At the Highlander's Mercy (11 page)

That was it! She’d discovered the problem immediately. As he’d known her quick mind would.

‘None that I could find in my father’s papers.’

‘Who was his clerk? Does he still serve you? That would be a good place to begin,’ she suggested.

‘Brother Donal returned to the abbey when my father passed. I have a new clerk—Brother Finlay has taken over his duties now.’

And Brother Finlay had been recommended by Symon, having previously served Symon’s father.

‘From the look in your eyes, you have just realised something bad,’ she said, gazing at him.

He shrugged, not ready to share this with her right now. She took a step away and then turned back to face him.

‘So, if you will not answer that question, answer this one: why did you want me to see the documents?’

Should he be honest with her? Should he reveal the depth of the problems facing him to the daughter of his enemy? Well, that was not completely true, if he was being honest with himself. Connor might be the enemy of other clans and to some of his clansmen, but through it all, Rob had never considered them to be so. He smiled and met her astute gaze.

‘I still find myself thinking about what he
would do or how he would handle something when faced with a task or a duty,’ he admitted. ‘He is the most intelligent and wise man I have ever met or known. I usually begin considering something with the words “what would Connor think about this matter?”’

‘And ruthless and cunning,’ she added.

‘Aye, that too.’ He laughed as the man’s daughter described in the words he’d avoided using. For many reasons.

‘And sometimes wrong, though he loathes to admit such a thing is possible.’ Lilidh laughed softly, then grew more serious. ‘So why has this breach opened between you two and forced you to be enemies? Why can you not go to him and solve this without bloodshed or bravado?’

He shook his head and crossed his arms. ‘That is not possible.’ For so many reasons he could never admit to her. For so many reasons.

‘So instead you kidnap his daughter and ask her the questions you would ask him? You seek out his advice from one who learned at his knee along with you?’

From her tone, he could not tell if she was pleased or angry. Her face gave no clue. ‘Just so, it would seem.’

‘I cannot and will not speak for my father, Rob. You know that. But my advice would
be to seek out someone you trust who knew your father when these letters were being exchanged and ask about it. There is more behind this offer and move on the MacKenzies’ part than is being done in the open. Find out what. And …’ she paused and looked at him ‘… you must break from the past and be your own man, Rob. You cannot be the laird that my father is or that your father was. You must claim the chair as your own in your own way.’

Exactly what the man under discussion would have counselled if he’d asked.

If it were only that easy. To break free from the past with all its promises, hopes and failures. To let go of the guilt he lived with every day and accept his place—his rightful place.

‘Sound advice, as I expected, Lilidh,’ he said.

It was not through any fault of hers that only one of the things she suggested could be done. The second, well, there was too much of the past still controlling him to accept it could be done easily or now. He held out his arm to her to take her back inside and she accepted it. They’d almost reached the stairway down to his chamber’s floor when she pulled them to a stop. ‘You at least owe me the truth, Rob. What
lies between you and my father now? What keeps you from the friendship you once had?’

Try as he might, the word, the answer, pushed its way out before he could stop it.

‘You.’

F
or the first time since she’d been brought here, Lilidh faced going to bed somewhat awake. Or rather, his bed. The other nights had found her either in a stupor due to Beathas’s concoction or without a bit of strength left in her from her day in the kitchen. This night—which began with several interesting revelations from Rob—now quieted into darkness and silence.

Rob returned to the chamber without saying another word and returned to studying the documents there. He’d left for some time with them and brought them back, but they exchanged no more words over them or anything else either. She wanted to speak on the matter more, for his admission had shocked her. In one word,
he’d explained much and created even more questions for her.

As a child of the MacLerie laird, the Earl of Douran, who owned huge amounts of land and commanded one of the largest fighting forces in the Highlands, Lilidh knew his reputation and his true skills and temperament. And she knew her place in his world, exactly how she fit into his scheme of things and plans. She also knew that her father would never start a war for her.

Yet, in a way, that’s exactly what Rob had said he had done over her.

In laying the blame at her feet, Rob forced her to think about the true relationship she had with her father and his past actions regarding her. Though she’d always thought of herself as a chattel in his world, valued and respected, but a chattel none the less, Rob’s claim gave her pause now. And hope.

Not that she wanted war—she did not want that. But the fact that her father considered her feelings and the treatment she’d received at Rob’s hands to be important enough to not only part ways but to break up their alliance—what did that mean now? Would he fight to get her back? Pitch his clan and their allies against Rob to bring her home?

She rolled to her side, moving off her bad leg, and tucked her hand under her head. Would sleep never come? She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. At least if she could seek her rest before he got into the bed, there might be a chance of avoiding the discomfiture of such a situation. When he began to move around the chamber, putting out candles and lanterns and then banking the flames in the hearth, she knew no way to avoid the coming situation.

Feigning sleep would be her only way. She forced her breaths to come at a slow and deep pace. Letting her body fall limp, she concentrated on not thinking about Rob, the first and only man who had touched her intimately, as he undressed and climbed into bed with her. Though he let several layers of bedcovers remain between them, her body reacted as if their naked flesh touched.

Trying again not to think about those matters, she counted the seconds of each inhalation and exhalation. Would concentrating on that distract her from the memories? But, then, as these things do, trying not to think about them simply brought them back more quickly and stronger than she could avoid.

Their last time together.

She’d sought him out in the cave they discovered
in the forest outside Lairig Dubh. They met there often, sharing moments of privacy and daring all sorts of scandalous intimacies for which her father would have beaten her if he’d known. But they were in love, going to marry, so Lilidh allowed him some measure of liberty in touching and caressing her. His kisses were wicked things and she never would have imagined that a touching of the lips could be so exciting.

This day Rob dared more than before, making her body ache for every touch. Tension had built to unimaginable levels inside her and she knew Rob caused it—and could relieve it somehow if he would. As her body blossomed under his hand, he unlaced her gown, moved her shift down and touched his mouth there, kissing a sensuous path towards her breasts.

He slid his hand inside and teased the tautened tip of her breast with his thumb before taking it into his mouth! Her body shook at each caress and when his teeth tightened down on the sensitive tip, she screamed out, in surprise and excitement.

His laugh as he did these things was as wicked as what he did to her. Making her a creature she did not recognise. Making her
want to allow him to do even more … To take the final step and join their bodies now.

‘Hush, now,’ he whispered. Though his words seemed aimed to calm things between them, his hand never stopped touching her breasts. ‘We do not want to alert anyone that we are here, my love.’

Lilidh shook her head and could not gather any words together in that moment, for all she could do was feel the terrifying yet exhilarating way her heart raced and her skin heated. When his hand moved down over her gown and began to slide up her leg, she stopped breathing altogether.

She had not realised her eyes were closed until she’d opened them and found him staring at her. Lilidh lifted her hand and touched his face. His eyes burned with desire for her and she waited for seemingly unending moments until she felt his fingers touch the top of her thighs. He swirled them in circles, gently teasing her until her legs fell open.

Gasping as he moved ever deeper into that private place, she grabbed for his wrist to stop him. This could not be right. Could it?

‘Sweet Lilidh,’ he whispered. ‘Do you wish me to stop now? Or can I show you the pleasure
that can be between a man and the woman he loves?’

The devil lived on earth and his name was Rob Matheson.

Though she understood about how a man and woman joined—no one could live in a place such as Lairig Dubh and not understand it—no one had ever told her that this … this pleasurable touching was part of it. Or mayhap this was the part parents warned young women about when discussing the protection of their virtue? One touch and every warning ever heard melted away as the need for more burned through her body and soul.

‘More,’ she begged and he did. More. And kept doing more, proving his hand as wicked as his mouth, until that tension built so strong and so tight in her core that it had to break.

Her body arched and tightened and he relentlessly caressed her, until every bit of that splendid tension spilled out, leaving her empty and yet full at the same time.

And even now, four years later, her body still remembered his touch and wanted more.

If she continued to move and to breathe like that, he was going to lose control and take her once and for all.

Rob listened in the dark and Lilidh’s breathing grew tight and tense. If she was dreaming, did she picture her husband pleasuring her? If awake, did she remember Iain’s caresses now? Even a fool or madman would recognise the way she breathed, the way her body responded to being touched and caressed and … more.

Even his body reacted to hers—he hardened and begged for attention. Her attention. Her body. To finish the pleasure they’d begun all those years ago when she was to be his. A moan, one barely loud enough to be heard, whispered across the bed between them.

‘More,’ she whispered in a low, husky voice.

Rob bit his tongue to keep from saying anything. She must be dreaming. She must be. Even knowing that Iain must be at the centre of her thoughts did not lessen his burning desire for her. His hands itched to reach over and touch her as he used to, when they loved. When he loved her.

How had her body changed since he’d touched her? How would it feel to move between her legs and fill the place that would make her his completely? They’d both had other lovers since last they met and now the act of joining would hold no fear and only pleasure for them. To see how the promise of passion
in her had matured was something he’d thought about since their parting. Especially when the memories of their time together and how she had responded to his touch and his mouth haunted him in the nights alone.

Lilidh would be magnificent in the throes of pleasure. She shifted once more now, her hips lifting and lowering, and he almost begged her then. Just as his hand reached out to touch her face, she turned towards him and opened her eyes.

Glazed over with desire and pleasure, she searched his face as though she did not know him. Then, her gaze cleared and he could tell the moment when the circumstances and his identity returned to her. She moved away from him so quickly, he could not reach for her in time.

Her body slid over the side of his bed and hit the floor with a thud. The groan told him she’d landed on her injured leg. He moved across the bed and got out quickly, trying to help her to her feet, but she resisted, pulling back and tugging free of him from her place on the floor. Finally, he released her hand, knowing she must be embarrassed now that she understood he’d witnessed her dream.

Witnessed it? Hell, his body wanted to be
part of whatever dream she was having. His arousal could not be mistaken if she’d seen it. Her wide eyes and opened mouth as she climbed to her feet said she had.

‘Here, now,’ he said, leaning over to help her stand. ‘Did you hurt yourself?’ Once she stood, he moved away, seeking the jug of ale on the table. They could both use something to drink, so he filled two cups and held one out to her. She shook her head, pulled a blanket free from the bed and sat in the chair near the now-cold hearth.

‘I will be fine,’ she said, her voice quivering as though she was ready to cry. Oh, God, no tears, please!

Had she grieved for her husband? Did these dreams remind her of happier times in their marriage? They could not have been wed more than two or three months if Iain passed about a month ago. How much could she have loved him by then?

Rob remembered the day he received word of her betrothal to Iain MacGregor. He got drunk, very drunk, and came up with plans for how to stop the marriage. And they were good plans, too. Luckily, he sobered up the next day and knew it meant that he and Lilidh would never be together.

Well, he needed this ale now and he finished the full cup before stopping or facing her. When he turned back, she sat staring sightlessly into the empty hearth.

Deciding to give her the time she needed to deal with the memories that assaulted her now, Rob went back to bed. Minutes turned into hours and still she sat in the chair not speaking, not seeing, not sleeping either. When, about three hours later, her head began to nod and then dropped, he climbed from the bed and carried her to it.

His mind wandered the rest of the night as she slept quietly now in his bed. The advice she’d given him about what to do next swirled around in his thoughts with memories of her crying out in satisfaction the last time they were together. The way that she had begged him for more when he’d stopped touching her.

The way she had begged for more.

His body reacted before he realised that she was not remembering Iain in her dreams—she was remembering him.

He would find her another place to sleep in the morning.