As You Desire (10 page)

Lona turned her head to the side to see Rafi getting up to come and sit next to her. Just seeing him made her want to break down all over again. How could a man she hardly knew show her so much concern, make her feel so safe, when the guy she’d loved blindly never had?

Her throat tightened as Rafi smoothed her hair back from her face. “How long have I been sleeping?”
“Almost twelve hours. Are you in any pain?”
Yeah, I’ve got a million tiny cuts all over my heart.
Lona sat up slowly, anticipating pain, and found nothing physically bothering her. “No pain. I’m good as new.”
Rafi frowned. “Lona—”
“I’m really thirsty.”
“I’ll get you some water.”
She watched him get up and leave the room, knowing he could’ve poofed a glass of water if he’d wanted. Apparently, he’d realised she needed a moment.
Yep, you need a moment, a job…hey, a whole new life.
Lona laughed without humour. She didn’t even know who she was anymore.
Not a welcomed member of the Djinn Brotherhood.
Not Rue’s lover.
Not a mother-to-be.
“Here’s your water.”
Lona looked up at Rafi. She hadn’t heard him return to her side.
“Thanks.”
She took a long sip as Rafi sat back down, wishing he’d go and leave her to continue undermining her very existence. But the truth was, he was the only thing keeping her emotions—her fears—tethered. It was difficult holding his steady gaze, seeing the compassion and understanding in the maple-brown depths. She averted her face when she could take no more.
Just go. Just let me—
“Lona, I know you’re hurting right now. Searching for answers…for meaning to your personal pain.”
“Rafi, I don’t want to talk—”
“You don’t want to talk about it. But you should.”
Lona looked at him again and wished she hadn’t. Her heart couldn’t take the level of warmth and empathy in his eyes. She tore her gaze away again, turning her face from his as she lay back against the pillows.
“It does help.”
Silence stretched between them. The minutes dripped like honey from a bottle and still Lona refused to look at him.
“Okay, then I’ll talk.”
Lona closed her eyes, holding back the tears threatening to fall. She was so not ready to hear another ‘it’s going to be all right’ speech.
“A long time ago, I fell in love.”
The husky timbre of Rafi’s voice pierced through her despair. She swallowed back her tears as he continued.
“Sharon was everything I’d ever wanted in a woman.”
Lona turned her head to look at Rafi, but now he’d turned his face from hers.
“She was my best friend, my lover…we did everything together. We were happy and then she got pregnant.”
Rafi dropped his head, blew out a breath, and Lona’s heartbeat sped up. There was so much tension in his body. She could see him inhaling before beginning again.
“Sharon got very sick. The doctors of the time couldn’t help her. We were told to prepare for the worst…to consider giving up the baby inside of Sharon to save her life.”
“Oh, Rafi.”
Lona put her hand on Rafi’s thigh, feeling the tension in his body, her own situation forgotten as she saw the pain on his face.
“Sharon wouldn’t do it. We both wanted the baby so badly. I couldn’t convince her to let go of our child.” Rafi shook his head as he placed his hand over Lona’s. “I
hated
asking her to, but I didn’t want to lose her.”
“There was talk of a witch woman, knowledgeable in the ways of magic, who came to bathe in a certain pool. We were desperate for an answer…for a cure. I was determined to find her. To make her help Sharon.”
“Did you find her?”
“I did. I learnt she wasn’t a witch at all, but a genie. I told her my story and she agreed to help, but when we returned to my home I found out I was too late. Sharon had died.”
Lona turned her palm upwards and laced her fingers with Rafi’s, tears filling her eyes as he drew in a ragged breath. She squeezed his hand as he finally met her gaze.
“I begged this genie…
pleaded
with her that I’d do anything if she’d bring Sharon back to me. She kept telling me genies couldn’t reverse a death without serious consequences and certainly not
two
. Finally, she offered me a deal.”
“What kind of deal?” Lona asked, knowing instinctively to dread his answer.
“My life for that of my wife and unborn child. That was the only way she could justify using her power to bring them back. I had to become a genie. I accepted her terms and watched Sharon come back.” Rafi smiled. “We were overjoyed. Our baby’s heartbeat was strong within her once more—but then I had to tell her that I couldn’t stay with her.”
Rafi glanced down at their clasped hands. “I got to hold her hand, just as I’m holding yours, and explain what I had done, then I had to say goodbye. I’ll never forget the look on her face.”
“Oh, Rafi.”
Lona’s heart ached for him and the terrible choice he’d been forced to make.
“I was able to go back and see Sharon and my daughter many, many times, but being a genie, I couldn’t be the man or father they needed me to be. Eventually, we said goodbye for good. It was just too painful watching her mourn the loss of the relationship we’d once had every time I went to spend a little time with them.”
Rafi let go of her hand, stood up and went to the window. A moment later, Lona swung her legs out of the bed to join him. The moon’s reflection shimmered over Niri’s beautiful flower garden, casting an ethereal glow over the foliage and flowers.
“I watched them both grow older from a distance. I saw Sharon remarry. I was there with my daughter when she walked down the aisle, but they never knew. And when they both passed away, I felt like this weight had been lifted from my shoulders, only to be replaced by guilt that overwhelmed me for being freed from the pain of loving them.”
“Rafi, I’m so sorry.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her face against his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of his skin.
“I’m telling you this so you know that I
really
do get where you are in your head.” Rafi wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. “All the stuff that happened with Rue, losing the baby… I know you’re questioning your entire life right now and I’m not going to tell you everything’s going to be all right, because you have to figure that out for yourself, in your own time.”
The dam of emotions Lona had been holding back disintegrated as she started to cry. The tears gave way to sobs as Rafi held her tighter and tighter and Lona just let go. She cried for her loss, she cried for the tender heart Rue had destroyed with his callous manipulations and she cried for Rafi’s heartache until there was nothing left but dry hiccoughs. She didn’t protest as he bent down, swung her up into his arms and took her back to Niri’s guest bed. Her eyelids slipped downwards, heavier than a ton of bricks as she gazed up at Rafi.
“You’re incredible, you know that?”
Rafi smiled, his handsome face highlighted in the flickering candlelight.
“I’ve been told that once or twice, yes.” He grinned as she rolled her eyes. “No, seriously—I think you’re pretty damn amazing too, Lona.”
Rafi leaned over and kissed her forehead.
“Please get some sleep.”
“I want to go ho—”
Lona bit her lip as Rafi stared at her, no doubt checking out the rosy blush on her cheeks. “When can we go back to your place?”
A shadow passed over Rafi’s face as he cleared his throat and stood.
“Forty-eight hours, max.”
For a nanosecond, Lona noticed that his warm brown eyes were as hard as copper coins, then he blinked and she wondered if she’d imagined it.
“Okay.”
“Sleep well. I’ll be right next door if you need anything.”
He looked at her for one second, two seconds longer, before leaving the room.
Lona settled back on the pillows and closed her eyes.
She’d been about to say, ‘I want to go home.’
Ridiculous.
Tonight, she’d learnt just how far Rafi would go for the woman he loved.
She’d also realised how much she wanted to be that woman now.
Ridiculous with a side order of crazy.
Lona closed her eyes.
Damaged goods…that’s what you are.
After everything he’d been through, Rafi deserved a woman above reproach. He deserved a woman without a messed up past like hers.
Lona’s eyes burnt beneath her eyelids.
Thank goodness she was fresh outta tears.

The cool concrete wall against Rue’s back offered little relief in the humid heat surrounding him. He glanced up at the glowing purple bonds around his wrists and a drop of sweat fell into his eyes, burning almost as badly as the bands anchoring his hands. Rue let out a low groan as he strained to free himself for the third time and failed.

He was too weak, too tired and so damned hungry. His throat felt as dry as sandpaper and he’d kill a small animal for a glass of water. He let his head fall forward and his jaw ached thanks to the punch Thane had landed when he’d tried to escape from his hold.

If…no,
when
he got out of here, he couldn’t wait to return the favour.
A rumble echoed in the windowless cell and Rue realised it was his stomach. When had he last eaten?
Images of the fine foods he used to take for granted floated before his eyes and he

almost called out for the guards standing outside his door.
Surely they intended to feed him?
No—the High Council took pride in handling problems without violence, using instead

the smallest measures of discomfort to break a person’s will. He’d refused to answer any of their questions for hours. He hadn’t uttered a word as they had marched him down the darkest hall to the cells they rarely used because discord among the members of the Djinn Brotherhood was rarely an issue.

Rue grinned, then winced at the pain the small movement induced.
Well,
he’d
given them an issue or two, hadn’t he? He knew they’d be back. They wanted answers. They wanted him to admit his treachery and explain his actions. They wanted his tearful apology.
Like hell!
As if wanting one’s freedom was such a hard concept to understand. If only he could go back and change the decision he’d made to become a Djinn. At the time, he’d only focused on all the power he’d have, but he hadn’t understood the price it came with. As far as he could see, he’d been practically tricked into the Brotherhood.
How could they expect him to feel any loyalty towards the order that had stolen his entire life?
No—this wasn’t his fault and he wasn’t to blame for any of his actions. No matter what they did to him or how many times they questioned him, he would never show any sign of weakness to any member of the High Council. His clothes were rags and he couldn’t imagine what he looked like in the mirror, but he wasn’t defeated.
He’d felt a surge in his power when he’d reached out to Lona during his transfer. For a split second, he’d considered using all the power he had to break free from Vander and Thane, but in his weakened state he was certain he couldn’t overpower them both.
And besides, where would he go once he’d escaped?
He had to leave this dimension entirely and that required access to a portal or permission from the High Council, neither of which he would ever receive.
Lona was the key, and she was close by—Rue could sense her energy even more strongly than before. Vander and Thane had unknowingly helped him out.
Rue laughed in the pitch black darkness, uncaring of the skittering feet of critters not far from him in the corner of his dank cell.
Soon he would reach out to Lona and she would come. Once they were together, he was certain he would be able to control her mind again…make her see how perfect they were for each other. They were compatible in every way that mattered, with him calling the shots and her incapable of making a single decision without him.
Don’t forget she defied you when you needed her compliance the most.
Rue frowned, remembering her fury when she’d found him about to ravish Karis, who had lain helpless on the table. His power over her had shattered the moment she’d realised his intentions, but that was a problem easily fixed. He would make sure she
never
saw him with another woman in the future. What she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her or break the psychic connection that still existed between them.
Yes, Lona will help me escape, and if she doesn’t…I’ll kill her.
He had never liked sharing as a child—definitely not as an adult—and the possessive look on Rafi’s face when he’d been all in his face asking questions about Lona had rubbed him the wrong way. He understood the other Djinn’s attraction to his woman. She was beautiful, sweet and so fucking easy to manipulate.
Damn, he missed her.

Rafi turned to see Lona walking towards him. She was dressed in a long, white robe with a blue sash cinched around her waist. Her thick, chestnut tresses were loose, swinging against her thighs with each step she took, but it was the warm smile on her lips that made his heartbeat quicken. It took every bit of his resolve not to sweep her up into his arms and kiss her.

“You should still be sleeping. How do you feel?”
“Like I’ve been sleeping for over twelve hours. I needed some fresh air.” Lona lifted her face to meet his and the sun gave her wavy tresses a luminous sheen.

“Niri has given me a clean bill of health.”
She averted her face and wrapped her arms under her breasts.
“The wonders of magic medicine. I feel fine. Like I was never pr—”
Rafi took her hand as she paused, interlacing his warm fingers with her cool ones. “Life is so funny,” Lona said, touching a blooming yellow rose with her free hand. “By funny do you mean hilarious or strange?”
“I’d have to say the latter. You went through something so painful, I honestly don’t

The adoration mirrored in her eyes rocked him to his core. No one had ever said anything like that to him before.
“You do what you have to because you have no other choice.”
His voice sounded harder than he wanted and Lona’s eyes widened as she looked up at him.
“You didn’t have to tell me what happened, but I want you to know I’m glad you did.”
Rafi was glad he had, too. Vander was the only other person who knew the entire story—he’d never shared what had happened to his family with anyone else, but telling Lona had felt right.
“I just don’t want you to think you can’t get through this…because you will.”
And I wanna be there for you.
The words were ready to jump off his tongue, but he held back from saying them.
Lona shuddered. “I don’t know why, but ever since we’ve come back here I’ve felt like Rue’s close by.”
“That’s because he is.”
He could feel her entire body freeze as his statement sank in.
“What?”
Lona pulled her hand away, her wide eyes locked on his.
“Vander and Thane were ordered to find him and bring him back to stand trial. Rue’s been here since yesterday.”
“Is his arrival here and my miscarriage more than a coincidence?”
“Niri seems to think so.”
Lona placed her palm on her stomach, then let her hand fall to her side.
“And you… What do you think?”
Rafi wished he’d had one moment alone with Rue for the look of sadness marring Lona’s lovely features.
“I think Rue’s desperate to escape his fate. He tried to use his connection with you and it backfired for him and hurt you.”
And I’m gonna hurt that bastard for it, one way or another.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Confusion and anger made her honey-brown eyes appear darker.
“You were hardly in any shape for conversation yesterday, Lona. I wanted to make sure you were feeling stronger before laying another bomb at your feet.”
And I still have one more.
Rafi knew now wasn’t the time to tell her the High Council had ordered him to keep a close eye on her until they were certain of her loyalty.
“I’m going to go before the High Council—tell them about this psychic link you two have and ask that they find a way to break it.”
“He could lose his life.”
And the downside to that would be…?
Rafi searched her face but couldn’t pick up on any sort of emotion in her statement. “There are other ways to do it.”
Granted, those
other
ways wouldn’t be any fun for Rue, but that was a non-issue as far as he was concerned.
“So when you said we needed to stay here for the next forty-eight hours, it was because of him?”
“We need to know if the link between you two is still strong enough to hurt you now— ”
“Now that I’m no longer carrying his child.”
A warm breeze filled with the scent of exotic blooms fluttered around them as Lona touched the petals of the yellow rose.
Hearing her even mention carrying another man’s child did weird things to his testosterone level, let alone knowing it had been Rue’s. He wanted to make her smile and forget the ugliness of the past twenty-four hours, if only for a little while.
“I want to show you something guaranteed to make you smile. Will you come?”
Lona turned from the rosebush to meet his gaze.
“On one condition.”
“Name it.”
“I go with you to talk to the High Council.”