Ascension (34 page)

“
I miss Croxley,”
I announced.

“
Me too.
I
’
m used to him
going on long journeys, but he normally tells me where he goes
first. This time he left without a word.
”

“
What would make
him do that?
”

“
Well, actually,
we had an argument the night before
…”
Erik trailed off, not willing to say
more.

“
About
what?
”
I prompted, and Erik avoided my
eyes, suddenly becoming occupied with tracing a knot in the wood of
the table.
“
Erik, what did you fight
about?
”

He looked at me,
then sighed and looked back down, avoiding me eyes.
“
You. We fought about you,
Fara,
”

“
Really? Why?
What did I do?
”

“
You
didn
’
t do
anything. It wasn
’
t really about you
…
it was more
over you.
”

“
Over me? I
’
m not some piece of land you can
decide to stake a claim in!
”
I felt
myself grow defensive.

“
That
’
s
not what I meant!
”
He sighed, then
started over.
“
Fara, we were fighting
because we both have feelings for you.
”

Now it was my
turn to be speechless.
“Um…
what?
”
My mind was still spinning around the idea that
the Prince had feelings for me, and now Croxley?
“
No, Croxley was always making fun of me, and
talking about all the women he made love to
…”

“
That was his way
of trying to impress you, or perhaps make you jealous.
He
’
s not used
to courting women. It
’
s one of the downsides of living in a world where you can
get anything you want. You forget how to work for what really
matters.
”

“
Oh.”
I sat
there, dumfounded, running through all my memories with Croxley
over in my head in a new light.
“
So, what
happened?
”

“
Well, I told him
that I though you were fascinating,
”
I
raised an eyebrow.
“
Yes, I actually used
that word. I still think you are fascinating, by the way.
”
He took my hands in his, inspecting them as he
spoke.
“
And he grew angry, saying that he
had liked you first. That he was just waiting for the right time to
tell you. Then he started reminding me of my engagement, stating
that I had no right to think about you that way, and I admit I grew
defensive. I
…didn
’
t want him reminding me of my duty, one that I was all too
aware of. And dreading, might I add. When I first met Lena, I
didn
’
t know how
I was going to survive. I think that
’
s why I started going to so many
parties and running away on adventures. I wanted to experience as
much of life as I could before I was tied down. Especially
considering who I would be tied down with.

Well, I guess I
have to be fair. I would probably hate Lena regardless of how rude
or nice she was. Just the idea, being forced to marry someone, not
out of love but out of politics. Honestly, I think
that
’
s how my
mother died. Out of sorrow of being married to my father.
”
He said it quietly, his love for his mother as
evident in his voice as the scorn for his father. He massaged the
back of my hands with his thumbs, thinking. Finally he
admitted,
“
This is why I grew so angry at
Croxley. I
’
ve
always been jealous of his ability to go wherever he desires, no
life predetermined for him.
”

“
But
you
’
re the
Prince! Don
’
t
you know how many people would dreaming of being
you?
”

“
If I could, I
would gladly give it. People wish they could have my power,
I
’
ve spent my
whole life wishing I could be normal. Unremarkable. But when I met
you, when I saw your passion for justice, I realized that I could
use my circumstances to my advantage.
”

His words hit
home. I remember lying on the floor when I was younger, scrubbing
dirt into my face or rubbing oil over my skin trying to make myself
look more like everyone else. To anyone watching, it seemed
ridiculous, ungrateful even. As if I couldn
’
t appreciate the gifts
I
’
d been given.
But the thing was, I
’
d never asked for them. Now, however, I know they were
given to me for a reason. Erik as well. We were both graced, and
cursed, with a greater destiny in mind.

I thought back to
Croxley and all the adventures we had. Looking back on it, I
realized how much he risked for me. From the start, he had shown me
a kindness I never could have expected. Little things like giving
me a name, sharing his food, actually talking to me, all made the
situation a little less traumatic. In the servant
’
s quarters, I heard other
girls
’
stories
about their journeys. Some had to travel in harsh weather, others
were forced to carry the supplies like a pack mule and cross rivers
on foot while their escorts remained on their horses. One girl said
that she traveled in a group of three others from her colony, a
younger girl and her older brother. The guards
wouldn
’
t let
them sleep around the campfire, rather forced them all to sleep
separately on the outskirts of the camp. One morning she woke up
and the other two were gone, taken in the dark of the night. The
guards didn
’
t
even bother looking for them. They just made her carry what was
left of their supplies and continue the journey.

It all made my
trip sound like a vacation. Sam carried me through the forest, we
were blessed with nice weather, and we even made a stop at the inn,
where I was able to sleep on a real bed for the first time. When we
got to the castle, Croxley made sure I ended up in a safe place,
and has done everything he could to support my plan. I owe so much
to him. More than that, though, I miss him, his teasing and his
wit, his crooked smile. I can
’
t imagine not seeing him again.
But did I ever love him? Not in the way I think he wanted me to.
Not in the same way I felt for Erik.

I looked at him,
sitting there running his fingers slowly along the contours in the
table, feeling the knots and bumps, the ridges and lines, that
marred the surface. Not marred, I corrected myself. Made
unique.
“
What are you thinking?
”
I asked.

“
This table
reminds me of people. All the little bumps and scratches give it a
personality, a story. In Ahrenia, we only make tables out of
perfect wood. One year, my father cleared down a whole forest in
order to find the perfect tree to make into a footstool. In the
end, it fell apart on evening during a feast, its wood weakened by
disease. But this,
”
he rubbed his hand up
and down,
“
despite all the furrows and
nicks, it is sturdy and strong. I
’
d guess it
’
s been in your family for
generations.
”

“
You
’
d be correct,
” I said.
“
My great grandfather made it as a courting gift
for my great grandmother. This was before they stopped the flow of
wood into Cethin. Now, if we need to make anything, we have to take
apart the furniture we already have.
”

“
How strange,” Erik said.

“
What? That we
have to take furniture apart?
”

“
No, that your
great grandfather made your great grandmother a table.
”
He smiled and continued,
“I
’
m sorry, but I
don
’
t know how
to make tables. Would you still consider courting me even if I were
table-less? I might be able to find some other way to sweeten the
deal.
”

“
You better,
because I definitely need some bribing if I
’
m going to be stuck with
you,
”
I teased back. Before I could come
up with another jest, Erik
’
s face turned
serious.

“
But honestly,
Fara, what would you say if I offered it? A marriage to the
kingdom?
”

Part of me wanted
to continue jesting, as if I didn
’
t realize the sincerity of the
question. The other half of me was focused on this new feeling in
my stomach that accompanied his words. It wasn
’
t a flighty, nervous feeling
that often comes when I
’
m around the guards, nor was is
that sick, heavy feeling that came when I was with the merchant in
the bedroom. This one felt light, airy, like I had butterflies in
my stomach flying to my heart, spreading warmth through my
body.

So I sat there, lukewarm, not
knowing how to respond. My internal struggle was interrupted when
my father walked into the room. Erik jumped up and he and my father
gave each other slight nods, in the same manner as a regional lord
would give to a King. With this simple action, I saw a future in
which the citizens of the colonies and the other citizens of
Ahrenia were on common ground, and all the leaders were united
under a single, just King. Could Erik be this King? I hoped so. I
earnestly hoped so.

“
What is the
news?
”
Erik asked my father, successfully
disguising his eagerness.

“
After much
discussion and deliberation, we have decided that it would be in
the best interest of everyone to assist you in your efforts. Or,
rather, accept your assistance for our efforts, as it seems we are
both working for the same goal.
”

I could almost
feel Erik sigh with relief. I couldn
’
t believe that this was really
happening, that the plan was finally in action.

“
So now I ask
you, what do you need us to do?
”
My
father took off his cloak and put it over the doorway, as he does
every night, and took a seat at the table.

“
The commander
said that the guards would be gone by tomorrow morning. That means
that Fara and I will leave with them, so as not to arouse their
suspicions. After we are far enough away, we will leave them and
head on to the next colony. Here,
”
Erik
said and handed my father a map of all the colonies.
“
We need you to send a messenger the other
colonies in order to spread the news. We already have someone
heading over here,
”
he pointed to the
east-most colony where Mr. Harris and Heath had headed,
“
if you see them, tell them that you have
received us and are ready to act. Fara and I will be heading
towards Grundale, so you don
’
t need to go there.
”
My father studied the map, a crease in his
brow.

“
You and Faradene
will be traveling together?
”
My father
finally asked, raising his gaze from the map.

“
Yes, sir. I will
keep your daughter in the best care I can give.
”

My father inspected the Prince, and
I could almost see the thoughts bouncing back and forth while his
mind worked over the situation before him.

“
Faradene, can
you keep this man safe? I don
’
t think he knows what he just
agreed to.
”
He finally said, and I
laughed.

“
I
’
ll try my best, father,
”
I said as I leaned in and hugged him, warm in
his embrace. I wanted to stay there forever. The months away from
my family made me cherish every moment I had with them now, and my
heart ached to know that Erik and I would have to leave them behind
tomorrow. I squeezed my father hard, trying to communicate all of
my gratitude and all of my love to him through that basic human
contact. When I finally pulled away, he looked at me, and I thought
I saw tears in his eyes. He coughed, and then stuck his hand out
towards Erik.

“
Good luck, son.
You and Faradene may rest here overnight. I myself have to take
care of some preparations.
“

“
Thank you, sir,”
Erik said, shaking my fathers hand. My father left the
room, leaving his cloak up over the door and Erik and I to
ourselves. Erik then looked at me, a successful smirk on his face,
and I realized that my father essentially just gave Erik his
blessing.