Asenath (17 page)

I was in a dilemma. I could not accept the proposal for all the obvious reasons. Yet at the same time I did not want to embarrass my best friend in front of Pharaoh.

I shifted my eyes, as if I would find an answer among the guests. I saw an old man snoring at the far end completely oblivious to the absurd drama that played out before him.

I swayed a bit in my chair. I rolled my eyes back.

I hurled myself to the ground.

Chairs screeched, dinnerware clattered and screams exploded. Khasekh and my parents called out my name. Someone shook my arm.

"Khasekh," Mother said. "I think this may have been a bit too much for her."

Despite myself, I had to fight to control my laughter at imagining their expressions.

Queen Ahmose said, "If you like, she can rest in our guest quarters until you are ready to leave."

"Thank you, your Majesty," Father said.

I heard shuffling and knew my parents were prostrating.

I felt strong arms lift me. They carried me out of the chaotic dining hall. The noises faded away until all I could hear was the echoing of footsteps.

I was laid down on a soft, silken cushion. A door closed.

All was deathly silent.

I lay still for a while. The whole thing had been so weird I did not know what to make of it. Surely Khasekh could not have been serious. He and I were practically brother and sister. It was so different from how I felt about Joseph.

Suddenly, I realised I might have a chance to speak with the cupbearer tonight.

I bade a bit more time. Then I opened my eyes to see Nafre.

She hurried over. "Mistress! That was a nasty fall. Are you all right?"

"Yes." I pretended to struggle up. "Do you have any beer?"

"No, but I could request for some from the kitchen." She began to move away.

"Let me come with you. I also want to walk a bit, to clear my head."

In the kitchen I said to the servants, "I'd like some beer, if you so please."

"Why, certainly my lady."

I turned to see a tall man with an elongated face approaching me.

He bowed. "The royal cupbearer, at your service. If my lady would have a seat?"

"Thank you."

He returned with my drink. "What a lovely child you are. Lord Khasekh is very fortunate to have you."

He leaned close―a little too close. I shifted away.

"I suppose." I took a sip of wine, thinking of a neutral topic to begin with. Though I wanted to ask about Joseph right away, I did not want to risk suspicion.

"This beer is quite good," I said. "How long have you been cupbearer?"

"Twenty years. Twenty peaceful years, with the exception of the recent events. You know, I can't believe they suspected me. I have always served the monarch without complaint, without fail."

I silently rejoiced. This was turning out better than I expected―to think
he
was the one who had brought it up.

"By the way," he said. "My condolences about Nyla and Lyla."

I gave him a small smile. "I am happy everything turned out well for you in the end."

"Yes, but you know these Palace guards. I swear they get more and more inept each year. When I was younger, they were so intelligent and competent. Now it seems they just get any old ruffian off the street."

The whole time, I held my breath.

But by the time he was done with his second diatribe, there was still no mention of Joseph.

The cupbearer rolled his eyes. "I have to say, in all my years in the Palace, I have never seen a scandal as
obtuse
as this one. When I read the report, I could not help shaking my head. I mean,
I
could have figured this out in a day. Service is not as good as it used to be, you know. I mean, even when you go out to the marketplace, the vendors don't even know their own wares."

I held back a sigh of exasperation. "I'm sure some good came out of your being in prison? I mean, after all, everything did turn out well for you."

The cupbearer snorted. "No, sweet Bes, I was just glad to get out of there. And I was rather happy to see that fool baker hanged. No one actually like him, you see. He was a know-it-all, had an awful temper. And did you know that he once screamed at your friend Nyla? We all came to her defence. I cannot tell you how many other complaints I heard about him."

This was going nowhere. I knew I now had to be specific.

"I heard the warden's assistant gave you the best of care," I said.

"When I was thrown in prison, I was told that the baker and I would be receiving special treatment. That did not make it any less horrible, though. It was a place forsaken by the gods, filled with the dregs of humanity and―"

"Do you remember the warden's assistant, a man named Joseph?"

The cupbearer gave me a puzzled frown.

"He was a Hebrew. From Canaan."

"Pardon me, my lady, but I'm afraid I do not know what you are talking about. Would you be so kind as to clarify some things for me?"

This was ridiculous.

I tried to keep my voice as even as I could. "You met a man named Joseph. He was assigned to you and the baker. When you were released, you promised him you would speak to Pharaoh on his behalf."

The cupbearer stared into space. "Ah, alas, my lady, I am afraid I don't quite recall such a person. I do remember, however, watching some prisoners fight and wishing I could throw the baker in between them. Even in our suffering, he never ceased to be a pain."

"So don't you remember anyone named Joseph?" I nearly yelled.

"Forgive me, my lady, but alas I do not.
Yosef
. Quite a strange name, wouldn't you say? Is that Canaanite, Hittite―?"

"Canaanite! I told you, he is from Canaan."

"Well, no, my lady, I can't say I've ever met anyone who goes by that name. I suppose I'm lucky I haven't. I heard those dirty sheepherders, with their animals bearing nits and lice―"

"Are you certain you don't know? Joseph, Hebrew, Canaan, none of these means anything to you?"

"No. If I may ask, why does my lady concern herself with this so?"

His voice was becoming edged with suspicion. At that point, I knew it would be unwise to tread any further.

"Uh, nothing. Just curious. Thank you for the beer." I rose from my seat.

"Are you all right, my lady? You look flushed."

"I am fine." I left.

I was in a fog in the days that followed. The harder I tried to fight my way out of it, the deeper I sunk. I couldn't do anything for Joseph, couldn't do anything for myself even. I was a pathetic and powerless being.

One day, I was brooding in my room when Mother came in. My pets, which had been curled up at my feet, dashed over to her. She patted them then sat down beside me.

"Asenath," she said. "I noticed you've been looking rather troubled the past few days. Is something wrong?"

I looked at her dully.

"What's wrong, my love? Is it Khasekh?" she asked.

The door opened again to reveal Father. "Actually, Asenath, I think I know what's going on."

How his tone grated my ears.

He strode in, an arrogant look on his face. "I had a read through some of your old letters from Joseph. You two used to correspond quite a bit, didn't you?"

My blood boiled. Once again, Father had wedged his way into my privacy.

Father said, "I also know that Lord Potiphar sends you news of the prison. So let me guess—it's Joseph you'd rather marry than Khasekh, isn't it?"

Why hide it? At least with my parents, I had no reason to. They
had
to know.

I looked at Father boldly. "Yes. Yes it is."

Father's voice rose. "Why, Asenath? Why, why,
why
must you do this? Why must you always bring great shame upon our family? You were doing just fine until that Hebrew came along."

"No. On the contrary, he changed my life for the better."

"But he is not for you. He is from a people of sheepherders. Lowly nomadic barbarians with their dirt and lice. They are
scum
!"

"No, they are
not
!"

Father let out a cry like a wounded animal. "O Atum-Re, help me."

No one said anything for a long time.

Father sank down. He cradled his head in his hands. Mother absentmindedly rearranged some pottery. I stared blankly at my pets, which were lying on the floor.

Father looked up. "Asenath, as wild as you may get, I'm afraid I must now let you live your own life. But I must advise you to forget about this Joseph. For Isis' sake, he is in prison. In
prison
! He will be there until the day he dies."

I tried to block out Father's words, but they fell on me like arrows.

Mother gently placed her hand on my back. "That's enough, Pentephres."

"Asenath, don't be like a child who cries for a toy she can never have," Father said. "I know you don't want to hear this, but it is the reality. Joseph is in prison. People who enter Pharaoh's prison almost never leave. The cupbearer was one in a million. So forget about Joseph. I am sorry to disappoint, but that is how it is. Marry Khasekh. He will treat you well."

"No, Father." I looked at him straight in the eye. "I will only marry Joseph. If I have to, I will wait for him forever. If I cannot marry him, I will never marry."

Mother lowered her eyes. I couldn't decipher her expression.

Father stared at me, aghast.

"You and Mother have done so much for me," I added. "For that, I am forever grateful. But Joseph is important to me too. He...completes me."

Father looked away.

Mother stared at her hands in her lap.

Silence.

After an eternity, Father said, in a voice devoid of all emotion, "Khasekh's graduation is coming up soon. I hope you can at least give him the courtesy of your attendance. But we are not finished with this."

He turned on his heel and left.

Mother glanced at me then hurried after him.

Eventually, my parents had to return to Heliopolis. Before they left, Father said, "Think about what we've discussed. Khasekh will keep you safe and give you a good life."

I had nothing to say.

One day, Queen Ahmose invited me to lunch with some royal ladies. I arrived to much ribbing about Khasekh.

"So? Did you finally answer him?"

"Ah, young love."

"How romantic. You were so in love, you fainted."

"You better not do that in your wedding though."

"And
especially
your wedding night."

I kept mum, even as the jokes grew cruder and cruder.

After a while, the ladies lost interest and moved on to other topics. One of them mentioned her friend whose husband had been army comrades with Lord Potiphar.

Of course. Of
course
.

The moment I got home, I scrawled a message to him. I knew I was imposing, but I was desperate.

A few days later, in the Palace courtyard, I told Potiphar of my unsuccessful meeting with the cupbearer.

He sighed. "That is quite a shame, isn't it?"

"But maybe you could..."

"I wish. I
really
wish, Asenath."

"Why? What's stopping you?"

"You should know that by now. While I have some authority, the first and foremost decisions rest with Pharaoh."

"Can't you try talking to the cupbearer?" I knew this was ludicrous, but I had to try.

"A-se-
nath
." He was clearly beginning to lose patience. "I won't have any more luck than you did. And remember this is the Palace. You know how Pharaoh is. If you so much as
look
at him provokingly, he could have your head."

"So there is nothing you can do?"

"I'm afraid not."

I had failed. I struggled to keep my head above the water, only to drown in the end.

Why, God, why?

Potiphar's tone softened. "Look Asenath, I do not like seeing Joseph in prison anymore than you do. But in times like this, you just have to call on strength from yourself. Be strong. You can't be like this."

He paused. "I am sorry, I have to go now. Just, try to make it through the day."

I barely noticed him leaving.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I plunged to the bottom of the pit.

A deep sorrow engulfed me. It was not like the sorrow every human experiences at least once in their lifetime. It was a sorrow that sucked out my soul and hurled it into the abyss.

I woke up in the dead of the night, the darkness nearly suffocating me. I got up and went for a walk in the garden, trying to find even the tiniest morsel of comfort. But each step I took only filled me with more pain.

Some nights, I thought I saw Joseph before me. But when I reached out to him, I felt only cold, desolate air.

Why had everything failed? Why had I lost everyone I ever loved—Mama, Papa, Mekten, the twins and Joseph?

Nafre informed me that Khasekh had come over. I had not seen him since that forgettable night at the Palace. He had been busy with his studies, thankfully. But I knew I could not avoid him forever.

After taking several deep breaths in the privacy of my room, I went out to the garden where I had requested Khasekh be brought.

He sat on a bench with his back to me. He ignored my pets, though they scampered at his feet.

I cleared my throat. The pets bounded over to me. I patted them briefly, hardly noticing them in my tension.

"Asenath." Khasekh smiled. "How are you, stranger?"

I sat across from him. "Quite well, thank you. And yourself?"

"Busy. Really busy, what with this being the last year and all. I'm really excited though. Your father sent a recommendation for me to the Temple of Amun. I was told they currently don't have any openings for novices at the Great House, but..." He sighed.

"It's a good start."

"You're right. I guess I was looking forward to serving Pharaoh though. Your father said that he will try to pull some strings, so I still have hope. Asenath?"

"Yes?"

He came over and sat down beside me. "Is something wrong? You look disturbed."