Ashes of Twilight (3 page)

“Let’s go,” Adam says. “The others are already there.”

We leave for the pit that lies deep in the earth beneath the dome. My grandfather worked with the crew that discovered it during my first year in the mines. It is so deep that light cannot penetrate it. Many shiners have dropped torches into it but the glow disappears as the flames fall into the darkness. As a rule, we are forbidden to go there. Still, at times, the youth of our community venture forth, just because it is forbidden and dangerous. Like most young people, we crave excitement, and sneaking off to the pit gives us an alternative to the everyday drudgery of our lives.

There are times when a great wind screams upward from the chasm. It is so powerful that it will knock you from your feet. Some of the young men make a game when the wind comes. One will tie a rope around his waist and two more hold it secure while the one wearing it leans over the abyss. The wind picks him up and he floats upward with his arms extended as if he is a bird. Whoever is flying usually screams his head off and we who watch shriek along with him. As the three of us wiggle through the broken section of the barricade that was supposed to keep us away from the pit, I see that Alex is the one who is going to fly tonight.

There is much celebration with our arrival. Everyone comes to congratulate Adam by shaking his hand and slapping him on the back. The girls give him hugs and then hug Peggy as well. News travels fast in our world, passed along from mouth to ear as we travel through the caverns. Adam’s smile is wide and Peggy hangs on to his arm with obvious pride.

I step away. This is not about me; it’s about them. Peggy’s brother, James, joins me as I move close to the cavern wall. The pit frightens me in a way I cannot explain, so I stay far away from the edge. It is not the height; I have no problem climbing to the roof of the highest building in the dome. Nor is it the darkness. I think it’s the unknown that terrifies me the most.

“Great news about Adam,” James says. I feel a prickle of discomfort. He is standing so close that I want to lean away. He blocks me from the others. The wall is behind me, the pit to the right and the group to the left. There is no place for me to turn. I feel trapped.

“Yes. I’m very happy for them.” How is it that he and Peggy have eyes the exact same color green, yet they seem so different? Peggy’s eyes have a spark in them, an innate happiness that shines from the inside. James’s seem calculating when he looks at me, as if he’s counting my worth. Is it just my imagination? It must be. Everyone loves James, young and old alike. I think back on the words Alex said this morning. James has put us on the list. Would he dare to do so without consulting me? As I look at him I think yes.

“You want to fly tonight, Wren?”

A lock of my hair is twisted in the button of my jacket. James pulls it loose and his fingers brush against my breasts. A shiver crawls down my spine.

Am I being unrealistic about things? Am I wishing for something that doesn’t exist? Do I just imagine how things are between Peggy and Adam, or Lucy and Alex? Perhaps it’s because I haven’t tried. I have never taken the risk. James likes me, Peggy says so and now Alex. What do I have to lose? I give James a small smile of encouragement. “No, I’m happy to watch. Are you going to fly?”

“I might.”

He stares down at me, at my mouth, and I lick my lips without thought. It gives me a feeling of power, knowing that he wants me. I decide that tonight I will try to spend time with him, that maybe I will let him kiss me. I look beyond him at the group gathered around Alex and see some of the other girls watching us. They envy me. I smile at James. “Good luck.”

James grins and walks back to the group that has moved to the pit. Peggy comes back to join me and smiles broadly. Her happiness is evident and overflowing. She’s always hoped that I will like James so we will be sisters. She takes my hand and we step closer to the pit.

Alex is the first to fly tonight. I imagine that he must be scared, yet he glances over at me and tilts his head in the direction of James, who is coiling one end of the rope. All I can do is shrug. I have no idea what to think about anything at the moment.

The wind suddenly screams up from the pit and sets everyone into motion. The rope is quickly looped around Alex’s waist. Adam tests it and nods his head. James loops the end around his own waist for stability and another one of the young men, Peter, does the same. Alex looks around and finally spots Lucy.

If I were her, I’d be right beside him, scared for his safety and praying that nothing goes wrong. But Lucy just laughs as Alex leaps out over the pit. He falls and my stomach jumps into my throat until the wind currents catch him and he floats upward with his arms spread.

Alex yells as he soars, a sound full of fear and bravery combined. I imagine that it’s the same sound the warriors of old made in battle. It sends chills down my spine and I can’t help but scream along with Peggy and the other girls although I stay a safe distance from the pit. Lucy is across from me. She has this strange look on her face, as if she were daring Alex to fly higher and farther and invite death to look him in the face. I am suddenly frightened as I watch her watch him, as if some madness has come over both of them. I look at Alex. His face is contorted and strange and I get the sense that he has passed over into another realm of consciousness. It frightens me even more. One little slip when the wind stops and he could fall into the darkness and be gone forever.

Just as suddenly as the wind starts, it is gone. James’s and Peter’s hold on the rope tightens and they pull Alex back and up to safety. I suck in air. I did not even realize I’d been holding my breath until Alex is once more standing on his feet. I taste the salt the wind always brings. Where does it come from, this great wind that blows up from the middle of the earth? Why does it make me think that there is something more out there, something beyond flames and destruction?

Everyone laughs and gathers around Alex to congratulate him on being brave enough to fly. James stands by the pit and looks down into it. I know he’s waiting to see if there will be more wind tonight. We never know when it will come, or how long it will last, it just comes and brings a wild recklessness that infects us all.

Alex steps up to the edge next to James. “There are other ways to fly,” he says.

Even though he’s talking to James everyone quiets and we all watch him, wondering what he’ll say next.

“All we need is the courage to do it,” Alex continues.

I keep my eyes on him. I realize I can’t not look at him. I have this feeling inside, one of dread and excitement mixed together, as if what I’m about to hear will change me forever.

“I believe there is a world out there, outside the dome,” Alex says, and his voice carries to all of us gathered around. “I believe there is a way out and all we have to do is find it.”

We all stare at him. There are some murmurs in the group, feelings of doubt, surprise, and the inevitable wait to see if it’s some kind of joke, yet no one challenges him. I can’t help but think … no, hope …
What if it’s true?
What if all my yearning and dreaming for a world outside is more than a dream? What if it truly exists and the flames are a lie?

“If you want to join me,” Alex continues. “If you seek a better life, a life where we can be what we want to be and do what we want to do. If you want a life in a world that’s real, not a mockery of what once was, then join me. Be a seeker.”

A shiver runs down my spine as I stand there, totally captivated by everything Alex has said. For one moment I turn my eyes to Lucy. The look on her face is one of shock. Had Alex not told her how he felt?

“What do you want us to do?” Adam asks. Adam is always sensible and steady. He’ll be a good husband to Peggy. The fact that he’s willing to join Alex in his venture speaks volumes, especially since he’s just been elected to council.

“Let’s meet when we can talk more,” Alex says. “In the morning when the shift is over. I’ll find a place and send word.” He picks up a piece of coal and goes to the wall where he draws two curves and joins them together with a slash. “Let this be the sign,” he says. “A bird in flight.” Smiles and nods of agreement run through the group.

“Night shift starts soon,” someone says, and just like that, the excitement is over and we all start to move on in small groups, some of us to work and some of us back to our homes for meals and sleep. As usual, I fall in step with Peggy.

“What do you think?” she asks with a huge smile. “What if Alex is right and there is a real world out there?”

“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “Wouldn’t it be amazing if it was?” I consider it for a moment, of leaving the dome, but that’s as far as my mind will go, because the threat of the flames drives me back. “What about the stories?” I ask. “Of those who tried to go out and were burned.”

“Maybe that’s all they are,” Peggy says. “Maybe it’s something the ruling council of the dome made up to keep us inside.”

“But why?”

Peggy shrugs. “Maybe that’s something we can figure out at the seeker meeting.” She grabs my arm. “Did I tell you that Mother traded for a piece of silk? It’s enough to make a shirt.” She goes on, telling me of the latest plans for her and Adam’s life together. Our way is lit by lamps, all powered by the waterwheel in our cavern. They are much better than the oil lamps originally used, and much safer, because there is always the threat of a methane gas buildup in the mines.

What were twenty of us dwindles down to ten. Alex and Lucy are in front of Peggy and me, Adam and James behind. I can’t help but watch Lucy and Alex. Lucy seems angry and Alex sad.

Peggy notices it also and grabs my arm so that we slow down and give them more space. “I wonder if she’s mad at him about this seeker thing,” she says. “I think it’s exciting, don’t you?”

I don’t tell her that I don’t know what to think. That I need time to think. That the prospect is at once exciting and scary. So I say nothing. The group ahead of Alex and Lucy moves on so now we are down to six. Lucy and Alex turn off into a small tunnel and now we are four, Adam, James, Peggy, and me.

Adam comes up behind Peggy and puts his arms around her waist. She shrieks and giggles as he drags her into another side tunnel and leaves me alone with James, who falls into step with me. I can’t help but think that it was a plan on their part so that James and I will be alone.

We walk in silence. I really don’t know what to say to James. It is strange, as I’ve known him my entire life. He’s always been there for as long as I can remember. He is just a year older than Peggy, and when we were small he looked upon both of us as pests that had to be tolerated. It is only recently, in the past year or so, that he has looked at me differently. I could feel his eyes upon me, watching me, especially when I am about our underground village.

“What do you think of Alex’s plan?” he asks finally as we wind our way upward to the central part of the mine, from where all the tunnels spin off in innumerable directions.

“I think it’s going to be more about questions than answers,” I reply. I try to come up with something else to say, something interesting, but my mind draws a blank. The only other thing I know to talk about is my job, and James already knows all about that. My trips above are something I don’t want to share with him.

And yet it’s the very thing he mentions. “I’ve noticed you go above every morning.” He takes my arm to stop me. “Do you see someone up there?”

“No.” I look at where he holds on to me. His touch is firm and possessive. I search his face. We are close to a lamp and stand within the warmth of its glow. “There is no one to see.”

He looks at me intently and I know he is waiting. For the first time in my life, I feel as if I have to explain myself and I don’t want to. What I do above is private; it’s my own time with my own thoughts, dreams, and desires. To tell James would be to share an integral part of me. I don’t want to share with him. I feel as if he’ll hold some power over me if I tell him.

“I’ve put our names on the list,” he says.

I am shocked at his boldness. I did not really believe he would have the audacity to do so without telling me. “You should have asked me first.”

“Wren…” James shakes his head and laughs. “I haven’t. I just wanted to see what you’d say.”

“What do you expect me to say?”

He shrugs. “Everyone thinks we should be together.” He takes both my wrists into his hands. I look down at them, at how his fingers wrap all the way around my arms, like manacles. It’s a strange thought and a stranger sensation. A chill rattles my bones.

You haven’t given him a chance …

“Come on, Wren,” he says as he moves his hands up my arms and onto my shoulders. He squeezes them and leans in. “We belong together.”

He touches his lips to mine. I am hesitant but I allow it. It’s a strange sensation. His mouth is moist and I fight the urge to lean back away from his touch and wipe my lips clean. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Relax …
I let his lips lead mine. Shouldn’t I feel something? There’s nothing there but a strange curiosity, as if I’m outside my body watching the two of us from above. I’ve watched Peggy and Adam enough to know that they really enjoy kissing. I move my lips in the same manner as James and wait to feel something. Anything.

Suddenly James pushes me against the wall. He presses his body against mine and I gasp in shock. His tongue darts into my mouth and I feel something hard pressing against the juncture of my thighs. I feel trapped and I try to break away, but he has my arms locked between us. His tongue is in my throat and I gag. I am tempted to bite down on his tongue, but instead I wrench my head to the side. He buries his head in my neck and bites the tender skin at my nape.

“Stop.” I free an arm and push against his chest. “No!” I push again and raise my knee into his groin.

Before I can land a blow he jumps back. “What’s wrong with you?” His face twists in anger.

“You were hurting me.” I wipe my hand across my mouth and touch the raw place on my neck. The skin isn’t broken but I know I’ll have a bruise. Something else I’ll have to keep from my grandfather.