Ash to Embers (Courting Shadows) (27 page)

Tian couldn't have looked more shocked if he'd cold cocked her. Sio eased back from her body. He was shaken. Humbled. "Something's wrong with me. I know it. If I hurt you again I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

He broke eye contact. Jesus, how did people do this? "I, uh, need a minute before you check out whatever's in my skin." He inspected the individual carpet fibers with single minded intensity. The room was too quiet.

"I'll go change," Tian said eventually.

She didn't push him; for that he was grateful. He nodded and walked over to the fireplace. Sio stooped down to pick her shirt up off of the grate and shook out the soot. As he brought it over to where she stood leaning on the broken chair he concentrated on the fabric, on walking, and on the way the well-worn rugs felt beneath his feet. Anything to keep out of the mess in his head. She took the shirt from him and slipped it on. He averted his gaze from the tight bead of her nipples under all of that wine colored lace.

Damn, he still wasn't clear. He still wanted to tackle her and have her down on the rug, and up against the bookshelf while she wore nothing but those tough ass boots. Sio clamped down hard on the mental image and balled his fists to keep from reaching for her as she slipped past him.

When she got to the door she hesitated.

"It's not the violence that breaks you." Her voice caught. "It wasn't the violence. It was the emptiness after...the shame. I don't know how to feel this."

She didn't wait for him to respond. She left with a soft snick of the metal door as it latched shut, leaving him alone. Sio slid to the floor as if all of his strings had been severed. She was right, he was afraid of the things he wanted. Afraid of the one thing he knew with absolute certainty.

How the hell could this have happened?

****

As soon as the door shut behind her, Tian lost momentum and the pieces came unglued. She fell back against the metal and slid bonelessly down the face of it, landing in a heap on the ground. The hallway wavered. Tears obscured her vision, spilling hot down her face. She was ruined. Not even the goddess could patch the gaping empty fissures in her psyche.

Not damaged, you are beyond repair.

She'd never be able to reduce this to a physical encounter. He'd been right when he said that it was going to mean something. One time was all it would take and she would never get clear. Good or bad, whatever happened she'd never leave him. She'd belong to him forever.

Tian hugged her knees to her chest, strangling the wracking sobs. She'd called him a coward because he couldn't face what he wanted. Fucking hypocrite. If he hadn't stopped she would have pushed that mind blowing connection all the way to completion. Fear-fueled bile burned its way up her esophagus.

"Goddess turned." The shocked statement came from down the hallway.

Tian would have wrestled the breakdown under control if she could have. As it was, the illusion of control was long gone and the knowledge only made her bawl harder. The best she could manage was to fight the good fight against the dry heaves assailing her digestive system.

"Tian, Jesus luv."

Soft hands gripped the sides of her face, pulling her chin up from her knees.

"Tian look at me. Look at me. What happened? Did he hurt you? Cause if he hurt you I will end him." Ceyla looked stricken and her accent was so thick you couldn't so much wade through it as you could climb on top and skate around. Tian shook her head. The tears wouldn't stop and she was shaking so hard she nearly bit through her tongue.

"It's me." Her voice came out raw and she stumbled to get something semi-coherent out of the mad churning in her brain. "It's me," she said. "I can't. It's too much."

Ceyla knelt with her knees on the outside of Tian's feet and brought their foreheads together. Tian didn't know how long they stayed that way; it was long enough for the worst of the shakes to subside. When she spoke again her voice came out low and desolate.

"He's pureblood."

Ceyla pulled her head back enough to level a jade green stare. "Which?"

"Unseelie."

"Goddess turned. You didn't...They keep what they claim forever, yeah. You think you can handle that?"

"Because I'm doing such a fan-fucking-tastic job already."

Ceyla snorted. "I hate to do this to you luv, but Virgil's still in with the human and we've got business downstairs."

Tian nodded, trying to force the tremors down and the numbness back in place. She slid back up the door, much to the dismay of the large muscle groups in her body. Ceyla's eyes narrowed as she caught sight of Tian's torn jeans.

"Fucking Unseelie full blood prats." She shook her head and glared.

Tian managed a weak smile. "Said the girl who pines after demons." Her voice sounded tinny.

Ceyla shrugged, taking Tian by the arm with a firm hand. "Can't help what you want."

"No."

The two of them weaved down the hallway. Ceyla's death grip was the only thing that held Tian upright, propelling her forward. When they reached the alcove in front of her door Tian shrugged out of the hold.

"I got it," she said, attempting to turn the knob with shaking hands and let herself in.

"Obviously."

Tian threw a shoulder into the polished rosewood and fell through as the door flung wide. She made it over to the bed, and lost momentum as soon as her ass hit the mattress. Ceyla's supermodel form lounged in the doorway, watching without comment. Tian looked down at her knee-high shit kickers with the two inch soles and cursed the effort it would take to remove them. She made an ineffectual swipe with numb hands, feeling like she'd had a stroke.

"Shit." She was on the verge of tears again.

When the dam broke the flood never really stopped.

She cradled her head in her hands and bit her lip so hard she drew blood. Ceyla's lavender athletic pants appeared at the foot of the bed and the female dropped into a cross legged position at Tian's feet. Neither of them spoke as Ceyla's deft fingers began to unhook the laces and the buckles. Tian watched, with the kind of fatigue that went bone deep and had spread to her long lost soul.

Ceyla undressed her like a child as she sat catatonic on the edge of the bed. At some point, the tall Brit got up and went to rummage through the dresser. When she returned she was holding a small dress made of dark blue nylon. The thing wasn't large enough to constitute clothing, which meant it had been an Avery purchase.

"Go easy on yourself, yeah," Ceyla said as she tugged the thing over Tian's head. She turned after she had finished and walked out the door, letting it close behind her until only a small sliver of light found its way into the room.

Tian closed her eyes. The darkness felt safe, as if in the lack of light she was obscured from the threat of the gathering storm. She pictured Sio standing naked in her workshop and the images snowballed in her mind's eye. Tian shook her skull trying to get clear as perfect recall bombarded her with flashbulb images of the dark hair in a disarrayed halo around his handsome mug, the hard flat planes of his chest, the silken tan flesh of his rock hard washboard, the elegant muscles of his thighs, and the enormous perfect pulse pounding erection he'd ground against her when he'd had her pinned against the bookshelf.

Damn them both.

The pale wheat color of his eyes had burned when he'd gotten pissed and told her he was in love with her...This wasn't real. Couldn't be happening.

"Time's up, luv. We've still got company."

"I'm coming."

If they had company they had problems. They'd be lucky if no one was dead.

Xavier sat in Tian's kitchen fiddling with his sword, trying not to look overtly interested, and missing for the millionth time the electric thrill of anticipation that came from being fully human. It was ironic really; when he talked about it at all, Royal referred to his humanity as a distant memory, as if the hazy concept were working its way toward extinction. Xavier wondered if that were true though. Envied the hell out of the demon if it was, and mourned the loss of the one thing he was acutely aware of in the subsequent days following its evacuation. Without his humanity as a buffer he was a bitch. Straight up. Plugged into everything and connected to none of it... except for Royal, and that was downright laughable.

He watched Avery rummage through the modern appliances with the familiarity of long practiced ease. He tried to picture Tian doing the same thing and couldn't. The blissful aroma of gourmet French roast sifted through the air as the high-end machine chortled in the corner. That this wasn't her room wasn't surprising. Her energy didn't linger here, didn't glitter across the sleek surfaces or curl possessively around any of the objects. There was a pale dusting of necessity, but that was all. It spoke volumes to the fact that while this was a room she had use for, it held little of her interest.

"Fitting then, that we're here," Royal said from the position he'd taken up next to the wall.

-Suck my dick.-

*Sweet to think I'd be your first choice.*

"You wouldn't be, but I bet with that lip ring you'd still give great head," Xavier answered, not bothering to look over at his half demon counterpart.

"Say what?" Avery turned on them with a baffled expression.

"Sorry," Xavier said. Sometimes he forgot that he was speaking aloud in the middle of a silent conversation. At best it made him sound like he was off his nut, at worst it got him into some nasty situations. Royal never slipped and always preferred the latter.

"Don't mind him," Royal said, flashing a seductive grin. "He's an idiot."

-And you're a prick.-

*I'm a demon.*

-Half demon.-

*Fuck you.*

"Say nothing of it. You should see Tian and Ceyla go at it. Some days I'd swear they share a brain," Avery told them.

"Now that
is
something I'd like to see," Xavier answered.

*Liar.*

-Shut up.-

The bourgeoning blush that crept into Avery's shifting aura tinted it with a pulsing rosy cast. Xavier had to give the guy credit, there was no outward indication that the Skin-walker was the slightest bit attracted to either one of them. The proof, however, was unmistakable. Avery looked around as if he were searching to occupy himself. He settled for removing half a dozen mismatched mugs from a cupboard over the stove, plunking them down near the cappuccino machine with very little flare or delicacy. "So, either one of you feel like jumping the gun and telling me why you're here?" he asked.

Royal gave the half-breed a look that was nothing short of a sexual advertisement. "I don't do premature," he said, following it up with another razor sharp smile.

-You need to stop.-

*Boring men are the curse of the world. Trust me, I'd be terrible at it. Tell me to play nice one more time. I dare you.*

-Play nice.-

*Go fuck yourself.*

Avery tossed out a lopsided half smile and shook the unruly brunette mop affixed to the top of his skull. "You keep that up," he said with good natured enthusiasm, "you're only gonna piss her off."

Perceptive. Xavier barked, practically falling off the island he was laughing so hard. The look on Royal's face was priceless. Whether Avery knew it or not, the comment was the best comeback that he could have made. The emerald in Royal's eyes flashed electric green before he wrestled himself back under control.

"Good." The ice in the demon's tone was unmistakable.

-How bad did that one sting?-

*No one asked you.*

The sound of soft footfalls padding down the hallway brought an abrupt halt to the entertainment of their own familiar sparring. Royal and Xavier both escaped to their respective mental corners before the females entered the room. Xavier looked up from his sword and nearly bit through his tongue.

Tian.

It was one thing to see her in a slip they'd made her wear for a show. The dress she was wearing now barely covered her ass and conformed to every curve. God, he really was a lecherous bastard... at least where it came to her.

The significant change to Tian's aura was another shock. He wasn't sure how many more he could take without keeling over. The smoldering ember color had evolved, taking on a metallic sheen and a pale glow cradled her, pulsing in time with what Xavier could only assume was her heartbeat. She looked lush and delicate...almost sad as she stood in her own corona of light. Her eyelashes were inhumanly long and dark; tonight they stood out in spiky clumps as if she'd been crying.

"What happened?" Her voice was gritty. With what? Exhaustion maybe. It was still sultry as hell.

"Zulpey's gone missing, and two members of our staff are dead," he said, trying to find a way to make light of the situation and coming up with nothing.

"That why you boys look like you got sent through the wrong end of a wood chipper?" Ceyla asked, settling herself on the counter and pouring herself a drink. She lit up a hand rolled.

"I wasn't aware that there was a 'wrong end' when sending a live body through a wood chipper." Royal's response was strained, but it was likely no one else had noticed.

Ceyla downed the contents of her mug and poured herself another. "It's the big one, mate. Messy, but then you wouldn't know much about big things, would you?"

"I know that I have little inclination to let you find out how wrong you are."

"I think you're lying."

"I don't care what you think."

It sounded like Royal was going to crack a tooth, he was grinding his jaw so hard. Tian cut them off. "She's right, you look like shit. Who was dumb enough to attack The Gates?"

"Wizards, but there was no attack. They ambushed our souls on the street," Royal told her.

"And Zulpey, what do they want for her?"

"They want to trade," Xavier said.

"Good luck with that." Ceyla snarked.

"Why did you kidnap their mark Tian?"

A kernel of disquiet grew in Xavier's guts. She didn't respond. Avery sighed over by the coffee maker and moved over to the island next to him. The shifter rested the weight of his substantial upper body on the butcher block finish and leaned in. "You don't want her to answer that, man. It's complicated."