As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride (25 page)

*  *  *

I have found that some of the most famous lines from the movie are quoted not only when people are thinking or talking about
The Princess Bride
but also when they find themselves in circumstances entirely at odds with the whimsical tone of the film.

My favorite story about this involves a man and his son whom I met while I was filming a movie in Rochester, New York. The father told me how the movie actually saved him from going insane.

I always have time for fans but this guy definitely piqued my interest.

“How, if you don’t mind my asking?”

He proceeded to explain that he had been on active duty in the
military and had recently returned from a long deployment in Iraq. His base had been located in a highly dangerous area. There were lots of snipers, IEDs, and mortar fire, he told me. And after losing a lot of his comrades, morale among the unit had sunk to an all-time low. So every night from that point on, before the soldiers went out in their Humvees to secure the perimeter or go on patrol, their commanding officer would give them their orders and send them on their way with these words: “Have fun storming the castle!”

“Thanks to your movie we were all able to complete our mission on that base, as our CO was able to always make us smile before heading out. And that did a lot for morale.”

I was very moved by his story. I guess you just never know how your work can affect people.

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The only two actors from Rob’s Traveling Circus the cast didn’t get to spend a lot of time with were Peter Falk and Fred Savage. The scenes between Fred as the sickly grandson being read to by his grandfather, played by Peter, were shot just a few doors down on L stage, long after most of us had wrapped the movie. And, although I never got to work with them or even watch their scenes, I just want to acknowledge just how marvelous I think they both are in the movie. I was not aware of Fred’s talent
at the time but had, of course, caught many episodes of
Colombo
as a kid. Their moments together really anchor the whole movie and they are played with such loving tenderness that, for me they are some of the most moving ones in the film. Falk, incidentally enough, was concerned that he wasn’t actually “old” enough to play the part of the grandfather convincingly, being fifty-nine at the time. And he apparently arranged for the makeup department to put prosthetics on his face to make him look older. But after he saw the dailies, he turned to Rob and said he thought he looked like a “burn victim.”

10

F
ilmmaking is not an inherently risky business, especially for those of us fortunate enough to be working in front of the camera. And, unless you are Tom Cruise, it is usually stuntmen and -women who handle the vast majority of tasks that could by any stretch of the imagination be considered dangerous. And even then, every precaution is taken to ensure the safety and health of everyone concerned. That’s why there are safety meetings where the first AD and the stunt coordinator explain the stunts to the cast and crew and how to keep them and anyone else from getting injured.

That said, if you’re young and reckless enough, you can probably find a way to get banged up in the course of filming a movie. Which is precisely what happened to me on the set of
The Princess Bride
.

Twice, in fact, although in the interest of full disclosure I should
point out that only one of the injuries was incurred while I was actually working.

The first injury happened while I was simply behaving like someone whose sense of adventure exceeded his aptitude.

It happened in late September, while we were shooting the scene where the Man in Black taunts Buttercup about her true love for the Farm Boy, with the line “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Another priceless Goldman gem.

Little did I know that I would experience true, agonizing “pain” only moments before I could deliver the line. Moreover, I would be the one trying to “sell something” different, just to cover my butt.

The spot that Rob chose to shoot this sequence was high up on a hilltop above a sheer ravine in a place called Cave Dale in Derbyshire. André happened to be there, as he was practicing with his stunt double, Terry Richards, for our fight scene later on. Early in the shoot it became apparent to the crew that it was going to be difficult to get André to any of these exterior sets since his size prevented him from fitting into the transpo van and his health precluded him from walking to and from the many steep, mountainous locations we were using. Therefore, production decided to rent him an all-terrain vehicle (somehow they found one big enough to accommodate him), and he just loved it. I’ll never forget the image of André darting around on his ATV, laughing loudly—the already noisy machine groaning from the weight of him. It was a sight to behold. He could bring the whole crew to a standstill. What really made it compelling was that he clearly had a great command of the vehicle and knew what he was doing.

“I have one just like it on my farm at home,” he explained to me one day. “It’s fun, boss. You should try it sometime.”

For reasons related to both the acknowledged rules of professional conduct and general self-preservation, I politely declined. Actors in the midst of a movie production are expected to refrain from activity that might in any way jeopardize their ability to perform in the film. This includes a broad range of activities, from the merely stupid to the outright dangerous. Generally speaking, these things would normally be written into a contract, which is understandable, really. If you are a movie studio investing millions of dollars in a movie, you have a right to expect that your star (again, unless you are Tom Cruise) will not go off bungee-jumping, skydiving, parasailing, rock climbing, dune-buggying, or ATV off-roading in the middle of the production. Even though there may have been a clause in my contract stating as much, common sense dictated that I exercise prudence and caution when it came to these things.

But André didn’t give up.

“No, boss, really. It’s easy. You’ll like it.”

I remember walking back from lunch to one of the transpo vans that would drive us all up the steep hill to begin shooting, and I noticed André sitting on his four-wheeler by the side of the road, chatting with Terry. As I neared the van, I heard that big booming voice call out to me.

“Hey, boss! Come here!”

I sensed what was coming next, but I walked over anyway.

“You want to try my toy? C’mon. You know you want to.”

I don’t know what came over me—what possible reason there might have been to throw caution and prudence to the wind—but suddenly I could hear these words escaping my lips.

“Sure, why not?”

Within a matter of seconds I was sitting astride the great vehicular
beast, which seemed significantly larger and more powerful up close than it had from a safe distance. I should have known better, not only for the aforementioned reasons but also because I had no experience whatsoever on an ATV.

Terry, who was responsible for shepherding the vehicle when André wasn’t using it, gave me a quick tutorial.

“Clutch is right here,” he said. “Put your foot on it like this”—he pressed down with his own foot, then released the clutch. “Brakes are up here.” He then squeezed the brakes on the handlebars. “It’s just like a motorbike.”

“Oh, okay. Cool,” I said as he started up the engine. It was indeed loud. Louder when you are actually on it. A big grin came over André’s face. He was happy to see me about to venture off on my first ATV ride. I had no helmet or protective vest. In fact, I was armed with nothing but hubris.

I released the clutch, and rather than easing slowly off the mark, the way it had when André had driven it, the ATV lurched forward, practically throwing me from the saddle. I held on for dear life, like a rodeo cowboy leaving the stall on a bucking bronco. It must’ve been a comical sight to the bewildered crew, watching me awkwardly try to master this four-wheeled bike. After a minute or so, I got my bearings and began to feel a bit more comfortable, so I foolishly decided to shift gears. As I applied the gas, the vehicle bounced over a thick patch of rocks, and my foot slipped from the clutch and became wedged between the pedal and one of the rocks, which caused the engine to sputter and stall. I looked down to see that the big toe on my left foot was bent straight downward.

If this sounds painful, believe me, it was. I let the pain wash over me in excruciating waves. I can still feel it to this day as I remember it.

It’s an odd and no doubt particularly male reaction to feign indifference when confronted with injury in a public setting, especially when that injury is the by-product of one’s own foolish behavior. I looked back to see Terry rushing toward me, along with several concerned members of the crew.

As they drew near, I held up a hand and tried to smile through the pain.