At His Throat, a Promise (44 page)

“So then you know you doesn"t like to prepare us at all.” Caleb nodded, averting his eyes. “You get used to it. He doesn"t use us that often, anyway. He uses the girls far more. I think… ” Ellis shook his head. It didn"t matter what he thought about that, or the fact that Ellis got beaten far more than the girls these days, even though they were much worse slaves.

“Is he a good teacher?”

“Yes, he"s very good. He"ll expect you to catch up quickly, so I"ll let you look at my notes today. Hopefully you will get something of a foundation of understanding. That will make him happy.”

Caleb smiled. Ellis had to look away. “Thank you.” Ellis cleared his throat. Sitting against the headboard, he pulled his knees up. “At the Facility, did they… I mean, I once knew someone… ”

“Did they rape me?”

Ellis didn"t know what to say to that. There really was no such thing as rape when you"re a slave. Or maybe… there was nothing that
wasn’t
rape.

“No, they didn"t. There was another kid, a girl, who got a lot of attention. She"d arrived only a few days before me, and they didn"t 379

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get sick of her during the time I was there. Also, a couple of the older kids kind of looked out for me.”

“That"s good.” Caleb just inspired protective instincts. Ellis was glad to learn it wasn"t just him. “So Master was your first?” Caleb nodded. Another unfamiliar flash of anger. Taking a boy so young for his first time without preparation? Caleb was lucky he was able to sit at all.

“It"s not… It doesn"t always feel like that,” Ellis said a little nervously. He didn"t want to say it
hurt
because Master wouldn"t like that.

“Yeah, right,” Caleb said, smiling. He shifted into the centre of the bed, hiding a wince. He was very good at controlling his facial features.

“No, really. I… my last… my sponsor, he was… it didn"t…

and there were other times, with… his friends and… ”

“Are you okay?” Concern laced Caleb"s voice.

To Ellis"s surprise, the smaller slave got up and moved to Ellis"s bed. Already against the headboard, he couldn"t move away.

“Do you miss them?”

“Who?” Ellis asked, voice rough. The memories were close to the surface, and it
hurt
so much to think about.

“Your sponsor and his friends.”

“Oh… no. Anyway, make sure you pay attention, all right?

There are a lot of rules and you"ll find it difficult at first, but if you just tough it out and… don"t let it get to you, then you"ll be way better off.”

Six years. That was how long Caleb would have to stay with Master, unless Master got sick of him first. The very thought made Ellis feel ill.

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Ellis and Caleb spent the rest of the day talking about what would be expected of him. There were so many nuances and interpretations of rules that there wasn"t even time for Caleb to go over Ellis"s notes.

Ellis himself had to have a nap around mid-afternoon. Talking so much, not to mention actually trying to remember all the instructions he"d been given during his time there, had taken a lot out of him. They went to dinner together, and Ellis was glad to see that Jin and the servants gave their attention to Caleb instead of him. Now that Jin had someone to fuss over, perhaps she"d be less keen on delivering messages from her niece, Nell, as to what was happening at William"s.

Even Maya and Michaela seemed to be a little more easygoing around Caleb. He was so soft and fragile even the harridans had a hard time keeping up their daily level of vitriol and spite around him.

The next day, Caleb had a hard time keeping up with the lesson. He asked a question once and also for Master to repeat himself. Ellis could not believe that he hadn"t told the boy not to talk during lessons. That had been the
first
thing Fen had told him:
Shhhh
.

He waited in the bedroom for Caleb after his punishment. He knew he was about to break the rules: both the Master"s and his own personal ones.

When Caleb stumbled in and crawled into his bed, bawling, Ellis was almost shaking with the need to go to him. From the back, curled into himself like that, Caleb looked so much like Harte that Ellis couldn"t help but remember what he"d worked so hard to forget.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

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“No,” Caleb said, voice thick. His entire body was shaking with sobs. Ellis hadn"t heard someone cry like that in ages.

“You will be,” he promised.

“Shut up!” Caleb whipped around and glared at Ellis. One side of his face was swollen and an angry red. It would be one large bruise come morning, but at least it wasn"t from a fist. It was just a number of slaps. A great number. Caleb must have tried to explain himself or worse, talked back. “How can you say that? It will
never
be better and I
won’t
be okay! I can"t live like this. They told me…

my parents and at the Facility… they told me my master would probably be strict. They told me he might be exacting and demand more of me than I could give sometimes. But they never said I had to be
perfect
!”

The words seemed to suck the air right out of the room. Was that what Ellis had been trying for all along? A perfection that didn"t exist? One that he would never achieve?

Caleb got up and turned off the light. Ellis heard him crawl into his bed, sniffing. The other slave didn"t want to talk anymore after that, and Ellis was grateful because he had no idea what to say. He was a complete fraud. Trying to teach a boy like Caleb not to be
human
was absolutely disgusting. If Ellis hadn"t known what it was like to be… wanted, having Master as his first owner would have devastated him.

Ruined him.

Just like William had said not to let happen. And here Ellis was encouraging Caleb to let Master ruin him.

“Caleb?” Ellis whispered. There was no answer. Ellis hoped he was sleeping and not just ignoring him.

In the darkness of the room, Ellis couldn"t see any more than a medium-sized lump. He got up and walked over to Caleb"s bed, 382

AT HIS THROAT, A PROMISE

sitting on the edge, trying not to jostle him. He touched Caleb"s leg—it was the first contact he"d made with another slave in months. It was the first
willing
contact he"d had with anyone since William"s final hug.

“What?” Caleb"s voice was scratchy and raw, but he sounded less angry and more desperate.

“I"m sorry. I"m so sorry. You"re not me. You might not think so, but I wasn"t always… cold.”

“You"re not cold,” Caleb said, turning over. His hand rested on top of Ellis"s on his leg. “You"re just hiding.” Ellis sobbed harshly, but no tears came. He hurt. He hurt all over, inside and out. There was nothing that could get him through, no moment to remember, nothing to look forward to. There was just… darkness. He was
scared
.

He didn"t know how it happened, but suddenly he was under the covers with his arms around the smaller slave, half pretending it was Harte and half hoping that Caleb got even a portion of the comfort Ellis was getting from him.

“It"s okay,” Caleb said. He pushed Ellis"s hair behind his ear and kissed his nose. “It"ll be okay.”

It wasn"t; it wouldn"t be. But Ellis ate the words like a starving person, curling his body around Caleb and trying to absorb as much as he could before morning, when he would have to rely on his coldness once more, when he"d have to let the mask come down again and retreat into the automaton that knew how to cope when Ellis didn"t.

He shouldn"t have worried about putting his mask back on.

It turned out that he wouldn"t have time.

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CHAPTER 19
CONSEQUENCES

Ellis shifted. He felt way too warm. Had one of the girls messed with his thermostat? They
knew
how Master hated that!

“This is very cosy.”

He opened his eyes, surprised to hear Master"s voice. Master almost never came into the bedroom. He noticed the door wasn"t where it should have been, and with a start, he realised he wasn"t in his own bed.

“Oh, no,” he whispered, quite possibly the first words besides
yes, no,
and
I’m sorry
that he"d said to Master in months.

“Oh, yes. Get up, Ellis. And please explain to me why Maya was forced to come to me with this very strange news.” Practically jumping out of the bed and onto his knees, Ellis 384

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pulled his shift down, tugging at the hem as if it could hide him.

“I… It wasn"t his fault. He didn"t even know I was there.” Just then, Caleb shifted and his arm very obviously searched the empty side of the bed. A pretty pout graced his lips before he cracked his eyes open and gasped.

“Caleb, did you know Ellis was in your bed?” Eyes wide, Caleb looked at Ellis, who tried to convey what to say.

“No, Master.”

Good boy,
Ellis thought, relieved.

“You will be punished for not being more aware of your surroundings.”

Caleb"s hand flew to the swollen portion of his face. The bruise was livid in the morning light. He closed his eyes in defeat, but Ellis knew he"d been saved from the worst of it.

“Ellis, explain.”

There was nothing to say. Nothing could possibly excuse being found in another slave"s bed. Ellis knew the rules. He"d
told
Caleb that rule. Then he"d broken it for a few moments of comfort with a beautiful child who made him think of Harte.

“I was lonely, Master. I"m so sorry.”

“Why did you not come to me for comfort?” It was almost enough to make him laugh, but the punishment he was already facing cowed him.

“I didn"t want to burden you, Master.” Ellis was trembling.

Master almost never asked for explanations. He just punished. Ellis wasn"t sure which was worse. The triviality of the interrogation was disheartening, but to be able to speak gave him a sense of agency.

“So you burdened poor Caleb, instead. Poor Caleb who is so 385

AT HIS THROAT, A PROMISE

innocent and sweet, and you debauch him.”

“I didn"t touch him like that, Master.”

“I did not ask you!” Master roared, striking out and backhanding Ellis across the face.

Pain struck him like lightning, and he went down, the carpet burning him as he skidded into his desk.

Master was panting, his eyes narrowed to slits and his hands clenched. Ellis was shocked to see him lose control. In all the time he"d been there, Master had never done so. There was his normal voice, which was soft and lightly accented with that romantic sense of something different, and then there were his quiet voices: one was praising and the other punishing. There was never shouting.

“Caleb. Go to the black room. I will be there shortly.” Shaking, Caleb sneaked past Master and left the room. Ellis stood warily, flinching when Master came forward.

“You will, of course, be punished. You have learned a lot in your time here, but I fear you have reached a plateau. I cannot bear to see you stumble so. If this is the beginning of a downward spiral, I will quash it. You will take your beating. You will thank me. You will serve me. And then we will go to the Lounge so I can show all my associates how to deal with a wayward slave. You think I would be embarrassed to show your whore face to my friends and colleagues, but I have been nothing but lenient with you. The fault lies entirely with you. This will not reflect poorly on me because it is
you
who fails me, not vice versa. Prepare yourself, Ellis. This will hurt.”

Master turned and left the room.

Taking Master"s direction literally, Ellis did prepare himself.

There was no lubricant in his room, but he used spit to loosen up his hole a little.

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There was nothing else he could really do. Master would do whatever he wanted, and if he suspected it didn"t hurt, he would just do more.

A part of Ellis was almost glad that it had come to this. The strange emptiness inside him had only grown, turning everything black and hopeless. He barely even felt the punishments anymore.

It was hard to feel like a bad slave when you were punished for
everything
.

As for going to the Lounge… Well, Ellis was no stranger to public humiliation. It was one of Master"s favourite forms of punishment. Even when Ellis wasn"t being punished, Master would often use him or let his friends use him in front of other people. If Master wanted to show off Ellis"s bruises and scars, Ellis welcomed it. It would be something different, at least.

Ellis sometimes wondered about his apathy, but he didn"t let himself think about it too long. It was always easier to just let things go, pretend they didn"t matter, pretend he was getting better.

He was sitting on his bed when Caleb came back. Master wasn"t with him. His face was tear-streaked, but there were no new bruises.

Then Ellis saw the blood trickling down his thighs.

“I"m sorry,” Ellis said helplessly.

Caleb just let out a strangled sob and shook his head. “He wants to see you now. In the black room.” Ellis nodded. Surprise choked him when Caleb threw himself into his arms and held on tightly.

“Be brave. I can"t do this without you. I need you. Please. For me.”

“It"s okay, Harte,” Ellis whispered into the familiar blond hair.

“It"s okay. I"ll be right back.”

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He closed the door behind him.

* * *

Of course, he wasn"t right back. Master ordered him to clean up in the cold-water shower in the corner of the black room. The icy water on his lacerations and swollen skin was alternatively horrible and wonderful. His fingers were too stiff from clenching to actually be able to clean himself, but he did his best. Thanks to his stretching, his ass wasn"t torn like Caleb"s had obviously been, but that was just about the only place he wasn"t bleeding from.