At Hidden Falls (Angel's Bay Novel) (19 page)

“You can love them and still not think they did everything right. God knows, my parents screwed up all the time. And the mistakes I’ve made with Megan—way too many to count.” He took a sip of his coffee. “What else?”

“What else?” she echoed, wondering how deep she wanted to take this conversation. “You’re awfully curious all of a sudden.”

“I want to know what makes Isabella Silveira tick,” he said with a smile.

“Let’s see. I love to sew and make costumes. I doodle whenever I have spare time on my hands, so some of my designs had their initial sketches done on napkins and the backs of envelopes.”

“I do that, too, sometimes.”

“Because you can’t let a good idea go without putting it down, right?”

He nodded. “That’s right.”

“I had an idea when I was watching you play earlier.” She took a pen out of her purse and sketched quickly on her napkin. “What do you think?” She pushed it over to him.

“Is that supposed to be me or Mick Jagger?”

She laughed. “It’s not supposed to be either of you—just a smoking rock-star look. The movie I’m going to work on in January has some musicians in it, so I’ve been thinking along those lines.”

“I like it,” he said. “I don’t know much about clothes; I tend to stick with the same old look. It’s either a business suit or jeans.”

“I could give you some other ideas,” she said.

He smiled. “I’m sure you could. But let’s get back to you. What do you do when you’re not working or doodling?”

“I’m a big fan of exercise—everything from kickboxing to spinning to tai chi. Besides organized classes, I run, hike, bike, and dance. It’s the only way I know to get rid of my energy. My family nickname is Dizzy Izzy. My father used to tell me I made his head spin, and not in a good way.”

“How so?”

“I was always changing my mind, my plans, my address,” she said with a grin. “My siblings all knew exactly what they wanted to do from a very early age. They made decisions and stuck with them. Joe married the girl he fell in love with when he was fifteen.”

“Isn’t he getting a divorce?” Nick pointed out.

“True.”

“Some choices don’t last a lifetime,” he said.

“I guess not.”

He sipped his coffee. “I was the odd man out in my family, too. They were disappointed I didn’t want to follow in their footsteps.”

“Maybe they were at one time, but they’re proud of you, Nick. I’ve heard a lot of raves about you since I started working at the theater.”

He gave her a dry smile. “They’re trying to get on my good side so I’ll handle the renovations for them.”

“They love you.”

“I know they do,” he said more seriously. “They didn’t always put me first, and their career decisions were not always in my best interest, but I never doubted their love. I wish that I’d given Megan that kind of grounding.”

“It’s not too late.”

“I hope not, but she’s fighting me.”

“You have to fight back. If you don’t, you really
will
let her down.”

“I don’t know how to be a good father. When I was a kid, I didn’t listen to anyone. How can I expect Megan to listen to me?”

“You’re not that wild guy now. Although I liked seeing you play the guitar tonight, because I felt like I was seeing the real you.” She paused, sure she was about to get too personal, but she’d come this far . . . “Why do you have so many walls up, Nick? What are you trying so hard to protect?”

He stiffened at her question, a frown returning to his face. “If I wanted an analysis, I’d see a shrink.”

“That’s a copout.”

“Why should I tell you?”

“Because I’m the one asking,” she returned.

“I don’t even know you.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing now, getting to know each other?” she challenged.

He blew out a breath, a battle going on in his eyes. “There’s something about you that makes me want to talk, and I haven’t wanted to talk in a long time.”

“Why not?” Even as she asked, she wondered if she had the right to pry into his life when she had secrets of her own. But it was too late to take it back.

He stared at her for a long moment. “Because I wasted too much time talking instead of doing. But I’ve got my life together now. I have a successful business. I own a house. It’s good. It’s solid. It’s enough.”

Despite his forceful words, she heard the uncertainty in his voice. “It is all that. But deep down, you’re still the guy who wanted to be a rock star.”

“That guy grew up, and I’m not going back.”

“Then why did you jump in with the band tonight?”

He sighed. “Temporary insanity.”

“Well, you were insanely good. Does it really have to be one or the other?”

“I’ve never been able to find a middle ground. That’s what worries me about Megan; I see a lot of myself in her. And right now, she’s all defiance and rebellion. Look at the way she dresses.”

“Her hair, clothes, and makeup are the only things under her control right now.”

“I know that. But I see a dangerous recklessness in her, which is what I felt after Kendra left. When she took off with Megan, I went on a nine-month bender. I drank and hung out in clubs until dawn. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t going to get my family back unless I changed my life.”

“So you dried out, went back to school, and made a career for yourself. You should be proud of all that.”

“I am.”

“And you locked that reckless, rebellious guy away—until tonight. Why tonight? What changed?”

He frowned. “I don’t know. I was happy enough with my life, but then Megan arrived, and I rescued you off that hillside, and suddenly, I find myself wanting things I thought I’d forgotten about. You make my head spin, too,” he added, his gaze drifting to her mouth. “Why did you have to show up now, Isabella?”

She could have told him that it was destiny, but he wouldn’t believe her. Nick was under the mistaken impression that he could control his life if he just wore a tie and followed a few rules. She finished her coffee and stood up. “Let’s walk.”

After they left the Java Hut, they strolled along the harbor. The boats bobbed lazily in their slips. Just beyond the breakwater, the waves crashed, but the bay was protected and calm. And overhead were a million stars in a clear night sky.

“You don’t get this kind of view in L.A.,” she said. “It must have been fun growing up here.”

“It was a haven from the madness of the rest of my life. When it was off season here in Angel’s Bay, my parents would pack me and Tory up and take us on the road. Buses, motels, backstage dressing rooms—that was our world.”

“Were you and Tory close?”

“Always. We looked out for each other. I tried to be a big brother when I could, but in truth, Tory had her life together long before me, and she stepped between me and my parents when we were at odds. Which was often.” He paused. “After Kendra left, I asked my parents for money so I could go to London and get Megan back.”

Isabella stopped walking, hearing the tension in his voice. “What did they say?”

“They didn’t have any extra cash,” Nick replied, a grimness to his expression. “But it wasn’t really about the money. They didn’t like the life I was leading. My father said it was time for me to grow up.” He gave a short, hard laugh. “Funny coming from him, because he’s always been Peter Pan, living in a world where no one ever grows up or has to face reality. Even with these theater renovations, they’re burying their heads in the sand.” He drew in a breath and started walking again. “Maybe it was good they didn’t help me out. It forced me to stand on my own two feet. But a part of me wonders if I would have gotten Megan back sooner if I’d had their support.”

“They seem to care a great deal about Megan now,” she put in, having witnessed several exchanges between the Hartleys and Megan.

“They always cared. They used to write her and send her gifts, but for a long time, they thought Megan was better off with Kendra. They understood Kendra; she was one of them. It took all of us a while to see her for who she really was. She’s a very good actress.”

“It must have been strange to grow up with people who could so easily transform themselves into someone else. I’d have had a difficult time figuring out who was being real and who was playing a role,” Isabella said.

“You learn not to trust too easily.”

“So that explains some of your walls.”

“Are we back to that?”

She shrugged. “Just saying.”

For a few moments, they walked in easy silence, then Nick asked, “How long will you be staying in Angel’s Bay?”

“I don’t know. Outside of work, I rarely make plans. I just see where the wind blows.”

He cast her a quick sideways look. “Really? What if the wind blows you somewhere you don’t want to go?”

“There’s always another breeze.”

He shook his head. “I used to leave things to chance, but that didn’t get me anywhere. You have to go after what you want, or there’s a good chance you’ll never get it. Despite what you say, I don’t believe you’re as casual as all that. You must have things you want.”

She gave him a long look. “What if I said I wanted you, Nick? What if I went after you?”

He sucked in a quick breath. “You’d be disappointed.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a terrible boyfriend and a worse husband.”

“Who said I wanted you to be either one? Not every relationship has to have a label.”

He stopped walking, his gaze holding hers. “Would a short-term fling really be enough for you, Isabella? Most women want more.”

She’d been testing him a little; now he was doing the same to her.

“What I want,” she began, choosing her words carefully, “is to live my life and get to the end without regrets.”

He stared back at her. “That’s a nice dream, but no one gets to the end without regrets.”

“You certainly won’t if you keep pretending that who you are now has nothing to do with who you used to be. You’re afraid, Nick.”

“You’re calling me a coward?” he asked in amazement. “I saved your life.”

“You’re not afraid to be a hero. You’re afraid to be who you really
are.”

His eyes glittered with a mix of anger and desire. “You like to live dangerously, don’t you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Sometimes so do I.” He put his hands on her waist and yanked her up against him. “You know where this is going, don’t you?”

“I hope so,” she whispered, just before his mouth closed over hers.

His kiss deepened, his tongue sliding between her lips. He tasted like coffee and lust and so much more. Nick’s hands threaded through her hair, holding her in place, but stopping the delicious onslaught was the farthest thing from her mind. She wanted to touch him all over, to rip off his clothes, break through his walls, and get to the core of the real Nick Hartley. The way he kissed her made her want to take a lifetime exploring his mouth and his body, his heart and his soul.

She shook from the force of her emotions and felt an echoing tremor run through him. Nick tore himself away from her mouth, his ragged breath steaming up the cold night air. His eyes burned with wild, reckless desire, and her heart skipped a beat. But then she saw his battle for control, his withdrawal in the stiffening of his shoulders.

“Damn,” he muttered. “What am I going to do about you?”

“Why are you fighting so hard to stay away from me?”

“Because I don’t want someone like you.”

She drew in a quick, painful breath. He had no idea she’d heard those words before. Not exactly in this context, but they still stung. Turning quickly, she walked down the street to Joe’s truck. As Nick followed her down the sidewalk, she dug into her purse for her keys.

“I’m sorry, Isabella. That didn’t come out the right way.”

She turned, and looked directly into his eyes. “The reason you stopped tonight, Nick, is that you want someone
exactly
like me. Someone who shakes that cage you’ve locked yourself up in, someone who reminds you of who you really are.”

“And who are you, Isabella? A woman who changes jobs and men and addresses every other week? You think that’s living life? That’s called running away.”

She swallowed hard, his words hitting a little too close to home.

“You’re afraid of being left behind, so you leave first,” he added.

“Exactly.” She got into the truck and slammed the door. She turned the key in the ignition and drove off, her stomach churning, her body shaking, her emotions boiling over.

Nick didn’t have her pegged exactly right, but he was damn close. And it was sheer hypocrisy to call him out for pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Hadn’t she done the same thing for most of her life? Hadn’t she hidden away the part of herself that she didn’t like? But it was so much easier to analyze someone else than to analyze herself.

She let out a breath. Their relationship was getting too intense, breaking all the rules she’d set for herself after Tony. She’d wanted to get close enough to Nick so that she could help him but not so close that she could get hurt. But the lines were blurring. And she was afraid that by coming to Angel’s Bay, she’d put something in motion that couldn’t be stopped.

What the hell was wrong with him? Nick fumed as he walked briskly down the street. The second he’d seen Isabella in the bar, he’d known that he wouldn’t be able to leave her alone. Since he’d rescued her from her car, he’d felt an incredible pull toward her, as if saving her life had tied them together in some powerful and elemental way. He didn’t like it. And he didn’t want to like her.

She was challenging his decisions, the way he led his life, making him think that he’d gone too far in his goal to be an adult. Yet she was just like Kendra, ready to jump at the best offer.

No, that wasn’t true. Isabella was softer, kinder, warmer, with a smile that lit up her eyes. A man could drown in her gaze, die a long, slow death in her arms.
Shit!
He hadn’t felt so consumed by desire in a very long time.

He blew out a breath and picked up his pace, breaking into a jog. He ran for a mile before his cell phone rang.

Breathless, he answered, “Hello?”

“It’s Colleen. I just dropped Megan off at your house. I didn’t see your car, so I wanted to let you know that she was there.”