Atonement (7 page)

I left. I didn’t wait for her response. She ran after me, but I was so upset, I didn’t listen to her, or respond to her when she called my name. Getting to the parking lot, I realized again it was after 2 am and my jeep was still at the restaurant, so I ran toward the next commons area. I ran hard, and ran smack dab into Tate!

eese! Where have you been? I saw your jeep at the Sushi Hut, but you were nowhere inside. What the hell? Why haven’t you answered my calls or texts? I’ve been going crazy!” His clothes were disheveled, his face and neck red. He looked a hot mess.

I just stared at him. No response necessary. What did he
think
I would have done?

“Talk to me Reese. Please.” He was beginning to cry. “I’m so sorry. I love you, please. I wasn’t thinking about Lauren driving a wedge between us. I…I really was trying not to involve you in any of this…” He took his baseball cap off and was running his hands through his hair.

“Are you freaking kidding me? That’s exactly what I meant by you putting baseball ahead of US! Of course you didn’t mean to involve me in it. If it were up to you, you would have never told me about you and Lauren. Did you sleep with her again Tate? Because right now, I’m thinking you would do anything for your baseball career.” I turned to walk back the other direction, upset and fuming at Tate.

“Reese, of course not, I mean, I uh… I just spent a little time with her…it was innocent! I wouldn’t let her…”

“Damn it Tate!” he was stuttering, so clearly he was hiding something. “Well screw you Tate Justice. I don’t want to see you again, do you hear me? I’m over us. I’m over your…everything.” I whispered the last part. I was sure about this. I wasn’t about to be a part of this, whatever
this
was. I wanted out. I wouldn’t be with Tate with these secrets. I wouldn’t stand for anymore lies. “Don’t worry about me Tate. I will have someone to take care of me, just like you do. Our pasts can come in handy in unison.”

“What…you…John? No Reese. Don’t do this…PLEASE!.” He was begging.

“You lost that possessive control of yours the minute you lied, and snuck behind my back Tate. You don’t own me.” Again, I whispered, “I’m no longer yours.” The last part came out cracked up. Never did I think I would say those words to Tate.

He was whispering now too, his face pale and his eyes distant, “you don’t mean this Reese, please give me a chance to gain back your trust…please Reese.” He dropped to his knees, grabbing my legs like I was a life vest. “I can’t live without you Reese. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you.”

I wanted to die right there, I wanted to break down and fall in his arms and tell him I loved him too. I couldn’t imagine my future without Tate in it. My brain wouldn’t let me. It was done with Tate, with his lust for stardom, with his betrayal. It was now putting my body in protection mode, keeping my heart from responding. I couldn’t speak, much less fold to his begging performance.

I just stared at him down on the ground, and then I walked away. I
walked
away. No tears, no looking back, I just left. My body was numb, but it was able to take me away.
God, help me.
I can’t do this on my own.
I prayed. Somehow, I knew that if I didn’t walk away now, I would always be second place to Tate’s dream…baseball. How could I have not seen this before now? I knew he loved the game, I just didn’t realize he loved it as his sole reason for living. In some deranged way of thinking, I had thought
I
was his reason for living. Maybe it was because he had told me so on numerous occasions. Lies, all lies. Now I get it, but it hurt like hell!

I could hear him groveling behind me. I could hear his sobs until I finally got out of range. I actually ran once I knew he could no longer see me. I was devastated. I wanted to crawl in a hole. Actually worse, I wanted to go home. I needed my mom to rub my hair and tell me it was going to be okay. I had lost the love of my life, and my best friend too, I was lost and alone. What would I do? I couldn’t trust Tate, not ever again. And, I couldn’t trust Elle. She was supposed to be my shadow. I should know all of her thoughts and actions. We needed each other. But, instead, she had kept me completely in the dark by sharing all about me with John. I loved seeing him, but it should be MY decision! I shouldn’t need to be ‘set up’ by Elle. She had hidden so much from me. Best friends don’t do that! The crying started, I couldn’t stop the sobs from racking my body. Then I felt my phone vibrate. Pulling it from my pocket, I saw ‘Chloe’ on the screen. My heart squeezed again, this time with relief. I had a friend to talk with…

“Chloe…”

“Reese. Thank God! What in the hell are you doing to yourself? I heard you’re roaming about Wake Forest in the middle of the night. Are you crazy! Get back to your dorm, you fool. Nothing good happens at this hour, even I know that!”

“Chloe,” I breathed. “How did you know?”

“Elle of course. She’s worried sick about you. Why are you hatin’ on her Reese? She’s only looking out for you. She was crying like a dolphin, you know how strange she sounds when she gets worked up.” The thought made my heart break, but it also brought a smile to my face at the analogy. The first smile in a while. “She loves you Reese, you know that…deep down you know that.” She sighed. “You have to forgive her temporary insanity and crazy moment of backstabbing…”

“Exactly, that’s why I’m…

Chloe stopped me “That’s why you’re going to go home to her Reese. I was kidding, there was no backstabbing. She was just looking out for you. Maybe she had a premonition about Tate, or maybe she was just keeping up with ‘Money Bags’ because he was adamant with her. Either way Reese, you have to trust her intentions. Her ultimate reason was you!”

I knew she had to be right, Elle loved me, I knew it, but right now I just couldn’t forgive what she had done.

“I love that you called me Chloe, I wish I could see you. I could really use a hug, and a friend…I miss you,” I sighed.

“I miss you too, but get your ass home. Elle will be more than happy to give you a hug. Besides, you two have to make up before our girls week in sunny California! Please, think about your history together. I know she kept things from you, but talk with her, she has her reasons. Listen Reese…dammit listen!”

“I hear you. I’m not ready yet, but maybe soon. Please tell Maura I said hello, and that I love and miss her,” I said.

“I will. She’s actually on a date with Harrison…again. They have been inseparable since Christmas. The damn girl is smitten. I’m jealous as hell!”

“I’m sure you’re making out okay. How’s Brett?” I asked, concerned for the answer to come.

“Oh girl, he’s good, just so busy with work. I plan to see him soon. I’ll keep you updated. Now, go to your room!”

“Take care Chloe, love you!” I said and hit end. I wasn’t going to my room, but I wasn’t about to keep the torture up with Chloe.

After I hung up, I was sure about my decision to not see Elle right now, but I wasn’t sure where else to go. Then I remembered my friend Kari who’d been my designated driver from the restaurant. She had saved her number in my contacts when she brought me home earlier tonight, in case I needed her. Finding her name, I hit send.

“Hi Kari, I’m SO sorry to call so late, or so early.” Dang, I forgot what time it really was. Well, too late to hang up now. “Listen, I need a place to crash tonight, could I come to your dorm?”

“Uh, sure Reese. I told you anytime. Is everything okay?” She sounded confused and reluctant, probably still half asleep too.

“Uh, yeah sure Kari, I…just…need some space right now, but I’m too tired to be out any later.” I said hoping not to sound too desperate.

“Well, by all means, I’ll make you a pallet on the floor,” said Kari. She was trying not to probe, but I could hear her wheels-a-turning.

I did stay the night with Kari. I really didn’t sleep though. My brain wouldn’t turn off running through the events of the
day and evening. My heart wouldn’t quit pining away for what I had lost either. I was in a fix for sure. I didn’t know what the next day would bring other than classes, and I wasn’t sure I could even muster those.

woke up with a crick in my neck and a dagger through my heart. I quickly remembered why I was at Kari’s and on the floor. My phone had gone dead, so I borrowed her charger to plug it in. After a few moments of charging, I had 12 texts and 5 voicemails pop up.
Oh brother
.

Most were from Elle, apologizing and begging me to come home. Then they became frantic over where I could be. Then there were some from Tate also apologizing and they were in all caps. One from Chloe too, all but cussing me out for not listening to her. And finally, one from John, telling me he couldn’t believe he finally got to see me, and hold me, and tell how he really felt about me. I was drowning from being the brunt of everyone’s emotions. I needed to be alone, but I was also afraid to be alone. Ugh!

Desperately needing to brush my teeth and grab my makeup bag, I decided to go back to my dorm room. I was hoping Elle had already left for her first class, so I would miss her theatrical performance over my absence. I should have known better than to think that logically she would go about her day as normal. Elle was pacing the floor when I arrived,
talking to someone on the phone, a shocked look on her face followed by a gasp when I walked through the door.