Assassin 3 - Royal Assassin (62 page)

Verity the pretender? I asked in
outrage.

Not my words. Theirs, he pointed out.

I forced my anger down, tried to think. Why
would they suspect you spy for Verity? Have you sent him
messages?

I have a King, he said softly. Although he does
not always remember he is my king. You must look out for your king.
As I am sure you do.

What will you do?

What I have always done. What else can I do? I
cannot stop doing what they command me to stop, for I have never
begun it.

A creeping certainty shivered up my spine. And
if they act again?

He gave a lifeless laugh. There is no point to
my worrying about it, for I cannot prevent it. That is not to say I
look forward to it. This, he said, with a half gesture toward his
face. This will heal. What they did to my room will not. I shall be
weeks picking up that mess.

The words trivialized it. A terrible hollow
feeling welled up in me. I had been in the Fool's tower chamber
once. It had been a long climb up a disused staircase, past the
dust and litter of years, to a chamber that looked out over the
parapets and contained a garden of wonder. I thought of the bright
fish swimming in the fat pots, the moss gardens in their
containers, the tiny ceramic child, so meticulously cared for, in
its cradle. I closed my eyes as he added to the flames, They were
most thorough. Silly me. To think there was such a thing as a safe
place in the world.

I could not look at him. Save for his tongue, he
was a defenseless person whose only drive was to serve his king.
And save the world. Yet someone had smashed his world. Worse, I
suspected the beating he had taken was in revenge for something I
had done.

I could help you set it to rights, I offered
quietly.

He shook his head tightly, quickly twice. I
think not, he said. Then he added in a more normal voice, No
offense intended.

None taken.

I bundled the cleansing herbs with the pot of
salve and the leftover rags from my shirt. He hopped off my clothes
chest. When I offered them to him, he took them gravely. He walked
to the door, stiffly despite his claims that they had only damaged
his face. At the door he turned. When you know for certain, you
will tell me? He paused significantly. His voice dropped. After
all, if this is what they do to a King's fool, what might they do
to a woman carrying a King-in-Waiting's heir?

They wouldn't dare, I said fiercely.

He snorted disdain. Wouldn't they? I no longer
know what they would or would not dare, FitzChivalry. Neither do
you. I'd find a sounder way to latch my door, if I were you. Unless
you wish to find your head in a bag as well. He gave a smile that
wasn't even a shadow of his usual mocking grin, and slipped out
again. I walked to the door after he had left it, and dropped the
bar into place. I leaned my back against it and sighed.

It's all very well for the rest of them, Verity,
I said aloud to the silent room. But for myself, I think you should
turn yourself about right now and ride home. There's more afoot
than Red-Ships, and somehow I misdoubt that Elderlings would be
much help against the other threats we face.

I waited, hoping to feel some sort of
acknowledgment or agreement from him. There was nothing. My
frustrations whirled in me. I was seldom certain of when Verity was
aware with me, and never sure if he sensed the thoughts I wished to
send him. I wondered again at why he did not direct Serene as to
the actions he wished taken. He had Skilled to her all summer about
Red-Ships; why was he so silent now? Had he Skilled to her already,
and she concealed it? Or revealed it, perhaps, to Regal only. I
considered it. Perhaps the bruises on the Fool's face reflected
Regal's frustration at finding Verity aware of what was going on in
his absence. Why he had chosen the Fool as the culprit was anyone's
guess. Perhaps he had simply chosen him as a vent for his rage. The
Fool had never avoided offending Regal. Or anyone else.

Later that night, I went to Molly. It was a
dangerous time to go, for the Keep was abuzz with extra folk and
extra servants taking care of them. But my suspicions would not let
me stay away. When I tapped on the door that night, Molly asked
through the wood, Who is it?

It's me, I replied incredulously. She had never
asked before.

Oh, she replied, and opened the door. I slipped
inside and bolted it behind me as she crossed to the hearth. She
knelt before it, adding wood it didn't need and not looking at me.
She was dressed in her blue servant's dress, and her hair was still
bundled up. Every line of her body warned me. I was in trouble
again.

I'm sorry I haven't been here much
lately.

So am I, Molly said shortly.

She wasn't leaving me much in the way of
openings. A lot has been going on, and they've been keeping me
pretty busy.

With what?

I sighed. I already knew where this conversation
was going. With things I can't talk to you about.

Of course. For all the calmness and coolness in
her voice, I knew her fury was raging just beneath the surface. The
slightest wrong word would set it off. So would not saying
anything. So my question might as well be tackled
head-on.

Molly, the reason I came tonight-

Oh, I knew there had to be some special reason
for you to finally drop by. The only thing that really surprises me
is myself. Why am I here? Why do I come straight to my room after
my duties each day and wait, on the off chance that you might show
up? There are other things I could be doing. There are minstrels
and puppet shows aplenty lately. Prince Regal sees to that. I could
be at one of the lesser hearths with the other servants, enjoying
their company. Instead of up here alone. Or I could be getting some
work done. Cook lets me use the kitchen when it's not a busy time.
I have wicking and herbs and tallow; I should be using them while
the herbs still have their full potency. But no, I am up here, on
the off chance that you'll remember me and want to spend a few
moments with me.

I stood like a rock in the battering waves of
her words. There was nothing else I could do. Everything she said
was true. I looked at my feet while she caught her breath. When she
spoke again, the anger had faded from her voice, to be replaced
with something worse. Misery and discouragement.

Fitz, it's just so hard. Every time I think I
have accepted it, I turn a corner and catch myself hoping again.
But there's never going to be anything for us, is there? Never
going to be a time that belongs just to us, never going to be a
place that is just ours. She paused. She looked down, biting on her
lower lip. When she spoke, her voice trembled. I've seen Celerity.
She's beautiful. I even made an excuse to speak to her .... I asked
if they needed more candles for their rooms .... She spoke back,
shyly, but courteously. She even thanked me for being concerned, as
few here thank servants. She's ... she's nice. A Lady. Oh, they'll
never give you permission to marry me. Why would you want to marry
a servant?

You are not a servant to me, I said quietly. I
never think of you that way.

Then what am I? I am not a wife, she pointed out
quietly.

In my heart, you are, I said miserably. It was a
pitiful comfort to offer her. It shamed me that she accepted it,
and came to rest her forehead on my shoulder. I held her gently for
a few moments, then pulled her into a warmer embrace. As she
nestled against me I said softly into her hair, There's something I
have to ask you.

What?

Are you ... with child?

What? She pulled back from me, to look up into
my face.

Are you carrying my child?

I ... no. No, I'm not. A pause. What makes you
ask such a thing all of a sudden?

It just occurred to me to wonder. That's all. I
mean-

I know what you mean. If we were married, and I
weren't pregnant by now, the neighbors would be shaking their heads
over us.

Really? Such a thing had never occurred to me
before. I knew that some folk wondered if Kettricken were barren,
as she had not conceived in over a year of marriage, but a concern
over her childlessness was a public issue. I had never thought of
neighbors watching newlyweds expectantly.

Of course. By now, someone would have offered me
a tea recipe from their mother's telling. Or powdered boar's tusk
to slip into your ale at night.

Oh really? I gathered her closer to me, grinning
foolishly.

Um. She smiled back up at me. The smile faded
slowly. As it is, she said quietly, there are other herbs I take.
To be sure that I do not conceive.

I had all but forgotten Patience scolding me
that day. Some herbs like that, I've heard, can make a woman ill,
if she takes them for long.

I know what I'm doing, she said flatly. Besides,
what is the alternative? she added with less heart.

Disaster, I conceded.

She nodded her head against me. Fitz. If I had
said yes tonight. If I were pregnant ... what would you have
done?

I don't know. I haven't thought about
it.

Think about it now, she begged me.

I spoke slowly. I suppose I'd ... get a place
for you, somehow, somewhere. (I'd go to Chade, I'd go to Burrich,
and I'd beg for help. Inwardly I blanched to think of it.) A safe
place. Away from Buckkeep. Upriver, maybe. I'd come to see you when
I could. Somehow, I'd take care of you.

You'd set me aside is what you're saying. Me,
and our ... my child.

No! I'd keep you safe, put you where no one
would point shame at you or mock you for having a child alone. And
when I could, I'd come to you and our child.

Have you ever considered that you could come
with us? That we could leave Buckkeep, you and I, and go upriver
now?

I can't leave Buckkeep. I've explained that to
you every way I know how.

I know you have. I've tried to understand it.
But I don't see why.

The work I do for the King is such
that-

Stop doing it. Let someone else do it. Go away
with me, to a life of our own.

I can't. It's not that simple. I wouldn't be
allowed to just leave like that. Somehow, we had come uncoupled.
Now she folded her arms across her chest.

Verity's gone. Almost no one believes he's
coming back.

King Shrewd grows more feeble each day, and
Regal prepares himself to inherit. If half of Regal's feelings for
you are what you say they are, why on earth would you wish to stay
here with him as king? Why would he want to keep you here? Fitz,
can't you see that it's all tumbling apart? The Near Islands and
Ferry are just the beginning. The Raiders won't stop
there.

All the more reason for me to stay here. To work
and, if need be, fight for our people.

One man can't stop them, Molly pointed out. Not
even a man as stubborn as you. Why not take all that stubbornness
and fight for us instead? Why don't we run away, up the river and
inland, away from the Raiders, to a life of our own? Why should we
have to give up everything for a hopeless cause?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing from her.
If I had said it, it would have been treason. But she said it as if
it were the commonest sense. As if she and I and a child that
didn't exist yet were more important than the King and the Six
Duchies combined. I said as much.

Well, she asked me, looking at me levelly. It's
true. To me. If you were my husband and I had our child, that's how
important it would be to me. More important than the whole rest of
the world.

And what was I to say to that? I reached for the
truth, knowing it wouldn't satisfy her. You would be that important
to me. You are that important to me. But it's also why I have to
stay here. Because something that important isn't something you run
away and hide with. It's something that you stand and
defend.

Defend? Her voice went up a notch. When will you
learn we aren't strong enough to defend ourselves? I know. I've
stood between Raiders and children of my own blood, and just barely
survived. When you've done that, talk to me about
defending!

I was silent. Not just that her words cut me.
They did, and deeply. But she brought back to me a memory of
holding a child, studying the blood that had trickled down her
cooling. arm. I couldn't abide the thought of ever doing it again.
But it could not be fled. There is no running away, Molly. We
either stand and fight here, or are slaughtered when the fighting
overtakes us.

Really? she asked me coldly. It isn't just your
putting your loyalty to a King ahead of what we have? I could not
meet her eyes. She snorted. You're just like Burrich. You don't
even know how much you're like him!

Like Burrich? I was left floundering. I was
startled that she said it at all, let alone that she said it as if
it were a fault.

Yes. She was decisive.

Because I am true to my king? I was still
grasping at straws.