Assassin Territory [Assassins Book 1] (13 page)

“I’d been ordered to kill them and a nine-year-old boy.”

“Why would they think you would do such a thing? Have you, Lando? Have you murdered women and children?” Christy couldn’t stop her body from trembling, she felt the sting of tears. He was speaking of them in past tense.
My God, a baby, a three-week-old baby?
A sudden feeling of gripping terror possessed her and she resisted the urge to flee from him.

Lando crouched, before her taking her hands in his; she recoiled from him, yanking her hands away to pull them to her chest. Christy loved the maternity ward, she would spend hours holding babies. Each tiny face flashed before her eyes, each tiny gaze grew lifeless. She wanted to vomit.

“I’ve never in my life killed anyone who I felt was completely defenseless,” he informed her.

“But you would have killed me.”

Sighing, Lando sat back on the log. She avoided his gaze, as though to cast her sight on him would pollute her. He averted his own gaze while checking the fish. He removed it and set it aside to cool.

“You were in pain. I hated seeing you suffer. When you followed me, I felt so much relief knowing I wouldn’t have to hurt you. You told me your father was a doctor. Did he never once see someone in such agonizing pain he wanted to end their suffering?”

“He did. He helped them, he gave them medicine.” Christy raged at him, feeling furious anger. “Don’t you
ever
compare yourself to such a wonderful, caring man. Every day of his life he tried his hardest to ease people’s suffering. He took great pains to save them. He told me on numerous occasions life is a gift.”

“What medicine could I give you except a few pain pills? We flew way off course. The elements would’ve caused you a slow, lingering death. What would you have done if you had been confronted by the Kodiak all alone? Can you imagine the suffering he would’ve caused you while he ripped into your body, feeding on you while you still lived? What kind of gift would that have been watching your bowels be chewed on? I wanted to offer you some mercy.”

Christy refused the fish he handed her. Her hand went to her mouth at the image he created. She rocked angrily back and forth, not looking at him. When he stretched out a hand to her, she jerked from his touch, repulsed. She was uncertain she wanted him near her anymore. Lando put his food down. He packed up some of the articles he had, leaving her clothes, the camera case, and a flashlight behind. He rose to his feet, in a stiff movement as though pained. For a brief moment, she saw his hand hover in the air as though to touch her hair, then thought better.

“I suggest you eat. Keep following the river downstream and hopefully you’ll run into someone eventually,” Lando said, then left.

Christy watched as Lando moved from her sight. He had left her all alone.
Yet,
a voice reasoned,
what did she expect?
It seemed to her she was the only person on earth he had ever been kind to and she threw it in his face.
But he is a killer,
her mind screamed.
But he didn’t kill you,
another voice challenged. She hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt. She should have listened. Maybe he was in this predicament because he wouldn’t kill.

“Lando?” Christy called. “Wait, please come back.”

Christy looked at the brush where he had walked off, her gaze searching. She began stuffing the items he left her into her backpack. She needed to catch up to him. Running, Christy crashed through the, bushes holding the fish in her hands.

“Lando! Wait, please.”

She could see him up ahead, slowing down. He still had yet to face her.

“Please, don’t leave me all alone. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I need to stop thinking the worst in men. I shouldn’t think the worst in you. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

* * * *

Hearing her frightened remorseful cry, Lando paused and took a deep breath. He should tell her to stay away. He was getting too close to her. Telling her things he’d never told another soul.

Christy knew he was a killer. He never denied it. He should have known hearing of an actual killing would frighten her further. Lando hadn’t explained it. He felt so uncertain until once again a thought popped into his warring mind, making the decision for him.

She needs to know exactly what she is dealing with,
the voice was again advising.
If
she rejects you, are you still willing to care for her? Did you save her expecting a favor?
Can there not be one time in your life you can give unconditionally; are you even
capable of such a selfless act?

Lando had watched sadly as her eyes filled with horrified disgust. For a moment, Lando thought she was about to become physically ill. She thought he murdered a baby. Each harsh word she spoke slammed him worse than any knife ever had, and then she shut him out, ignored him as though he didn’t exist. She really only wanted him for the protection he offered. His company. His head dropped to his chest.

She was close enough he could hear her labored breathing as she raced to catch up. Of course she only wanted his protection, his company. Lando told her once they returned he would be gone from her life. The voice casually mentioned;
what did you expect, her undying love? A commitment? Lando doesn’t make commitments; he only lives for the moment.

“Lando?”

Lando stood head bowed in thought, wondering if he should accept her back. They needed each other. Out here was no place to have to be alone. But she would ask more questions, she would want to hear more of his life. What if she glared at him again with revulsion; could he handle the pain of rejection over and over? They would eventually have to part. His rational thought made no sense. He made a hard decision, having no other choice, his face set in steely, determined resolve, and he turned to confront her.

The entire scene played out before him in his mind in slow motion. Moving swiftly, he dropped the duffel bag to the ground as he meticulously pulled his gun from behind his belt in one fluid motion. Christy stopped dead in her tracks; her face reflected stunned surprise. The fish she was carrying dropped from her grasp, falling to the forest floor with a tiny bounce, ruffling a few crackling leaves.

“Lando?” Christy whimpered, her plea was laced with terror.

Lando knew his look had turned murderous.

“
Get down,”
Lando bellowed.

Christy turned abruptly and dropped to the ground, screaming in terror. Her arms flew up to protect her face. The mountain lion screamed and leaped into the air, intent on capturing his helpless prey. The gun blasted and Christy was knocked backwards as the huge cat landed soundly on her chest. She screamed repeatedly, batting her small arms, trying to dislodge it. Lando gave a violent yank, locking his hands in the skin on the cat’s neck and back, and pulled the furry predator’s limp body from her. Lando grabbed Christy’s arms, hauling her to her feet, crushing her in his embrace. Lifting her off the ground as he straightened with her in his grasp.

“It’s all right, sweetheart, it’s dead,” Lando soothed.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me. You’re so frightening at times, I get so scared,” Christy admitted while clutching him closer. Lando was amazed. She was almost killed by a cougar and her first fears were of him leaving.

“I know I’m frightening to you at times. You might always find me frightening. But I won’t ever hurt you. I swear it.”

“Thank you for saving me…again.” Christy looked down at the dead cat.

Lando chuckled, his heart that nearly pounded from his chest began to steady, and he locked her tightly to him, listening as her ragged, labored breathing began to steady.
You are mine.
The voice in his head sounded a bit too triumphant. He realized she was still not ready or willing to hear that. Also feeling a tad concerned, Lando hoped he wasn’t becoming schizophrenic.

With Christy’s help, Lando was able to construct a shelter in front of a large rock, using the parachute as a tent. Soon enough a fire blazed within the tented structure, offering them warmth and a small measure of security against the frightening darkness that would envelope them as dusk descended. Lando boiled water, checking to make sure eight minutes had elapsed, and added to it a few of the mints Christy carried, melting them for flavor.

Feeling pessimistic, Christy watched as Lando took a stick and turned a dead, headless snake roasting in ashes placed off to the side. He found it sunning itself on a rock, warming in the afternoon sun. Lando had pounced on it. He informed her once the skin split he would boil the meat. She grimaced at the thought; still, her tummy rumbled in hunger.

Maybe it won’t be so bad.

Christy sipped from a crude piece of driftwood Lando handed her. It contained the hot minted water. She watched as Lando refilled the metal bowl with water from a condom he dipped into the stream.

“Lando?” Christy asked with caution, remembering how their last exchange ended when she questioned him, but she was just too curious; she needed to know.

“I know you’re afraid to ask, Christy. I know you’re afraid not to ask. You’ll just have to accept me for who I am and what I was. You know I’ll never hurt you. I swear that on my life.”

Christy thought about that for a moment. “Have you ever been camping?” she inquired, taking a different route. She wanted to understand him, not fear him

Lando gazed at her with a raised eyebrow, obviously wondering at her change of tactics. “Not intentionally,” he replied.

“Something you had to do?”

“Definitely,” Lando responded, and then chuckled; Christy could tell he was recalling a memory.

“Is that how you know about the Big Dipper, and direction, and…eating snakes?”

“Yeah. The man I was after led me into a deep forested area, hoping I wouldn’t survive because of my inexperience; he was pretty surprised at my tenacity. I get that a lot.”

“Why did he teach you?” She knew Lando had killed him. Why would anyone teach someone of survival if they were about to die? Especially by their hand? It didn’t make any sense.

Taking a breath, Lando’s gaze at her intensified, his words were slow and thought out. “If you were going to die, if there were no other options available to you, would you rather die a painful, agonizing death, or would you want a merciful end?”

Christy gulped with the images her mind offered. She knew it had been Lando who gave the man a choice. Sitting and discussing a hit with an assassin seemed surreal. She once more fought to control the sudden terror in her breast. She knew Lando was admitting he could cause someone great pain if he chose.

“Would it help if I told you what he’d done?”

“Was he a bad man?” Christy asked feeling younger than her years, battling an internal struggle. Her head bowed almost to her chest.

“He was disgusting filth. Some men don’t feel like I do, that women and children are too helpless to be harmed. They enjoy their helplessness. They revel in it because they think it makes them strong when they’re really pathetic. Pedophiles are pieces of shit and need to be destroyed. I wanted to pound his brains into mush. When he offered to teach me a few things on survival, I offered him an act of mercy he’d never shown another.”

“You’ve never hurt a woman or children?” Christy asked, feeling relief.

“Never,” Lando said, his gaze narrowed with intensity. She believed him, though why that would offer her some comfort, she couldn’t really fathom.

Christy watched as Lando cut the meat from the snake, adding it to the boiling water. His hands rubbed against his pants to clean them. When finished, he settled back to watch her as he always did. This time she cocked her head sideways at him filled with curiosity.

“Why are you always watching me?” Christy asked, although she decided she no longer minded. She was used to him. His deep, dark eyes were comforting. They no longer appeared soulless to her. She knew he would always wait for an invitation, not demand one. She liked having that one power over him.

“I like the way you move; I like the way you look. I’m used to studying people. It’s a habit. I need to know what people are thinking; I need to be able to anticipate their next move,” Lando replied.

“Can you hear what I’m thinking?” Christy asked in a teasing way.

“I can see
what
you’re thinking. You trust me when I say the man needed to die. You trust I won’t hurt you. Your doe eyes flicker in fear at some things I say, yet you know your life depends on me. Does the fact I’m dangerous arouse you?”

“No,” Christy said honestly, her teasing tone abandoned. “I don’t want the dangerous side of you, that part I struggle to understand. Sitting and talking to you, it’s hard to believe that side exists, but I know you’re not lying. I want the gentle protectiveness you’ve shown me. Your possessive lovemaking was frightening at first. No one I’ve met comes close to you. Before Chad there were only innocent discoveries. Sometimes Chad laughed at my inexperience, making me feel inadequate. When you take me, I feel…I feel…”

“What do you feel?” Lando demanded.

“I shouldn’t want you,” Christy cried out. “My father saved lives. He would be so angry if he found out I needed you, wanted you. It’s not only desire I feel for you. I can’t help but compare you to Chad. Besides him and my father there is no other man I can compare you with.

“My father was so loving and caring, he took care of me. He never hurt me; I always knew he loved me. Chad was going to be a doctor like my father. He would be saving lives. But he hurt me until I thought I was soulless and a shell of who I was. It took me months after the abuse ended to go out in public. You take lives and yet you’ve never hurt me. I feel so confused. Why does Chad feel more hurtful and hateful than you do? Why are you safer than he is? How can that be? I don’t understand.”

Lando gathered her shaking body to his. “I don’t know why, sweetheart. You need me to survive. Perhaps that is all there is.”

“No, it’s not just survival. If I was with Chad out here, I would be dead by now. I know that. He would’ve abandoned me. Declaring he would get help, only it would be his own life he would save. I would’ve been so hurt at another betrayal. I don’t just need physical acceptance or food. I need more than that to survive out here. Please don’t make me fall in love with you. I couldn’t take another loss. You’ve said we have no future. I understand. Really, I do. In spite of that, I can’t help feel there must be more. Please show me more, I need more.”