Ash to Steele (17 page)

   “A margarita, please.”

   “C’mon, Jason,” Gavin encourages, leaning towards Jess and placing his hand on her wrist when Jason is out of earshot.  “Lay off, Jess, I mean it. No being on the piss tonight!” his words are a mixture of anger and concern. 

   Jess pulls her wrist away but says nothing. 

   Gavin’s warning glare stays locked on hers a few seconds longer before heading towards the bar.

   “Is everything okay?” I ask, my previous worry for Jess returning.  It’s worse not knowing what it is I’m supposed to be worrying about.

   “Fine,” Jess dismisses the scene with a wave of her black tipped nails.

   Not convinced, I push for more this time, “What is going on with you, Jess?  What happened the other night?  Tonight? I’m your friend; I want to help, but I can’t if you won’t let me in.”

  Jess drops her head, twisting the candle holder on the table a few times before turning towards me, “I want  you to see me as who you see me as now, not as the worst of who I am, or was.”

   “I see you as my best friend.  Whatever it is that you tell me won’t change that.”

   Jess’ hand squeezes mine as her eyes mist, “My mom called the other night, that’s why Jason called you.  I haven’t seen her in a long time.”  Jess stops, looking as if she isn’t sure she should continue.  After a few seconds, she shrugs slightly, twisting the candle holder on the table as she mumbles, “She’s an addict, has been since my dad took off when I was a week old.  Mostly, she’s been out of my life since I was sixteen, but, when she gets herself cleaned up, she calls me, wanting to be the mom she never was.  Problem is, she always starts using again within a few days.”

   Looping my arm through Jess’, I wish I could take away the pain brimming her hazel eyes.  I’ve never seen her so sad.  “I’m sorry.”

   Jess shrugs again, “You’d think I’d be used to it by now.”

   “Not being used to it, that just proves you’re not jaded.”

   “I’m jaded enough.  A few weeks ago, she called me again.  I didn’t meet her.” Jess blinks back tears, “I actually told her to never call me again.  The last time I met her, things were good for a few days but then I caught her sneaking out in the middle of the night and I lost it, had a bit of a breakdown, almost reverting back to popping pills.  That’s why the guys are watching me like a hawk, being annoyingly over-protecting.  They think I’m going to relapse or turn to over-indulging in alcohol.” 

   “But you didn’t and you’re not,” I tell her, wrapping my hand over hers and squeezing her fingers.  I’ve never seen Jess drunk, and I’ve seen her almost every day.

   Jess looks at me, studying me before tears fill her eyes again, “I just admitted that I used to be a druggie and you didn’t pepper me with questions or pull away.”

   “You don’t need an interrogation right now, Jess.  You just need someone to listen.”

   A tear slides down her cheek.  Wiping it away, she lays her head on my shoulder. “I’ve never told anyone that before. I didn’t even tell Jason about my own history of addiction, but Gavin opened his big mouth last night, telling Jason to keep a close eye on me when we left Breck’s.  He thought my three shots of whiskey last night meant more than they did.  I told Jason everything before we went to his parents, but just Breck and Gavin knew before that, and that’s only because Breck came after me and pulled my ass out of the hovel I was living in with my boyfriend when I was sixteen, taking me to his grandfather’s house and refusing to let me leave. He and Gavin alternated keeping watch over me while I went through withdrawals.”

   Jess laughs, wiping away another tear, “I was furious with them, especially Breck, since he was the one who busted through the door and beat the shit out of my boyfriend and two of his so-called friends when Breck ordered me to get my things, and the dumbass was stupid enough to stand up to him, telling him that I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t even know Gavin then.  The first time I met him was the night Breck took me to his grandfather’s, and I didn’t make a good impression.  I put them through hell, hitting, kicking, and screaming, but once I was detoxed, I realized that they were just taking care of me, just like Breck always did.”

   “How old were you when you first met Breck?” I ask, curious and a little jealous, which makes me feel horrible.

  “Four. We lived on the same street, and Breck always made sure I was safe.  When my mom would bring one of her druggie boyfriends over, Breck would sneak me in his window, and I would stay with him until he made sure it was just my mom at home.  None of the boyfriends had ever hurt me, but one scared the shit out of me when he was in a seriously bad way before he got high, so Breck decided he wasn’t going to take any chances when I told him. He made me swear to call him if mom brought someone home.”

   Jess looks at me, her eyes and voice hesitant when she continues, “I know you feel more for Breck than you let on.  What happened between us only happened once, and both of us know it was a mistake.  We were exhausted, scared, our emotions and hormones were heightened above and beyond what normal teenagers struggle with due to the circumstances. We got lost in a confusing moment and that was the end of it.”  

   Slipping her fingers through mine, she bumps my shoulder, “I just want to be friends with Breck.  More importantly, he doesn’t want me as anything other than a friend, either.”

   I know she’s trying to ease my mind, but after everything she just told me, that’s impossible.   “I had no idea, Jess.  I’m so sorry.”

   “You aren’t the one who gave my mother the weed, then crank, smack, and every other drug she could get her hands on before her new vice of choice, 2CP.”  Jess gives me a sad, slanted smile, “It’s not like she mistreated me.  Clearly, she was neglectful, but she always told me she loved me, gave me hugs, told me how much I meant to her.  The drugs just meant more than me. I’ve always known that, so no feeling sorry for me allowed.”  She gives me another tilted smile, and it breaks my heart.

   Wrapping my arms around her, I give her a tight hug.

   “Mind if I get in on a little of that girl on girl action?”  Gavin licks his lips before biting the bottom one, “If you remove your blouses, it would do so much more for me.”

   “Shut up, perv,” Jess smacks his arm.

   Jason hands Jess her drinks, and she kisses him, all earlier surliness gone, before pulling him onto the dance floor. 

   “Want me to show you some moves?” Gavin asks, holding out his hand.

   Placing my hand in his, I warn him, “As long as you keep your moves PG.”

   “Damn, sweetheart, you do know how kill a mood don’t you.” Gavin leads me to the dance floor. “I don’t know how to do tame, so you’ll just have to deal with my explicit moves,” he teases, pulling me flush to his large, firm body. 

   There’s no denying Gavin has skills.  The way he handles me on the dance floor has several women vying to be in my place.  When the song is over, I feel like I’ve lost more than a just a few beads of sweat.  His dark eyes roam over me playfully, “Not bad for a country girl.”

   “We country girls know how to hoedown,” I tease.

   “It’s you ho-in’ up I’m more interested in,” Gavin laughs.

   Nodding my head to a group of girls checking him out, I crack, “Not going to happen, but I think you have your pick of a varied selection of urban takers who look like they would prefer your X-rated moves.”

   “I’m not the only one getting attention,” Gavin winks, leaving me on the dance floor wondering who he was referring to as he walks to his groupies.

  Jess is alone at the table when I get back. “Jason’s gone for food and more drinks.  I’m starving.”

   I have another kind of hunger on my mind as I check my cell and glance towards the door, wondering where Breck is.  Gavin is in the middle of the dance floor with three girls surrounding him, and I roll my eyes, “How did Breck and Gavin meet?”

   Jess gives a slight shrug before her gaze softens into a vagueness I see her do a lot when Breck is the topic.  “There were a few years when Breck was living somewhere else.”

   “He moved?”

   Jess’ eyes become guarded as she nods.

   “He met Gavin during that time.  Gavin was the resident bad ass; Breck shifted that hierarchy soon.”

   “How?” I ask stupidly, already guessing the answer.

   “Gavin was into fighting and was undefeated, or so he says,” Jess laughs.  “When Breck came along and was winning fights of his own, Gavin challenged him.”

   “Breck stood up to him,” I state, not at all surprised.

   “And won. After that, a war began between the two and lasted until Gavin was outnumbered one night by some diehard gang bangers.  He was getting the hell beat out of him and one of the guys pulled a knife; that’s when Breck stepped in.

   “That’s when he was cut,” I gasp.

   “Breck told you?” Jess seems shocked that he divulged any personal information to me,  and jealously accosts me again.

   “No, not exactly.  I saw the scar and he said he was cut in a fight but didn’t give any more details.”

   “You saw Breck’s scar?” Jess’ brow is arched as she stares at me with her hazel eyes full of curiosity. 

   “We got wet.”

   “Oh, I’m sure you did, honey,” Jess grabs my wrist, jerking me towards her with wide, gluttonous eyes, “You better be for telling me how you saw his scar.” 

   “We got wet from the
rain
! Now, don’t change the subject.”  I glance at Gavin, who is currently hitting on a pretty blonde, “Is that when they became friends?” 

   Her grip loosens on my wrist and a twinge of disappointment and relief flashes across her face.  “Yeah, male code respect or something.  They were inseparable after that, forming some kind of untouchable duo that no one fucked with, including when they started school.”

   “Started school?”

   Jess’ cheeks flame, looking flustered, “I mean when he started high school in Boston.”

   “Breck moved back?”

   Jess opens her mouth, then closes it.  It’s clear that she’s unsure about continuing.  “Breck and I used to live in Detroit.  He moved to Boston when he was sixteen.”

   “So, he moved twice?”

   “Yes.”

   “But how did he take you to his grandfather’s house when you were in Detroit?”

   Shifting uncomfortably in her chair, Jess takes a sip of her drink before answering, “We had lost touch during the years from the first move.  He called my house and my mom told him I took off with the local dealer in school, and Breck came after me. There’s a lot more to Breck than just the manwhore he portrays.” 

   “Manwhore?”

   Laughing, Jess tosses her hair over her shoulder, which catches the attention of the table of men next to us.  Even her laugh is an aphrodisiac to the opposite sex, and I giggle while I point out the attention she’s getting. 

   “Honey, I zeroed in on them the second I walked in the door, but I bet you haven’t noticed the guy who’s been looking at you all night like he wants to jump your bones.”

   “What?” I question, discreetly glancing around the room.

   “Oh, sorry, I was wrong,” Jess smirks before flashing a Cheshire cat smile, “make that
two
people who want to jump your bones.  Tonight just became very interesting.”

   “What you are you talking about?” Completely confused now, I grab Jess’ arm, my inquisitive glower demanding answers. 

   “You are such an innocent,” Jess teases.  “The hot guy in the corner has been stealing glances your way all night.”

   Turning around, I let out a loud laugh, “That’s just Braden.  You have it all wrong, Jess, he’s my boss with the paper.”

    “Your Boss?  Ohhh,  I see a Dom/Sub fantasy going on here.”

   “Jess!” I gasp, “honestly, you, Breck, and Gavin have your minds permanently in the gutter.  Braden and my relationship is purely professional.”

   “Professional my ass. Maybe for you, but, honey, that man is itching to visit the boneyard.”

   “Boneyard?”

   “You have so much to learn, my friend, and here’s the man who can teach you every
wet
fantasy that you didn’t even know you had,” Jess grabs my chin and turns it towards Breck. 

   The air in the room immediately thins.  My heart begins its erratic palpations.  My lips and mouth become stone dry.

   “Now you can stop checking your phone every few minutes,” Jess gently admonishes, giving me a knowing smile.

   Suddenly, I need to know more about him,
everything
about him, but I start with the questions from what I learned tonight, “Why did he move in with his grandfather after his mother died?”

   Jess runs her tongue across her lip, glancing at Breck, a sorrow-filled reminiscence clouding her eyes, “Look, Em, I told you my story, but Breck will have to be the one to tell you the rest of his.”