I intend to do as soon as you’re gone, sir,” the nurse replied politely. I wished she had snapped back. At least I would have had an excuse for being angry with her.

On impulse, I bent over and pressed a kiss onto Alex’s forehead. While I carded my hands through his hair, I whispered, “Make sure to rest and get better. I’ll wait for you.”

For a split second I wanted to add those three little words that could mean the world. The nurse took the decision out of my hands by hustling me out of the room. I couldn’t decide whether to be grateful about it or not.

P
ARKER
and I rode the elevator when another thought struck me. “What about Sean?”

Parker cringed visibly. I grabbed his left arm and pulled until he faced me. “Parker! What about Sean?”

“He’s here and he’s alive.”

“But?”

Evasively, he answered, “I don’t know much more.”

“Parker,” I all but growled, “I’m not in the mood to pry information from you. How about you tell me what you know directly?”

“How about you stop playing hero so you wouldn’t have to beg me to give you information?”

“I
am
sorry, I told you already. Repeatedly. What do you want from me? Should I crawl on my knees and beg you for your forgiveness? What am I supposed to do so you stop snapping at me each time I open my mouth?”

Parker snorted and shook his head. “As tempting as the image of you crawling on your knees is, I’m not that kinky.”

I insisted, “You would have done the same if it was David.” When Parker gazed at me doubtfully, I added, “Yes, you would. I know you that well.”

“You would have chewed me out as well.”

“Definitely.”

“Oh, all right. Sean is in the children’s ward. They called his physician and cleared his medical history. I believe his physician, Dr.…,” Parker trailed off as he flipped open a small notebook and searched for a certain page. When he found it, he said, “Dr. Larvis came over shortly after Sean’s admittance and examined him as well. So far, they hope he
only
suffered shock and some bruises.”

That didn’t sound bad. On the contrary, it sounded pretty much unbelievable. I frowned. “And?”

“And that’s the obvious damage they could find. The future will have to show how the lack of oxygen affects him and his abilities.”

Goosebumps rose on my skin as I nodded in understanding. I didn’t want to think of the might-be-consequences of his dive into the ocean. Neither did I want to imagine Alex’s reaction to the news. My imagination supplied me with various pictures and scenes nonetheless.

“I remember one of the medics saying that Chandler stayed with him. Who’s there now?”

“I don’t know the name but there is a cop positioned outside his room. Williams doesn’t want to take any chances. A news helicopter began filming from the time you pulled him to the shore and it was big news on TV tonight. You’ll probably get a medal for that stupid stunt.”

We walked out of the elevator into the lobby. I stopped midway and turned around. “I should probably—”

“You should
definitely
get your ass into your bed in your
own
apartment.”

“I—”

“Jeff! They are both sleeping; you’ll be more helpful when you come back tomorrow morning, well-rested.”

“Do you seriously believe this shit you’re telling me?” I asked.

“No, but it seems to work in movies and TV shows.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll go up and have a look at Sean. Maybe I can convince someone to put a cot in his or Alex’s room. Or maybe they could put them into one room?”

A sudden bout of busyness replaced the underlying feeling of helplessness. As long as I had something to do I didn’t need to think about stuff… and people and what the hell they and their well-being meant to me.