As You Turn Away (The Walker Boys) (33 page)

“
Yet’s
the key word there.” Ethan jumped down from the tailgate. “Jonah may be leavin’ us, but
I’m
not going anywhere. There’s plenty of time for rematches, Reece.”

Jonah gazed from brother to brother, chuckling. They were this way every day, constantly competing in small ways, even though none of it meant anything when one of them was in trouble, or needed the other one. He wasn’t entirely sure what the next few years would hold, with him heading to graduate school, and his brothers staying here. Reece seemed at peace with working the farm now, though Jonah wasn’t sure when that happened. And Ethan wasn’t starting college until the spring, so today would likely be how the next few months would go for them.

“Well, just because I’ll be in school part of the time, don’t count me out of the fun.” Jonah grinned. “Someone’s gotta check in with you two and keep you out of trouble.”

Ethan snorted. “This from the guy who once went bungee jumping on a dare.”

“What?” Jonah held his hands up, trying to keep his face composed. “I’m a changed man.”

Reece clapped him on the shoulder, pulling him close for a moment. “Yeah, Joe. You are.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “But don’t tell Ethan I said that, or he’ll never stop hounding me about my
feelings
.”

“Deal,” Jonah whispered. He tipped his face to the sunlight, knowing these were his last moments with his family. He had waited as long as possible to leave for school, and did everything he could online. He was registered for classes, which started tomorrow…but as excited as he was about grad school, he was also not in a hurry to leave. In some ways, he felt as if he just arrived, and he hated to have to leave just when Reece was hurting. But therapy was a dream of his, and he wasn’t leaving the same person he’d been when he arrived.

He knew his parents and brothers were worried that things might change once he left, but he hoped to convince them was that this town was in his blood. And he would never leave it—or them—behind again.

“So you’re all packed, huh?” Ethan leaned against the tailgate, and met Jonah’s gaze when Jonah looked at him.

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep last night so I packed most everything.” Jonah felt his jaw clench, and forced himself to relax. “Left a few things here, plus what’s in the apartment, of course. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to keep it, but it’s been nice having my own place where I can really put down roots.” He ran a hand over his face, and took a deep breath. “Plus we had some good times there, like sleepovers with Jamie.”

“Braves games, pizza, and beer,” Ethan added.

“Taking funny pictures of you two while you slept,” Reece continued. Jonah turned on him, and Reece cracked up laughing. “Kidding, but it was fun to see y’all’s expressions when I said that.”

Jonah punched Reece’s arm just hard enough to sting, but he couldn’t help but laugh. “You suck, you know that?” He jumped off the tailgate just as Reece tagged him, and although Jonah landed on the ground, he stumbled because Reece had a hold of his jacket. He righted himself and stood, and the smile died on his lips. Both his brothers were staring at the ground, and Jonah already knew what they’d seen.

He bent quickly, fisting a hand over the box, and stood. He hid from Reece and Ethan to give himself a minute, but his heart was thundering rapidly. He hadn’t meant for anyone to see it.

“Joe.” Reece reached out to him, fingers barely touching his arm. “Is that what I think it is?”

Jonah sighed. “Yeah, it’s proof I’m an idiot.” He caressed the velvet of the box, and copied Ethan’s pose, leaning against the truck. He shoved his hands in his pockets, then took out the box and shoved it onto the tailgate.

“Shit.” Ethan picked it up and opened it. The diamond caught the sunlight, throwing light everywhere. “I’m guessing you bought this before the fight and now…?” He took the engagement ring out of the box, and Jonah wanted to rip it out of his hand.

“Now, I don’t know.” Jonah swallowed, and stared at the ground. “I gave her space, I wrote her a letter that I poured my heart out in, and…I waited. And told myself her silence didn’t mean anything bad, but…”

“But it’s harder to believe that the longer it goes on.” Reece barreled his way into Jonah’s sight, and Jonah watched his brother shift his weight from foot to foot. “That why you waited until the last minute to leave today? You giving her time to show up?”

Jonah nodded, and finally raised his head. “Guess so. I mean…I’m not mad at her. I told her to take her time, and that she needed to work on her issues without us being…us. So that’s what I hope she’s doin’. But I guess I didn’t think she’d shut me out entirely.”

He reached for the ring, and Ethan gave it to him. Jonah snapped the box closed and pocketed it, thinking of the day he’d bought it—just two weeks after he and Quinn got back together. He’d been sure even then. Sure about them. Sure that he wasn’t going to let them implode again. And now four days after he bared everything in his letter to her, he hadn’t heard a word from her, and he wasn’t sure what to think anymore.

“I still want to marry her,” he said into the silence. “I still want to make a life with her. What does that say about me?”

“That you believe in your relationship, and you’re willing to work for it.” Reece’s blue eyes held his. “And I think and hope that Quinn feels the same way, but it may take her longer than you expected to get to the point where she’s ready for what you want.” He paused, gaze moving away and then back. “And brother, if it does, then you have to decide if you want to keep waiting for her.”

Jonah fisted his hands in his pockets, fingers curling around the ring box. “I’d wait forever for Quinn.” He frowned. “I just need…something. A sign she’s workin’ on being okay and that I’m not waiting in vain.”

“I hope you get it soon.” Ethan moved to stand beside Jonah. “Just have faith that when the time is right, she’ll reach out to you. And in the meantime, don’t stop living, Jonah.”

“How so?” Jonah eyed his little brother, realizing again how much Ethan had matured while Jonah was away. Some days Ethan seemed younger than nineteen and sometimes he seemed the eldest of them.

“Go to school. Spend time with us. And when it comes to Quinn, just believe in her.”

Jonah frowned, wondering if he could do it. If he could leave for his first week of school while he was on such odd terms with Quinn. He’d tried calling her the last two days, but her phone kept going straight to voicemail, and he didn’t feel comfortable calling and involving Darren. He would be back here a week from today, but the truth was, every day of this silence felt like it chipped away at his heart.

But standing still wasn’t an option either. Jonah had a future, a plan he’d committed to before coming home this summer. He had to keep moving forward somehow, and Reece and Ethan were right. He could balance living with believing, somehow. And he’d find a way to communicate with Quinn, somehow. He’d let her know he was leaving today, and he’d give her the first week. And then he’d go from there.

“Okay.” He breathed out, and exchanged glances with his brothers. “Y’all are right. I can do this, somehow.”

~~~~~

Jonah checked his phone a final time before he put it on silent and in his back pocket. He’d texted Quinn an hour ago letting her know he was leaving for school today, and that he wanted to talk to her before then, and she hadn’t responded. But his mother had a rule about no cell phones at the dinner table, and since this was their last family meal together for a week, Jonah meant to be respectful.

“Uncle Joe!” Jamie reached for his sleeve, and tugged on it. “Why you going ’way?” His little mouth formed a pout as he stared at Jonah.

Jonah felt like his heart was turning over in his chest. He was going to go into serious Jamie withdrawals while he was in school. His nephew had become such an integral part of his life, and Jonah hated that he was leaving so soon after Hannah’s death. He knew both Reece and Jamie were unsettled, Jamie especially. Reece was trying to divide his son’s time between their family, and Hannah’s so Jamie never felt alone.

“I have to go to school, little man,” he explained.

“But you’re coming back, right?” Jamie’s eyes widened.

“Yes.” Jonah smiled, and planted a kiss on Jamie’s forehead. “I’ll be back really soon, and then a lot after that. That’s a promise.”

Jamie’s face brightened and he smiled. “Okay good! I gonna miss you.” He banged his fork on the side of his booster seat. “Dada, can we go see Uncle Jonah at school?”

Reece set the serving dish he was carrying on the pot holders on the table, adding mashed potatoes to the roast beef, gravy, green beans, and steamed carrots their mother had made (with Jonah’s help on the potatoes of course.) Turning toward his son, Reece nodded. “We sure can, Jamie.”

While Jamie cheered, Sam took his seat at the head of the table, and the family joined hands for the final time that summer. Sam led them in a short, informal prayer, capped by Jamie’s small “Amen.” Jonah’s dad cut into the roast and then passed it around, and the room went quiet as everyone fixed their plates. Jonah put small portions on Jamie’s plate, since he was sitting next to his nephew, and then he sat back in his seat.

This lunch was incredibly different from the first one he’d attended when he came home this summer. He’d come so far with his family, since he and Reece had their first talk establishing a fragile truce. Since he’d realized how much he’d hurt everyone by leaving, and vowed to find a way to make amends. If he looked outside, he could almost see himself walking up the drive again, though he truly didn’t even recognize that version of himself anymore.

He went away to escape everything he thought he hated about this small town, but couldn’t find peace in a big city, either. He came home and realized it was himself he’d hated. And once he smoothed out his bad qualities, and let his family temper him, his entire life changed.

Smiling to himself, Jonah dug into his lunch, savoring the simple act of being able to eat food he loved. Food prepared by someone he loved. He knew his leaving was going to be hard on his parents, but just like with his brothers, he’d come a long way with them. He knew they had faith he would be back, and not as some shell they didn’t recognize, but as they son they’d gotten to know all over again this summer.

Jonah reached for his tea, swallowing. He listened to the chatter around him, his brothers telling jokes, his father talking about a funny experience with the cattle the other day. And Jonah knew that this would always be home, whatever life held. He wasn’t made for a city, not when small town life ran in his veins. Not when he loved so many people here, so fiercely.

“I need to get this table cleared,” Jenny announced, and Jonah gathered his plate and silverware. Everyone else was doing the same so he reached for what he could hold, and then took everything over to the sink. As Jonah walked back to the table, he gently pushed his mother back into her chair.

“Let me, Ma.” He smiled down at her as she settled into her seat. “You work hard for all of us, so relax for a few minutes.”

If his mom was surprised, she didn’t show it. Jonah carried more dishes to the sink, and ran it full of soapy water. Reece joined him and started putting things away in the fridge, while Ethan cleaned the counters and swept. They worked together, and finished quickly.

A glance at his phone showed no response from Quinn; with a sigh, Jonah shoved it back in his pocket and glanced at the door. Everything was loaded in his car already, so all he had to do when he was ready was leave. But he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t dawdling. He wandered onto the front porch and sat with his dad in the swing. Sam lit a cigar, and the familiar smell drifted over to Jonah. His dad smoked the same brand as his papa had.

“Gonna miss you, son.”

“I’m going to miss you too, Pop.” Jonah pushed the swing back and forth slowly. “I’m really happy we got Baby running this summer though, and that we got to work on our relationship in the process.” He smiled. “When I asked you if we could fix her, and I really meant us, I was terrified you’d say no.”

Sam chuckled. “It would take more than you leavin’ for me to ever stop loving you, Jonah. You’re mine, just like your brothers are. Me and your mom may not always understand your decisions, but we
will
always love you.”

Jonah stood, fighting tears. “Thanks, Pop. I hope you know I’ll always love you too, and appreciate your support. You’ve helped make me who I am today, and I’m still workin’ on bettering myself, but I feel like I’m learning all the time.” He glanced out over the fields. “This summer was amazing, and the last thing I want to do is leave, but…”

“Call us when you get to Atlanta,” Sam finished.

“Yes sir.” Jonah nodded, and then walked inside.

His mom was sitting where he’d left her at the table; when the door slammed behind him, she stood. She made it a few steps toward him before she started crying. Jonah folded her into his arms. “Ma,” he whispered. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“I know, I’m just being silly.” She wiped at her face with one hand, and continued to hug him with the other. “I miss you already Jonah. Please, please call me and come home when you can.”

“I will.” Jonah kissed her cheek, and held her a moment longer, then finally let go. “Becoming a physical therapist is hard work, but they can’t have me
all
the time. I better go say goodbye to the boys before they come busting in here wondering what’s taking so long.”