Asher: A Second Chance Novel (3 page)

Sometime later when he became aware of his surroundings again he realized his father had left the room. His mother put her hand on the side of his face and said, “The doctors are hoping for two years if the treatment slows down the growth of the tumor.”

“Bullshit! Two years is not long enough.”

“Baby, I wish so badly that you or your father didn’t have to go through this.”

“What about you, Mom? You’re the one that will have to…” he couldn’t even say it. The words
pain
and
cancer
and
sickness
stuck in his throat.

“I don’t have a choice honey. As far as I’m concerned life will just go on until it ends. I don’t want to live like a sick person. I want my life to go on as usual. I’ll keep working. I’ll keep taking care of my boys.”

“No! We’ll take care of you. Where the hell did Dad go?”

His mother looked towards the doorway. “He’s having a really hard time with this. We’ll need to be extra sensitive with him.”

“Are you kidding me?
He’s
having a hard time?” Asher was incredulous. His mother was standing here being braver than anyone he had ever known and his father was cowering somewhere in another room. That was unacceptable.

“Yes Asher. This is devastating to him. It just means he loves me as much as I have always believed he did. I will take care of my treatments as long as I can. But I ask you to promise me something. When I get too sick to take care of myself, I don’t want any hospitals, okay? I want to stay at home until I die. I might need nurses to come in near the end.”

“Please stop. I can’t do this. I can’t talk about ‘the end’ of my mother’s life.”

She put her arms around him again and they stood there for a long time before she said “As much as you are able to bear is as involved in this as you have to be. I told your father the same thing.”

Asher suddenly felt like a heel. She was being so brave. He had no idea if he could be positive about things and concerned about everyone else’s feelings. He held her back at arm’s length and looked into her pretty green eyes, his eyes. “I will do whatever you need me to do, Mom. I’ll be here for you no matter what. I love you so much. Whatever it takes to help you through this and make it as comfortable as we can, I’ll do it.”

She hugged him again and said, “Thank you, honey. For now, I want you to go and be a kid. Enjoy your life. I love you so much.”

Asher’s mother had insisted he go to his football game and whatever else he had planned for the evening even though he offered to stay home and really meant it. She was adamant that she wanted him to go on with his life as it was before. He went looking for his father and found him in the den with a glass of bourbon in his hand. He was staring out the window the same way he had stared at the spot on the wall in the dining room.

“Dad. She needs you right now.”

Greg turned his blue eyes to his son and for a few seconds he didn’t even seem to see him. When he finally refocused he said, “I’m right here.” Asher wasn’t sure what that meant, but he knew how much his father loved his mother so he tried not to worry.

“Should I stay home tonight?” No matter what his mother said about wanting life to go on as normal, it just didn’t seem right. He was not even eighteen years old yet. How was he supposed to process losing his mother in two years or less while acting like everything was okay?

Greg sat there silently for a long time and then in a voice that was barely above a whisper he said, “We can’t fix this.”

“I know but…” His voice trailed off. His father was shaking his head.

His father then put his hands to his head and said, “Just go Asher. I can’t talk about this anymore tonight.”

Asher was confused by the way his father was acting. His dad had always been the strongest man he had ever known. Maybe he just needed some time. “Okay, I’ll be home later after the game. If you need me or if mom does, I have my pager.” Greg didn’t even respond. He went back to sipping his drink and staring out the window. Asher left the house feeling like it was an entirely different place than the happy home he had walked out of this morning before school. He felt lost and for the first time in years, he felt afraid.

**

Asher made it through the football game, barely. His coach and his teammates, especially Travis asked him more than once if he was okay. He had hit a few guys on the field that he shouldn’t have and the coach had pulled him out and questioned him about it. He was a great football player, but it was unlike him to be aggressive for no reason. He told them all that he was fine. He said he was just having a bad night. He wasn’t ready to tell anyone what was bothering him. If he told people his mother was sick, that she had cancer, it would make it too real.

After the game while he showered in the locker room and his teammates talked and laughed and celebrated their win he stayed disconnected from it all. It was so surreal. How could his life just be going on as his mother’s was ending? Travis found him in front of his locker buttoning up his shirt. His hands were shaking and his friend knew something was wrong.

“Ash, what’s going on? Is this about what you had to go home for earlier?”

Asher slammed his locker and then he hit it with his fist. Travis didn’t flinch. He just sat and waited until Asher was ready. He finally said, “I just can’t talk about it right now. Mia’s waiting for me. We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Okay, just know I’m here for you, man.”

“I know. Thanks.”

On his way out of the gym to go and find Mia he ran into Dean. Asher had forgotten he was coming this weekend.

“Hey man! Great game. I couldn’t believe you out there barrelling through that defensive line like that.” Asher’s face must have given him away because Dean suddenly stopped talking and asked, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s going on. Sorry man. I just forgot you were coming to town. I sort of made other plans.”

Travis came around the corner just then. Asher could tell by the look on Dean’s face that he knew something was wrong and it wasn’t about making other plans. Travis stepped in and saved him.

“Hey Dean, you lucky son of a bitch! You get to hang out with me tonight.”

Dean looked from Asher to Travis and then said, “Yeah, that’s cool. Ash, call me tomorrow, alright? I’ll be in town until Sunday.”

“Okay, sure.” He walked away then, feeling like a zombie. It was like things were happening around him and he wasn’t an active participant in any of it. Before he was out of earshot he heard Dean ask, “What the hell is wrong with him?” He didn’t hear Travis’s response. He would call Dean and fill him in tomorrow. Right now there was only one person he wanted to see. He went to find Mia. He was hoping the sight of her beautiful face would make him feel better.

**

Mia had been a cheerleader for three years. She had also been watching her brother and Asher play football together since middle school. She knew a lot about the game for a girl and she knew that Asher had not had a good one tonight. The coach had pulled him out twice to ask him what he thought he was doing. His hits were direct and aggressive and in most cases tonight, unnecessary. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going on and worry about him. She waited by his car like they had planned earlier and when she saw his gorgeous face she knew that whatever had been bothering him during the game was still weighing heavily on his shoulders. She smiled when he got close and he offered her one back, but it was weak.

“Hey, good game.” she lied.

“Yeah, thanks. Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t care. What are you hungry for?”

He unlocked the passenger door and held it open for her. As she slid in he replied, “It doesn’t matter.” He closed her door and went around to his side. He climbed in behind the wheel of the mustang and for a few seconds he just sat there with his hands on the wheel, staring through the windshield.

“Asher, is everything okay?”

He looked at her with intense green eyes and for a second he looked like he was going to say something important. Instead he asked, “Is Little Romeo’s okay?”

Little Romeo’s was a pizza place at the edge of town. She hadn’t missed that he didn’t answer her question, but she let it go for now and said, “Little Romeo’s is great.” He nodded slowly then started the car. They drove in silence to the pizza parlour. The parking lot was packed and it took a few minutes for him to find a spot. There were less than seven thousand people in their town and at least half of them had turned out for the game tonight. Now they were all eating out before they went home.

“It might take a while, it looks crowded. Is that okay?” Mia couldn’t stand how sad he looked. Pizza didn’t interest her as much as why he looked so upset. Cautiously she reached over and placed her hand on his arm. He jumped like she had burned him.

“Asher, what’s wrong?” She started to move her hand and he covered it with his own.

“I’m sorry, Mia. Jesus. This is our first date and I’m screwing it all to hell.”

“No you’re not. I can tell something is wrong. If it’s too personal you don’t have to tell me. I want you to know. I’m willing to listen if you need to talk.”

She watched as he took a long, slow deep breath. “My mom is sick,” he said barely above a whisper.

“She’s sick? Is it something bad?” Of course it was something bad. He wouldn’t be this upset and distracted over the flu.

He nodded and stared out the windshield. She thought he was going to leave it at that at first. It took him several minutes to answer and when he finally did, she felt awful for him. “She has cancer. A brain tumor that I can’t even fucking pronounce.”

“Oh Asher! I’m so sorry.” He nodded again. He wasn’t looking. She slid her hand under his chin and turned his face towards hers. “I’m really sorry. If you need to go home.”

“No, she doesn’t want me to do that. She made me promise to go about my life like things were normal. I’m just not sure how to do that.”

“Of course you’re not. You’re probably still in shock. It’s okay to let your feelings out.”

He smiled then. It was a sad smile. “Thanks. I’ve really screwed this date up.”

“No you haven’t. We’re friends, right? You can talk to me any time that you need to. We can go out on a date anytime. Why don’t we go somewhere and talk tonight?”

“I don’t want to do that to you. Maybe I should just take you home.”

“Do you need to get home?”

“No but…” His voice trailed off. He didn’t want to be a downer on their first date but he really didn’t want to be alone. He hoped she didn’t want to end the date.

“Do you have somewhere else you need to be?”

“No.”

“Someone you would rather talk to?”

He looked at her then with a look in his eyes that she hoped he would never lose. It was almost reverent. “There is no one I would rather talk to.”

“Good.” she smiled. “Tell you what. Take me by the Outpost and I’ll run in and grab us some sandwiches and we’ll go eat them at the park and talk.”

“Are you sure?”

She smiled and said, “There is no one that I would rather be with tonight Asher. I’d like to be here for you, if you’ll let me.”

“I’d like that too,” he said.

They went to the sandwich shop and they each ordered a sub sandwich and chips. They took them and a couple of sodas and headed to the park. The evening was warm, but as they walked inside the gates of the park, a slight breeze rustled and scattered the leaves around them. The breeze carried the scent of the flowers that all seemed to be in bloom and the freshly cut grass competed with the smell of them. The beams of moonlight and the lamps that lit the walkway shone down on them as they walked across the playground and found a bench to sit on. Asher was staring at his sandwich like he didn’t know what to do with it. Mia’s heart was breaking for him. She finally reached over and took it from his hands. He looked at her and she offered him a smile and replaced the sandwich with her hand. He squeezed it and said, “I think I’m just in shock, you know?”

She nodded. Mia knew that she couldn’t begin to imagine what he was feeling, but she also knew that if it were her, she would be in shock too. Cancer was something that happened to other people’s families. “How is she doing with it?” Mia asked him.

He smiled then. “She’s such a mom. She’s worried about me and worried about my dad. She always comes last. She says she wants everything to go on normally as long as it can. She’ll do the treatments but if the cancer keeps progressing she doesn’t want to go to the hospital. She wants to…” His voice trailed off. He swallowed hard and acted like it took all his strength to say it. “She wants to die at home.”

Mia hated seeing him so torn up. The fact that he was so strong made it even worse she thought. He should be crying but she had a feeling that would never happen when anyone else was around. She was bright enough to know that nothing she said was going to take away his pain and anger and frustration. So she didn’t say anything. Instead she opened her arms and he moved into them and she wrapped him up in an embrace. She laid her head against his chest and squeezed her arms around his warm, hard body. His arms were large and strong and he was warm and for a second the way he held her made her feel like he was the one protecting and comforting her. The world around them seemed to fade as they held onto each other. Neither of them wanted the moment to end.